The night before the reunion several of my classmates were meeting at a home football game. It was nice to see those who showed up for the game and people learned one thing about me right away. I remembered everyone.

Here's me and my friend Mickey. Him with a Sprite, and me with an 850ml bottle of Rumple Minze

I was pretty social in school and I was in all different ranges of classes. I think I knew everybody who went to that school, and even after ten years, I recognized everybody. My former classmates started calling me "rain man" because my memory was so good. I was the person who everyone asked, "Who's that?" I always knew, too. I'd say, "Oh, that's Amber McCullough" or "I don't know, but it must be somebody's spouse because that person didn't go to our school."

It's true. I really don't forget much. Well, I forget my keys and my lunch, but that's not what I'm talking about here. I don't forget people - or incidents - or things people say. So don't even bother arguing with me about that stuff, you're wrong. I remember it all. The ironic thing about my reunion is that I don't remember a lot of it.

So, the night of the reunion came and a bunch of us met at my friend Mark's house. We rented a van to take from Mark's to the reunion and my friend Jason's wife agreed to drive. She had a bun in the oven and couldn't drink anyway.

The reunion was held at the Museum of Appalachia. Beer was free, but I was even less of a beer drinker then than I am now. I decided to bring a bottle of Rumple Minze to Mark's house and take a few shots before we left. We ended up staying at Mark's a little longer than I expected. A few shots turned into five. Now, if you've never drunk Rumple Minze, five shots is a pretty good start.

So, I arrived at the reunion already drunk, but was managing myself pretty well in the early going. I was just mingling with people and catching up. Our class president, Bridgette Cunningham, underestimated how much beer we would need because we ran out early. She needed to find someone to go on a beer run. I guess she asked us because we were the drinkers in school and she figured we'd want it bad enough to make the run.

This is the time I should have been eating, but in my drunken state I forgot all about food.

I decided to go with my friends in the van to get more beer. When I got out to the van I opened the side door. My bottle of Rumple Minze fell out onto the pavement. It didn't break. I considered this an omen. Instead of going on the beer run, I took my bottle and went back to the party.

When I came back in Bridgett was worried that people might leave because we were out of beer. I was standing with my friend Micky and she came over to ask if one of us would make an announcement that more beer was on the way. I agreed. This turned out to be a mistake. It was my first taste of the microphone. As the night progressed I would only become more and more comfortable with it.

Me announcing that beer is on the way.

I have to be honest. I have very little recollection of the rest of these events. I only know what I've been told and what there is photographic proof of. What follows are the rest of the evening's events as I understand they happened.

We started out by singing a little bit of Karaoke. Even though I was employed by the Karaoke Cafe at this time, the reunion was one of my first experiences singing karaoke. I remember going and getting Nikki Roberts (she was voted "Most talented" in my senior class). My plan was to get her to provide a little entertainment until my friends got back with the beer. She insisted that I sing with her and I did. I can't remember what we sang but I'm sure she was very good and I was very bad.

Apparently the karaoking went on for a little bit. This is me and my friends Danny and Curtis singing "Teddy Bear" in the style of Elvis.

As my alcohol level increased, I took back control of the microphone. I was on the stage doing callouts to all the former classmates I recognized.

"Tommy Motheny everybody! Tommy Motheny is in the house tonight! And who's that over there? It's Mandy Allen! Let's give it up for Mandy Allen people!"

"Maria Marchbanks is in the house tonight! Gimme a 'Hell Yeah' for Maria Marchbanks!"

My friends are not stupid. They know a good opportunity to take advantage me when they see it. I'm not sure who started the calls for me to take my shirt off. It was probably Jason or Mickey. I don't know how long I had my shirt off, but I do know it was long enough to sing both "Ice Ice Baby" and "She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy."

This is Jason handing me the microphone before one of my shirtless performances.

Micky was nice enough to step in and tweak my nipple for me.

I do have a faint memory of my friend Angie (she's Angie Bangie in my friends section) coming up to the stage and making me put my shirt back on. I'm guessing that's why I eventually redressed.

I don't really know what happened next. I have memories of dancing, but I don't remember with whom or for how long. Angie told me she saved me from a girl who liked me in high school who was looking to take advantage of my situation. It's good that I had one friend looking out for me. As for the friends who were taking advantage of my state: screw it. I'd have done the same thing to them - probably worse.

The night went on and I kept drinking Rumple Minze straight from the bottle. I went into the bathroom and didn't return for a while. After about five minutes my friend Mark came looking for me. He found me standing over the toilet with my head up against the wall. My pants and boxers were down around my ankles. I guess I passed out while trying to urinate. Mark, finding this funny, didn't disturb me. He went looking for a camera instead. When he found one and returned  to the bathroom, there I was. I hadn't moved.

I guess the camera flash woke me up because I turned around and saw Mark holding the camera. The picture is out there. I've seen it, but I've never had it in my possession. I guess it's too valuable. Who knows what my friends are going to do with it. I'm sure it'll return to haunt me someday.

This picture was taken right after the "ass shot." There is a weird exposure thing going on in this picture.

After being revived in the bathroom I went back out on stage for an encore. Going back to what had worked before, I started giving callouts to attendees. Only this time, my alcohol level was even higher and my judgment was even lower.

"Danny Jennings is in the house tonight people! Danny Jennings is funky. He's a funky mother fucker!"

That's right. I dropped the F-Bomb on stage at my high school reunion. That's when my friends decided it was time to take me home. I had already passed out once and was clearly getting out of control.

Mark was kind enough to help me off the stage. Several, and I mean several, of my classmates decided to give me a good smack on the ass as Mark carried me out to the parking lot.

