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The Little Boy Who Argues with a Tree

John Lynch


Last Updated: 6/10/2009

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Gender: Male
Status: Single
Age: 22
Sign: Leo

City: Leominster
State: Massachusetts
Country: US
Signup Date: 12/15/2004

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Monday, April 06, 2009 

Current mood:  aggravated

............

So, I cleaned my room the other day and found some old
letters from a person whom hasn’t spoken to me for some time now. And it kind
of has me in a slumped mood, Thinking about all kinds of shit, mostly about my
past or people in my life.

.. ......

It’s not just the letters. 
Almost every song I have been listening to has brought back memories
from certain periods and certain friends…and it sucks.

.. ......

I’m trying to straighten up, this shit just holds me back
right now, and I know it.  Nevertheless,
all I want to do is go call certain people even though I know the outcome. Just
to hear voices, and in the hope they’ll stick around.

.. ......

I just don’t know what to do at this point, I’ve got a lot
to look forward to, but I just can’t let go of my past…ugh…

.. ......

Im going to smoke a cig



Friday, December 26, 2008 

Current mood:  depressed
50 days is long enough to change a life...

50 days is long enough to reflect and regret

50 days is long enough to teach a hard lesson

50 days living as a ghost only to return home and find out no one wants you around is a hard way to learn that lesson...


50 days....but now I know I am sick...I no I need help and I want it....NO more hiding and lieing...people may not believe me...and i understand why...but please keep you nasty words to yourselves...leave me alone...I have enough to deal with without your snickers and snakry words...

for those of you interested I am Leaving for Rehab in a week or so...I will be gone for a few months...Wish me luck...and if you are one of the people with nothing good to say leave me and my family alone they have dealt with enough in the last 2 months.

Those that want to will be able to write me.. I will post the mailing address before I go.


Also to a few certain people...
Thanks for tossing me aside when I need you the most. Glad to know that all the things I have done for you in the past mean so little...thanks.
Thanks for playing with me head and treating my emotions like they are shit.

"I've said it so many times
I would change my ways
No, never mind
God knows I've tried

Call me a sinner
Call me a saint
Tell me it's over
I'll still love you the same
Call me your favorite
Call me the worst
Tell me it's over
I don't wan't you to hurt
It's all that I can say
So I'll be on my way"

Friday, February 22, 2008 
so with spring and summer coming up fast im getting a little nostalgic. alot of missed memories are coming back...mainly with a group of 3 particular people...

memories such as late night movies every thursday, then late night swiming to follow...gettting lost on the way to the eve 6 concert in boston...haha...atleast we met shirtless guns n' roses man....

i miss all 3 of them...we really dont talk any more...i kinda feel in on myself due to personal demons...while the other just grew apart...i want to band back together...

its other memories too...with all my old friends...it was the smell of the good weather today and the last few days i guess....got me thinking....


sigh
Monday, October 01, 2007 

Current mood:  numb
 i just found out today that one of my greatest most worshipped heros...Robert Jordan, the man who was and still is quite possibly the GREATEST Fantasy writer OF ALL TIME  passed away last week.

i truly dont know how to react to this....thus far its been confusion, numbness, anger, tears, and more confusion.

i just am so saddened...i feel a major lose to my heart.

the only thing i can think to say is that i will have a chance to live in the same world as him again when the Wheel of Time turns and this age comes again....


The Wheel Weaves and The Wheel Wills....

with love always






Thursday, August 30, 2007 

Current mood:  ecstatic

hello mass,

so i just got back from my week in cali. and i must say the 25 hours of waiting in airports/flying/train/bus/car stations was deffinetly worth it. so before i spill the big news i shall tell you alittle about it.

my first steps of the train in Redwood city were of Sequia Station. this totaly badass open mall area. it was gorgeous. incredibly clear skies none of those nasty eastcoast city smells (worcester =P) and fuckin palm trees -_^, which were every where in plentiful quantities.

so yeah i spent the week wondering around whenever Kaity was at work getting myself aclimated to the enviroment, people and weather lol, and whenever she wasnt we spent most of the time driving around or getting drunk the totally badass Gina, Kaity's friend out there.

