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Arcie

Arcie Cola


Last Updated: 11/18/2009

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Gender: Female
Status: Divorced
Age: 35
Sign: Cancer

City: AUSTIN
State: Texas
Country: US
Signup Date: 3/16/2006

Blog Archive
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Saturday, October 03, 2009 

Current mood:  imaginative
Category: Life
........
Ain't it nice that sex is in the news again? I don't know about y'all, but I can sure rest easier knowing that David Letterman fucks his underlings and Makenzie Phillips fucked her daddy. While we're on the subject, let's drag out those old Roman Polanski and Elizabeth Smart child-rape horses and beat them off some more too. Oh..oh..oooOOOH, YES!
Now I realize we're all human and our ears naturally tune into gossip whenever it's floating around, but I think I need to state for the record that I don't really want to know about people's sex lives. Some of y'all out there are entirely too comfortable sharing every little detail with whomever happens to be within ear shot. Are you really that starved for attention? Why not get it on in front of the capitol building while the ledge is in session? Then everybody in the country will be paying attention faster than you can say 'twitter'.

It's my opinion that an act of consensual sex is a sacred, primal ritual meant to be shared only with the participants; kind of like 'fight club'. Why ruin the magic by broadcasting the specifics of what did or didn't go down to everybody in the world? I say, do whatever makes you happy, but for christsakes be DISCREET. It's plain foolish to freely give out intimate details about yourself. Not only will most people judge, some of them might actually scheme against you. And if you like to make up stories, or sneak around, having loose lips is the fastest way to sink your sexy party ship.

Seriously, don't regale me with your tales of sexual triumph and woe. It's a lot more fun for me to just speculate. My imagination is magnitudes more exciting than anything most people manage to accomplish in their real life, so I'd rather just make up in my head what you are up to behind closed doors, if that's all right. Trust me, you come out looking much better that way.
That said, if he's got a tiny dick and you see me about to go for a test drive, I would appreciate a heads up. I don't need to know how you know, but a simple vienna sausage reference along with a quick nod towards the undesirables is good karma. We've got to watch out for each other, after all.
10:15 PM 
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Wednesday, August 26, 2009 

Current mood:  artistic
Category: Life
........
Here's a list for all y'all that are wondering. Because as everybody knows, you can't judge a book by its fabulously and perfectly made-up cover.
I am.....
.....pretty smart
pretty good looking
a decent judge of character
friendly enough
easy to please
prone to vice
wise to The Man
passionate
skeptical
confident
fun
full of failings
afraid to live a boring life
I ain't.....

.....afraid of what you think of me
full of regrets
sad
ungrateful
irrational
unstable
nobody's slave
crazy yet
easily fooled
mean spirited
the biggest life of the party
scared to call 'bullshit'
always right

8:04 PM 
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Tuesday, August 18, 2009 

Current mood:  contemplative
Category: Life
........
This morning I was having a little pity party about something I want so bad I can taste it. Actually, it's more of a 'someone' than a 'something'. Anyhow, after a good bit of time wallowing in the drama, I got over myself and started to think about all the great someones and somethings I DO have. Here's what I mean-- today I ate lunch, smoked a bowl, and am currently drinking some wine, while sitting in the air conditioning typing on the instant communication machine to all of my friends and fans. I don't have nothing to complain about. Life is good!
I learned from a real early age that when you are a poor Cola, it's better to live for the moment. Not that it ain't good to plan for some shit, like making it to all of your court appearances, but overall, it's better to appreciate the good things when you have them and not worry so much about what isn't there. Even if it's money. If you have food and a roof you can get by pretty good—even if you have to mooch them off of your Memaw. It's all about perspective.
Now, The Man wants you to get all envious of the shit HE finds valuable, because he can exploit your talents that way, so he programs you to want things like SUVs, flat screen TVs, ho's with big tittys, and Chili's Babyback Ribs. If you always want THINGS, then you will have to do whatever the guy with the THINGS says. And The Man says that to get certain things, you have to sign away your soul to him, and IF you are lucky and IF you cater to his whims he MIGHT grant you the thing you want. But really, he ain't inclined to let you have it, because the greedy bastard wants to keep it for himself. So it's all just a scam. And guess what? You end up dead anyway.
Personally I think it's better to go through life collecting experiences instead of things. And a lot of the best experiences are free—like taking a walk in nature, reading a juicy story, sharing some gossip with your friends, or screwing the shit out of somebody you've got the hots for. Those are the moments that will keep you afloat in the camps. Not that i-phone you pay $100 a month to play with.
10:39 PM 
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Saturday, August 01, 2009 

