I have been taking it easy. I came to the Bay Area on Saturday morning [my birfday - 19!] with Jared and Cory of Greyhound. We arrived in San Francisco at about 2:30. We walked around, saw some neat things, met up with Brie, Kyle, and Nick. And saw the Faint and the Warfield with all of the above, alone with Robert - my brother, Candace - who met us in SF after taking Bart, and Heather who got a ride to the bay with her mom. =D
It was an awesome concert! The pianist was awesome to watch. He rocked out on his keyboard, and moved his body in strange ways. It was kind of sexy. And the lead singer looked like Neil Patrick Harris - Doogie Howser, with goggles. The light show was awesome, and the music was pretty good.
Since then, I've been hanging out at Brie's and Kyle's in Concord.

Life in Redding is good. I've been making some new friends, and getting closer to some others.

And, if anybody wants to party, let me know. I'd like to have two birthday parties, maybe three, so I can party with EVERYONE, and see all of you lovely kids. I miss everyone so much. I've gotta make more friends, and hopefully, if you're reading this, you want to chill with me too. So call me, anytime! And if I don't pick up, leave a message.
But if you don't party, and if you still want to hang out, get coffee, sing, draw, dance, watch movies, listen to music, or just enjoy the silence of each others' company, let me know, anytime. I'm here for your happiness. =)

And I still love you! <333


Your friend,
Bobbi

Without partying, I would draw more,
I'd lift my spirits without hard liqueur,
Conversation would become incredibly hard,
Or maybe that's just the voice of my scars,
Seducing me thoughts to make me believe,
I'm somehow better after a shot or three,

There was once a part of me that no one had heard,
Without singing, I'd be more reserved,
But no longer in a sober state,
Can I sing so freely and not hesitate,
A shyness comes with lack of consumption,
But I feel it will lead to a mental corruption.

I know no poem will change me actions,
But maybe I should set up some fractions,
2/7 nights out of the week,
Will be reserved for some partying,
And all the rest won't ever be lame,
I'll be with me girlfriend, Mary Jane.

Dear friend,

 

It's been awhile since I've done this,

told you how I'm feeling,

'Cause I've been ignoring electricity,

it's no longer appealing.

I've picked up expressing,

myself in a book,

It has more life, it has more art,

everytime I look.

My life's been getting crazy,

New things always show up,

I've completed more of my to-do list,

I'm starting to grow up! =]

I've figured out some set goals,

to strive for the next year,

And hopefully I'll succeed,

if I keep distractions clear.

I've found myself around,

only a few of my beloved friends,

But I hope to see everyone more,

As this year comes to an end.

I've been facing some sadness,

every once in a while,

But I've been doing fine, I promise,

I wake up with a smile.

And if you ever find yourself,

in the need for some love,

You've got a friend, around the bend,

With a sign that says "FREE HUGS."

 

Love,

Bobbi <3

Flustered, a little nervous, with increasing anticipation every hour, and the need for a vehicle.

And yet, I don't plan on driving. Ever.

So, yeah. I'm an emotional little panda, but for the most parts, they're positive emotions. So woohoo!

Aside from that, I love my friends. Even the ones I hardly get to talk to anymore. I think about each and every person that I've come across in this lifetime, and I appreciate all. Thanks for sticking around with me, guys [and ladies]. You rock!

It's mama's birthday!!!!! So, barbeque tonight at my house. You're welcome to come, if you can pitch in a 2-liter soda or a bag of chips. :) Or a card, atleast. Call me after 4 or 5 for details.

I'm getting better at Halo! Yesterday, I made first 5, then 7 kills, in two seperate rounds of Team Slayer. That's way better than my measley 0 or 1 kill per round before.

And... I really can't wait for October and November. I'll be 19, and then heat will be gone!! =D Woot!

Awesome changes, clumsy moments, and tons of new experiences and things to learn from!

That sums up my summer thus far. Same as last summer, just different changes.

I saw Amanda Palmer in concert on Wednesday night at the Great American Music Hall is San Francisco. Oh my goodness - she is beautiful! She sings with so much raw emotion, and her lyrics and piano work are incredible. I caught a sunflower that she threw into the audience, and gave it Molly. I also got to say a few words to Amanda because it was a small venue and I was only about 5 people away from the stage. I asked "How tall are you?!" when she was talking about being proud of her height, and she said "Five-five, and three quarters." And, I asked her for a hug, but she said "No.. you're too far away." But ah well. I'll get a hug from her, the members of Muse, the singer from The Format, all the members of Neurosonic, and others... One day!

