Armchair psychologists get ready…Here are all the lyrics to the as-yet recorded Doghouse songs. Comments welcome.


Tooting Progressive Club

1. Fish Pie

I saw you on the balcony, you had nothing to say
So I tore out your eye from its socket and I
Put it in my pocket for a souvenir
Hey baby won't you give me a chance to get near you
I'm really really nice I got nothing to say and I
Know that you're the same as me, so hey baby
How about screwing with me

Lalalala
(Why must I be a teenager in love?)

I saw you in your house today, you had nothing to say
But then neither did I, you know we ate a Fish Pie
And we listened to Cream
Eric Clapton's very nice, he's got nothing to say
That's when I put you away, I put you down on the
Floor hey what we gonna do now nothing to say
We've got nothing to lose, that's how it is today
I bet you wish you had a Fish Pie!

Lalalala

Oh baby with my bloodied hands I'm gonna
Give you something that you're gonna like
We'll scrape the rust from your fingernails baby
Where you been scratching at your bars
Scratching at your bars, gonna go to a bar mitzvah
Then we'll have a holiday
You've got nothing to say, that's what makes you
So nice, that's what makes you so
Ahahahaha…

2. Girl With A Pearl Necklace

Charlie was a schoolgirl
I was master of her house
Her father beat his breast in Church
Her mother fed her scouse
Played guitar alone, with a vacant stare until
A Jack O' Lantern broke her heart, and then her broke her will

Charlie (I want you I need you)
Charlie (my leeches don't bleed you)
Charlie (I want you I need you)
Charlie (I'll clothe you, I'll feed you)

Charlie looked across at me
While playing in her band
I really felt like I could reach across
And touch her hand
….
I introduced myself but she had passed out on the stone
We gazed up at the stars, she really felt like she had grown

Oh Charlie, I really love you. So when I see you with him, I want to break down and cry
Oh Charlie, I really need you. But you don't need me anymore, I want to cry.

3. A Cheeky One

Oh my darling have a care, not to singe my underwear
Don't fly the flag for human rights, just show me all your neon lights

We'll have joy, we'll have fun
There'll be bullets in my gun

I'm the Satyr, you're the Faun, so when you ride your train at dawn
Think of me when the Owls do hoot, You're the one who plays the flute
Procrastinate with a cigarette, exacerbate me in the room you let
When we talk I never smile, I like to swim for shore in style

We'll have joy, we'll have fun
There'll be bullets in my gun

4. I'm Your Man

Don't you know my name, I know yours
Waiting in the wings as the ice age thaws
I am tall and I am thin and
I can draw blood with one grin
I went to your school but I don't know
How to make the weeds In your garden grow
A Beetle in your box of KFC
Come and cut your feet in the sand with me

I'm Your Man

I'll be sure to wear flowers in my hair
So look me in the eyes when you get there
I've been around, and I want to know
Were you the main attraction in a carnival show
You break me down on the edge of the zone
I'm acting like a dog cause you gave me a bone
Take advice from Lauren, Lauren should know
Put your lips together and blow

I'm Your Man

5. Will She Ever Die?

Will she ever die? On her own in the rain
Will she ever die? No more mad conversations

Haven't seen her for a while, my skin has greyed with age
I bet that hers is bilious green, and still erupts with rage

She jump into the fire
Walk a tightrope wire
Catch a crippling disease
Recover with ease

Always dodge the bullet, play down the side effects
Gets her money for her weekend, from rich architects

She tell her lover a lie
She don't tell him goodbye
She lock you out of your room
No reason to assume that she'll ever die

Chapman Sessions

1. Cheapies

Down to the swamp where we dance by firelight
Down to the swamp where we dance all night
I got such a hungry heart, see the way your eyes dart
I want to be that needle pin that's sticking in your skin
Your mind will come away

Cheapies, get my cheapies

Grannies in your wainscot, wants to talk to you
I'm in your furniture, and I turn the screw
You wanna go outside and play, wannna roll round in the hay
Just don't tell Granny where you've been, she can only treat you mean
Your mind will come away

Cheapies, get my cheapies

2. Refrigerator Lover

I don't want to hold your hand
Don't want to stroke your hair
And if you tumble in the night
I'll leave you at the foot of the stair….

