But, alas, the ride has come to an end. Maxim Radio announced three days ago that it will cease to exist as of Monday, and Sirius 108 will become a new channel as of Monday, November 17, 2008. And yes, my Sirius show, Sex Files, went down with the ship.

I will sure miss doing the show, but hopefully the shows that my co-host Anna David and I have done and the advice we've doled in the past will help all you good people get the love and sex you deserve the future!

I'll keep you up to date on what I'm up to, which for now includes writing lots of magazine articles about relationships, lifestyle, celebrities and more. And I'm currently writing my first book, a dating book for singles, due out by Running Press in Spring 2010. I'll start begging you to buy it as the release date gets closer. :)

I want to say a big THANK YOU to all those of you who have listened and supported the show, and especially those of you who added your calls and emails. Hearing that our show was helping always made my day.

Keep up with me at www.amy-spencer.com. And in the meantime, good luck, and go on out there and use what you've learned on Sex Files to make your love life as great as it can be!

xoxo
Amy

It's been a while since I've answered a question here, as I don't always have time to do so, and because my co-host Anna and I are now using the first 10 minutes of every show to answer a "Listener Letter of the Week." Still, I found myself with an urge to help, so here is a question I'd like to answer:

Q: I went into a local video game shop to just purchase something on the cheap. I brought it up to the counter and there happened to be an attractive girl behind the desk. So, I just initiated conversation with what gaming knowledge I had (since I'm not a big gamer), and before you know it we were chatting about other topics (school, life, music.) for at least 10 minutes or so, all the while giving off some flirtatious actions (i.e. giggling, awkward puns and laughing, etc.)

After that conversation ended I left. Unfortunately, I forgot to give her my name and/or ask for hers. I felt foolish afterward b/c I thought we really hit it off.

The thing is, Amy, I can sense some attraction in this girl and I would like to see if it can continue from there, at least keep a platonic friendship. The problem is that in her job, the majority of her colleagues are male and I don't want to make myself look like I'm going to this place just to hit on her.

How can I possibly win the opportunity to obtain her phone number and strike a (possible) date with this girl? Please help Amy. I really want to try to go to some distance with this girl. I'm going back near the end of the week, so I hope you have great advice for me. Thank You Much

A: First of all, I would like to COMMEND you on how you got your conversation with this girl started in the FIRST place. You, my dear, have done EXACTLY what I always encourage guys to do when they want to speak to an attractive girl or woman: You didn't walk up to her and bumble your way through a sale and then ask for her number. You started a normal, human conversation with her, as if you were already her friend. So for those of you who aren't doing that, learn from this guy! Just walk up to her and start talking about something in the room or in your hand or hers—in this case, it was a video game. In other cases, it might be the book she's holding. The coffee you're holding and what sugar packet you should choose from the big variety they offer. The fact that the drink you just got from the bar has a stirrer in it that you keep thinking is a straw. You get the idea. Talk to her like she is your co-worker. Be casual, be normal, be calm. And if the two of you click, like this listener did at the video store, you can start talking about other things—in this case school, life, music. It's the BEST way to open the door for getting a number and/or a date.

So, you're asking how to take it to the next level? Well, first of all, DON'T worry for a second about the guys she works with. I used to work at Maxim with a staff of just about ALL men, and what they said about guys I liked or met (even if they were witnessing the flirting) had ZERO effect on whether or not I liked him. If a woman likes a guy, she won't listen to what her friends or coworkers say. Really. So shake that care. If anything, her coworkers like her, too, and they're just going to be jealous that YOU'RE the one she's flirting with.

I think that the next time you go into the store, you should do exactly what you did last time: Bring a new game up to the counter, and then make a joke or say something about this game compared to the last one you bought. Linking to your last conversation won't just connect you again through words, but it will bring up the same easiness and vibe—and hopefully flirtation—you had before. It's kind of like how playing a particular song can put you right back into the mindset of the first time you heard it.

In fact, you might be able to use this sensory memory idea to your advantage. Think about what you were wearing on your back (the visuals) and in your scent (did you have a cologne on? fresh laundry? a particular anti-perspirant?). One thing that can help a little bit is that you also return with the same general "look" and scent you had before, so she'll again retain a sense of the familiar. So if you were wearing jeans and a T, don't wear a suit this time—just try jeans and a new T. And any scent you were wearing last time will return her mentally to the place you were before so you can pick up where you left off.

