NICE PETER... UK TOUR DIARY - NOVEMBER 2007
by Mr Monk
I spent three weeks with Nice Peter on tour around England. 18 gigs in just 20 days. I had so much fun and can only thank everyone we came in touch with - there are some really cool people out there - far too many to give individual mentions. Here are a few mutterings though... enjoy.
Day 1 – @ The Ruby Lounge, Manchester
This was a real tour eye-opener. We put together a great line-up and hoped the promoter would take our hard work (we'd sorted the line-up, the back-line and the gig flyer) and thought he'd actually tell someone about the gig. Sadly, promotion of the event was nil. And we arrived to find the 'promoter' was in Birmingham on other business, the venue manager wasn't around and bands would have to start/finish early because a 'DJ Launch Night' had to kick off at 11pm sharp. What a crock of shit! The 300+ capacity venue is new on the gig circuit and seemingly they are going for the 'public will find us' route, rather than mess around with pesky online flyers, posters or word of mouth. My first job of the night was to inform Ivan Campo they wouldn't be able to play because of the time restrictions being enforced – I get all the best jobs! It was a shitty start for the tour especially as various folk from Preston had made the trip down… only for Pete to have to do a short set. But, we drank copious amounts of Becks (the only draught beer on tap – priced £2.85!) and all the bands were cool with the fact the turnout wasn't great and the venue had been a bit cuntish. Respect to them all – especially Mr George Borowski - who is a legend. Towards the end of Pete's set, Sophie from The Redwings even joined Pete on stage for some drumming action. If we were going to have a wank gig - it may as well be the first - and we had fun regardless. We ended the night with a trip to Ben Campo's house where we drank red wine and smoked and jammed into the night – the highlight being a mad duelling session between a melodica and bass guitar. We collapsed around 5am.
Day 2 – @ The Nines, Barrow-in-Furness
Rolled up in Barrow not knowing what to expect… Pete was supporting a band called Vinny Peculiar who boast having ex-Oasis member Bonehead on bass guitar and The Smiths Mike Joyce on drums. As we pulled up at the venue the pair of them stepped outside to have a smoke. A wonderful moment followed with Pete having no idea who the dudes were - the schmuck. The venue was huge (easily 500+) and entry was £8! Woah! But, we got treated well with a Green Room containing wine, beer, fruit and towels. It was definitely a step up from the Manchester 'experience'. Pete went on first to a seated audience who were still sober – apart from one girl called Jodie who proceeded to dance around like a maniac, shout unintelligible garbage, climb on stage and kick Pete up the arse and finally try to get backstage – before being escorted out. She basically tried to wreck the set, but Pete managed to put in a decent enough performance which went down well with the locals. Indeed, much better than Vinny Peculiar - who sadly sucked ass – and sent most of the audience off to sleep once the novelty of having Bonehead on stage wore off. We stayed in Dalton (4 miles down the road) with a guy called Mike who provided drugs, alcohol, a Frank Zappa documentary, a comfy en-suite bedroom and erm… lemon tort. Yum
Day 3 - @ The Arches, Barnsley
Everyone had warned Pete about Barnsley – even me! The general opinion was that it's rough and ready and full of chavs. We park up at the venue on a car park full of broken glass, bricks and beer cans… to find our rear door wasn't locking properly. Perfect, we thought! The Arches itself is an old style gig venue – yunno the score - spacious, dark and smells of piss. We got sat down and drank the free beer on offer and got harassed by some underage girls. That's the life eh! Hardly any one in the audience knew who Pete was, but as he took to the stage – in front of a busy, raucous crowd who had generally come to see a band called The Headliners – I still had a feeling things would go well. Indeed, he went down a storm and the reaction that night made up for the first two gigs of the tour. Barnsley folk are cool. After the set we mingled with the crowd – special shout out must go to Chezz, Keith and Brooky for being complete loons – and the overall audience response was great. The promoter insisted Pete was one of the most memorable acts that had ever played there – and there really was a sense that Barnsley could become a Preston Mark II in terms of Pete's popularity. We ended up driving to Derby after the gig to stay with the lovely Trav and Clair – we stayed up till six o'clock drinking Fosters – honestly; it tastes so much better when it's free. Hate that shit usually.
