so driving home today from my 2nd wake in a week, some asshole literally came about 6 inches from my 65 mph car....2 minutes later, an ambulance ran past me....and somehow i knew, whether it was true or not, that someone i knew was in there.  chalk it up as number 6 lost in 2009. then i thought of how close it was to being me.  back in the day, years ago, i was positive no one would come to my funeral, and sure, that depressed me...but now, i see worse. i realize how many people will be there, how many people will hurt for me, how many people will cry for me.  dude, i dont need that shit....but the fact remains....a lot of people are thinking "whos next??"

if it happens to be me *knock on wood*--------
sure have the stupid formal shit for the family(i use that term loosely) and blah blah blah

but then---------------

bonfire

what will be on fire you ask??...oh u didnt ask? well im telling you anyway-- me.

and you mutherfuckers (you know who you are) better pour me shots and roast marshmellows on me...and yes nick you can make one of those campfire grilled cheese things.

use my life savings to party with me one last time.


there better be the following

CHOPPY-ur in charge of music--but remember, dont flood my funeral with dropkick fucking murphys, im only 1/8 Irish (like you)..actually, u should probably team up with STEFF...well that wont be good either....NICK too
KENNY-ur in charge of alcohol- NO UMBRELLA BULLSHIT MOTHERFUCKERS!
NICK-your in charge of giant mosh pit...if someones going to cry i want it to be due to broken bones
STEFF-ur in charge of security, ur a scary bitch, and NICK and CHOPPY know who i wont want there

also, i will need
music
plenty of hot bitches
music
food....like lots of polish food, sauerkraut, pierogies, glompki, polish sausage, etc...
tunes

and please.....somebody kick choppys ass, ive been trying to for months


and oh yeah--

no drugs, i dont need people freaking out and setting themselves on fire and shit


this is not a joke---im 100% serious, if i die in the next few weeks, i want this....if i could sign a myspace blog i would.....steff is my notary haha, she watched me write this.


i love how you can tell my mood gets better as the blog goes on.

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YOUR WELCOME    


exit only

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please scoop out my eyes with an ice cream scooper....
and replace them with those cadbury eggs from easter, you know those strawberry ones? yeah those...
then tell chuck norris i said hes a faggot
then he can eat the cadbury eggs and fuck my eye sockets with a barb wire canoe
then take my girlfriend and leave dirty underwear on my coffee table when company comes over
then put a virus on my computer.
then make the cubs win the world series
then put 00G earrings in my nipples
then hook up a car battery to my new piercings
then shave my hair
then drip water on my head for hours
then put one of those paper finger handcuff things on me
then make me sit through a U2 concert...twice
then tell R. Kelly im a 14 year old girl
then give me aids
then tie me upside down in a bucket and slit my wrists so i drown in my own aids blood.
that would be better than this class...

                            yours truly
                  A kid stuck in economics class

 

sulley erna, lead singer of godsmack, is looking to build a house in st louis....my sisters fiances dad is an architect and is going to build his house or whatever.   so sulley and his bandmates will be in st louis this weekend...and guess whos going to go chill and party with them?

me, my sister, choppy, heather owens, aaron, and steff

mwahaha

i love you, ive loved you for years...not until this point have i ever been mad at you...other than what you just did, you are still awesome in every way...

google, when you bought youtube i thought it was for the best...but now, i just dont know anymore

today youtube unveiled some new policies in their blog...the topic was offensive material...from now on, suggestive material will be "algorithmically demoted"...in laymans terms when i "broadcast myself" and my video gets the most views on youtube, it wont be showed as most viewed, it will be basically hidden by youtube because a few people dont like it....

blow me googletube---

comment them, let u know u hate them (and how bored you are to actually talk to them)

http://www.youtube.com/blog

YouTube, LLC
901 Cherry Ave.
San Bruno, CA 94066
USA
Phone: +1 650-253-0000
Fax: +1 650-253-0001

While i realize I have no authority in others' relationships, I feel it is important to atleast voice my opinion.  Im not trying to convince anyone of anything in this blog--just stating a few facts.  That being said, i would like to point out that the following are bullshit.....

A) "You are allowed to talk to these three guys/girls"--I see mostly guys doing this and its just bullshit...especially when a guy wont let his girl talk to his best friend.  There's nothing wrong with letting ur girl know that u dont like the way she interacts with said guy, but to break up with her for talking to a guy on the list of guys she cant talk to...thats just a problem...and it gets so bad the girl has to change her top friends on myspace to be her boyfriend and all girls....except maybe one gay guy...

B) Freeloading/taking advantage of--this generally happens when the guy falsely convinces the girl that he loves her (and she does that sad immature 'were going to be together forever' and 'no one has ever loved anyone like i love him' kind of crap).  After the convincing (which is usually for sex in the first place(in most situations the v-card)) the guy can freeload off her for anything--even a place to live. because at this point the girl sincerely believes she can't live without the guy.

C) Guys who think the point of a relationship (besides the aforementioned sex and freeloading) is to drag their girlfriend around so she can watch them do whatever they (the guy) want to do.  Cuz watching guys smoke pot and/or play video games, im sure is tons of fun.

