Trust me when I say that I’ve been in a positive/good mood as of late…surprisingly so after my latest (and have I mentioned surprising?) breakup.  This blog isn’t so much a rant about the world, but more of just some observances that I’ve, uh…well…observed.

I think I’m beginning to see why there are so many single people around my age. Many women at this point tend to have a child, maybe two. They’re working and taking care of their kid, which would be two full-time jobs.  They’re dealing with the father of their child who they’re obviously not getting along with since they’re no longer together and this takes its toll on interacting with other/new people.  When there is a spare moment from work and children many gals tend to just want to relax in their home, not take an hour or so getting ready to party in the city or at bars making themselves even more tired for the next day’s return to daily normalcy.  Sometimes they just can’t even find that energy they had when they were just a little younger or just before they had their children, to stay up/out late like the old days.  There are a lot of variables for many women today just to get them out of the home.

For men my age it is a little different.  Some have children to look after but in my experience (note that word please) they’re not letting the job and kid exhaust them as much, still going out into the world and enjoying themselves.  Most others of my single guy friends just do not talk to women.  Oh they’re straight and they’re into women, but something is going on that I just can’t figure out and they seem to be quite happy (on the outside anyways) being the perpetual bachelor and doing what they’d like when they’d like.

Of course on both ends of that spectrum there are the male/female nuts who just don’t have any clue what they’d like even after all these years.  These are the ones who tend to remind you that yes; there are some hot people out there who are equally hot messes.  The saving grace for your own mentality upon encountering these folk is that you at least can readily grasp why they’re single.

Those other two groups, not so much though.

Then there is this other gang and wow, they’re the ones who make me really happy just to be alone with my kitty. The amount of unhappily married people that I know is staggering.  For the life of me I can’t even grasp why many of them remain together…I mean is getting a divorce that bad in comparison to living the rest of your life much happier (in theory, if you don’t make the same mistakes) than you are now?  How can a person go home to a place that they can’t find comfort in day after day?   Ah, who can say…I’m not in their positions.

My days anymore as just about me.  I work and do my writing and take care of my home.  Yeah, I’ve tossed out a line here and there but nowadays, when they’re not returned with a nibble I just go fishin’ elsewhere.  My tolerance for confused people or game-playing people or just people who can’t give straight answers has shrunk to about nil.  Even though I’m a terribly horny bastard and even though I’m a torrid flirt it just doesn’t even feel right to me today.  The desire and motivation isn’t there because there isn’t anyone out there really work desiring or motivating me.  So I write and focus on other things, with the exception of this blog.  **laughs**

People tell me that love is a lot of work; that marriage is a lot of work and I just don’t grasp it.  Yeah, every day isn’t paradise and none of us are even close to perfect…but I’ve met a woman or two in the past who I really could have remained with forever and a day.  It didn’t pan out and hopefully I’ve learned from the disasters that ensued, but I’ll at least keep hope that it is out there in the world, that real love. Natural love.  Many of us just complicate matters so much and not even notice that we’re doing it…it is truly a shame because there are some really good, really interesting people out there.

Change the pace now…

Rain today.  How much more fitting can it be to have rain in Philly the day after one of its most beloved personalities has passed?  While I haven’t cried (LOTS of goosebumps though) for Harry Kalas, I’ll miss the man incredibly.  To say I’ve been listening to him my whole live isn’t an exaggeration and I remember the nights when I lived back with my family…I’d be hiding from the world in my bedroom with the stereo on listening to the Phillies game and Harry The K calmly calling the game.  The voice was so damned relaxing and into my adult life he relaxed me so that I’d fall asleep to a sporting event while lying on my sofa with a cool breeze hitting me from an open window.

Of course I’m going to mention last year’s World Series win. Again, something I’ve waited my entire life for a chance to experience one and naturally Harry was right there with us all enthusiastically announcing their win and sealing a memory for my lifetime.

Who will put me to sleep now when I’m watching those late west coast games? There isn’t another voice that can replace Harry and to even attempt to do so would only result in horrid accidental parody.  Harry was nothing but himself, only ever raising his voice for homeruns and the occasional optical illusion pop fly (more so later in his career).  He was friends to everyone and rightly so, may have one of the largest funerals ever.  That the Phillies played yesterday’s game was a tribute to them for knowing their voice best, because I believe he would have wanted them to play the game he adored.  They did so and won, with Shane Victorino even hitting a homer, pointing up to the area where Harry would have been announcing it. They did it for him; played AND won. And while our city’s fans may be nationally criticized as tough or harsh or even ignorant, Harry Kalas was one man who was unanimously beloved by all.  Mention his name and you’ll instantly get an impression from just about anyone.

