A few weeks ago, I was feeling really despondent and shitty. I forced myself to leave the house and socialize with friends downtown at The Fox & Goose pub on 10th and R. I pulled into the last available parking space along the wall, and found myself face-to-face with a graffiti stencil of J.R. "Bob" Dobbs. It got me to thinking about the so-called "coincidences" that occur to Subgenii. When you stop looking for them, they appear everywhere, all the time - phantom echoes from the Luck Plane.

About five minutes ago, here at my job (data entry, which involves typing in MANY numbers), the thought again suddenly popped into my head. I don't know what triggered it, but I just flashed back to that happy occurrence of "Bob", guiding me toward Slack. And immediately following this - no, scratch that, WHILE in the midst of this memory, while my fingers absent-mindedly continued their mindless Con drone task, the VERY NEXT number I came to type, was 606.

It's not quite 13013, but I'll take it.

Someone stole my idea for a reverse energy drink! Ah, well. If anyone else should get the credit, it's a company called "Innovative Beverage Group."

DRANK. "slow your roll."

Note that it says "this product may cause drowsiness", but I hope I don't have to point out the combination of words "Extreme Relaxation" printed right on the front. EXTREME RELAXATION. And if anyone doesn't know what "purple drank" means to the young people nowadays , go here. Innovative Beverage is really tapping into a smart market.

12:42 PM: drinking now - results coming soon

UPDATE 2:10 PM: weeeeak. How can something with high fructose corn syrup in it be relaxing? I was looking for a liquid sleeping pill. BOOOO

I posted the blog below the other day, then promptly deleted it because I felt maybe I was being too hasty.  (I didn't even include my rants about the shitty search function, or how Vista's half-assed attempts to visually ape Apple have done nothing but barfed a bunch of resource hogs onto my lap.)  I've put it back up because Windows Vista just crashed when I TRIED TO OPEN A JPG IMAGE.  Like, open with the default picture viewer.  This is the second time the graphics driver has failed, locking up the computer, except this time it went so far as to blue-screen-icide the whole shebang.  So consider this blog a warning to avoid this unmitigated manure sack at all costs (which is probably somewhere in the area of $200!  HAHAHAHAHAHA!).

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My computer died last week, and I had to reinstall Windows.  So I went to the store and bought fucking VISTA.

Sometimes you read a poorly framed opinion on someone's blog, or a typo-ridden mess of heated Internet-tough-guy-isms on a forum or message board, or the impotent, griping blither of a Myspace bulletin... and sometimes you may picture an overweight, near-sighted white guy with a stupid haircut, in his underwear, quaking with stress, anxiously stabbing a filthy keyboard with sweaty, aching fingers, mere moments from the actual, tangible possibility losing it to nerd-rage, fevered and helpless, desperately trying to encapsulate the total breadth and scope of their venom, aimed at a phantom, anonymous target.  Right?

HI!

Why didn't I just stick with Windows XP?  Everything worked before.  I was still able to run the few programs I used without trudging through shady forum posts and BUY NOW TO SEE THE RESOLUTION TO THIS PROBLEM sites to find patches and workarounds with an estimated 50% success rate.  I could connect my digital camera and retrieve my photos.  In spite my trashy organizational sense, I could easily navigate through the honeycombs of my folder system.  I didn't need to run programs "as an Administrator", part of a series of irrelevant features that you'd expect in an office with multiple computers connected to one network, and not the bare-bones, sweet-little-old-lady-who-only-logged-on-with-it-to-church-on-Sundays edition.  I didn't need any improvements in the areas of CONNECTIVITY or ACCESSIBILITY.  I had a set of tools that each worked, not an all-in-one clusterfuck for every single motherfucking folder on the entire machine.  And I didn't have to answer to three prompts to open the same program I was just using five minutes ago.

I switched to the "Windows Classic" visual theme right at the beginning, so it's not just that.  On XP, everything was still ugly, but I was easily able to make it conform to my own personal aroma of ugly.

and now the impudently-anticipated sequel to Another Award-Winning Video
(and its remix version) is here

I'm cooking something in the microwave right now.  I just walked up to it and asked it, out loud, in a silly high-pitched voice, "may I have a FOOOD??"

I dunno, I just thought that was funny.

(I posted this on the XOCspace but I'm reposting it here because it made me happy.)

Johnny Knoxville printed my DEVO-ish entry to the jackassworld "Spud Man" t-shirt contest!  LINK!

here's the original blog that explains the contest, and below is the design I sent.