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Humpasaur Jones



Last Updated: 9/29/2009

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Status: Single
City: SPRINGFIELD
State: Illinois
Country: US
Signup Date: 3/15/2006

Blog Archive
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Thursday, September 17, 2009 


New track up as a Potholes Exclusive: the Dr. Quandary produced "Breakup Music," from the upcoming EP by the same name dropping October 31st.

The whole EP will be produced by Dr. Quandary...guest announcements will come later. Meanwhile, enjoy.
1:55 PM 
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Sunday, December 14, 2008 

Category: Music
Hip Hop is just another brand name. Just another pose, just another demographic for marketers to micro-target.


Hip Hop is what everyone is trying to save -- and it never needed any of you.


Hip Hop is cheap. Hip Hop is easy. Anyone can make beats, anyone can make rhymes -- so everyone does.


Hip Hop is probably the dumbest genre name in the history of the English language.


Hip Hop is unkillable, eternal, and too complicated for me or you to really understand.


Hip Hop is way too strong to be affected by what you're reading here, and Hip Hop is the two empty syllables you're probably already writing up 10 paragraphs to defend.


Hip Hop is the reason I don't give a fuck what you think. Hip Hop is why I won't read any of your replies.


Hip Hop got me laid. Hip Hop put money in my hands.


Hip Hop is just another label to help you avoid thinking. Hip Hop is smarter than you, and always will be.


Hip Hop ruined my life and I'm eternally grateful for that.
5:37 AM 
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Saturday, July 26, 2008 

Category: Music
1. People willing to give large, cash-only, no-strings investments to World-Around Records and my own advertising company, Pizza SEO.

2. Producers who are willing to give me hot, throbbing, sexy party beats for free because they understand how important I am to the human species.

3. Graphic Designers willing to donate work for a 300 page oversize fully illustrated book covering human sexuality in every concievable aspect.

Otherwise, NO.

Rappers who are welcome to give a holler:

1. MC Paul Barman, as long as I get to mock him on our track. 

2. Humpty Hump, as long as he doesn't have to hang out with me at any point in order to get the track done.  I know you smoke crack even if those other white kids don't.

3. Princess Superstar, I will do a whole album for you, free.

4. Motion Man, probably one of the greatest living rappers.  I have beats for you, too.

5. Those dudes in Dyslexic Speedreaders, because I know their fan base is young, wet and gorgeous LA women.

6. Pretty much anyone who wants to take me on tour and introduce me to their wonderful fans.
6:09 AM 
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Monday, May 21, 2007 

Category: Music
something up, we crush a club with humpafunk
but my fans get kicked out once a month
yeah, he's fucking drunk -- that's not what I mean
you're assistant bartender, not the police
don't get cocky with me, that's a classic smirk
and I invented it in third grade, get back to work
it's crazy to blame me for your broken dreams
or how your favorite waitress is coming home with me
face it, mike -- you're not getting laid tonight
every day I give wasted kids the same advice --
be entertaining, polite and maybe she'll bite
probably not, be graceful, call it a loss
walk away, get over your stalker phase
in this modern age, that gets you locked away
it's the uncircumcized drunk pervert guy
making songs with the latest on his dirty mind
I'm just trying to hit some thick college thighs
and I got these poodles whining "hip hop has died"
what? I give a shit if stupid kids ruined it?
I'm doing this cuz music is a lubricant for groupie chicks
nobody's asking you to make the sacrifice
stay up half the night, try and tag a nasty-ass hermaphrodite
but you did it, though, congrats dude
here's a bag of fast food and condoms from the bathroom
this bar's more depressing than a gang bang
I keep it space age, time for a name change
you're not famous till you hit las vegas
drunk and blazed, with an underage hot waitress
fight the cops naked, and wake up at the station
facing a raging case of litigation

people get pissed when the bouncer's a dick, but it's really not up to me
cuz baby if it was, we'd all be fricking buzzed, plus getting in the club for free
but that's a luxury, nothing's cheap, and we pay for every puzzle piece
for reasons that are deeper than a sunken russian submarine
it's that evening waltz ego loss with no recovery

it's humpasaur jones and my flow is so addictive,
I'm known for leaving stoner chicks with motion sickness
I'm not a retard, sweetheart, life is just tragic
but the pain you're claiming is psychosomatic
fine with me, I'm just living how I'm living
and twisting hippie women into intricate positions, listen:
the great american ape is truly doomed
monkeys in a movie zoo, chewing on a rubix cube
slaves to the matriarchy, you came to party
they came to strip you naked and take your car keys
you think you're rugged, but kid, you dealt with nothing like this
Young Republican chicks with muzzle and whips
Daddy's in congress and she's back from the tropics
laughing and vomiting apologies and promises
sex was orgasmic, wrecked like four mattresses
smashed and broke, afterglow like torched plastic
people say my space rap is getting sorta routine
...it's important to me, cuz I feel I'm in orbit at least, you know?
yeah, probably not, I'm just truly plastered
acting goofy, spastic and too enthustiastic
about the newest batch of nuclear weapons
see, I call em -- the solution for the human infection
a lot of kids got it mixed up and it's obvious
why you talking shit? you should be stalking tits
wasn't thinking to exhibit some survival traits
my mistake -- I figured we'd be drinking like an Irish wake
you know, puking time and space off of some fire escape?
yeah, now that's my kinda day....
3:38 PM 
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Monday, March 05, 2007 

Category: Music
9:06 AM 
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Wednesday, November 29, 2006 

Category: Music
Humpasaur Jones is rapidly becoming the Main Focus for early 2007.

First of all, check out THE NEW WEBSITE.

Second of all, several new tracks are being mixed right now. 

That is all.
11:43 AM 
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Sunday, May 14, 2006 

Current mood:  crappy
Category: News and Politics

I've been busy with other pursuits --- including and especially our new 900 number which should finance the EP, my food, and the next trip to Montreal --- but rest assured the damn album will come out this summer.  I'm letting the project marinate, on some Tantra Rap mentality, dig?

11:43 PM 
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