Though gone, he’ll never ever be forgotten.

Not to be neglected in posthumous conversation is one Marilyn Chambers.  She too was found yesterday by her daughter, deceased in her bedroom.  Marilyn initially became famous from being marketed nationally as the Ivory Snow girl on detergent boxes back in the seventies.  She then switched gears and became an adult film star (they were genuine films back then, not necessarily deemed “porn” like most of today’s fare) starring along side fellow legend John Holmes in Behind The Green Door and a host of other movies all shot on film with actual locations and budgets.  It was a different era and she was one of the pioneering figures.

To my own personal shock and disappointment I’ve never met either of them, Harry or Marilyn, in the circles that I keep.  As unfortunate for me as that may be, at least I had the pleasure of knowing them via their trades and watching them for prolonged amounts of time.  Others will only just be discovering them now that they’ve passed.

Ah well…time to mop my kitchen floor.  I’ll have a drink for my two formerly on camera buddies this eve.

Been a while, eh?

I still like this site and all, but with my friends finally getting me onto Facebook...it is just much less effort to maintain that page in contrast to this Myspace one and the communication between myself and people on my list is ten-fold what it is here despite my love for blogging on this site.

Generally though, besides wasting time on Facebook, I’ve been busy anyways mostly with writing.  Besides that, I’m trying to make a concentrated effort in NOT chatting/meeting/whatever-ing new women from the internet because literally none of those relationships have ever worked and I’m honestly tired wasting my very precious (anymore) time on gals who just don’t want what I’m offering or looking for.  With that mini-rant stated, let me tell you what I’ve been doing.

Thursday was relaxing even though I was doing lots of housework, general cleaning.  After making my pot o’coffee I shredded enough old documents to literally fill four plastic shopping bags and put them into the recycling.  Next up was all my nerd toys and collectibles, making sure whatever I had was stuff I wanted and straightening it out so that it took less space; mission accomplished.  Besides my cleaning the basement floor, it is as done as it’ll get down there until I do more with my comics.  What I plan on doing is bringing up a box at a time and reading through each box to see if I want to keep all this stuff. Fond memories or not, if you go back and read some old books you used to adore you’ll find that they’re total trash now and I buy way too much to keep something I will never want to read again…especially if it doesn’t hold any rumored financial value.

In the late noon Heather joined me and we ended up going into town for Di Bruno Brothers foods thanks to Mary & McManus, who gave me a lovely gift certificate to the place as a b-day gift.  The score: a pound of chicken parm, a half-pound of ricotta-stuffed olive oil-marinated red peppers, one of their INCREDIBLE cheese spreads/dips, a dried spiced salami that was much like a pepperoni that you’d dice and that was about it.  Yes, it was a lovely dinner of tasty randomness!

Friday was one of the most awesome days in recent memory.  With it being my birthday that day I had decided a while ago that it’d be a day of fun and pampering. My hair was cut in the morning and Heather journeyed out with me into the wet city to shop for clothes over at Lucky Brand. I knew that I was more or less just bumming until the eve so it was fun being out in the rain with just my hoodie up for a block or two.  After shopping came food.  We dropped in on Tony Luke’s where I got a roast beef with sharp provolone sammich. Mmmmmmmmm I miss stuff like that but it is so awesome as an occasional treat!  After eating, cleaning myself up and changing into some new duds it was off to Chickie’s for the evening’s festivities.

There was a nice turnout for my birthday and a good bit of the folks were people I’ve not seen in literal decades! There were former elementary schoolmates, high school pals and even a college buddy or two along with all my other pals from more recent years.  Former crushes, ex-girlfriends…you name it and they all came out to see me and it was just freakin’ incredible!  It has been a long time since I felt that I had this many people I could call friend.  We ended the eve at the Oregon Diner of all places, with a gang of us walking straight there from Chickie’s with just a minor pee-break rest stop at my house.  As birthday boy I just decided to let it all go over the weekend in terms of watching the food intake.  At the diner I grubbed on a bowl of their signature French Onion Soup and then had Chicken Croquettes with mash potatoes and neon yellow gravy.  This is the GREATEST drunk food ever and I promise it’ll suck up every last bit of alcohol in your body.

I think that night I slept on the floor.  Heather camped out with me and we got up the next morning to run around some more!

Oh yeah, she had gotten me the recently released JOKER hardcover graphic novel that Azzarello wrote, so now I’ve got some reading to do this week.  My pal Juanita hit me up with a Best Buy gift card which aided me in getting both Season 1 and 2 of Chapelle Show, Ghosts of the Abyss (a Jim Cameron Titanic docu) and Southland Tales.

