Is anyone worried about me? I'm confused right now, so tell me if you are :D

okay, so almost a week ago, my ged came in the mail :D Im officially a high school graduate! So, imagine my surprise, when i come to my moms house and find that saginaw high school has send home a letter saying that i " missed eleven days of school and have a zero in english III". Funny thing is, schools been going on for almost a month, i havent gone one day, and some how, i only missed eleven days? wow! and, im only failing english? The thing is, i tried to withdraw from school the first day of school....they told me i had to have my degree before i could withdraw. My reaction was, " so apparently its easier just to drop out of school completly then to withdraw from school becasue you got your ged".

This proves my point that saginaw is fucking unorganized school. it also proves that year by year, it is going deeper and deeper into the ground.

okay....so i had a good morning, chilled most of the time. then i went to work at 2:30 and got off at 6:30. then the fun began....today was jessi's birthday, so i took her to see her jonathon...in Hulen. I myself have never been to hulen. so thank god jess's mom made us directions. It was all great till about 10pm. Im on my way back to sagtown...and the first thing i said was" okay guys, do i take 820 west?" i hear a "ya" from someone " okay". So were driving for a while, keep in mind that jessi is sleeping in the back, and after about 30 mins...tiff starts saying that she doesnt recognize anything around us. Justin is adament that we are in fact going the right way. An hour passes....11:30...and and still tiff and i are lost but justin knows were we are! Finally i about an hour in a half into this adventure, i see a sign that says "El Paso" , right then in there i got off at the next exit(nearly missing a curve that i almost didnt see)By now, tiffy called her mom...justin called his mom....and jessi called her mom(who then some how blamed jessi for getting us lost? remember she was alseep) we decide to double back....the time now is 12:00. Oh ya...and right about now we see a sign " fort Worth...55 MILES"!!!! I some how managed to get us 55 miles away from are destination. Okay...so were on the right highway...almost to fortworth and BOOM! My front left tire blows so now its 12:30 at night...were on the side of the highway. In this situation, the person who is closest should be called first. Justin aunt who was 10 mins away couldnt come...so we called every number we knew...and then became desperate around 1am. justin tried flagging down a car...to which i said "justin were in texas...people around here are assholes. " Finally tiff called her mom and she and her dad came to pick us up. A trucker stopped to help us just as tiffs parents got there. An then a cop got there too at the same time( first thought was...wow, we really could have used you an hour ago!) So the trucker help us change are tires, and then another turn came....my battery has died! So we had to jump it with the cops car. And around 2am i finally got home.

Oh ya...and i found out that a certain family member is completly breaking whats left of my mom..as if she doesnt have enough to worry about...

i hate my job....i told my manager i need more hours becasue i moved out of my moms house...that bitch put me on 2 days a week the last three weeks! If she would just let me work five days a week, i would make more then 80 dollars a week! now, im in debt...most of it is my falt...but, if she just gave the hours i asked form i would be making more money! Now i have two jobs, the other, i only get paid like once every two weeks. I LITERALY HAVE NO MONEY!

I fucking hate it when people make decisions that directly effect me WITH OUT asking me...im 18 not 5. Does my opinion not matter or do people think im going to make a bad decision? Its called respect...clearly certain people dont know what that is...bye  

so ya, what is up with the increased amount of shady people?!
im getting tired of being NICE to everyone, only for them to be complete assholes back!! IF YOU WANT ME TO BE A BITCH, I CAN, TRUST ME!
I woke up today feeling crapy, and now im ending it pissed off. 
 the way i see it, theres only 3 people i really feel like i can truly go to when i need to vent. Tiffany, Jessi and Quenton.
   If  i didnt add your name in that list its probly becasue you have shown me that
you dont care about me of my issues. 

I have come to a conclusion about my school though, SAGINAW BREEDS ASSHOLE!!!! If  its not a teacher who has a preconcived notion about who i am and what im about, its the fuckin assholes i have put up with daily. 