Current mood:  bitchy
Category: Parties and Nightlife
........
To that now hungover Bitch--
I'm sorry you was so drunk that you thought I was flirting with your boyfriend. I was not trying to steal him or nothing like that. I can't help it he was staring me down like a dog staring down a steak all night. I hardly even talked to him. And it was him that bumped into me and spilled my drink down my chest and that's why he was “all over her titties!” If you was sober enough to realize he was just helping me dry off, then you wouldn't have went all chimp on my ass, and my favorite new top wouldn't have a huge rip in it. Luckily when I went to the sewing kit, there was already a threaded needle with the right color thread, so it didn't take me no time to fix. Which I take as a sign from the Universe that it was a good thing I didn't beat your ass and only defended myself. I sure as hell don't need another assault on my record. Here's a pro tip from me to you—insecurity + alcohol = bad time. Get over yourself. He ain't that cute anyway.
Arcie
PS: I also never “felt up his ass” or “was making eyes at him.” like you was screaming when they carried you out.
9:27 PM 
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Tuesday, July 07, 2009 

Current mood:  chipper
Category: Friends
........
Believe it or not there are some good things about having somebody to screw that you don't have to mess with otherwise. For example, if it is your birthday they will usually take you out or do something nice for you before the sex. Last night for my birthday I got a grilled ribeye out of mine, and he didn't even make that big of a mess for me to clean up! Also, they will buy your drinks at the bar. And give your drunk ass a ride home. And roll their best green when they come over. And of course they're always good for some "adult entertainment"!
The trick to working this scam is to make damn sure your fuckfriend thinks it's an honor and a privilege to fuck you. Usually that means they have to be slightly less attractive than you but not necessarily. I think my current fuckfriend is at least as attractive as I am, but he has character flaws and insecurities that make me seem superior in his eyes. Basically, you have to keep the balance of power tipped in your favor (being a local celebrity is a big plus here). It also helps tremendously if this person is already involved in a serious relationship with somebody else. That way they don't start to become a pest and have an incentive to keep things on the down low. And all y'all know the ride is always better if there's a forbidden element to it.
Now there are definitely some things your fuckfriend is not good for. Emotional support is high on the list. And you usually can't parade them around in front of your friends, or use them as a human shield during visits to your crazy family. But if you need those things then what you are in the market for is a boy/girlfriend, not a fuckfriend. Never forget that a fuckfriend is mostly there for the fucking. If your fuckfriend ain't good at it, or comes with too much baggage, you should kick their ass to the curb. There's too many amazing fucks out there to waste time on a shitty one.
9:53 PM 
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Wednesday, June 17, 2009 

Category: Life
Here's some good financial advice from me to all of y'all—don't get hit by a car. Even if you got insurance, it's gonna cost you way more money than you ever imagined.
Now let me be clear for all y'all sweethearts out there that worry about me; I don't have to pay for one penny of my medical bills. Memaw and Duke got insurance, plus other means, and they don't want me to press charges so they're taking care everything. But I still get to look at the bills and holy fucking shit they are outrageous! I was in the ER for less than four hours. They took a couple of x-rays and CT scans, stitched up my head, gave me a tetanus shot, jabbed me with unnecessary I Vs, cut off my cute clothes, rubbed neosporin on my wounds, hitched my arm up in a sling, and made me walk out of there straight to the payment office wearing a paper gown that kept falling off. And y'all ain't gonna never guess how much all that cost......
EIGHTEEN THOUSAND FUCKING DOLLARS!!!!!
That bill don't even include the ambulance, the radiologist, and God knows who else. Now I know why we will never have a sensible health care system! The Man needs it to be just the way it is so he can launder all the illicit drug money for the black budget! The Catholic Church runs the hospital where they took me and y'all know what a bunch of crooks and thieves they are. How can two CT scans cost more than $8,000? That's just crazy. If you go to an outpatient clinic for the same damn scans they charge a quarter that or less and even that price is marked up. I know it didn't cost them $80 for the pregnancy pee test because they sell the same things at the dollar store for a dollar. The insurance companies are in on it too, because even though they negotiate to pay out less, they still pay waaaaay more than they should. It's all part of the wash!
If I was Memaw, I'd pour over all them bills with a magnifying glass and make damn sure they weren't overcharging me. God I'm so glad I don't have to deal with any of this shit. I just want it all to be over . I'm tired of not being able to do everything I want to do. It's so hot and I can't even go swimming! And I'm getting all flabby from not being able to do my Toning for the Tribulations. If I don't heal up quick I'm gonna have to go on a diet so I don't get too fat to squeeze into my favorite short shorts. My room mate says I should start riding a bicycle when I get better but I don't know. It's too fucking hot most of the time and my hair would be wild and there ain't no way I'd wear a helmet. I'd rather hire a cute personal trainer than spend money on a bike. At least I'd get to stare at his ass while we walked around the trail! Maybe I can get Memaw to pony up the cash. That counts as rehabilitation, right?