 

one of the highlights of the weekend was the trip to San Fran...so we are walkin down by the Peirs checkin out street preformers. and we come upon these two silver robot men...now normaly robot men are aweome what with their baddass dance moves and such. but these guys were kinda just standin there and every now and then wobbling alittle then yellin at people!

so we sit down to watch what the hell is up with this two. so for 30 minutes then continue to stand there taunting people from the streets. and whenever somone put change in their cups they took it back out and actually threw it at the people saying they wanted bills!!

so around this time one of them get down off the box and pulls something out of a bag below them...and its a god damn bottle on Hennisey! they fuckin start doin shots right there on the street. haha.  and with it in their hands the still antagonize the croud.

so about 20 minutes more of this and then we notice on of them standin behind a car a few feet behind us..and a puddle forming at his feet, legs spread, hands at his crouch area....now we were lookin at his back...but its easy to know what the hell he was doin...lol. this is when a security gaurd pulls up on bike behind him and simply says

 

"Yo man thats not cool"...thats it haha

afterthat they got kinda boring so we went and wondered some more...but nothin could stand up to the drunken silver robot men =P

so the weekend was packed full of firsts for me

-first Jack in the Box food (fantastic)

-first Jaimba (sp?) juice

-first chinese without MSG (its illegal out there :[ )

-first palm trees

- first trip down the San Fran free way.

-sliding down the longest slide on the penninusla bay area :D

-and many more.

 

all in all it was a great week. with a few fights and shit but those were needed. granted one of them was a ruthless no-holds-bared fight to the death i honestly think they were all needed. and just went to serve us getting our angry and frustrations we have built up for a year out and will work wonders in the long run.

**now time for the big news!**

as some of you may know i have been talkin about mayeb movin out there for almost 2 years now. but never really did anything about it. but now i can say this.

 

i am 100% deffinetly positivly moving to Redwood City, California in the 3rd week of october!!! around the 21st of so! im gonna miss you all but i think i need to do this for many rerason. but i will be back someday and ill be here to visit often.

so yeah im about to run out and visit my mom. so you should all drop me comments or messages so we can hang out or somthing!

 

ta ta for now

 

 

Currently listening:
(What’s The Story) Morning Glory?
By Oasis
Release date: 03 October, 1995
Thursday, July 19, 2007 

Current mood:  pessimistic
i really dont know who i am anymore. living in Mass is becoming increasingly depressing and weighing me down. Sobrity is a very paper thin thing....constintly battling not to break....finding a job that will drag me down less then the one i have is diffuclut...

because of live in in general i draged down a friendship and maybe more with somone amazing. i just hope we can atleast stay good friends.  the relations with my family are becoming even more strained again.
im moving i think...it would probbaly be for the best..
you know...so i can find myself......i dont Recognize myself anymore....
i leave you with Lryics from a good band the above mentioned friend introduced me to..



~Recognize~
Well I've had enough of these selfish crimes.
I hurt myself again not knowing why.
It seems so easy to leave it all behind,
And avoid the truth.
I think I'd rather just go blind.

Then everything erupts;
My life has come unglued.
And the ties that bind have left me.
What am I to do?

Can't seem to recognize that stare behind those eyes.
Who is this man I see who's looking back at me?
Can't focus through the pain, and I am fading into nothing.
The reflection must get clearer.

I think I'm cracking up, like I've lost my mind.
I hurt myself again. Still don't know why.
I end up the same way each and every time.
Can't avoid the truth. There's just nowhere to run and hide.

Then everything erupts, just like I knew it would.
Been down here long enough.
It never felt that good.
Is this what I've become?
My life has come unglued.
And the ties that bind have left me.
What am I to do?

Can't seem to recognize that stare behind those eyes.
Who is this man I see who's looking back at me?
Can't focus through the pain, and I am fading into nothing.
The reflection must get clearer than it appears to be right now.

There must be someone I can see.
There's gotta be something for me.
Show it now. Let it go free.
I know it's there, waiting on me.
Let it out. Let it go free.

Can't seem to recognize that stare behind those eyes.
Who is this man I see who's looking back at me?
Can't focus through the pain, and I am fading into nothing.
The reflection must get clearer.

Can't seem to recognize.
Can't seem to recognize.
The reflection must get clearer.