I’m sure that there was more done, but at this point I can’t even remotely remember it all.  All I know is that my birthday was spent exactly how I wanted it; good friends, good drinks and good food.

NOTE: This blog is best read along to one of the following song selections:

“Hold Me Now” (Thompson Twins) or “I Drove All Night” (Cyndi Lauper) if you’re into the 80’s

“The Way I Are” (Timbaland) or “Never Let Me Down” (Kanye feat. Jay-Z) if you’re into the hippity-hoppity

But sometimes, just sometimes I’d like to set the world ablaze with the below thoughts to something like “Burden in My Hand” (Soundgarden)

I guess that if life was simple of the powers up above cut us all a break or two the world would be too happy a place.  As it stands, I’m one of the peons who seemingly must fight tooth and nail for everything I so desire…and more often than not, still come up empty.

Yet I continue to fight because that is all I know.

Tears aren’t flowing from my bright eyes because I don’t have someone to share my world with. I maintain my energy and vigor for each woman that I am into, as there aren’t many I’d ever wish to pursue romantically.  For me, when I like someone in that manner there is no doubt in my mind and I’ll open express it.  This, it seems, is rare in the world; free open expression.  I’ve no walls that way.  No games…just open communication and yet, I can’t find a single solitary soul that I’m into who is willing to accept and enjoy the ride into storybook love.

Sadly, though it is getting kinda funny honestly, I’ve got a cheering section comprised of both male and female friends.  At the very least it makes me thankful that someone other than myself is shocked that I can’t seem to find (and keep) a girlfriend.  I’m always hearing how it is men who suck or men who are immature or whatever, well darlings…it’d seem the women are equal opportunity offenders.

This isn’t “settling down” that I’m talking about either.  I’m not SETTLING for anything.  I’m talking about having that special someone to share the world with.  Settling down?  Hell, I wanna gear up with someone and travel!  It would be so hot to meet someone, to talk to someone and see that unbridled passion for me mirror in their eyes, yet still we can maintain our own lives.  I’m a writer in my free time so I need “me time.”  How many people want to love someone and want their someone to have/retain their own lives?

If life, love and romance were a children’s toy, for me it’d be Voltron.  See, if you know your toys you’ll know that Voltron was a team of what, five individual robotic lions that could all work on their own and kick ass in the world.  But then, they had the ability to also combine and form this unstoppable giant ass-kicker that took it all to a whole new level.  That is my ideal love life, Voltron!    Two awesome people CAN meet, I will forever believe it…they can meet and be themselves and be awesome.  Then, when they see it fit to do so, they can combine their talents to make new things together that they could never have done on their own.

I’m tired of flakes.  Really. Tired.  I’ve encountered so many hot messes in the last 10 years that I should be totally jaded and projecting false emotions onto people who don’t deserve them.  Believe it or not for the last few weeks I’ve contemplated going on like “match.com” or those other horrid sites you see infomercials on.  Somewhere out there, there has to be a woman who knows what she wants (me) and isn’t afraid to jump into the pool.  I mean the water isn’t all that deep!

So there you have it.  This is the most important matter in my world.  Keep in mind that it isn’t something that is ruling my life, no matter how the rant above comes across.  Imagine we’re at a bar and talking…the above love life rant would likely be rattled off in about a minute if I was someone like Banky from “Chasing Amy.”  (Jason Lee is one of the best at that, isn’t he!?)

My writing and my focus on my home are the two bits that come in right after the love life.  Ok, and an upcoming trip to Vegas but I swear that is it! 

Writing would go much better if there were like 30 hours in a given day instead of the usual 24.   There is nothing wrong at all in that department and eventually the world at large will be seeing these projects I’ve spoken about for so long.  I always appreciate all the private little message I get about what it is exactly I’m creating.  Soon, friends…soon!

The home is going through an emptying phase because I’m feeling really cluttered anymore.  Even without owning dining room furniture or having anything of substance in my back second bedroom I’m feeling cluttered, go figure.  Ebay is working for me again and I’m lessening a lot of the stuff I have in preparation for getting some of the house done.  Maybe this’ll be the summer when I finally get a grill of some sort for the yard to make some yummy food for warm weather guests.

Vegas is…well, Vegas.  Warm weather this time out.  Good, fun friends to be there with. Wile E. Kayode and I, the two lovelorn gents that we are, will have to get into some trouble out west.

It always makes me feel better to scribble down something like this.  It wasn’t directed at anyone in particular, you’ve got my word on that.  We straight shooters tell people how we feel face to face (or at the least message to message) Oh!  Once we get halfway through one of my comic projects, I promise to do a little revealing. It’ll be cool, I promise!