D) people who don't read and/or comment my blogs....

Warning--this blog is serious....for jokes, skip to the bottom.

I am well known for A) being an asshole in my blogs; A dick, in the name of comedy. and B) One with a monumental lexicon.

I, however, in all my prodigious douchebaggery, in my vast terminological expanse of a brain, cannot fully manifest the abhorrance i have for my paternal figure.

I, however so it may seem, am not thinking adolescent thoughts, i am not simply infuriated at my father for recent events.  I have realized in this preceeding year, that my animosity for this man is quite genuine.

Let us review the evidence for my father's assholery.....starting from the begginning.
(i don't know how true all this is, seeing as how i was told it by a compulsive liar.

Exibit A) Dropped out of highschool, started going to college to be a chef, couldn't afford college so he joined the airforce for college money.  During his air force escapades, he got hepititus, preventing him from cheffing...irony huh?

B) Wife 1 left him because of his substance abuse, that's all i know on the subject.

C) I don't remember much of my father in my childhood years, as he was always off fighting in some war and what not. But in my hindmost of memories, I recollect walking into my parents room with my brother and I seeing the him holding a pillow of over our mothers face.

D) Our mother, on dozens of occasions, had to crawl into bed with us to be away from him, in fact, this is why one time, due to his bad aim, i was hit with a flying TV remote.

E) Another early memory, he had an arguement with the celing...then lost.  but don't worry, he cried and apologized and they made up.

F) Im going to fast forward through this part because everyones heard the 'abusive childhood/drunk father' story.

G) Wife 2 gone...blah blah blah...different story.

H) at 49ish he bought his first house and stocked it with what he had left after the divorce.

I) Soon enough, he would just not come home for days at a time....

J) Workin hard on that fourth DUI.

K) Apparently he has a girlfriend

L) Drug abuse, blah blah blah

M) Stole a bunch of money from his sons savings account that he's been saving up to go to college so he doesnt turn out like his father.

M) Kicking me out 'cuz shes moving in.











Quotes--
"Hey dad, I need your info to get financial aid for college, can you help me?"
"Sure."
-guess whos paying for college out of his own pocket.

"Hey dad, can you help me fix my car so i can go to work tommorow?"
"Sure."
-guess who fixed his car himself, days later.

"hey dad, we need to talk, when will you be home?"
"Tomorrow"
-ive heard this numerous times...we still havent talked.

"you're my favorite mistake"

"Your best quality is you're not your brother"

"Im gonna kick your ass"

"I'm choosing the love of my life over you"

"get the fuck out of my house"

"fyulmkgfrhlholjhn"--mumbled jargon that no one understands b/c hes too wasted.



My attempts to explain the magnitude of my detestation for my father--

I hate him more than Tom Morello, Dr Phil, Obama, Ted Kennedy, people that wear sandles and socks, and Rosie O'Donnell combined.

Lets say, for example, my hatred for the average person i claim to hate is the size of the earth--about 12756 km.  That's on average...someone like M. Night Shymalan would of course be in the range of our sun. in this example, my hatred for my father would be around the area of W Cephei--about 36762000000 Km...in short, thats about 288194 times the hatred of Earth.

My father is the rex grossman of parenting

He is a bigger joke than The Zelda movie april fools trailer.

if the average father were waynes world, mine would be waynes world 2.

if on a scale of suckiness, if a normal father was a straw, mine would be that vaccuum that collects prarie dogs (Without the padding, of course.

If good fathers were the Ps3, and the average was the Xbox 360...my dad would be--you're thinking the Wii, right...no...im gonna go with Super Famicom, or the dreamcast--total failures.

he is lamer than FDR's Legs......awwwe-too soon?

Chris Benoit is a better father than mine

If fathers were rappers, mine is mike wallace(or soulja boy, thats a good one too)

If SAW V dissapointed you like it did to me...or totally pissed you off like most people--heres some things to look forward to to cheer you up...


THE REST OF 2008----


October--
fallout 3
GH:World Tour
motorstorm:pacific rift.
little big planet.
The Cure-Dream 4.13
Kaiser Chiefs-Off With their Heads

November--
All American Rejects-When the World Comes Down
Chris Cornell-Scream
Mudvayne-The New Game
Nickelback-Dark Horse
Guns N Roses-Chinese Democracy
The Killers-Day and Age
Repo!The Genetic Opera...(starring the singer of skinny puppy.
Twilight
John Mccain elected.
my birthday
red alert 3
resistance 2
Quantum of Solace (James bond movie 22)game and movie)
CoD-world at war.
gears of war 2
WWE smackdown vs raw 2009
World of warcraft:wrath of the lich king
Tomb Raider:Underworld
mirror's edge (it will be a sleeper hit, trust me on this one)
left 4 dead
    another animal crossing i think...
    and another GH on tour.
sonic unleashed
LoTR online: mines of moria
Personal Trainer-cooking(DS "game"---basically a recipe book
madagascar 2
House(remake)
Transporter 3