Now, you've got her where you had her before—talking casually, laughing, flirting. Now, I suggest you look her in the eyes a lot and smile. Since you know you like her, it can be harder to make eye-contact (some guys can get nervous and look around instead—or in this case, check for where her male coworkers are standing). But make yourself do it. Full eye contact with a friendly smile will make you seem confident and sexy. This will help you cross over from just-friend territory to "Oh my God, my stomach got all twisty" territory.

Finally, after she rings up your stuff, you can say as casually as you can, as if you JUST thought of a great idea (which is that you might like her), just say, "You know, I'd love to hang out sometime outside these walls." Now, I think the BEST thing to do here is that instead of just asking for her number and saying you want to call her, is to go a different route, one that takes away the awkward pressure of putting her on the spot at work.

Do this: Pick a place that you and your friends will be going. Maybe you're going to a bar for drinks on Friday night. Or maybe it's a loft party. Or maybe you're going to a band that's playing music she likes that you've ALREADY TALKED ABOUT. Think of something you think she'd like and go prepared with it.

So you THEN say, "In fact, my friends and I are going to see [insert band here] on Friday. You should come join us. Why don't you give me your info and I'll give you all the details about it."

The suggestion is so open-ended and casual, she'll be likely to give her info to you because it seems so harmless, and because she has time to think about it and decide about the "date-ness" of it later. If she has a boyfriend or she's not interested, she can use this moment to clarify that. ("Oh, my boyfriend loves that band." or "I don't think so, my friends and I are hanging out, but have fun.") If she says "Yeah, that sounds cool," you get her phone number or email easily. I recommend the phone number, by the way. It's MUCH more intimate and confident.

And when she joins you and you're out, that's when you start making it clear that you like her for more than ringing up your purchases.

Good luck, hope this helps!

Amy

To all of you who listen to the show and love it (thanks by the way, hearing from happy listeners absolutely makes my day!!), I want to be sure you're getting the most out of Sex Files that you can. Now, we're adding a new place to do so into the mix: Facebook.

So in addition to the Sex Files web site, sexfilesradio.com, check out our new group, where we will check in, update info on new Sex Files stuff, and post photos and of our guests -- you'll see, they really ARE as cute as we say...

Just click here: Sex Files Radio Group

We just posted some new photos so come and check them out. And thanks for your support as always -- I hope you're still loving the advice and entertainment that Anna and I are doling out every week!

Amy

I'm writing a story for a magazine about romantic gestures guys have done, and I figured what better guys and girls to ask than my awesome Maxim radio listeners and friends, right? I just know that quotes from YOU will make it the best story ever!! Here's what I'm looking for:

***Have you (or a guy you know) ever been dumped or otherwise broken up with a girlfriend/wife for some reason, and then decided you wanted her back? If this is you or this reminds you of a guy you know, the question is, WHAT DID YOU DO TO TRY TO WIN HER BACK?***

Did you... Make a big romantic speech? Create a CD of love songs for her? Cook her favorite meal? Sing a kareoke song? Buy a particular gift? Go to where the first date was to bring back the spark? Propose? Go to her best girlfriend to team up with him (like Mr. Big on Sex and the City)? Fly somewhere to meet her or be with her (like, um, Mr. Big from Sex and the City)? Hold up a box radio in front of her house with "In Your Eyes" playing? Write her a letter?

Or, if you are a guy who wants a woman back RIGHT NOW and would like to make his plea for her in a national women's magazine, I can make it happen. (I mean, come on -- any girl would come running back with a romantic move like that!)

We'll be using real first and last names where possible, though I'll take a great story with a pseudonym if need be. Just email me here on MySpace with your story and contact details and I'll get back to you on it if I have any questions, either by email or phone.

Thanks, everyone!

xoxo
Amy

Hey guys,

So I've been working on a project with AxeBullet (it's a brand new product they have, the first pocket-sized body spray meant to help guys act fast and get the girl). Well, to go with the theme about actually making a move to get the girl, we made these videos that I must say turned out pretty dang hilarious:

Basically, we sent a cute girl with a hidden camera to a college campus to give guys very obvious openings (From "Hey, can I borrow your cell phone" to "Hi, I'm new in town and have nothing to do all day, can you help me?") to see which guys would be confident enough to act, and which guys would do...nothing. I narrate each one. There are 3 videos in total -- from guys who have no game, to guys who have reeeeeally awkward encounters, to a few who totally impressed me with their smooth moves (you could learn a thing or two from them!).

Anyway, I'm really proud of how they turned out, so of course I recommend you check them out, too! You can go to their myspace page to see them (www.myspace.com/axe) or I also just put them in my Top Friends to make it easy to find.