Day 4 - @ Five Lamps, Derby
Pete plays solo and owns an acoustic guitar. But, please note all you promoters out there - he does not suit acoustic showcases – it's the wrong vibe completely. So, when we arrived at the venue to find the original promoter had been fired two weeks previously and the line-up had totally changed. I made my thoughts felt and riled the new promoter – an approachable, friendly and cool dude called Amit. Sorry man… it was nothing personal. We sat through a girl/boy opening duo that were dreadful. Pete was in good spirits though and excitable throughout – even when the duo insisted they were playing 'jazzy Morrissey' type tunes… it was more wanky than jazzy I can assure you. Plenty of beers were flowing - including the two (yes, a whole two) complimentary cans of Carling which we received - prompting me to jest "that's fine for me - where's Pete's though!?" The venue itself was busy – so in that sense we were happy. Pete played a rather cocky set possibly provoked by my drunken attitude towards proceedings – he certainly wasn't as nice as usual! He had a sizable chunk of the crowd there to see him, so Pete could get away with anything. I felt sorry for the poor girl who had to 'headline' the night - its pretty hard having to follow Pete at the best of times. We ended the night in a late opening bar where everything went a little hazy. I seem to recall banging in to things and various people. And generally mumbling a lot.
Day 5 - @ The 12 Bar, London
London generally sucks so badly - the place, the streets, the people and the shitty attitude. But, this gig was a bit of a reunion. I met up with old University friends, old housemates and also Matt Fernand from Radio One. (They don't forget about us honest!) On top of that, Pete had five people from his hometown in the USA in the audience! The 12 Bar is a small music venue in the heart of the city – it has a real special ambiance to it – due to its high stage, low ceiling and a tiny balcony area. The gig itself slipped by in a drunken fashion; possibly because I was rather plastered by 10pm. Pete felt the London crowd was a bit 'stiff' but I guess it was a Monday night. There were actually two die-hard fans at the front singing along to every song - I still don't know who they were. Post-gig we spent £40 on cab rides… in order to sample some potent weed. It was worth it. We stayed with Brook and Will who were great hosts – but their bathroom was made for midgets! We'd had a real fun time in the big smoke but we both breathed a sigh of relief we'd be leaving it behind us the next day – it's just not our kinda town.
Day 6 - @ The Porter Bar, Bath
Pete loves Bath. I'd never been. But, I had only heard good things. You can feel the sheer wealth of the place as soon as you get within five miles – it's a beautiful place. With some beautiful people. The venue was perfect too… with little wooden tables and stools adorned with candles and coves and hideaways built into the walls. It was a shame the place was empty. It was a one-off show with no support acts so we sat about with the bar staff and mulled over the fact we had no where to stay. The answer we came up with was surprisingly – let's get drunk. By the time Pete went on stage there was only a handful of people sat down… but within a short time more and more people drifted down from the bar upstairs. Pete was on fine form possibly because there was a pretty American girl in the audience – or maybe it was the surly moustached ex-military type who didn't change his facial expression other than to grimace. Either way – this gig was a lot of fun and we met Barry Vagina (seemingly an Elvis impersonator) who would end up putting us up for the night. He was the best damn tambourine player we came across all tour. Post-gig we went down to the nearby Moles Club where Pete and Barry danced like crazy fools to the likes of the Backstreet Boys. I cringed, got free drinks bought for me and looked after the drunken dudes. People kept saying I sounded American – I'd obviously started to whine like one. Quite understandable when stuck with Pete 24/7 and averaging no more than 4 hours sleep a night.