December--
50 cent-Before I Self Destruct
Fall Out Boy-Folie a Deux
Soulja Boy-iSouljaboytellem
Franz Ferdinand-Tonight:Franz Ferdinand
prince of persia
Chrono Trigger on DS!
Gran Torino movie
Punisher: War Zone
The Day The Earth Stood Still
The Spirit




coming up in MOVIES (mostly 2009)

I would like to start out by pointing out that the Zela Movie was an April Fools joke....there will be no zelda movie...dont ask me questions about it-i am not Shigeru Miyamoto, i do not own the rights to Zelda.

noahs ark
david and goliath
halo
Gears of War
Prince Of Persia, the sands of time
Metal Gear Solid.
Tekken
Dance Dance Revolution
Devil May Cry
Dragonball
Castlevania
Silent Hill 2
Bloodrayne 3
Spyro the dragon
Spy Hunter
Street Fighter
World of warcraft
The Sims
Final Destination 4
The Grudge 3
Jeepers Creepers 3
Underworld 3
Saw VI
Friday the 13th(remake)
Nightmare on Elm Street(remake)
Hellraiser(remake)
The Thing(remake)
Ronin(remake)
Karate Kid(remake)
Tron(remake)
The Birds(remake)
Conan the Barbarian(remake)
the big chill(remake)
Farenheight 451(remake)
The Hobbit(remake)
The Hobbit 2
Where the wild things are(yeah, that childrens book...)
The Secret Life of Bees
Tim Burtons Alice In Wonderland!!!!!
The Brazillian Job (Italian Job 2)
Spider Man 4
Jurassic Park 4
Terminator 4
the departed 2
ghostrider 2
transformers 2
i am legend 2
i robot 2
shrek 4
toy story 3
zorro: 2110(Zorro in the future)
beverly hills cop 4
sin city 2 and 3
crank 2-high voltage
Army of the Dead
He Man and the masters of the universe
GI Joe
Justice League
Hong Kong Fooey(that was the kung foo dog)
Jonny Quest
Reboot
Captain America
Ice Road Truckers
Superman: The Man of Steel
Ice age 3
Inkheart
Harry Potter

so i was listening to soulja boy right?...and i finally get to wondering...whats a robocop? and after an hour and a half of research...out came this list

Superman--cumming on a girls back when shes sleeping, and sticking the bed sheet to her back

robocop--cumming in a bucket and putting on the girls head

spiderman-cumming on your hand and flinging it on her

donky punch-during doggy style, a punch to the back of the head which tightens the anal or vaginal cavity

hocus pocus---during doggy style, spit on her back...chances are (unless this has already been done to her) shell turn around and say somethin
to the extent of WHAT THE FUCK...at this point you take it out and cum on her face

gorilla mask--after cumming on her face, a handful of freshly shaved (or week-old shaved i guess) pubic hair is thrown at her.

abe lincoln--similar to the gorilla mask, but only make a beard...then make a shit resemble a top hat

alabama hot pocket/space docking--spreading open the vagina and defecating inside of it

alaskan pipeline--poop in a condom, freeze it overnight....now its a dildo

boston pancake--the classic 'cleavland steamer' crap on the chest...but it is flattened to look like a pancake---to which syrup(semen) is added

angry dragon--during oral, use your cock to block her air passage...the cum will exit thru her nose, like dragon smoke

strawberry shortcake--during oral, take it out and cum on her face, then punch her in the nose.

golden bath--like a golden shower, but here, your peeing in the ass of the female

cincinatti bowtie--like 'titty-fucking' but you sit the other way(yes, on her throat), so it looks like shes wearing a bowtie

hot karl---shit in a sock then hit her with it

chili dog--shitting on her chest, then titty-fucking her

dump truck--tuck it behind you and back up towards her screaming "beep, beep, beep" as you 'dump' your 'load'

hot lips houlahan--using hot sauce as lube

blumpkin---the art of taking a shit while getting oral

two cats/dogs in a bathtub--putting your balls in her vagina, and dick in her ass (as hard as giving two cats a bath)

hot lunch---saran wrap a pocket in her mouth...defecate slightly in it, not too much...then when your about done humping this pocket, shove hard,
breaking the saran wrap and releasing the lunch into her mouth.

angry pirate--when shes on her knees giving oral...cum in her eye, when she stands up, kick her in the shin and run...shell say something
similar to ARG--and hobble after you with her eyepatch and peg leg.

rainbow--A)girls wear different color lipstick and take turns giving head.
    B)the guy drinks the period blood and throws it up into the vagina.

the bronco/rodeo---during doggy style, grab her chest and scream another girls name---see if you can stay on all 8 seconds

the flaming amazon--when your about done, grab a lighter and set her pubes on fire...then put out the fire with semen

the snowmobile--during doggy style, pull her arms up like handlebars...and make sure her face hits hard.

Hosted By: Jake Wojtowicz
When: Thursday Oct 23, 2008
at 5:00 PM
Where My House
1234 E Arnold St
Sandwich, IL 60548
United States
Description:
Jake Wojtowicz

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