Like I said, it will give you a few dating tips and a laugh, which is what I'm all about :)

Amy

Hey guys,

My co-host Anna and I have been doing wrap-ups each week about the highlights of the show, so in case you miss anything, you might be able to find it (and guest information) there. We also let you know each week what shows are coming up, to be sure you don't miss any of the good ones. (But wait, they're all good ones!)

www.sexfilesradio.com

So check out the site and keep listening -- I hope you guys enjoy it as much as I do!

Amy

I’ve gotten a few requests recently from some of you who want to know how to up your game with women, or how to avoid being pushed into that dreaded "nice guy" category. Well...

For all those of you who can’t seem to break past that dang curse of being one of those "Aw, you’re soooo nice" guys, then tune in for the next show. This coming Wednesday, 3/19, on the Sex Files, I’ll have an expert (and a hottie) in the studio with me to help you Break the Nice Guy Barrier. Because guess what? It CAN be done!

We’ll give you some clever suggestions and step-by-step moves to making the most of every encounter with a woman. Whether she’s already a friend, or you’re afraid she’ll just want to BE one, this week’s show is going to help you push past that and become the kind of guy she wants to date and, uh, mate with. :)

So tune into Sirius Maxim 108 on Wednesday 3/12 at 2 p.m. EST (11 a.m. PST)! And as always, if you have a situation like this you want help with, call in for some personal advice at 888-99-MAXIM. Talk to you Wednesday!

Amy

Last week's show was about "Getting it Up and Keeping it Up" and we got lots of questions on-air on the topic, as well as emails afterward. This is one of those questions I think will help many of you:

Q: Not sure if you get a chance to answer these but i just had a quick question. How do I go about finding a doctor to deal with my ED (erectile dysfunction) and sex drive issues? I'm thinking its a testosterone problem but not sure where i need to go. I dont have a regular doctor and just go to a local drop-in clinic if i need anything. Will they be able to help me there? Kinda nervous to call up and ask, thats probably why i've been dealing with this for quite a few years now. Thanks for the help.

A: First of all, please remember that doctors are trained to answer medical questions, and seeing as they must do years of internships and residencies, they've likely heard it all. It's similar to people calling our show thinking they have a "really strange" problem, when it turns out it's very common and/or totally treatable. In fact, you're SO right—feeling awkward or embarrassed about calling and dealing with the issue in the first place is definitely a part of what's holding you back. So PLEASE make a step toward seeing a doctor about this. I promise you, you will feel SO much more relaxed the minute you get this off your to-do list and onto your appointment calendar with a doctor.

That said, a drop-in clinic is more likely to see people with sprained ankles, flus, chest pains--your average daily doctor visits. So what they would likely do is refer you to a doctor who is more prepared to deal with your E.D. But do yourself a favor and make the first step, which is just a PHONE call. They may ask you to come in, but they may also refer you right over the phone to someone who can help you. Please remember: They can't see you! In fact, I give you permission to block the number you're calling from and give your voice a fake Brooklyn accent while you make the call (and no, they won't remember later if you go in, whether or not you had an accent on the phone).

If you want to skip the referral process and search out a doc on your own, a great resource is AASECT, the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (www.aasect.org), which allows you to search for experts in your part of the country. Some are M.D.'s, some are Ph.D.'s and others are letter-free sex educators and counselors. The unfortunate problem is that with ED and sex drive cases, it can either be a strictly physical issue (as you're guessing, say, a testosterone issue), a solely mental one, or a combination of both. So don't give up as you try to solve what's been holding you back.

Personally, with sex issues, I suggest starting with the mental and emotional aspects of where you stand, and then seeking a medical solution if need be from there (because being in a place where you are emotionally and mentally feeling better about your problem will make medicines more likely to work anyway!) Sex is SO intertwined with our mental state, that I think that's a better approach than a bottled "pop this, drink that and take six doses of the other one" angle.

But try AASECT or take a recommendation from the drop-in clinic in your area and take charge of your sex life again!

Got this message from "Dave," and it was such GENIUS idea, I thought I'd share it with you all!

Amy,
I apologize if you saw this comment on your blog. I tried to add it twice and got bounced out. But I wanted to add my two-cents on your blog today. I just dodged a bullet with my girlfriend's XMas shopping. I got to the salesman and asked him to tell her they didn't have what she wanted. He was cool and even offered her a rain check. Her present is wrapped and under the tree--and I have a post gift opening story to tell!

Love the show! Have a Happy and Safe Holiday--
dave