Marketfest has been awesome every Thursday. I hold up my Free Hugs sign every time, and gets lots of love from my fellow Northern Californians. Plus, I'm brave enough to actually go dancing this year. It's so much fun!

I've been spending a lot of time with the same people recently.. Mostly Nate, Ryan, Carl, Josh, Phil, Sarah, and a bit of Matt and Cory. Plus kids I see at Marketfest, and the friends that I see once or twice a week of so. But mostly "the boys."

And I've learned to play Yu Gi Oh, the card game, and soon, I'll learn Magic the Gathering, AND I can play on HARD on Rockband with the guitar. Woot.

Lastly, shoutout to Vincent Colebeck - happy belated birthday, buddy. And to Sarah Bowling... We still miss you. <3

Hope all is well for everyone. Give me a call or text whenever.


Love!

Alas, summer be here. :)

I've waited all year for another one of these. So far, it's been spectacular! I've been with friends every day, parties/Dutch/gatherings every night, and meeting and spending time with some awesome new people.
Sadly, my Brie hath moved to Concord, so my days are sure to be a little more lonely once I'm back in Redding. I'm in Concord for a couple of days chilling at Brie and Kyle's new apartment.
I hope to get around the bay some and maybe visit a couple friends.
But on another note, Matt's back in Redding. Welcome back, buddy!!
And, there's a couple of friendships that need a metaphorical bandaid, so I hope silent pateince is the best fixer of boo-boos.

The main point of my story, you see,
is to pick that fruit off Adam's tree,
and not to succumb, to the world we live in.

And if your fire has gone out,
and divinity has conquered the drought,
then you will pass knowing that you gave in.

I'm starting to feel like I'm back in highschool, and last summer as well. Seeing old friends, staying busy, starting summer, Dutch Bro's, and being attracted to boys once again.

I want to stick with the whole not-wanting-a-relationship thing. I feel pretty helpless when it comes to controlling how I feel about the opposite sex, but I have plans to travel the world, and I don't want anything to hold me back. Oh, but wouldn't it be perfect to come across someone who wanted to do the same thing? By the way, if anybody wants to backpack across Europe [this probably includes asking strangers for spare food when we run out, and sleeping on park benches] let me know. I don't want to to go alone because I'm definately not used to travel, but I want to force myself to be comfortable with it, and I want someone there since an 18-19 year-old girl in dark parks in random cities on the planet by her lonesome is not a good idea.

Good news! I'm getting much better at drawing, which makes me happy. And piano as well. I've been trying the teach myself the piano the last year and a half, very slowly. And I'm starting to finally get ahold of how to find chords that match. Hooray!

And Evee, my kitty, might be preggers. She's been getting out a lot, and there's been a couple of nights where she's been outside with the tom cats for a couple of hours. So, we might get kittens soon!

---

A smile was all she could offer at first, cigarettes came later. It's not like she needed the money -- it would have only made her materialistic side break through another barrier.
Caution: Beware of attraction. When you feel like this, your heart pounds randomly. Your mind races constantly. And your eyes flicker to them every few seconds -- it's not like you can help it! Your hands get clammy, and your voice shakes. And your hair doesn't look right. That's right, play with it. Run your hand through it, because a change in a couple of strands will make the situation oh-so-much better. It never looks right, and it never feels right.
And that right there is your problem. It doesn't feel right, and it never does.

---

And lastly, children.

We judge others' intelligence by how smart we are ourselves.

For instance, I know what euphemism means. If someone told me they didn't know what that meant, the automatic reaction would be to laugh and say "You don't know what euphemism means??"

But I'm only 18, and I could be a heck of a lot smarter. When it comes to knowing about the world and what goes on, I know just a fraction, and I'm aware of that. Just because I remember the meaning of "euphemism" doesn't mean I know the meaning of intelligence.

Otherworldly. Jolting. Placid.

Looks make such a big first impression, the "after-effects" look daunting. Hideous, even. But if you were to come to a point where you, with an open mind, experienced the journey, your fears might vanish.

Of course, be careful. Don't trust anyone involved, unless previous acquaintence came first. Make sure you know where it's coming from, because people intentionally screw up that kinda thing to get a different kind of feeling. And that's what people should be afraid of. Not the opening of doors, but the maitre..d.

