**You'll know if this doesn't apply to you.  If you have to seriously question if I'm directing this at you...then it probably does...**

I'll make this short and sweet.  Fuck you and the horse you rode in on.  I know that I have a tendency to invest a little too much of myself in my friends.  I'm resigned to the fact that I may very well give more than I get.  Fine.  So be it.  But fuck you for sucking the life out of me, letting me do the things for you that I have done and then flitting into non-existence.  I know my brain doesn't always function normally, I know I think and think and think and then have bounced completely neurotic shit off of you.  I know I've fucked some people over, but NEVER you.  I know sometimes I talk too much.  I know sometimes my vast store of useless knowledge is annoying as fuck.  I know my faults.  I also know I always figure my own shit out in time, and I know what I've done for you when you couldn't figure out yours.  How I have continued to call you my friend for this long boggles my mind.  I suppose I was expecting a return on my investment.  I give.  It goes two ways buddy ol' pal.  I hope you feel like fucking shit for being such a tool, you ungrateful, self-centered piece of shit.

**************As a complete aside....I'm actually quite happy.  Things are going quite swimmingly in Jess-World.  I just needed to get that shit off my chest before I exploded into a million pieces!  I don't think I've dropped that many f-bombs in a very long time!  
I am so very grateful for those of you I consider true friends, especially my hive minded one...who I am almost always sure gets it.  It amazes me how time and distance tell all.  I have friends I talk to rarely, but I know if push came to shove they'd be there.  I'd thought I'd whittled my way down to the essentials already.  I thought wrong.  And hence the above rage that I am perfectly well aware stemmed from deep, deep disappointment.
Love you!!!  ***************

In the streets, all over the country...can you believe it?  As Dora would say "We did it, we did it, WE DID IT...HURRAY!  Yes, I watch too much Nick Jr....shut your trap.

I wept for joy last night....over the outcome of a Presidential Election.  I didn't think it possible.  This was my third presidental election voting, and the first where the  person that I voted for won.  But it is SO MUCH BIGGER than that.  Would there have been dancing in the streets if Gore or Kerry had won?  I think not.

History was made last night, not just because we have out first black President, but because of who voted, how and why.  Being the ginormous cynic I am, I half expected to be throwing stuff at my TV like I have twice before.  When the race got called at 8pm (my time) this is what happened:  I exclaimed "No Way!" and started jumping up and down clapping my hands with the largest grin my face has seen for years.  The weeping didn't come until Mr. Obama's acceptance speech.  Then it felt really real.

A president has never made me cry.  In fact, W. actually made me STOP crying on 9/11.  In President-elect Obama (yay!) we have a leader the likes of which my generation has never seen.  A leader who has been able to rouse the masses and create hope against hope in our hearts.  The promise of a new day, a new dawn, a NEW WAY. 

The responsiblitity for creating this "new United States" does not rest on Barack Obama's shoulders alone.  Surely, it cannot.  Every single one of us has a duty to keep the momentum going, and keep pushing forward.  I'm pretty sure that my generation (and younger) has GOT to be the laziest, least active citizens on the planet.   We like to bitch and moan about how the country is being run, but god forbid we get out and do something about it.  It would seem we finally have, let's just hope that we aren't too tired from all that effort.  If we rest on our laurels and just watch things unfold, we fail ourselves.

I've voted in every election I've been eligible to vote in....even in-betweeners.  Not because I thought I was making a difference, but because I couldn't justify bitching about the government if I hadn't voted.  Period.  I now believe that I make a difference...or at least I'm closer to believing it.  I have hope for the future, my future, your future, all of our futures. 

I read a friends blog today that talked about the door now being open a crack and he posed the question: Do we let it slam shut, or push the fucker open. (to paraphrase of course)  I say we push it WIDE open.  Anyone who knows me well enough, knows I lean pretty far to the left, but there are things I've always wanted to see that seem possible today, when they did not yesterday.  Today, all things seem possible, Universal Healthcare, Gay Marriage and truly Equal and Appropriate Educations...all seem like things I might get to see in my lifetime.  They may not seem so possible a few months from now, but why shouldn't they?  Yesterday's election really did show us that anything IS possible in this country.  If we remain passionate about our "causes",  remain active politically, and never let go of this newfound hope in our hearts...we can have whatever we want.  At least that's what I hope for today. 

As a side note, I find it very odd, and kind of disturbing to be spewing rainbows and sunshine out of my mouth, or fingers, as it were.  At least I'm doing it with run-ons.....if my sentences were all grammatically correct, I'd really be nervous. 

I think I'm out of thoughts now.  Phew.

 

So I went through and removed some of my old blogs tonight.  I read through some of them and realized that if someone that didn't know me read my blog, they might think I was the most miserable person on the planet.

Now, most of my posts are friends only, and most of my friends know me well enough to know that in reality, I am one of the most positive, happy people around.  It just so happens that when stuff builds up for me, rather than take it out on the people around me (who may or may not deserve it) I put it down on paper or type it out. 

