Here my new rules;

My DATING definition;

-Dating = We go to dinner, see movie, go to parks, talk about stuffs, sharing emotions to get to know each other. Sometimes, there might be a sweet call at lunch time or a good night text message. And maybe kissess that may (or may not) lead to something more.

My FRIENDSHIP definition;

-Friendship = We go to dinner, see movie, go to parks, talk about things, sharing problems or stuffs. Importanly, we can talk about guys we are seeing without feeling jealous at each other.

BUT WE (as a friend) DO NOT flirt to each other, we DO NOT hold hands or even spitting some sweet easy word out of our lips to each other. We DO NOT kiss each other, and If you or I do that/those I metion ealier--we ruin it.

I think I make it pretty easy for you and fair enough.

I hope some kind of stupid joke won't happen to me again, kinda joke that hoping to hook up with me for a night or two then ending with sentence "you're a good friend".

P.S. Flirting on the internet is acceptable if we have never met before.

October 9th 2006

**fu*k I feel like a freak after I wrote this.**

I am not a sweet person.

I am not a funny person but they laugh becuz I look dumb.

I am not honest--wish I am.

I am a liar--wish I am not.

I don't know lots of places to take guy on a date--but I know good park and somewhere nicer--but most of the guy think it's stupid cuz they prefer a nice resturant and a sweet dinner.

I wish I have all of those, that I have not got any in me.

I wish, I wish, I wish, I wish...

Wish You Were Here

I'm sitting here--at my favorite spot in this park. Nothing had changed. Everything still where it always be. Buildings with lights on top still where they are, Lake that full of memories--in front of me Cat that we used to laught at--lying next to me.   Wish you were here to see what I see-- Nothing had change. Everything still where it always be, But you...ain't here with me--that changes.   Miss you lots   Paul   Lumpinee Park 20/06/06 08.20 P.M

And this is the picture that I am talking about--the only one that I have taken with him for the past year since we knew.

A Friend Is One Who Knows Us, But Loves Us Anyway

Peak Experience

            Life is always full of experiences, there are good and bad experiences. Some people only want to keep the memories of good experiences. But to me, I love to keep both of them. Because, both are experiences, and those had taught me. Experience never hurts anyone, but effects.

            Last year, I was chosen in the name of the school to join the Speech Contest. That surprised everyone, included me. I was well-known as a Mr. Shaking to friends and teachers.  Every time I got presentation, my whole body would be shaking; hands, arms, legs. And I sweat a lot even through that was in the air-conditioning room. But the teacher who chose me, told me that she believed in me. Because she knew that I have skill to prove to everyone, only if I tried. We worked on the process for two months before the Contest was held. Those two moths was worth trying and I had learned the real meaning of "hard-working".

            My first stage was surprising, I had won the First Prize. From the first stage to another, from another to a bigger, and getting bigger each time I had won to the next round. From Mr. Shaking then had became Mr. Confidence. I was so popular, most of the English teachers in my province know me. My photos was published every pages on my school's magazine. Until then, I was standing on the final stage "Championship Round in the English Speech Contest".  I could say that, it was my peak experience.

            It was a final round and everyone was the best from places in Thailand. I did my very best, and everybody who had seen me from the other stages said so. But when the result was announced, I was not one of those first 4 places. And I accepted that. Then, I have learned the real sentence which said " Win some, Lose some, That a Fact of Life".

            Although, I went home with a different feeling. But There are things that I have learn; people, social. I have improved my skill in; public English speaking skill. I have a better personality now. I am shy less than I used to be. That day, I may have not won any prizes that worth for money or anything. But yes, I have won things that money or things cannot buy; my peak experience.

"You've been so cold to me and you teased me like some kind of animal, Paul, you just look over me and what-- what it called ?" he said.

Didn't he see it that I was sorry?

Didn't he see it that I felt it and really sorry for what happened ?

" Yes, you are... self-centre" he countinued.

He didn't have to say it all. I could felt it, and I felt dizzy.

What the f*ck !?

To say "sorry" would makes it look like denying for what I've done.

Wasn't it yesterday when he came around and I told myself that everything will be fine?. But yes, I ruined it.

I imagined and saw myself; Paul Sprite, and it faded away.

Who the f*ck was that, I never know ?

He didn't want to talk to me, so I left.

This maybe the reason why I seem to be distance to everyone. They just want to stay away from my evil. This is why he said "So, he was not your boy friend then ?"

I walked away and couldn't even look up at anyone on path walk, where it took me to my favorite street; Lang Suan St. and walked slow all the way to the park and sat there and thought about everything.

Time to leave and I left the park, and I got on the Skytrain just to go all the way to the end of the line and caught it back again to where I was, just to go home.

Here I am home and found my dogs, only thing that they will always do; lick my feet.

I had nothing and feel like $#!t, did what losers will always do; talk to dogs with no respond.

I wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do. But it must be, cuz I had no one left.

Sometime life is just unfair and not so easy or could never been easy to us. Whenever you find something that you like, it will never stay long enough for you. And you will never know how to treat it well while you still have it with you; fast or slow, soft or hard, push or pause. Because you can't read their mind. Then, til you know it- it's gone. No matter what the reason is, might be ; things to do, ways to go, dreams to follow, or even no reason. But the fact that it's gone.

You might swore you would never fall again. But when you come to it, you will lose your control. You will never know, because there is no sign to warn you. It's quick as a light that travels a thousand miles in a minute. It's quick as stars that fall from the sky. But not quick enough for you to quit.

I've known this friend of mine for such a long time. We always played together when we were young. He is kinda shy boy but sweet. It's always fun to be with him. All the friends in our neighbourhood like him.

But these days, he seems to grow up alot. He more mature, I think he's a bit cuter.But he starts to drink and go out at night-get drunk at the age of 18th. Through He seems to be lucky in many way, he is quite well-known in school, because of all the activities he done with bunch of gangs. But afterall these years , I dont think he really happy with what he is. It must be hard for him to keep smiling everyday and get on with life.Making fun of people in front of the toliet at school etc. He doesn't talk much about what he thought, but everyone else's stuff, cuz he hopes that would keep him out of his mind from thinking about his own probleams.

Once he gets to his bed, as soon as he lies down, there is something going on under his funny hair style, I believe.

He doesn't really know who he is, he doesn't really know what he wants to be in the future, he doesn't really know which major to apply for university- but to everyone- parents, teacher,family, brothers, classmate and friends he is expectation.

If you don't know him, you wouldn't know what he has been hiding inside all along. Into his sadness eyes, but smile on his mature face, there is something more than you can see, but look into the eyes.

Sometime, I look at him and suprisingly---he might have been me, all along.