so i must say life aint too shabby with my parents being in germany.

they only thing that sucks is being broke all the damn time.

and there is something that i want really badly now...but i totally cant have it.

that sucks lol.

i'm starting online clases next month...that should be fuun. haha

so who wants to see a show in Austin with me on saturday?? i need gas money and ppl to go with lol. you should dooo it.

and i wanna go camping. so who wants to go camping? i have like 3 tents.

idk when i'm going yet but you have to be there!

i have to go do laundry now....l8rz!

one of my dogs died last night......

why is it that my family has such bad luck with animals....

......gah imight know why....i hate this shit...

.....so we had this puppy...and he was so hyper he it was like he was on speed all the time...so my mom would hain him up so kevin could work on the pool. but last nigt she didnt take him  off the chain and kevin had moved the slide over to by where the dog was chained up...well the dog wraped hiself up around the slide pretty bad and we didnt even notice cuz it was so late at night...

i'm pretending to feel like i care for this world

inside my hearts gone from black to torn

open up my pain and peek inside

each bottle of pills stands behind angry lies.  

pathetic apathy and idolized injections only pushes along the evatability of your unrelenting uselessness

so open me up johnny dearest. i dare you.

enter the chamber of the weak and dying.

the gas chamber you left in the wake of demorilization you so pateintly picked apart.

open my pain and peek inside

inside my hearts gone from black to torn

look into the face you left behind

you'll never get out of this alive.

uuurrg...i'm so confused..yea yea big shocker right? (thats where u say oo Kim its alright i'd loooove to hear all about your lame ass problems)

and even worse its over another guy! buuuut if it helps its not who your probably thinkng..and i'm pretty sure that i'm done(probly for now) am done talking to pat....(yea until i maybe talk to him more often...nah maybe not cuz i'm basicly numb to him now...) but yea....so the other two...are gone! well mr psycho is still calling me but i blow him off like the horrible person that i am...(totally for the best and you know it)

so yea..as some of you know i'm moving to germany at the end of the summer....awesome right? ...not looking so hott right now...

so what are the chances that i would be single the entire school yea....that i would not meet one guy even worth spending five seconds with....until the end of the fucking year...that is so typical of my life for the timing to be completely off for a relationship..and the worst parrt is i really fucking like him...and i feel myself getting a lot closer as i know him longer....just great....how do you tell someone that the happier that they make you the worseyou feel inside? NOT FUCKING K0OL!!!

so back when we were just talking i didnt know for sure that it would get eve this far..of corse i hoped so and i want even more....i'm just depressed that we have a timelimit...how could someone so good for me be in the samschool as me for all these years and i'm just meeting him...bullshit right?

and now idk what to do...its starting to really hurt..and it may just be pms thats making me so upset about it right now..lol. but still...what do i do? the last thing i want to do is leave him...and i'm definatly not going to stay here if i can go to germany...but i recently found out that we may not be going to germany....is it wrong that i'm kinda hoping that we dont ogright away? ...i dont fucking know....i'm really upset right now....and i know that there is nothing that i can even do about it.....i guess i'll just keep falling down untill i get myself hurt just as bad as ever other time.....man when i swear off guys i should really make it last longer than a fewmonths....well its been almost a year...but still...any suggestions?

Tilling my own grave to keep me level

jam another dragon down the hole

digging to the rythm and the echo of the solitary siren, the one that pushes me along and leaves me so desperate and ravenous..

so weak and powerless...

someone feed the monkey while i dig in search of china..white as dracula as i approach the bottom

so desperate and ravenous..

i'm so weak and powerless over you...

Little angel go away

come again some other day

Devil has my ear today

i'll never hear a word you say.

He promised mw i'd find a little solace and some peace of mind

Whatever. just as ling as i don't feel so desperate and ravenous...

I'm so weak and powerless...over you...

Reality has escaped me

and my eyes are no longer pure.

my pains run far too deep withen my veins for you to see them

my demons charge on,

ruthless and fierce

they feel no penitence

for it is the very thing they are born of.

The light fades from my being

as the darkness slowly comsumes me.

This addiction surly will kill me before the night is through.

what do you do when your walls begin to tumble down?

do you sit in a corner and cry till your bady dries up and no good comes out of it?

do you let loose and be strung out on drugs for days and days at a time, never knowing the difference between where the spirling fake begins and the real illusion ends?

do you hide away with your little box filled with secret nothings and slash away hatred and torment that builds and builds and finaly errupts with every strawberry gash like magma gasping for air as it spits its dust and debree into the hemishphere?

i'm trapped in my own twiztid reality and it's consuming the very being smothered deep within in my soul.

nobody knows the torment which lies beyond the blue eyes standing in front of them.

will nobody reach deep into my soul and drag me to the surface?

or must i keep fighting them off on my own?

  As I walk through the lonely darkness

I wonder,

Will you rescue me?

   Fairytals of you haunt my dreams,

 Provoking the demons who lie dorment in the shadows of my mind.

  I run across the stars and heavons with you by my side in a tranquil bliss.

 Then the clouds rush in.

 The lightning srrikes.

 And you are lost, suddenly distant to me.

 And I search for days and days,

But still, no sign of you.

  My demons have awaken.

I must protect you.

I must find you to regai the reality that is myself.

They're after me. I can't escape.

I stumble into a hole.

I fall deeper and deeper,

Faster and faster

Untill,

I realize, you never left my side.

You've always been there.

  And slower we begin to fall.

A light below us becomes visible.

We drift slowly towards it.

You take me in our arms,

And Finally

You have saved me.

                             woo i wrote that bytches!!!