"Stay," I whisper in his ear. I can feel his cheeks widen with a smile. "I want to," He whispers back. "But i can't."

"Yes you can. Call in sick. Stay. Dont go." I expected him to say no, Jack, i cant. I have to go. I have to get away from you. But he says nothing, just laying on top of me. About 2 minutes pass, and he says, "Okay. I'll stay. I will not go to work and possibly get fired. American Eagle doesnt pay my bills anyway. Just gives me enough money to buy things for my love."

I am still whispering, we are still whispering, it feels just like the movies when i have times like this with Colby. "you dont have to buy me things. But you can stay. Stay here. Quit. Quit american eagle. Live with me forever."

"Okay, thats not inconveinient at all."

"It shouldnt be." I kiss his cheek. I kiss his neck. I look at his eyes a bluish, greenish, grey blend of confusion.

august this year is sucking. I start school soon, and i'm not ready. today i recorded 3 new tracks, so, ihave 5 songs: the titles are:

Fucked Up, Moon, Gretel, Everything Hurts, sleepyhead.

Today i did something i probably shouldnt have, and i am in a huge state of regret and denial. I am just now realizing that i have a horrible temper, and thats a side of me i dont want very many people to see. I like to be the mellow ashton, the person who does the right thing and doesnt lose his temper. so i'm not going to go into details as to what happened, but the moral of the story is to IN ALL SITUATIONS, KEEP YOUR COOL. NO ONE LIKES A HOTHEAD. (unless your a hot guy, then you can show me your head anytime you want to.)

              love: AsHtOn

Dear everyone,

I have had a recent attitude check. I need to change, and stop being so over dramatic and immature about things. I had a good talk with my really good friend Marcella today, and going into high school, i need to grow up. i have not written any songs in a long time, and i've found that i need to let go of the past. to anyone i may have hurt in the past few months, i want to say nothing short of "I'm Sorry."

I'm just going through some things, new town, being black, and gay, and i want to thank all of my closest friends for being there for me when i need it most.

Love, Ashton

IF ANYONE WAS WONDERING HOW I WAS DOING, I AM DOING FINE. NOTHING IS UP. i AM NOT CUTTING MY SELF ANYMORE: i AM WORKING ON A NEW DEMO CALLED iNDIGO sKIES, AND I RECENTLY, AS IN 9 O CLOCK THIS MORNO, WAS THINKING ABOUT SUICIDE, BUT NOW I'M PROBABLY NOT GOING TO GO WITH IT. i'M NOT SURE. WELL, I AM SICK, SO I BETTER GO BEFORE YOU CATCH THE SMALLPOX DISEASE I CURRENTLY AM ALMOST DYING FROM. MUCH LOVE: jANUARY aSHTON.

A POEM I WROTE:

iLL WAIT oUTSIDE YOUR ROOM

i HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO DO

aND I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE NICE TO ERASE EVERY THOUGHT OF YOU

OF YOU AND I BECOMING TRUE

OF YOU KISSING ME, MAKE ME FEEL NEW,

NOW YOUR OLD WAYS MAKE ME FEEL USED

AND SO OBLIVIOUS TO THE FACT

THAT YOURE GROWING WAY TOO FAST

CAUSE ALL ALONG I THOUGHT I SAW YOU

BUT YOU WERE JUST A DREAM THAT NEVER CAME TRUE.