havent blogged in a while. nothings really happening. nothings really pissed me off. never had a fat lightsaber fight. kinda disapointed about that one. also one of my cats died that ive had for 12 years. we got a new one. only 4 months and adorable. i miss my old kitty (buster) but theres nothing i can do about it. got all my hair cut but im growing it back because

short hair = no bueno

dropped out of spanish 2 and im in spanish 1 with mrs rivero who i hate >.< should be getting my liscense soon...

its only now i realize how much nothing i really do : /

 

-peace

ok so heres my new schedule to go with my new computer

 

7:25-2:30   school

2:40-8:00   WoW

8:00-9:30   chill with collin

9:30-11:00  WoW

wow has complete consumed my life but im ok with that. its not like i have anything betetr to do after jake and i broke up. thats right, we broke up. like ryan and joe except instead of ryan and joe jake and hayden. it was intense. ive been practicing bass alot, failing spanish, and overall having a bad life

hit me up

peace

ok whats up . school hasnt been goin. i mean honestly i hate school because of spanish II. when you have to wake up to listen to some person teach me spanish which is honestly the worst language in the world i mean its stupid why do i  have to learn spanish... and this weekend. isnt doing it for me. i mean 3 days i was  so pumped. went to 311 on firday and things were good. then saturday i was supposed to hang out with emily and sara and then all of the sudden they said they couldnt and i wasted my entire day waiting for them. then today i waited to go to the movies with them again and they decided not to go. AGAIN that was 2 times in one weekend they bailed on us. then i got depressed. i was chillin with JAKe. it was aweseome. so ya. i cant reeally think of anything to type right now.and erins mad at me. it makes me sad because i didnt mean to do anything.everyones mad at me lately like sandra and ya. i knew she was mad at me but damn. it killed me. so ya. i dont know what to do. this is so intense. peace fools



-  -->3

summer is gone. i spent two weeks of it in my room and the rest at combat zone. ill say it. i played video games this ENTIRE summer. it was pretty legit overall this summer started out amazing and then ended terrible... l thats how i roll. i didnt hang out with anyone this summer except jake little connor collin and chris. thats it. no one else. wow. im lonely and have no friends (its not like i didnt know) ill re recap my summer. first weekend i had some fat sleepovers at jakes with matt marett . jake. me. collin. and amber. awesomeness. then we would go to combat zone. it repeated for a week. then i started hanging out with chris. we had a fat party. and then i stayed at little connors for a week.  then we got arrested or whatever. grounded for 2 weeks. my sleep got all jewish on me. it was bad. i couldnt sleep. then after i got ungrounded more combat zone. it was depressing. avenged sevenfold hatebreed and system of a down. amazing concert. not for system but because of everyone else. i pwned noobs. then after that i went to combat zone some more. played some world of warcraft. not even gonna lie. that was my summer. it was horrible. see yallat school.

my two weeks of being grounded ends on sunday. thank god. my sleep is all screwey and shit. like i got to bed at 5 in the morning and wake up at 3 in the afternoon. i hate it  >.< plus everyones being all weird. girls having girlfriends and stuff like that im getting a computer on the 20th. hell ya.  which means that i have been with out a computer from                        1/18/2005-7/20/2006 thats like 18 months and 2 days without a computer. im God i know.

 

 

 

-peace

on the morning of June 25, 2006 at approximately 2:34 a.m. according to the police report i was  breaking into a church and stealing things when the alarms went off.me and my three acomplises were then arrested heres what actually happened.

 

me, little connor, jake burns, and chris were out that night. we told our parents we were spending the night at each others house and we left. after a night of driving aroundlooking fora video game and we didnt have anywhere to sleep so we went to a church. the door was unlocked so we walked in and sat in the lobby. then i poured some gatorade out and we started drinking it. about that time i got bored and so did chris so i stood up to leave. i walked out the front door figuring it would be unlocked/unalarmed. as i opened the door i hear jake yell "you set off the alarm you jackass." then i hear the alarm going off. blaring sirens. literally blaring. the alarms were over a loudspeaker and i ran like an african american male. i was fast. i look behind me and see chris trucking too he unlocks his car door and i hop in. we leave. little connor and jake however werent so slucky as little connor has door opening problems. he and jake were stuck. they got in the car and took off. behind them was a CISD police officer ::chuckle:: they got pulled over and jake did the talking. he had the cop convinced that they were just sitting in the church parking lot. then the cop asked why they took off. jakes witty reply... "we heard alarms and figured wed get screwed" the "cop" believed them and was about to let jake and little connor go when little connors dad showed up. he then proceded to sell out me and chris and tell the "cop" and his dad exactly what happened while jake sat there helplessly. little connor sold everyone down the river. i got a call from his dad the next morning and he told my mom. and then chris'mom. everyone got the shaft. i did get a cool story though and two weeks of being grounded AND possible jail time so. ya. if you read this hit me up 832-928-5545  cause im bored as hell. 