10:10 PM 
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Monday, June 08, 2009 

Category: Blogging
Well it's been quite the summer already and I still ain't totally healed up from my 'got hit by a car' adventure back in April.  My computer broke down for a while and now I'm battling a flea infestation the size of Alaska.  As for my TV show, it's been on a sorta hiatus because Cameraman went on a European vacation.  The good thing about that is I ain't had to put up with Shasta in weeks, the bad part is I'm gonna have to track her down once Cameraman is ready to start up again.  Oh, and they're doing some kind of roofing work down at the access station so they ain't doing any regular series (like ours) this summer.  I have no idea what's going on.  Cameraman says that we can still tape shows and submit them, but that we won't have a regular time slot or something to that effect.  I guess we'll just have to wait and see.  There's always our Youtube channel, if access totally falls apart.

It's strange to stop taping our show when we've been so regular at it for so long.  It's been more than a month since we did the Tea With Tommy show (check it out on our youtube if you missed it live).  I've kinda been lazy about following the news, mainly because it's all so fake to me.  I have trouble believing anything these days unless I experience it myself.  I hope Shasta has been on some kind of crazy adventure or else I don't know what we'll be talking about when do the next show!
4:24 PM 
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Saturday, April 11, 2009 

Current mood:  blessed
Category: Automotive
OK, I'm typing this with one hand so I'll make it brief.  Memaw and Duke ran over me in their driveway the other night.  I ain't kidding neither!

I went over to their house to talk some business with Shasta, raid the liquor, and enjoy the pool while Memaw and Duke were supposed to be at church or the Lodge or something.  I was standing in the driveway waiting for my ride when I guess they barreled their car on into me.  I don't remember a thing.  I woke up surrounded by paramedics wheeling me into the ER.  I asked them what happened and they told me I got hit by a car.  I was too stunned to be mad; I was just glad to be alive.

Long story short--broken clavicle, seven stitches in my head, bruised ribs, road rash all over, and assorted lumps and bruises.  I look like hell and since I'm allergic to all the good pain meds, I'm toughing it out with Ibuprofen only.  It's hard to do things with one hand.  Luckily my roomate has been real helpful.  Memaw offered to let me stay over at her place so she could take care of me, but I told her no way in hell was that gonna happen.  I know how she 'takes care' of people and I'll do much better on my own.  She swears neither she nor Duke saw me, and there wern't no other witnesses since Shasta was passed out on the couch.  Since I don't remember I guess I'll have to take their word for it.

Ain't it funny how being around your own family is more dangerous than falling into a nest full of vipers?


7:11 PM 
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Tuesday, March 10, 2009 

Current mood:  rockin
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes
I was just reading about somebody getting an ovary tissue transplant so they could have a kid.  Good god why?  There's plenty of kids around already.  I see them all the time, usually with bad manners and asshole parents.  The article mentioned that by the time a woman is 35-40, her fertility has declined 50% from its peak.  I'm guessing that time is in your teens when you start to get horny, because nature is smart like that.  So I'm much less likely to get knocked up now than when I first started knocking boots.  HOOOORAAAAAAAAYYYYYY!!!

I have said it before plenty of times and I'll say it again--I don't want no kids!  And so far, whoever is running this dog and pony show has seen the wisdom in not letting me have them.  I'd be a horrible mother, mainly because I don't like to pay attention to other people besides myself for extended periods of time.  Maybe that's why I'm divorced!  A husband is just an over grown child, after all.  Of course that's not to say I won't become saddled with one at some time in the future.  Us Colas have a hard time avoiding unwanted young relations.  Even if you don't squirt them out, somebody else will and proceed to abandon it on your doorstep.  And because killing it outright is a crime, you're usually stuck with it until somebody else comes for it or it runs away.  And of course if it's a baby it's that much harder to get rid of because it can't run away and you can't just leave it somewhere to fend for itself or they'll haul you off to jail and put the kid in a foster home and nobody wants that.  Might as well sell it to the brothel yourself and make a profit rather than let The Man sacrifice it to his underground kiddie sex slave empire.