Day 7 - @ The Palladium Club, Bideford
Devon. Home to cheese and custard. That was my sum knowledge of the place before we got there. Now I realise it has narrow streets, a bountiful supply of eateries and the people are very friendly. We spent the day in an internet café – it was expensive as hell but the coffee was rather damn tasty. I hit my head on a beam, a low ceiling, a lampshade and a doorway – everything in Bideford was small. However, the venue owner put us up in his huge house – I got a double bed, Pete got a room with five beds in it! And we were allowed to smoke throughout the house – my, oh my - was that cool after coping with shivering in back gardens, or hanging out of windows for the last week. The gig itself was rather strange purely because everyone was so quiet – even whilst Pete was setting up people stood around listening intently as if Jesus himself was preaching that night. Maybe that's the 'Devon way'. Who knows? Pete seemed a little intimidated by the silence but got more animated as the night went by, which helped ignite some energy into the crowd. He performed two full encores covering the large majority of his material so people definitely got their moneys worth. Further drinking and smoking followed and Pete was left in a real mess. I was drunk. He was bouncing off the walls. (There is a running theme to these nights isn't there – I've just realised that!)
Day 8 - @ The Castle, Oldham
We'd had a lot of fun down south. We were still healthy, in good spirits and we'd made some good money. It always makes a 4+ hour drive back up North that much easier to bear. Typically, it poured down as soon as we got within a sniff of Manchester. Oldham is a strange town - we went down one high street and it was just pub after pub after pub. There doesn't seem too much else going on in the town... but that isn't such a bad thing. The venue hosts regular Club NME nights and it has a great set-up - although the place wasn't very busy. Pre-gig everyone seemed to be in a bar directly opposite - some form of bizzarre townie/gay/karaoke joint - all sorts were in there. We nipped in and both got funny looks - we were definitly hitting the gay-dar of some of the regulars - so I tried not to catch eye contact with anyone. The beer was dirt cheap but the karaoke performers were some of the worst I have ever witnessed, so we drank up and bailed out back to The Castle. We quickly managed to attract the attention of two young gals though who proved to be very sweet and lovable. We stood and watched a support band called The Manyanas - who were a great bunch of lads. Pete went down very well with the crowd - the promoter Steve was a great guy with his head screwed on - we'll be back in Oldham for sure. We luckily managed to avoid a trip to the local night-club, but we drove past it - jeez it was wall to wall in short skirts and townie wankers. We'd have been strung up if we'd entered that place. Instead, we drove back to Preston for home comforts and clean clothes. I do love my own double bed. To myself. Or the right 'match'.
Day 9 - @ The Moon and Sixpence, Glossop
Oh, Glossop... now this was a blast. We drove down from Preston - and took a lass called Hannah along for the trip. (She wanted to come - we didn't kidnap her - we were also meeting up with fellow Preston folk Ceri and Nash as it was Ceri's birthday!) Booked into a hotel in Hyde, ditched the car and started boozing. A small nap followed and a cab ride to the venue - we didn't know what to expect. In the end - the venue was great, it was packed out and there was a real mixture of people. We got the front table and quickly got smashed. A fine fellow called Jon Gomm was supporting Pete - who is a magician on guitar - and people listened intently. Pete is a real contrast to Jon musically - not that he is shit on guitar - just in terms of genre. But it didn't matter. Pete put in a fabulous set and made a lot of new fans - young and old. We sold a load of cds but we are still not sure were the money went. We either blew it on booze or left it in girls pockets. I spent a fortune that night, but it was a tip top night out.
Day 10 - @ Under The Boardwalk, Sheffield
Oh, Sheffield... this gig really stunk. We'd had bad vibes about it for weeks. I even thought about cancelling - but I'm too sincere to do such underhand things. (Well I was - not anymore!) It was a Saturday night and the insane promoter had decided to book two solo acoustic acts to play on the bill. And first up was a guy called Miles Cain - oh man, did this guy suck balls. He brought no one to the gig - not one fan - well unless you count his photographer who pre-gig was taking photos of Miles looking moody against the mirrors on the walls. He played some inept original material and then murdered a Bob Dylan classic to end with. He then preceded to try in vain to sell his cds (you can imagine the interest!), before packing up and buggering off. Thats the spirit Miles! All for one and erm... one for all eh! You cockmuncher. Next up was Pete who managed to turn even the shittiest gig into something enticing - by playing his entire set from the bar - with no mic or amp. It was perfect. Special thanks to Liam for dragging a crowd of his mates down to see Pete - I don't think any of them were disappointed. We all stuck around for the last act - some gal doing various originals and covers and then ducked outta the shithole. My last comment to the venue staff was "Thanks, but we won't be back again". Maybe, if the promoter came out from behind his PC for a moment on gig nights he'd realise some of the stuff he is putting together are just suicidal bookings. Oh hum. To be honest the post-gig drinking session more than made up for it. Liam gave us a stack of beer to guzzle down at his place and a small gang of cool people came back to the house. We also learnt (courtesy of shitty freeview TV) that Nick Lachey (the ex-squeeze of that untalented bitch Jessica Simpson) believes that the events of 9/11 actually impeded the success of his old band '98 Degrees'. What a fucking wanker that guy is. Oh, and Fuck Sheffield.