 

-peace

im goin to louisiana this weekend cause my grandpa died. i <3 my grandpa. i havent gotten sad about it yet i guess cause i havent really understood it yet. he had 5 kids and raised them all. he did a great job as both a father and a grandfather but hes not there anymore. i cant really comprehend death yet. its like your just not there anymore. i know that makes me sound like a retard cause im stating the obvious but its true. hes just gone. it makes you think. one week before he died i would almost bet you money he didnt think this would be his last week left on earth. these were his last days. one week ago his life was good. then friday he chest pains and they performed an emergency heart surgery from which he was recovering well. tuesday morning he died. it makes me think and realize how fast life can end. this could be one of my last days. i could die tommorow driving to louisiana. we dont know though. it just gave me something to think about when i was trashed on purple drank.

 

-RIP Paw-Paw

whats the deal!!! im happy again!!! tryin to stack that paper. you know. well anyways. i still miss erin but i konow that she doesnt wanna have nothin to do with me so meh. im over it. lookin for a new girl. lol. not gonna happen sorry for not ever bein on cause i still dont got a computer. whats up.

recently i have gone into a ranting frenzy. apparently ive been bashing erin alot. thats not why i do this though. i dont mean to bash anyone. the way i write all of these is when i feel like shit i sit down, hit post new blog, and start typing. i dont sit there and plan this shit out i just start writing. i think thats the only way to really write anything of any emotion. it comes straight from me. no outside bullshit straight from my heart. the reason i do this isnt to make anyone look bad. sorry erin but its not about you. the reason i do all this is because it helps me. it helps me to be able to spill my guts to a bunch of people i dont even know. i hate being fake. i hate having to put on a fake little smile so by throwing all this out here im not being fake. it gives me piece of mind to know that i can post how i feel about everything on the internet. im not doing it for pity but im doing it to get things off my chest. could i call someone and just talk to them about it. yes. but then theyll start telling me all this shit and cutting me off. this way if i can get out everything i would normaly confide in people except im not getting cut off and distracted. thats why i had to post my first long one.i couldnt talk to erin *sidenote* ERIN IM NOT BLAMING IT ON YOU THAT I COULDNT TALK TO YOU *sidenote over* so i just started typing how i felt and it turned into that. whenever i type those long bitches i feel so much better afterwords. i dont know how to describe it but i feel better. im gonna sum up everything i just wrote really fast.

 

the reason i post like huge things isnt to ruin anyones image (because people are so fucking vain these days) its to get out how i feel. its to get shit off my chest without anyone elses input. am i gonna post bullitans every time i do this shit. ya i am. not for pity but just because i guess i like people knowing me. it makes me feel good that people can accept me for who i am inside not all the fake shit i through out at school.

 

