don't fill yourself with all this emptiness
with these things you center on
these things are just distractions
eating on what
does not satisfy

don't want to be at the table
that's a feast for the dead
don't want to be satisfied with this lifelessness
and think this is the best of it all

something's wrong
something's gone off of its axis
unstable, but we're used to it
unable, unwilling to fight for anything more
not even a thought
we say, 'what could be better'
but i'm a meddler.

being lured, lured, lured and i'm delicate
if i'm missing the glimmer in your eye
it must mean you used to shine
i don't miss what i haven't had

eyes closed never saw anything

3 eyes and i still can't see
lying alone, bleeding internally
i can't speak for myself
i can't seem to lie alone anymore
i burn like a match inside forgotten hands
i dissappear like a drop into a puddle
and i can't seem to forget
inside of some kind of bondage
desperate to wake up
sleeping inside, sleeping without a dream
waking up i step into the darkness
darkness before the dawn
enslaved on the inside
can't see my chains
can't seem to tear them away

standing here, i am not unknown
broken too many pictures
worth a thousand pictures or not
i can't seem to find a one
not one to explain what's goin on
just the best i can do
but not what i intended them to be
i am misunderstood
confused
i isolate i fail to investigate
need something new
i surround myself with you
help me hold this string i'm holdin on to
flailing on dry land
the first million steps are the hardest
i bubble myself in your laughter
i am still, inside for a time
everything new, everything new
i am approaching it all

look at these two hands in front of me
 and all the destruction they have caused.
i've done it to myself
i've done it to everyone else.
surely these hands were made for more
plant love inside your heart
every heart we adore.
bring me life.

look at these two hands set in front of me.
all's i see is blood on them
stuck inside some kind of captivity
feeling enslaved, i want to be set free.
liberation, i want to be set free.
chains on me. and when they break
they come back even tighter
gripping, suffocating me more

look at these two hands. palms are open before me.
we can't help but think of new ways to destroy one another.
more advanced ways to rip the flesh from each other's bones.
can't we put our lives into something else?
can't we extend our hands and leave our fists behind?
can't we make more bridges, instead of burning them down?

look at these two hands of mine.
i want to build something new.
nurture and care for.
dedicated to holding out love more.

I've had alot of interesting conversations lately.

I was talking to a man the other. Sometimes we talk alot. Other times we only have time to say hey or something or make ridiculous jokes in passing, but he is a very interesting person. It seems like the thoughts he's thinking inside his head are probably alot different than the guy next to him. He's got an interesting sense of humor, and he is strangely odd. Which is what I like about him.
I was sitting down to eat lunch with him and the topics were varied and random, you know whatever comes up. We were sitting with a couple other friends, too. Talking. Eating. Laughing.

Somehow the conversation turned toward tattoos and piercings. I guess a friend of mine next to me saw that this guy, who'll we'll call alex, wears those round 'ring' earring things that fit into a hole in your ear, and she was asking about it and telling him she was thinking about getting something like that, or something, I don't remember exactly. But still, it was interesting. Alex is very interesting to listen to when he's describing something or talking about something he loves or likes or knows alot about. I was pretty interesting and i'm not really all that interested in those things at all.

We moved into talking about piercings.
This guy Alex got his right and left eyebrows pierced, under his lip pierced, and one or two other things pierced that I don't quite remember, but he wasn't wearing them at the moment. But he smiled telling us about it.

Then he said this:
  "you know, it's interesting because for me getting those piercings was a very spiritual experience to me."

"that's awesome," I interjected.

"yeah, i tell people that and they just give me these weird looks. They're like, 'that's not in the bible,' " he says with a very proper voice, and kind of shakes his head.

" that's just ridiculous. Anything can be spiritual. it just depends how you look at," i say.

What he said about getting piercings being spiritual really amazed me. The fact that he was willing to see it like that and accept it as such made me smile, and made me excited that other people were seeing things with different eyes.
To be open to that is so fulfulling and so much more satisfying
 
Everything is spiritual.
It all depends how we look at it, how we see things, you know?
mowing the lawn is spiritual.
listening to music, riding a bike, sitting in silence, getting tattoos, writing poetry, singing, showering, loving, walking, eating food, having a conversation--whatever. Anything and everything is spiritual. Let's stop the madness of dividing our lives into 'spiritual' or not, and start embracing the fullness of life in all of life. Let's start embracing the meaninfulness of life, and all of it, in all we do. That's what can make every moment meaningful, from gardening to shopping, to serving, to reading our bibles, or reading the booklet from our favorite album.
this will end the guilt, and the madness. Discover God in the moments of every day, in all you say and do. Embrace the fullness. I want to end the limiting, the boxing in, the stereotyping, the judgement, the emptiness, the labels that blind us from really seeing, or limit us from really experiencing, the walls that suffocate, and start embracing the whole of life, the holistic spirituality that challenges and breathes and motivates and captivates.

Hope you'll join me.
Going through alot. What a journey.

  i can't get these thoughts out of my head.
 can't sleep when i lay upon my thorny bed.
 my old heart needs to be renewed.
  i long to be obedient to follow the truth.

             i drive and i drive and i drive so far
         everything feels different underneath these stars.

      confused, unsure and bound. i feel the pain inside.
        we all need to lear how to live again.

  
we spend too much of life
trying to get through it
     instead of living in it.
let this moment be.
take hold of the immensity,
the second that will set you free.

been holdin on to too much time
when you spend this you're not usin' dimes.
glad smile and the moment's passed,
heart changed, that will always last.

shoes worn and my journey's met,
handshake, and a kiss to the morning air.
smell of the ocean like a hovering mist,
the greatest adventure is the one you're livin' in.

  now i'm sleeping,
 slipping through it,
 like sand through my open fingers.

put this over me,
  under my desperation,
beneath my aching heart,
 still reaching through the dark,
    sprawled out, stomach on the floor,
   feeling for touch,
eyes get used to the the shapes the openness makes.

                 i sleep
            held within your arms
             wrapped like a globe of shining stars.
             cluster
           feel so close inside.
             hidden, like i'm sinking into sand.

warmth is comfort
blankets dance with my eyes closed.
 every step, a new direction,
it is getting up that gets you going.