I feel like i have waisted my WHOLE  life trying to understand why people are such assholes...and now i really just dont care.

Seriously, if i HAD  a class with you, and say "hey" to you in the hall way, dont look at me like u dont know me...ESPESSIALY IF WE TALKED EVERYDAY.

And another thing....if i have ALWAYS listened to you when you "vent" dont walk off or start another conversation when im talking.  That  fuckin pisses me

all i want is respect.

I cant believe its already been a year! Im a different person then i was last a year ago :)

This year has changed me alot...

Last year at this time, I was focused on having a normal high school life. My closest guy friend was Phillip. I felt alone and was desperatly trying to find a guy to give me a fairy tale romance.

I got my first job at whataburger and got my first car

Now...i have the fairy tale romance i always wished i had, i have had enough drama and im focusing on school and graduating now.

as the year winds down....i find myself remembering everything that happen in 07..

It was a year to remember...but it was a good year :)

 

Yesturday was amazing:) I GOT TO FINALLY SEE MY BABY:) i missed him so much:) Fuckin 11 days without my q :( He freakin suprised me when i came home from finals at 12:30! We spend the whole day  together:) We went and saw American Gangster :) which is a very good movie! then we went drove to were i used to live to a car place to get my step-dads friend to take the window crank off the window :) Well....trying to find this place....im going off memory....and if you know me...you know my memory is NOT worth crap :( I got us lost...TWICE!!!!!!! but we got there and they couldnt do anything, so we drove back to my house, and this time i knew the wayhome :) We watched rainman(which i had never seen before) with my family and then we had lazonia(proply didnt spell it right) Then we watched tv till 10:30 and he went home.
I was sooooooo happy yesturday:) I finally got what i needed all week....



MY BABY TO HOLD ME AGAIN:)

so ya...i finally have everything i want...a boyfriend who actually gets me and takes care of me...a semi good relationship with  BOTH of my parents and friends who actally care and are not just using me because im unnaturally kind to EVERYONE.
The only bad thing is...i still feel like something is missing....I feel like im loosing parts of myself daily. Its like i told the girls at the girls retrat i had to go on this weekend...i put up walls not because i want to shut out the world but because im tired of getting hurt...and i want to know who is willing to help me with all of my emotional problems. Yes.. Quinton helps me alot with my problems....
but i cant always ask him to come ALL THE WAY from denton to come and take care of me and hold me when i'm burned out from taking care of everyone else in my life. I still feel bad that he came to see me last tuesday after a long day at work :(  I love him to death :) how many boyfriends would do that just to make there girlfriends happy? And he lives 30-45 minuets away from me :) The bad thing about the way i am...is that i focus so much on making everyone else happy...that i forget to take care of myself. I dont stop until two things happen....1. someone has to tell me to stop and rest... or 2. i burnout and end up having a breakdown. or a combination of one and two :) thats always fun :P I also tend to hold my emotions in...but that a whole nother problem im not willing to get into right now..
Sadly enough...as much as i love my dad..and love hanging with him :)...he is so random....i would never be able to live with him...because im already stressed when 
im around him becasue he tends to blow at the worst posibble moments. Lets me put it this way..when he is kool...he is very kool....and i am able to relax :)when he is a fucking asshole...he is a very BIG  fucking asshole...when i was little i would hid 
myself and cry when he got angry. Now i just walk away...i see him one to two times  year...He can hold his temper for two freakin weeks while im there.
Well..ya...thats me...im random and i like having fun :) Sorry...then points were not all clear...im kinda add and my thought process changes fast.

Q and i broke up last night. I dont hate him...i could never hate him. We were both crying alot. My heart is broken and yes i am hurt...but in a few days....im going to be fine. He was the best boyfriend i ever had.....he was alwys there for me when i needed him. We had alot of good memories...theses past three months...but for right now...i cant think about them cuz i keep on bursting out crying. He is my best guy friend.  I dont want anyone to worry about me...im going to be fine. I will never be 100% happy or fine...i will always be worried about things.