Is it so bad? To venture to a different house, country, earth, or galaxy? Is it so immoral to walk through black holes and doors? Because taking the first steps over the threshold are scary, but there's something in Scandanavia, and even the Earth's core, that will open doors to your inner being. We're all trying to find who we are. Why is the best of adventures so negative?

Especially when it's internal?

[Fiction[?] (c) TDW-MTLB]

She opens her eyes to a bright world, and sees much more than just the yellow curtains on the many windows or the pillow her face is sunken into. Getting up is easy after awhile, but only after the necessary 11 hours of sleep.

Through out the day, her fingers are moving. Sometimes she comes to the coolest place, and lets her fingers combine A, C sharp, and F sharp. When she steps outside, her fingers doing the job of holding the product while she blows out the smoke. Then again, it could just as easily be a carb that her thumb just brushed. Or she's doing this. Click, click, click.

Mother Egg always comes here. Only after a certain time though. Then this smoking girl gets some more smoke, filter included.

The rest is always history. Involving consumption of sorts, it's not always easy to recall. But it's always fun, that's for sure. And she's always safe. [You know it.]

Friends are better than bug powder.

...find the truth in my words a lot quicker than any WMD’s.

I hate this thing called life.
Come up with whatever optimistic defense you see as truth, my opinion will not be swayed.

"We’ll never know. Nobody will ever know. You have to accept it, and move on."
"Live each day like it’s your last. You never know what will happen tomorrow."
"We know instinctually what is good and bad."

Yeah right. The only reason we’re so comfortable with this whole living, breathing, daily ritual of excluding the question of why we’re here is because it’s been given a title. "Life" they call it. Scientist give names to everything, so they’ll be able to believe they have a better understanding of what it is.
Call what is pretty much a mini-solar system an atom. Call little life forms cells. Call sex reproduction.
We still don’t have an answer as to what the hell all of it is.

We are creatures of faith. Not only religiously [speaking of which, sorry. If there’s no cash in the bank, the card will be denied.] On a daily basis, everyone puts their belief in something. The belief in the difference between right and wrong. The belief in fate, a purpose, a dream, the monetary success of a college graduate.
If you were to stop for a couple of hours to actually sit and think, and attempt to let go of the beliefs you hold, maybe someone that I know could have atleast a fraction of the sadness I feel.
We’re raised being told the most positive, believable things. We’re taught at the age where we’re just learning how to understand others the alphabet, and to fingerpaint. That’s right--distract us. What a great way to avoid the inevitable question as to what exactly we’re doing it for.

Of course your actions affect other people. If you flip someone off, or call someone a name, it takes a toll on their emotions. And because it’s not a happy feeling, it’s bad. We can feel what’s bad. Just the same way we can feel a fire burn our skin. And yet, fire’s been a great medium through which cooked food and clean water has been presented to us.
Emotions and touch are two different things. But it all goes back to this "good" and "bad." I don’t even know where I’m going with this anymore.

I don’t want to be rich. I don’t want to worry about bills. I would absolutly love to live in the wild. Be there a risk of being eaten by a higher-skilled mountain lion or a bear, atleast I’d be giving that animal it’s necessary nutrition for survival instead of dying and being burried in a box that cost the life of a tree, or being burned to add more CO2 into the atmosphere, because that’s exactly what the earth wants right now.
Who knew I was such a pessimist?

I don’t know what I want. I guess I want an answer. Sucks that I have such a drive for something I’ll never get. I hope reincarnation isn’t real, because life has it’s happy moments, but I can’t imagine living another one of these. Being without an answer for me is like being stuck in a dream.

I wish.. so bad.. that there was a way that I could describe it so that you could understand. But it takes time.
Right when we’re put in kindergarten, we’re taught things. As we grow up, we’re shown the ability to assess, hypothesize, and conclude with either a theory or a solution.
How is it that everyone gets so distracted by everyday things like work, school, the opposite sex, parents, cars, parties, etc.. to the point where they settle on the fact that we don’t have an answer. That’s not a simple thing. That’s not something I can push to the back of my head. We grow up. Everyday, we live life. It’s a routine, and there’s not often a reason to question a routine because it’s comfortable.

By reading what I have to say, you won’t automatically get it. I know. Do what makes you happy. I’m still searching, but I’m never going to settle.

"Life" they call it.

[3.16.08]