Nobody in the whole history of my family that I have ever heard of decided that they WANTED to have a kid.  The kid just happened.  And most of them have done the absolute worst job they could taking care of the kids they got stuck with. Being a Cola is living the theory of natural selection.

There's no point in having a kid because The Man puts a negative value on it the minute it's born and then it has to spend the rest of its life working off the debt created by coming into the world.  I'm talking about being a cog in the wheel and not being allowed the freedom to do your own thing.  Why do y'all think The Man wanted to wipe out all the Indians?  Because you can't have people being free to wander about and do their own thing!  They have to be put to work and everything they have must be absorbed into the system.  It's FEUDALISM.  Except nobody in our history books called it that.  They lied to us and told us we were free and capitalism was the way for the little man to become a rich man; except The Man has rigged the whole game and he plays by different rules so it's not really possible for the little man to be anything more than a slave.  And so the world goes from the beginning of time.

And for all y'all out there who already have kids, please don't let them run wild in public and if it's screaming for god's sake take it home and preferably leave it there.  It would rather be wandering around outside or playing with it's toys than going to the liquor store with you anyway.








6:59 PM 
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Friday, February 06, 2009 

Current mood:  jedi
Category: Life



I have just about had it with all this cell phone nonsense!  Not a day goes by when I don't hear the very personal details about somebody's life because they're yapping away on their cell phone in public.  There is a reason we have a word in the English Language called 'private'.  Y'all ought to look it up in the dictionary you got on that blackberry thingie.

There is enough personal turmoil in my own life.  I sure as hell don't need to be privy to everybody else's BS.  I don't need to know that your husband didn't come home 'til 3:30 in the morning, your kid stole $20 from your babysitter's purse, your maid took the SUV out without permission, or your mother refuses to take her meds and is threatening to move out of the nursing home (all of which came from a single conversation that I happened to be unlucky enough to hear in the chip aisle at HEB the other day).  Since when is your life so goddamn important anyway?  WHO GIVES A SHIT?!?!

I tell y'all, this cell phone business is pure narcissism, wrapped up in shiny paper, tied with a bow, and sold to y'all by The Man.  If you always have your head stuck to a receiver, concentrating on what somebody is saying, you sure as hell ain't paying close attention to what's actually going on around you.  And y'all know that's what The Man wants--to distract y'all from his nefarious deeds.  Plus, if he gets a wild hair, he can track you by your cell phone.  In fact, now even you can track people thanks to Google!  Ain't it spiffy!  Now you can actually watch your housekeeper drive the SUV to parts of town you'd never have a reason to go to.  Oh, and don't forget the jury is still out on whether or not the radiation from cell phones is a cancer risk.  I wonder who's gonna be the guinea pigs for that, hmmmm.....???????

"Well, Arcie," I can hear all y'all apologists starting to argue, "I NEVER abuse my cell phone and besides I prefer to text anyway."  Well that's just as bad, in my opinion, because at least you can make eye contact with the real world when only your ear is tied up.  Texting requires way more of your attention, so you're even LESS aware than the person yapping away about little-Dillon-is-getting-so-big-now-you-know-what-he-did-the-other-day?  You can text sombody nonstop if you want, which to me sounds like harrassment.  I learned long ago not to check up on people because they're usually up to something you ain't gonna like, which leads to all kinds of trouble. 

I don't ever want a cell phone because I don't want to be pulled into all that 'must know everything about everybody right now' frame of mind.  It's intrusive and it ain't good for you.  I happen to believe that people should keep some things to themselves and not share every insignificant detail with the world.  Or at the very least, if you must share some personal corner of your mind, say it IN PERSON or IN A PRIVATE PLACE WHERE NOBODY CAN OVERHEAR YOU!

Humans evolved in social groups.  We need to talk to each other.  But we didn't do it THROUGH things, we did it face to face.  When you talk to somebody in person, you get all kinds of information besides the words they're saying.  You can watch their body language, their eyes, smell them, feel their presence.  And trust me, that's usually where the meat of the conversation is anyway.  It's the subtle signals that really clue you in to what is going on.  Take away the personal observation, you lose so much of the communication.  Besides, it's real easy to lie on the phone or through a text.

Why is it that we've let The Man scare us into being scared of each other?  Cut off from people and tuned into things?  It's like we're living in a fantasy world of our own creation, refusing to open our eyes to the truth.







4:02 AM 
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