to me life is a blur full of colors and shapes and sounds. nothing makes sense anymore as my heavy heart spins 'round. clumbs images of what life could once be lonely interjection, ruled by society. angry sobs of a misunderstood, a girl of unconformity. ...just a thought....

another lonely night i lay uncared for in the sadest of ways unable to see past the tragedies of today afraid to look toward a new day's gaze. alone i whisper to the wind its the only movement that carries me within i tell it my secrets and deepest dreams and it carries my wishes above the trees. sadness creeps into my shrivelling heart depressed by stress, anger and grief without signs of relief within my grasp i pray my holiday dreams don't last.

so this shouldnt be natural. i work from 4pm to 1am and now i cant sleep. i know imma be awake til the wee hours of the morning because my mind doesnt know when to quit and just say "it is time." nope. not for me. i get home and my mind is on super overdrive. maybe thats y im writing without even caring what i may or may not say. i cant slow down to the pace that every normal individual is thriving at. no. im the reject who is typing on her computer trying to figure out the best way to make herself unconscious. maybe i should just throw myself down the concrete steps of my apartment. but i do have to wake up in the morning for more work so that might not be a good idea. i need a real job with real hours and not this off-centered time frame i've been dealing with. its odd. this is like my 8pm. the time when im ready to do something other that go to bed and forget that ive had to actual day and no actual night. its all a ball of work and tired feet. (they really do hurt now. thank god for the comfy couch i have.) anyway i guess i cant complain anymore for tonight, though it is helping me feel less stressed and a bit more relaxed. im not ready for bed but a movie and a cigarette may help pish me in the right direction. peace out for now.