Day 11 - @ The Leopard, Doncaster
On the back of Sheffield we were intent on making the most of Doncaster. There is a real northern, dirty, gritty vibe to the place. We waltzed in to the venue to find a busy downstairs bar full of drunken sunday day-time drinkers. It was seemingly a 'jam session' of local folk - and first up was a cover of Van Halen's 'Jump'. Yep honestly! It was fucking hilarious. Thankfully, Pete was playing in the upstairs venue area - his support act was a young pubescent band who had baby sized amps and all their parents in the audience. It was kinda charming. And later rather funny, as Pete took the piss out of both the young and old sides of the families. Another solid set and great response from the rather drunken crowd. The Leopard may be suffering from 'cover band syndrome' in terms of its gig bookings but it's still a great venue to play at and we made some good contacts. We shot back to Sheffield post-gig and sampled more free booze from Liam and Pete won money at poker off him - Liam was the official 'best host of the tour'. Well done sir!
Day 12 - @ The Junction, York
Where to begin with this one! Haha. Arrived at tea-time (that is 5pm in my world) to find a real cool set-up - great stage, good sized venue and a genuine promoter. So far, so good. Then we settled down and had a chat with the locals, and thats when we met the 'racist dog'! Yes, a racist dog. Obviously attached to a racist owner, but the dog was the 'talent' in the duo - at will and on demand it would bark like mad if you said certain words. (Please note neither me or Pete are racist and we'd normally walk away from such situations - but we physically had no where else to go - and we didn't really fancy upsetting the locals) So we filmed the dog instead for the upcoming DVD. Anyway, more unsettling than that dog - was the gig to come... which was a 'comedy line-up of local talent'. I thought to myself - these guys are bound to love Pete... cos he like, yunno, writes good shit. Anyway, it didn't go to plan. The stage lights meant Pete couldn't see anything from his viewpoint (which is pretty crucial to adlibbing) and the crowd weren't exactly forthcoming in getting involved. To make matters worse (and largely due to the situation) Pete put in his worst performance of the whole tour. The knobhead! It was painful to watch someone so talented, struggle to pull through the set but it was a learning experience for him. And I very much doubt it'll happen again. (You are reading this Pete right!) Even so, the venue promoter and every one I spoke to loved the performance, but Pete has high standards and he let himself down. But, in the big scheme o'things it was a blip. As you can imagine - beer and smoke flowed strong after the gig... to make up for the anguish.
Day 13 - @ Trash, Leeds
After the painful York gig we decided we needed to reenergise so we booked into a Leeds hotel and ate at a quality Thai Restaurant. Woo! Happy days are made of such things. We laughed hard about the previous night and got set for the Trash gig - another 'comedy line-up. "Oh shit" we thought. Thankfully, the other acts - Micky P Kerr and Mik Artistik - had material that was funny. Phew! How novel. We had a good sized crowd bolstered by some faces we knew - which is always nice. Special shout out to Ruth for dragging her ass down to see Pete for the first time. The gig itself went well - Pete put in a commanding show even if in his view it was like playing to a 'goldfish bowl' initially! Haha. A lot of good feedback from the crowd and the promoter dudes seemed genuinely impressed. A good result. We went back to the hotel in a jovial mood - playing the free cd Mik Artistik had kindly given me. Good day all round.