I don't want to hear you cry
I don't know what to say
So if you blubber on the phone
I'll say you better put it away…

I have no desire to be your
Refrigerator lover, my dear
I can't keep you warm at night
But refrigerator love is all right

You don't want to kiss my lips
You don't want to hear my voice
And when I try to get in touch
Stab me in the heart with your choice

She made love to savage beasts
While I was drinking beer
I couldn't bring myself to shout
Though she made her feelings clear

As you can hear, we have 2 new tracks on our page. The full band version of "Girl with a pearl necklace" from our forthcoming CD, which will be available in June. There's also a demo of "Your New Shoes", showcasing the more sensitive side of the Dogmaster General.
Enjoy, and let us know what you think.

In other news, our gig on Friday was a roaring success - thanks to all who attended. We're playing in Norwich on June 15th, and headlining the Living Bar, Brixton on June 21st. This promises to be a momentous occasion, as we are joined by three excellent bands: Todger, Cats in Japan and The Hartes. Don't miss this one.

That's right folks, we are doing a cover version of the song from the Sheila's Wheels advert. We're hoping to get Phil Daniels to do a cockney rap in the middle.

"Question: Tell me what you think about me, I buy my own diamonds and I buy my own rings."

That's not a question, it's more like an order, or a command.

Am I the only person who is bothered by this? If you are, in fact, reading Bloghouse Riley, perhaps you could help ease my pain by adding your own least favourite lyrics below.

Work has begun on our 5 track mini album. Yes folks, the lo-fi sound of the demos you hear on this site will soon be gone, replaced with multi-tracked splendour! Hang in there, it will take a while to complete, but it will be worth it.

Incidentally, rumours abound of an actual gig in October. Wouldn't that be lovely?

Also, there are some new songs (the result of a furtive weekend twiddling knobs on a four track) on the way. One is an Exotic mini-opera, the other will eventually be a Stadium rock floor filler (at the moment it just sounds like Feeder with a semi-on.) 

"Herein, perhaps, lies the secret: to bring into existence and not to judge. If it is so disgusting to judge, it is not because everything is of equal value, but on the contrary because what has value can be made or distinguished only by defying judgment. What expert judgment, in art, could ever bear on the work to come?"

Gilles Deleuze.

(not that the DHRB would ever claim to be making art, merely quality entertainment for freaks, geeks, sexy ladies, and other highly evolved life forms. It's just a nice thought is all.)

I heartily recommend listening to Godley and Creme. They are really fantastic. We here at DHRB headquarters believe they are so great that they need an alcoholic drink named after them. It needs to be better than a pint of lager with squirty cream (or creme) sprayed on top. Any ideas?

I have the edited down version of their Consequences album, and cannot endorse it enough for those who like piano, multi-tracked voices and smooth sexaphones. And Peter Cook. The singing is some of the best i've heard in a while, and the instrumentation strange and crystal clear, even on a little portable "ghetto blaster".

My favourite part is Mr. Creme's melodic-but-hysterical delivery in the verses of the second track. As I walked to work yesterday I spent most of the hour long journey to work trying to imitate him singing "I'm dining out with the Schultzes tonight, and I hate the Schultzes!"

Is anyone out there reading this ?

There is now a DHRB sub-forum over at our sister band's website: www.thumpermonkey.com
For anyone out there who actually cares, this is the perfect place to have virtual contact with us, and ask us inane pop-star questions in the following manner:

Q. What's your favourite food ?

A. Jelly.

Q. What's the best thing about being a member of the DHRB ?

A. Having fun with the other guys in the band. They're like, my best friends.

Q.What does your ideal woman look like ?

A. Looks don't matter as long as she has a nice smile. I'm single at the moment, ladies.

Q. What is your biggest fear?

A. Male rape is more common than people think. I'm afraid it will happen to me on the way back from the kebab shop.

Q. What is your greatest wish ?

A. I was going to say world peace, but then I realised its actually the summary execution of David Tennant, (the current fake Doctor Who) and the subsequent replacement of him with my good friend Nicholas Loizou, who would produce
the show and act as story consultant. Then Doctor Who would meet Monk in a special tie in episode which would also feature the ladies from Charmed (they both live in San Fransisco, but that's not really a problem for them as the charmed ones are always flying through dimensions etc.) It would not, repeat not, descend into bland pudding like the mid nineties TV movie, which doesn't count. Like David Tennant.

Anyway, if you like that kind of thing, show a little decorum and join us in the forum.

James Blunt

Sandi Thom (Looks like a Buffalo, sings like a beast)

Cyclists (Smug bastards with no respect for the noble pedestrian)

Jamiroquai

Please add your own below.....

Killing time before work, I decided to go and find Barrett's house in South Kensington. He lived at 101 Cromwell Road, South Kensington, during the height of his Pink Floyd fame, but it now appears to be a Holiday Inn. Oh well...