my pal made a film and i entered her contest
that contest was a great idea.
we had to cover her song.....

emptys lots of empties
one big fucking beer store
the back of a depeneur.
front corner of a supermarket

faded boxes piled on the top of a freezer lining the length of the room
dusty dusty glass.

glass kind of gets more beautiful as it ages.
best when found after floating in the sea.
the survivors.
little pieces of frosted coke bottle, sprite bottle,
forigirn cola bottle, fizzey little drink bottle.

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lines
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my hands get numb when i think about myself.

i always liked to get into the pool slowly.

people used to lecture me about how it was a treacherous method.

But i would spent tons of time ever so slowly getting wet.

holding onto the ladder and stratigizing a variety of ways to dip my
body further into the water with out actually loosing control and
dipping more than i wanted to.



It was a method that worked.  I never chickened out and in the end i
would spend so much time playing in my grandparents pool that i would
eventually turn blue.  Its a perfect metaphor.



people mistake me for not being gung ho --or not being interested at all but that is not always true....mostly i just need time.

I can see into the future.
i like bathing in future.
its my new scent.

he he he he he.


i made a joke about going on a bender and low and behold.
every single night  here i have drunk myself silly.

AND you should know that it takes a solid 2 to three drinks to take me down.

four to five to be taken advantage of.

FOrtunately unfortunately i have this fantastic homing device...an internal GPS system that deams me inhuman.  From the early days of teenhood to my ripened 33 - i somehow always always always make it home.

wherever that may be.

i only feel the need to write publicly when i am drunk.
he he he
hi lars,
hi jordi.

humphhhhhhh

there used to be a magic in this venue.  Now i've seen who the audience is...a fabricated dilution.   just the same four over and over.  and no matter what i grasp onto -- it sucks to come out of the water once and while to realize that i create every single thing i feel. i create the excitement.

i am being successful because i am telling myself that i am

that is only half the fight
cause i know that my dilution could be a reality if
i simply finished washing the dishes,

just for the record here is a flyer from the pop montreal gallery circuit bent thing i currated with gmackkrrrrr i alway spell emilie's name wrong...

....

From summertime montreal 7/13/08

i wonder if it will embed...he he

alright fan.

i know you are out there.
i enjoyed italy
thanks to maru and onga who booked the shows!!
i was touring in italy from december 15th to december 21rst.
with dora bleu
we ended up mashing our sets together
it worked in a rather twisted and bizarre way.
rome ferrara parma verona mestre moligno

he he he that is all
love

i love my drunken pesona.
i once recently got on stage and hammed it up to an audience of 18 year olds.
stumbling around...saying funny things.

if only they knew.
if only they knew.
if only they knew.

how allergic i am.
how i was up there on stage wasted on two drinks.

only to go home shortly after and pass out watching british comedy streaming on my computer.

i linger in those silent spaces but i try so hard not to hide out...
fuck shit.
enough with the drunken toucher....who cares...

if we could all just say shit than shit would progress right?
but instead i talk in circles..and hold back...

i guess there is a partial fear of rejection...but mostly i don't want to put anyone through the torment of having to reject me.

i also think that blatent lust is disrespectful.

i respect the people i love too much. how awkard adn self fullfililng....


the problem is that i'm not sure of the boundries because acting like a gentleman is not hot.
its just not sexy.

there is nothing interesting about it...

damed desire.

muther fuck.

old habits die hard.

see now its hard to write honestly because i fear that people are peering in.
i like leaving little droplets hanging for things to rust,

i love the potential but not the reality
i'm comfertable in my yearning

and my stomach is upset
i..'m drunk and my stomach is upset.
actually upset...like i totally think i have to liquid poo.

god i am confused.
life is rarely fair...
its all about perception. and i keep sqeewing mine into a knot i cant get undone
mashing it into something that leaves me kind of torchured.

a place i am probably comfortable in.
and apparently that is not so uncommon.

but i need to shift so that i can get what i want.

the difference between then and now is that i never felt like i was getting what i wanted
and now i've made a pact with a higher force that from here on in i want to at least be sure that i tried ot get what i want

the funny discovery is that i'm truely usure if i can handle getting what i want.
and the key to getting the things you want is to be clear about what you want.

i just dont know.

--because i don't do this sort of thing.

i was just cruising other peoples notes and realized they like to write about their recent musical adventures...so i thought i would put my life together in a few short paragraphs....
as an exersize in writing and memory.

gamletron tour...december 2 to jan3 ...belgium, berlin......london.

airplane to england...got dropped off by an old lover at the montreal airport only to realize i was 7 hours early for my flight. it was a very gamble moment...at that point i bumped into her brother who was also heading to europe. he chatted for a second than ran off...the airport is boring--i got bored. checked my bag in the storage room and took the shuttle down town.

the travel part happened...zoom airlines has no leg room and no video games.

alright this is too detailed..

england to brussels..train to antwerp..show at the headphone festival...more nights at the festival..travel back and forth to gent...belguim smells like waffles and lookes like disney world.
sometimes people looked very preppy even though they listened to progressive punk music...house show at the doctors house...another show in an old theatre lobby.........these shows with giselle numba one booked by dear dear jan.

fly to berlin...land at templehoff no security no nothin...a metal grocery convayer for bags...two german custodians...no english just beer.

spent three weeks here...christmas new years..yaniya, naomi, andrew, sebodh, pocket niko.

two shows...one at after the butcher gallery...a magical night.
and the no beats freaks in the old movie cinema at the end of my trip...very serious!

I LOVE BERLIN. I WANT TO MARRY IT.

berlin to england...england no shows just hangin...louis bougois retrospective...how lucky. my favorite.

i should set up some shows in the uk...anyone wanna help.
i should make a record

wow....
I"M ALSO FUCKING MATT DAMON.
that is alright..kind of wierd...huh.
its true...
and i'm still listening to numa numa....

ah ha an egocentric fuck i am at times..so insular with my beliefs...only now realizing we all lead the same redundant lonely moments straiting strait ahead at the lcd screen.
its just that i like to write and my hands hate pencils.

I find the more i write the worse i spell..the less i care.
but

mom?

shit.

i was reading thoughts that belong to my dear old friend Mariko and she was commenting on how when you are poor you compensate by smelling good. i fully agree..you either smell super good or you look like you are heading to the prom-dressed to the 9. Hell it was only days ago that i was noticing that most of my friends have collected enough clothes so they never actually have to go to the laundry mat. laundromat.

its easy to be poor and stay inside all day--i'm starting to believe that another statement that could be made is...the poorer you are the smarter you get -sitting at home absorbing information from the internet.

oh oh oh...i am not poor today.
i want to go garage sailing.

garage sailing.

don't worry i will wear a life jacket.
and a helmet....