I knew you wanted to tell me
In your voice there was something wrong
But if you would turn your face away from me
You cannot tell me you're so strong
Just let me ask of you one small thing
As we have shared so many tears
With fervor our dreams we planned a whole life long
Now are scattered on the wind...

To my one and only... who has stood by me through everything.
THANK YOU ANGEL... I like to call her Monica!



Old friend, here we are,
after all the years and tears
and all that we've been through.
It feels so good to see you.
Lookin' back in time,
there've been other friends and other lovers,
but no other one like you.
All my life, no one ever has known me better.

I must have traveled down a thousand roads.
Been so many places, seen so many faces,
always on my way to somethin' new.
Ohhh, but it doesn't matter,
'cause no matter where I go,
every road leads back,
every road just seems to lead me back to you.

Old friend, there were times
I didn't want to see your face
or hear your name again.
Now those times are far behind me.
It's so good to see your smile.
I'd forgotten how nobody else
could make me smile the way you do.
All this time, you're the one I still want beside me.

I must have traveled down a thousand roads.
Been so many places, seen so many faces,
always on my way to somethin' new.
Ohh, but it doesn't matter,
'cause no matter where I go,
every road leads back,
every road just seems to lead me back to you.

I must have traveled down a thousand roads.
Been so many places, seen so many faces,
always on my way to somethin' new.
Ohh, but it doesn't matter,
'cause no matter where I go,
every road leads back,
every road just seems to lead me back,
every road leads back,
every road just seems to lead me back to you.
Every road just seems to lead me back to you.


I love you!!!

001. real name: Alexandra
002. nickname: Ali, Al
003. single or taken: single
004. zodiac sign: pisces
005. male or female: female
006. elementary:  chaffee
007. middle: oxford middle
008. high: oxford high
009. eye color: hazel
010. hair color: dirty blonde, light brown
012. shoe size: 9ish
013. asthma: yes
014. are you a health freak: food wise kind of yes; otherwise i just do what i think is best for my body
015. height: 5' 11"
016. do you have a crush on someone: no...
017. do you like yourself: i like who i am becoming
018. piercings: 4 in each ear
019. tattoos: one a dragonfly on my lower left back
020. righty or lefty: righty

FIRSTS:
023. first piercing: ears 9 years old, i think
024. first best friend: catherine cyr
025. first movie: bambi or dumbo
026. First sport you joined: didn't play sports, rock climbed
027. first pet: a turtle
029. first concert: dmb
030. first crush: 4th grade... ha, ha justin hawkes

CURRENTLY
049. eating: nothing
050. drinking: nothing
052. i'm about to: go to bed... lots to do today and tomorrow and yeah...
053. listening to: the heat turn on
055. waiting for: nothing really
058. want kids: adopt so yes
059. want to get married: undecided. open to it if it happens but no dreams of a white wedding... i don't really ever see me getting married
060. careers in mind: community outreach

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE DESIRED SEX? :
068. lips or eyes: eyes... they tell all
069. hugs or kisses: both
070. shorter or taller: taller
072. romantic or spontaneous: both
073. stomach or arms: arms
074. sensitive or loud: sensitive
075. hook-up or relationship: relationship

HAVE YOU EVER? :
078. kissed a stranger: yes indeed
080. lost your glasses/contacts: yes when i actually wore them
081. ran away from home: not really
082. broken any bones: does a tailbone count :o)
084. broken someone's heart: i'm not sure i think, ugh
085. been arrested: no
086. turned someone down: yes
087. cried when someone died: yes
088. liked a friend: yes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
089. yourself: a year ago i would say hands down yes now though... not sure
090. miracles: these are not the right questions due to my current life situation... i'm a bit of a sinnic... i used to think so and i still hope they do exist because i need one
091. love at first sight: no
092. heaven: i have odd views on spirituality
094. fairies: no
095. kissing on the first date: why not ;o)
096. angels: i hope so

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY :
097. Is there one or more people you want to be with right now?
yes, yes, yes and no, sigh

098. Is Superman really better than Batman?
personally don't really care... batman i guess

099. Have you had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at the same time?
no...

100. Do you believe in God?
ehhh...

101. who did u copy this from?
my dearest amanda

You know all the quotes you read on myspace sites that are cute and funny and some even have truth to them? Tonight I was going through all these icons on a site and I came across this one and I know I must have seen it in a thousand peoples profiles but I never really READ it or shall I say I never really thought about its meaning. Damn, it's so true!