Thursday, July 05, 2007 

Current mood:  contemplative
so this morning i was sitting on the banner on the deck smoking a butt and  watching the sun come up...ive done this countless times here and everywhere else i have ever lived...nothing was different about this sunrise...it was the same thing as every morning going back as far as i can remember..

the only difference was that my mind was open...i was actually looking at it in a way i could see its meaning...

i noticed that even though teh skies were grey and teh day rainy...teh sun still rose...even though it didnt have a hope of making the rain stop. it still came...and even though it was still raining afterwards teh sun still had atleast tried...and know what though it still may of been a grey rainy morning....it was still alittle brighter....just because teh sun tried...and though it may be rainy now...whose to say what will be later today..or tomorrow...or the day after...to the sun it doesnt matter...its just gonna keep trying to make its day...to make its time here alitter brighter no matter what happens...

and because of this i relized that though thinsg look like they are going to hell at THIS moment doesnt mean they relaly are...and if i try to fix them this morning they may not get fixed now...but i can still try..and trying will make things just a little better...and i can always try tomorrow


and know what..this time im really gonna try...this times its worth it....not only do i have a brother on the line...i have somone who is so amazing..so perfect somone that makes me so happy that if i dont atleast try to fix things i should be shot.


so know what sun...thank you for trying against all odds....thanks you for showing me that all i have to do is just make thinsg ALITTLE brighter this morning...the rest will come....
Wednesday, July 04, 2007 

Current mood:  blank
i need to stop myself from doing ups and downs....everything was great. then i just hit a low again..ina  day...it will be gone...then come back. im sorry to 2 people mainly................im going to stop i promise. i just wanna fix things...give me another chance

                                         
 ~~Epiphany~~
Your words to me just a whisper
Your face is so unclear
I try to pay attention
Your words just disappear

Oh
'Cause it's always raining in my head
Oh
Forget all the things I should have said

So I speak to you in riddles
'Cause my words get in my way
I smoke the whole thing to my head
And feel it wash away
'Cause I can't take anymore of this
I wanna come apart
Or dig myself a little hole
Inside your precious heart

Oh
'Cause it's always raining in my head
Oh
Forget all the things I should have said

I am nothing more than
A little boy inside
That cries out for attention,
Yet I always try to hide
'Cause I talk to you like children,
Though I don't know how I feel
But I know I'll do the right thing
If the right thing is revealed

'Cause it's always raining in my head
Forget all the things I should have said.


Saturday, June 30, 2007 

Current mood:  contemplative

~How Much Love~~
You're in the corner turning your back
You're running away again
The more I give you
The less that you take
Tell me where is it gonna end?
I can see you've felt some pain
I know you've been hurt before
But I swear you won't get hurt nomore


Tell me how much love is it gonna take
To prove I'm not another heartache
Till you begin to let your heart give in
How much love is it gonna take

I'm reaching for you, getting so close
But you're always a step away
I wanna touch you'n give you my love
Tell me what it's gonna take?
I can see it in your eyes
That you wanna let me in
But you're scared that you'll get hurt again

I've been searching for an answer
Tell me what it's gonna be?

Friday, June 08, 2007 

Current mood:  numb
Hey dad
I'm writing to you
Not to tell you
That I still hate you
Just to ask you
How you feel
And how we fell apart
How this fell apart

Are you happy out there
In this great wide world
Do you think about your sons
Do you miss your little girl
When you lay your head down
How do you sleep at night
Do you even wonder if we're alright
But we're alright
We're alright

It's been a long hard road without you by my side
Why weren't you there the nights that we cried
You broke my mother's heart
You broke your children for life
It's not ok but we're alright
I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes
But those are just a long lost memory of mine
I spent so many years
Learning how to survive
Now I'm writing just to let you know
I'm still alive

The days I spent
So cold, so hungry
Were full of hate
I was so angry
The scars run deep inside
This tattooed body

There's things I'll take
To my grave
But I'm ok
I'm ok

It's been a long hard road without you by my side
Why weren't you there the nights that we cried
You broke my mother's heart
You broke your children for life
It's not ok but we're alright
I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes
But those are just a long lost memory of mine
Now I'm writing just to let you know
I'm still alive
And I'm still alive

Sometimes I forget
Yeah, and this time
I'll admit dad I miss you
Said I miss you

It's been a long hard road without you by my side
Why weren't you there the nights that we cried
You broke my mother's heart
You broke your children for life
It's not ok but we're alright
I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes
But those are just a long lost memory of mine
Now I'm writing just to let you know
I'm still alive

And sometimes I forget
This time I'll admit
Dad I miss you
I miss you
Hey dad


so i got an e-mail from my father...............