Day 14 - The Adelphi, Hull
Sat in the motorway services watching Pete read the Daily Sport. A defining moment in the day for two reasons. Firstly, because Pete realises why the girl at the counter gave him a funny look when he bought it - 'its just a porno paper' he exclaims to me. "Yes Pete, the girl with big knockers on the front and the headline 'Man Has Sex With Fence' should have given that away you knobhead" I replied. And secondly because we realised the England versus Croatia Euro Qualifier was on TV that night. Oh, bugger. First rule of 'Gig-Club' is don't book gigs on the night of crucial England games. Sigh. Ah well. The Adelphi is a venue with a proud history, dingy as hell, old school with an owner who actually cares. That made up for the empty room we found when we got there. The fact England lost the footy game just compounded matters, cos no one in Hull we spoke to was interested in the fact there was a gig going on. Pete played to a small gathering of hardy souls who to give them credit were energetic, involved and fun. We ended the night playing a game of 'Killer Pool' in the back room... where we met some really cool dudes... friendly as fuck they were - Hull isn't as bad as everyone makes out. We considered our options though and decided to drive back to Preston ahead of the impending gig at Kolor Bar. The 'homecoming' excitement was building, and I felt it best I get back to do a bit of promo work for it. (cough) Ahem.
Day 15 - @ Kolor Bar, Preston
Preston. My home town. And Pete's adopted UK base. He loves it. We'd taken a day off ahead of this gig - to recharge our energy levels and not suprisingly go out boozing again - in the Mad Ferret to be exact. So, we awoke on the day of the gig a little hazy and with a tinge of concern - there is a lot of expectation and pressure nowadays associated with playing in Preston. Pete spent the afternoon wandering around charity shops buying items for his 'chav suit'. Oh man... he looked a treat in his baseball cap, england top, full tracksuit (the bottoms tucked into his socks) gold necklace and 'Kickers' trainers. Soundcheck went by smoothly - as Jellys Last Jam pulled out at the last minute - the fiends. I got threatened by some numpty who thought I was taking the piss by filming him talking garbage. He was right - I was. But hey, don't talk garbage and get drunk by 6pm in the evening and shit like that won't happen - you fucking prick. Anyway, we ate takeaway pizza in the Kolor Bar (thats respect for you!) and began drinking. Heavily. It was gonna be a drunken night from the start, seeing as we were on 'home turf'. Thee Neerlymen and The Redwings were the lucky bands to support - easy choices really as they have been huge Nice Peter fans for over two years. Pete clambered onto stage around 11pm to a packed out venue... it is always a pleasure for him playing there. The crowd were crammed right to the front of stage - and Pete thankfully put in a top notch set. His constant berating of the 'guy who stole my beer earlier' was a key highlight. Various people were pushed onto stage to play tambourine - including a very drunk me. Apologies for my lack of rhythm - it was generally because I was pissed out of my mind and couldn't really hear what the hell was going on up there. It was all a blur for ten minutes. But, at the same time highly enjoyable. Pete was gonna do an encore but Lomax had already dipped the PA sound - and no doubt buggered off for a smoke. But, its always best to leave people wanting more. We went to the Old Dog afterwards (what a place that is!) and my body slowly collapsed from within, until someone was kind enough to take me home. Great night. Good times. Thank you Preston people!
Day 16 - @ Queens Arms, Barrow
Pete had already played Barrow two weeks prior, but demand is such that we went back for more! Barrow is a nowhere town with nowt going on - but the people (although slightly fucking bizzarre and nutty) are really good to you. Especially to anyone who can entertain like Pete can! We weren't really sure what to expect from the gig - but what we got was a captivated Saturday night audience intent on drinking hard and having fun. My kinda people. The one support band were The Mooncats - a lovely bunch of guys who were great hosts and a decent band to boot! People were dancing and it was a real upbeat night from the start and when Pete went on stage the place exploded with joy. It was like showing someone their first colour television - they were entranced and totally taken with Pete's stuff. He begun with an improv song based on the photographic slideshow behind him - the speed and sharpness of his comments won people over immediately. It was really great. I was stood with a dude who was built like a brick shit-house - Pete taunted him during the set obviously and luckily the guy just loved it - even bought him a drink! Barrow people just wanna have fun. After the gig some random jam session started up which was quite, quite strange - I still don't know what people were playing - we have video footage of it so maybe one day we can translate it. We stayed with one of the fine Mooncat band members - who had one of the cutest pussies we'd ever seen. Pussy = very small cat in this instance.