I think I could just be going through a really analytical stage in my life right now because I seem to be evaluating EVERYTHING because I'm realizing that the hand you are dealt in life isn't always so great and you have to make the best of it. I think that's what I'm really trying hard to put in perspective right now.  Even at your lowest I think it's important to still attempt to surround yourself with beauty and if you dobut that beauty it probally isn't that wonderful at all.

I guess I keep making these 'life posts' not because I think I'm wise or know a lot about life (because trust me I don't) but because those of you closest to me know that life has thrown another curve ball in my direction and I've had to a will have to sacrifice a lot and make a lot of hard choices; I think these posts help me vent to myself and figure things out. So, yes. I do believe I'm done :o)

When Your Life Was Low

Always remember my friend,
the world will change again.
And you may have to come back
through everywhere you've been.

When your life was low,
you had nowhere to go.
People turned their backs on you,
and everybody said that you were through.

I took you in, made you strong again
put you back together.
Out of all the dreams you left along the way,
you left me shining.

Now you're doing well
from stories I hear tell.
You own the world again.
Everyone's your friend.

Although I never hear from you,
still it's nice to know
you used to love me so,
when your life was low.

I took you in. I made you strong again.
I put you back together.
Out of all the dreams you left along the way,
you left me shining

Now you're doing well
from stories I hear tell.
You own the world again.
Everyone's your friend.

Although I never hear from you,
still it's nice to know
you used to love me so,
you used to love me so,
when your life was low.

But always remember my friend,
the world will change again.
And you may have to come back
through everywhere you've been.

...and the JOURNEY that brought me to where I am...

















...and because of who I was before today...











...this is where I STAND...



...and I am PROUD,
not so much of myself but the JOURNEY that led me here.

I love all of you with all my heart and soul.

"I know you are always going to catch me when I'm falling and to hold my hand because you are the only one who 'gets' me; but I will never under estimate my own strength."

there is a point, this i am sure, that one can return to the 'used have been' or 'the way things were' because so many grey layers have been painted over the orginal and it is next to impossible to chip all the 'bad' away. maybe all the grey layers serve a purpose in the long run but right now all i want to see is color; even if its dull. the vivid colors take time to produce on this canvas of life, i'm willing to wait.

"There are spaces and there are gaps, you think that you just need to fill. Fill them with something, you just don't know what and out of no where you have a moment, a small epiphany, a reality slap and it all becomes so clear."

"Life is like a garden. You sew seeds and watch beautiful things grow. You cannot ignore the garden; in order for the brilliance to flourish you must tend to what you have started. Sometimes you have to pull weeds, replant and pull beauty from the ground to give other plants the room to grow. Gardens grow much like people do. Sometimes you just need to pull out the weeds. Other times it's not just the weeds that get in the way, but beautiful flowers that once were fine but are now impeding the growth of new things. Make your choices wisely and the end result will be brilliant. "

I have fought and I have struggled to understand why // I miss a lot I see too little and amongst my bewilderment I've chosen to say good-bye // It's becoming too heartbreaking for me to understand // The reward is little and the pay is too high

"We begin our lives splashing in streams and as we travel we find ourselves wadding in rivers. Before we are even aware we are in the sea; with nothing to grasp onto, with nothing to help us float, but our own drive. Once you have reached the sea you realize you have two choices; you can let the grey waves drown you or you can muster up all the courage you have and swim through the crystal blue. There will always be waves that will hit you hard and hurt like hell, but always remember the sea will calm and you will be able to swim with ease again".

What do you do when there is no hope left in sight? What do you do when everyone says they just don't have the answers and you feel like you are burden to everyone? What do you do when the quality of your life is just unbearable; when there's just no fight left in your soul ?

When faced with the terror that has taken over; how does one carry on?
When fear is the only emotion left to feel; how does one carry on?
When alone is the least frightening of company; how does one carry on?
When flesh and bone is frail and sick; how does one carry on?
When no one truly believes the pain; how does one carry on?
When so many questions are left unanswered; how does one remain hopeful?

**there comes a point in everyones life when you realize that it isn't about who is to blame or what mistakes were made but that there is a time to cut your loses; no matter how painful, and look at the sheer reality of it all. in the end it is only you no matter how much you think someone cares about you or how much they are supposed to love you sometimes that is just false

and at the end of the day it

is only you looking back at yourself in the mirror.**

All quotes by Alexandra J. Phillips