After reading a couple of my old ones (almost all of them are over a year old now that I've gone back to a paper journal) I simply had to take them down.  They made me feel icky for ever writing them.  So now they are gone.  I left most of them up because it didn't seem right to take them down.  Fueled by alcohol or heartache, they may have been off the cuff and out of character, but they are still my words and my feelings...so I'd feel weird saying goodbye to them.  Perhaps one day I will send them all to disk, but who am I kidding, I'm way to lazy to do that!  It'd be easier to find a fast internet connection and set them all to private!

I am still loving it out here in Portland.  I really need to work on making some friends that are of age before my head explodes.  I am still loving the kids and Amy and Erika.  The kids are great, I love where we live- now I just need to work on the social life.  I'm thinking that I'm going to start wandering off by myself to see where it takes me.  It's what I did in Florida, and I made some of the greatest friends I've ever had when I lived there.  Can't hurt to see if lightning could strike twice!

Guess that 's really it. 

This will be short, because I don't have the time right now.

-Took a job in Portland, Oregon as a Nanny for two great ladies and their three awesome kids.

-I love it, love it, love it here.

-No drama!  Hurray!

-I miss Sam, Anna, Jake, Jenneka, Mystery, Ariana and Dayauna something fierce!  (and you too Krista!)

-My mom retired to Florida, just like a good old jewish lady from the North East should.

-I've been missing Hawaii a lot these past few days.

-I am totally stoked to be IN a large city again.

-I am looking forward to getting tattooed again sometime in the near future...boy do I ever have the itch!

-I am still a dork.

-I am pretty content with my life as it stands right now.

-Yay!

-G2G now!  Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

I had a blast working Musink last weekend.  Met a lot of cool people, and had fun.  L.A. is insane!  I'm sure I'll like it here!

Aaaaand.  I got a phone call at 8 this morning that made me feel a bit better about the shit I wrote earlier today.  (Much, much earlier today)  The phone call was something I didn't expect at all, and am grateful for.  It was nice to hear his sarcastic ass.

That's it.  Right or wrong, I kinda feel like I can't lose today.  In that vein, I'm off to find a job now, while I've still got the juju on my side.

Someday soon I'll have finished writing something I want to post.  It isn't just off the cuff, like usual..  I've been sneaking in time here and there, and actually WRITING.  Imagine that!  Imagine that.

I need to write more.  I'd forgotten how it used to be just like breathing for me.

I move to Hawaii in 12 days.

I wonder what wonders life will bring there.

I'm a bad daughter.

I'm as emotionally healthy as I think I'll ever be.

I love me.

I'm also lonely.

I'm always lonely.

I mean what I say.

I am so tired....so I'm going to sleep.

So, I saw Joan Jett & The Blackhearts tonight.  I am way tired, so this will be short and sweet.

JOAN JETT IS THE COOLEST CHICK ON THE PLANET....STILL!!!!  Her set was awesome, her new stuff was awesome.  They played Crimson & Clover, which made my night.  Seriously, it was one of the best shows I have seen in a looooooong time.  Her new stuff rocked as well.  All around, just fucking awesome.

AND....there is a good chance that I won't have regular internet access for the next two months, till I get settled in Hawaii, so I'm kinda freaking out about that.  If ya'll read this, I'm sorry if I can't get back to you in a timely fashion.

Hurray for Joan Jett and hurray for Hawaii!!!!  Not so HURRAY!  For being sunburnt and exhausted like I am.....TTFN.

Or something.  Stupid me.  I made myself write, and now my brain is all busy and shit.  I've lost the tired and have gotten lost in my own head.  I hate when this happens.  Thinking, but not thinking of anything in particular.  Ick.

Woot woot!!!  I'm trying my best to stay positive for this one because it has me feeling old.  That is all.  For now.  I'll report on the B-day festivities as soon as they are complete.

Okay.....so hero is a bit of an overstatement.  However.  He did go on the  Daily Show and TELL THE TRUTH.   You don't get dry mouth like that....if you aren't nervous, and nothing he said didn't ring true.  Shit, most politicians can come up with an answer for what their party can be proud of IN THE LAST 5 YEARS off of the top of their head.  He couldn't.  He's a Republican.....he mentioned, dry mouth, sheepishly and all.....that there were no WOMD found.....hence the exaggeration of him being my new hero.  Yes I grew up in RI....yes, he's the ONLY Republican I have ever voted for.

Okay, that's not entirely true.  I'm registered as an Independent, so that I can choose which primary to vote in.  I've only ever voted in the Republican primaries...and I'm not a Republican.  ANYWAY.....as far as I'm concerned, Linc did a good job on the DS....truth wise......for the 4 minutes he was on.   Granted, he lost his seat, and has nothing to lose.  But damn.....most party men NEVER tell the truth.

ON AN UNRELATED NOTE.....Voodoo Glow Skulls played tonight and I went.  Duh.  I haven't seen them since I lived in RI.....and that's been 4 years since I've seen them, and one year since I've been here.  I have a big ol' smile on my face, despite the physical pain I'm in at the moment.....awesome show....made me happy....way happy.