-peace

right now i feel like shit. right now erin just officially ended it. im officially a lonely bastard again. i know i didnt help it. i dont know what i want to do. i dont know how i feel right now. its like the person you loved and cared about so much just left you. its like the person that tells you they love you lied to you. the most important thing gone. at first i was pissed. at first i was the angriest ive ever been. i was like a little kid that someone had given something they wanted. the kid is so happy and content. but then it gets taken away and you cant have it again. the little kid gets pissed and starts crying because something that had made them so happy is gone. sort of the same situation. now im depressed. it went from wanting to kill something to wanting to run head on into traffic. its so horrible. i want her to understand how i feel but i cant. i want to make her feel so bad but i cant. i want to see her so bad but i cant. i want her back... but i cant. i want everything to be right again. like one night when me and jake snuck out to go see erin and jenna. just like that night. when we were all together and happy everything was so perfect. that night was amazing. i just want to be able to back to then. i want me and erin and jake and jenna to all be happy again. i want alot. i want everything to be right. i want peace within my self. i want to be able to look at myself in the mirror and not hate what i see. i want to be better. i want to be happy again. i want to be able to smile and it be real. i want erin back. i want jake and jenna to go back out even though i know it wont happen i want them to because jake was happy. jake was in love but hes sad now. thats right jake is sad. im sad. i wish i hadnt gone out with jenna for those two days so i wouldnt have met erin. i sincerely wish i hadnt met her. i loved being with her and i thought it would last longer than it did but i didnt. it hurts so bad right now. im laying on the floor at combat zone on my 6th energy drink on a double daves pizza box listening to taking back sunday with my gay new short ass haircut crying my heart out or at least what i have left of a heart after ive been hurt so many times. im fighting with my parents. i dont have a computer. i cant drive. and im leaving my house this week because i cant take living there. i cant take anything any more. im so empty. im so hateful. im so un happy and i cant be happy. i wish someone could understand the amount of pain im going through. when someone leaves you saying theyll come back and then they dont. its like im standing at the door waiting to see there figure coming back over the horizon but i see nothing and im not going to see anything. im so pissed. it makes me so mad that the one person you can trust walks out on you when theings are the hardest. if i couldnt trust her who can i trust. she tells me to move on but i cant. i cant trust anyone anymore. she tells me maybe if i open up to people i wont be so lonely. this is a perfect example as to why i dont open up to people. when i do i end up lying on a double daves pizza box surrounded by a bunch of people playing computer games brying my eyes out listening to emo music. why do people put themselvels through this. why cant people just love. why cant people do what they tell you they will. WHY DO PEOPLE LIE. WHY DO PEOPLES HEARTS BREAK. WHY DO I HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS. i look in the mirror and i hate what i see. i dont want to wake up every day. i dont want to go through the same daunting tasks over and over i just want to sleep forever. i want to be gone. i want to release myself from the pain of living but i cant. unless i kill myself. but then id be a pussy. i just cant deal with all the pain. ive finnaly hit the bottom. ive hit the lowest point ive ever been at. about now standing in traffic sounds fantastic. and by the way just for you erin im gonna say this. IM MY LAST BLOG I MEANT NO OFFENSE TO YOU ITS JUST HOW I FELT. PEOPLE CAN INTERPRET IT HOWEVER THE FUCK THEY WANT. IF THEY WANT TO CALL YOU A BITCH THATS THEIR OWN DAMN BUISNESS NOT MINE JUST LIKE IF JAKE WANTS TO TELL YOU TO PUT OUT MORE THATS HIM NOT FUCKING ME YOU NEED TO STOP LISTENING TO WHAT EVERYONE ELSE IS FUCKING SAYING BECAUSE THEY ARENT ME!!! WHEN JAKE SAID YOU WERENT PUTTING OUT ENOUGH THAT WASNT FUCKING ME AND THATS WHY WERE HERE WHERE WE ARE RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY FRIEND SAID. YOU LISTEN TO WHAT OTHER PEOPLE SAY SO MUCH IT PISSES ME OFF SO BAD. YOU KNOW WHAT... FUCK THEM. FUCK WHAT THEY THINK. THEY ARENT ME. THEY DONT SPEAK FOR ME. IF YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW I FEEL TALK TO ME NOT TO OTHER PEOPLE. SORRY IF I FREAKED OUT SO MUCH ITS JUST THAT I WAS CONFUSED.I DIDNT KNOW HOW YOU FELT AND I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU BUT I COULDNT SO I SPILLED MY GUTS ONLINE. I FELT LIKE YOU DIDNT WANT TO TALK TO ME. I FELT LIKE SHIT. IM GONNA LEAVE EVERYONE WITH ONE PIECE OF ADVICE....

 

WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK ABOUT YOU DOESNT MATTER. HONESTLY IT DOESNT. IF PEOPLE THINK YOUR A BITCH THATS THEIR THING. IF PEOPLE WANT YOU TO DIE THATS THEIR OPINION. AS LONG AS YOU HAVE ONE PERSON OUT THERE WHO LOVES YOU AND CARES ABOUT YOU ITS OK. THOSE OTHER PEOPLE DONT MATTER TO YOU. THE ONLY WAY OTHER PEOPLE CAN AFFECT YOU IS IF YOU LET THEM. ITS ALL YOUR DECISION. its all your decision....