The air tonight, smells amazing. Citrus, and cinnamon, and other hints of a sweet spice that lingers on my senses, it smells like home. Trying to absorb more and more of it though your lungs can't take enough in....

I love nights like this.

And it's sad, because I have no one to show pictures of space to.

I have no one who understand my little qualms with buttons....

Or pew pew, or flip flip....


...no one who sees the same colors when they close their eyes....


My world is changing rapidly and I knew this was something that was coming to it's breaking point, and it is easier, being my decision, but, I still need my wings...

I laugh and scream and cry, I'm begging for you to hear me.
My words echo and stir and back track time and time again.

You cup my face in your hands.
I sigh in desperation of just how desperate I am to have you near me.

I speak softer now that I know you are near to me
My words on a more direct track, knowing what they want

My words travel past my lips and onto your hands
Up your arms and past the crook of your elbow drifting to your ears

Have you ever said a word SO many times that it starts to sound wrong....

and and and and..

or just, pointless


like  wtf.

I drove past the Target we would shop at, it's closed now....

And in that one singular moment I felt something so earth shattering, so mind blowing, so out of this world, I had to stop.

I find

That as time goes on, and months fade into years, it seems oh so long ago.

Although I miss you, more often than not, I am struck with chords that are a late summer breeze, than a stark chill, I am becoming less burdened with the memories, and more genuinely fond, of what we had, and what we were.

I no longer wake up with anticipation of seeing you, though I believe that went long ago, something in my mind always went to you first. I have not shed a tear at bed time, nor looked at something and wished longingly in my heart that it was you there with me.

I am spending more time by the lake this season already, the amount of time that has been spent at the shore in just these few short weeks is more than I've allowed myself all summer in years past.

It's taken me two and half years, but I no longer feel sad, when I think about you. I cry, and I will always miss you, but everything is subtle....


I still love you.

It's been a while.....

I suppose I've not had much to say, and I don't think I'm bottling again, I think I'm doing a rather good job of dealing with things as they happen and letting them go that by the time I think to write about it it's so over that, it doesn't seem worth it

i remember when........... we would spin, barefoot, on the linoleum floor of the kitchen...... we'd dance in the tiniest of circles, 'round and 'round, again and again. i would laugh, as you tripped ever so carefully, and you'd tell me to sing, and sing i would.... as we plotted our footsteps, back and forth, to and fro, the faint pitter-patter of our all too soon grown up feet on the stark cold beneath us... we bore our souls in the florescent lights amongst the faux-maple cabinets.... something brought us back, to a time, before we met, that we had always known one another in...




i never thought i'd miss that floor...

sometimes I whine, because at 23, most people peg me at somewhere between 14 and 18  or so...

I stop my bitching when I realize that that means at 33 i'll look somewhere between 24 and 28... starts not sounding so bad....

and it's even further justified by the amount of girls 14-18 who  look like they're 30....

dear me

It's a new year

and yet I still don't know why we don't talk.

You are the one thing that I feel holds me back even slightly... and it's not because I love you or miss you or want you or wonder what if, I just can't believe that someone whom at one point was so important to me can act like there was never anything there, but if you're okay going to sleep with that on your head everynight who am I to wonder.  So here's to letting go.  I am not one for resolutions, but I think this would be a good year to put it all behind me.

I have someone I want to be happy with...

<3

and I think, I wasn't sad you were with someone, when you had her you wern't alone.. now, I worry about you..