A beautiful woman came to me
And seduced me one autumn night.
She had long copper hair,
Warm olive skin,
And black sparkling eyes
That flickered in the candlelight.

She made me disrobe
And lie down on her large feather bed.
In nudity she joined me and lay at my side.
She traced my breast with a soft, gentle finger.
With moist velvet lips she kissed me;
A blue bolt of lightning went straight to my head.

Her lips instantly turned to dry leather,
And my eyes flashed with horror.
My temptress transformed
Into a grotesque old man
With a rotten, black-toothed grin
And bony, gnarled fingers.

His frozen breath reeked
With the stench of fetid afterbirth.
Raw crimson lines and deep purple furrows
Crossed the taut, pale white skin of his cracking face.
His bloodshot eyes were sunk deep in tired, bruised, greenish bags.
This terrifying man looked as old as the Earth.

His fingers had no prints;
His palms had no creases.
I pushed the cold, stony hand away,
Jumped from the serpent-covered bed,
And watched as the hideous, cackling,
Black-cloaked old man fell to dusty pieces.

The candles turned into torches
And the room into a dungeon
With wet, slimy walls,
A hard, rough floor,
And dank, stifling air.
My scared mind was troubled by this ghastly vision.

I awoke with a startle at 3 AM,
Screaming, sweating, cold, alone,
An emptiness gripping my heart,
And suddenly very, very frightened of the dark.
Fear trembled my limbs.
Fear chilled my bones.

I reached out desperately,
Like a fevered child,
Searching for a warm body to cling to
But found only frigid, dark, bitter air
And demons dancing in the corners of the room.
This room, this dungeon, my mind defiled.

These are the tormented echoes of my sanity,
My misery, my destiny, my cries,
Cries that leave me breathless in the night,
Cries that leave me paralyzed and wondering if I'm dying.
I've been crucified in my sleep,
So why can't I just lie down and die?

Beneath the haunting beauty Of an autumnal moon The lonely one was born Within the meadow of my mind. Screaming and crawling, Gnarled shadows on the wall. Withered and worn, Gnarled shadows in my head. I wanted someone to save me, Someone to lift me, But I kept falling (down). Down and down 'til I just stayed. Like the empty stone gaze of an ancient statue, I saw the silence of your eyes When you slowly retreated To your warm, comfortable shell. On ships from distant lands Came words that were dismal. These sorrows, I wept as I sowed. They blossomed in a garden of grief One thousand footsteps long, And I wept As I reaped. The ugly duckling Grew with the poet's pain To finally ride upon The graceful wings of a swan. I have seen the beauty of ugliness And the darkness of a life, And I have shivered When dusk has fallen. I have trembled, Not only for the baying wind, But for my own mortality When I went down with the sun. And I have seen you take pleasure In slowly twisting the knife As I lay there in pain, As I cried there in pain. But so easily not is a swan killed, And a poet's pain can rage, So beware the eve' When the moon lights not. For fitful and troubled May be my rest, And the darkness has returned Once again. ~Mandie

I'm tired of fighting, tired of losing, and so very tired of my face. I'm tired of waiting and just plain tired of this hated place. Somehow I need the patience of the Earth When even the moon questions my worth. You crowned yourself a god until the end of time, But I question your purpose as I question mine. I awake from my slumber to live in a nightmare And see the dreams that I once had that are no longer there. My mouth drips with an inner fire Of deep hatred and desire. I stand naked in the rain, Burning with a fever of pain. I dam the river of love And scream at the sky above. I paint it red and the earth of black. All the things I've done I'll never take back. I curse the world and all that it contains, But mostly I curse you and your goddamn reins. Mutant thoughts flow through my head. You've assured me I'd be better off dead. Death's ebony arrow once did pierce my fragile skull, But I struck back with the force and strength of an angry army full. Thereupon the darkened horizon stood my faceless foe. 'Twas later I did learn that you were holding the bow. Now nothing keeps me warm in the night, No longer even the thought of my endless fight. And though I'll detest it, I'll continue to sail my open vessel on the high seas, Across the wide ocean of confusion, through the deep abyss of desire, and into the rough tides of unease. I'm tired... But I'll continue... To do battle... With you... Forever... And ever... Until the end of time...