Day 17 - @ Telfords Warehouse, Chester
We'd had a great weekend and it wasn't about to end there. Chester was so cool! It was a headline slot at a weekly open mic night. Pete had never played Chester before... but we had only heard good things about Telfords Warehouse. Its a fabulous venue - really great layout, wooden panels everywhere, spacious, an imposing bar, quality food, great staff... the real deal. We arrived pretty late because we slept all afternoon... zoned out on the excesses of Preston and Barrow. But we arrived and pretty much straight away Pete was up on stage. Without droning on about the crowd loving it - I'll just say that Pete sold more cds that night than any other gig on the tour. The reaction was great. The venue even switched on the big screen tv (which covers the stage area) in the other room so everyone could watch - as the promoter said "Pete was making such a spectacle of himself we thought we had to!". One guy behind me didn't stop laughing for the full set - he was in hysterics. Chester people seemed well off, intelligent and fun loving. We stayed in Wrexham with a fine dude called Owain - at the best 'student house' I had ever seen - no idea how they afford the £1000+ rent but hey it was a great place to hang out. We both loved Telfords that much we went back the next day for dinner - Pete tucked into a Shark Steak - I had a gourmet chicken burger. What a weekend we'd had. And just one gig to go!
Day 18 - @ The Zanzibar, Liverpool
This was a funny old end to the tour. Scousers are supposed to have a great sense of houmour - that gene must have been removed at birth from the fat arsehole of a bouncer we encountered at the Zanzibar. More of him later... lets talk about the gig first. Wave Machines are a fine band - a damn fine band - and I thank them for playing this hastily arranged gig after we had a cancellation to play at Liverpool University. They and the other two acts (Married To The Sea and Puzzle) deserve a proper mention cos they are all great bands and top people to boot. I thoroughly enjoyed them... as did Natalie and Spanners who kindly came down to support (Prestone folk are so lovely). As it was our last night and we'd had a great weekend - me and Pete obvioulsy drank a fair bit pre-gig. Indeed Pete was drinking lager and Jack Daniels chasers... so it was no surprise when he started chastising the bouncer on the door for not letting in two girls and telling Pete to 'stay out of it you wanker'. Little did we realise the infrequent abuse of the fat bastard bouncer was making him fume! The set went well - two girls both called Jen made perfect stooges for inbetween song banter... one of them even went up to do some saucy tambourine play. But just half an hour into the set... the onstage sound was cut and the bouncer came waddling into the room. "Thats it. Get the fuck out of here. Get back to your own country. You're the shittest thing to ever play here" he hollered. The crowd fell silent. I tried to talk to the prick but instead of reason or compromise I got "Look, I am gonna have people down here soon who'll beat that fucker up". I realised I was talking to a fucking moron, so went back to the stage and gave Pete a congratulatory hug. Our attention turned to how the fuck we were gonna get outta the place alive. We stayed a while to sell a few cds, send out apologies to people (big shout out to the folk who had travelled up from Chester) and then made a dash for the door. Luckily the dickhead bouncer was easily distracted - so the getaway was subtle and uncomplicated. A takeaway and sofas awaited us for our final night on tour... it was a nice rock and roll end to events. Not many solo acoustic performers can say they get their gigs halted followed by threats of violence - Miles Cain in Sheffield could learn a lesson or two from Pete. And to all you bouncers out there - lighten up - no one takes you seriously anyway. You exist simply to be ridiculed. We should have called that latest album 'Beefcake' Pete - we really should.
And thats all folks... if you've read this all the way through - well done - and if you caught one of the performances please leave a message or comment on the blog, or just on the front page - we like to know people care.
See you all in 2008!