This is Mark helping me off the stage. He actually had to do it twice. After taking me outside the first time I snuck back in and got on stage with the microphone. He had to come and get me again.

Mark chatting it up a bit as he worked his way to the door with me.

This is me in Danny's car on the way home. As you can see, I'm feeling pretty good.

By the time I got back to my brother's house I was completely incapacitated. I couldn't talk, walk, or do anything. I laid out in the front yard for a bit and hurled. Eventually they helped me into the house and downstairs to the futon. Suzanne, my brother's wife, said that she had never seen anyone this drunk before. That says a lot coming from a person who married my brother.

So now you know the story behind my MySpace profile picture. My brother took this in his front yard. It's another one that is destined to haunt me.

Later that night my brother heard a beep telling them that someone went out a door. Since he had a pool in his back yard he was concerned and came down to check on me. There was nothing to worry about. I was lying just outside their door with my feet still in the house. There was no way I was going to make it all the way out to the pool. I slept there for a few hours.

The first thing I do remember is waking up. I was in the exact spot that I just described to you. At some point I managed to grab Droopy's dog bed and was sleeping on it. Droopy didn't seem to mind, though. He let me have it without a fuss and curled up beside me. Tell me I'm not the alpha-dog. It was about 5 a.m. so I quickly called Angel because I told her I would call after the reunion. Then I made my way back to the futon.

The best thing about all of this is that I woke up still drunk. If you've never done that, it's great. No hangover. I borrowed the keys to my sister in-law's car (my Bravada was still at Mark's house) and headed to McDonald's.

You know, I don't regret getting trashed. I mean, maybe I'd take back the F-Bomb if I could, but that's it.

My friends all had a good time and I did too from what I can remember. While the reunion was going on, several people told my friends that they would have left hours ago if it weren't for me. I also got a few emails to the same effect. Somebody has to step up and be "that guy" at every high school reunion. I don't mind that it was me this time.

Hey, I wonder if we'll have a fifteen-year reunion?

OK, after I did my "Six Weird Things About Me Blog" I though of another one. I've mentioned it to about ten people and they all agreed that it should have been my number one. Since I proclaimed myself to be normal, I feel like I must go public with it.

Are you ready?

I shave my armpits. When I tell people this I always get a shocked reaction. I'm shocked everybody doesn't shave their armpits. Does anyone like armpit hair? Does anyone find it sexy? Ladies, do you run your fingers through the armpit hair of your significant other? If you answered those questions no, no, and no then what's so weird about it?

Here's why I do it. I'm sort of a biological oddity. Some places I'm hairy and other places I'm not. I can't explain it. My arms have hardly any hair on them. I can't grow a goatee because I can't connect. I definitely have some chest hair, but nobody mistakes me for wearing a sweater when I'm shirtless. My legs and ass? They're pretty damn hairy.

As for my armpits, it pretty much looked like I had Buckwheat in a headlock.

When I was at the pool I would feel uncomfortable when my armpits were exposed, so one day I shaved it all off. The next time I was at the pool I was completely comfortable so I've never looked back. Most people I've told who have seen me without a shirt said they didn't even notice.

Guys, I really recommend it. I only have to shave them about once a week and I do it while I'm in the shower. There's no razor burn and no itching. Several girls have told me they think it looks better, however, girls dating or married to guys with jungle-pits generally don't admit they do. And, while I do miss out on having those sexy white clumps tangled in my armpit hair, it's much easier to put on deodorant.

I'll let you ladies be the judge.

Me

Your Guy

I decided to give a shout out to all of my MySpace friends. All of these people rock so check out their profiles. You'll find some good music, some funny facts, and some interesting stuff!

Tom

Tom? I don't know Tom. He just popped up my first night on MySpace. I didn't have any friends then so I decided to let him stay. So far he's not done anything to piss me off so I keep him around. Although, didn't he sell the site to Rupert Murdoch? I hate that guy.

To Tom I say: MySpace rocks. You're OK in my book.

Ty

Tyler is my best friend. We met playing softball for the Bechtel co-ed team. He's in Tennessee but we talk nearly every day. Well, sometimes we talk but most of the time we argue about sports. He likes the Vols and I like the Dawgs. I like the Reds but he likes the Braves and Fatdruw Jones.

To Tyler I say: I know how you can get a raise.

Angel

Angel is the love of my life. She is the best, nicest, most awesome person in the world. I bet you're wondering what she's doing with me aren't you? Sometimes I wonder the same thing, but then it hits me: She loves me for my math skills.

To Angel I say: Four years down, seventy-six or so to go.

Steve

Stephen is Angel's little brother. He's one of the coolest little kids I've ever met. But, like all little kids, his ass needs to be kicked every now and then. That's where I come in.

To Stephen I say: Pimpin' ain't easy. Keep up the good work, it's a noble cause.

Demetri

Demetri is Angel's cousin. He's in fashion design school in Chicago and works at Marshall Fields. We've been looking for a good chance to go and party downtown in Chicago with my man. He's a super guy and will be very successful.

To Demetri I say: I'm starting to think you lack the skills to do the worm

Jason

Jason is one of Angel's friends from Ball State and one of the few I actually approve of. Had we known each other back in the day it would have been nothing but trouble. Still, he's glad he ran around with the likes of Dan and Ken (her other friends who aren't on MySpace) instead of me.

To Jason I say: Dan and Ken never say, "Why don't you get out of the the truck mother fucker?"

Audra

Audra is Jason's wife. She is very cool and a lot of fun to party with. We just learned that she and Jason will be accompanying us to Florda later this year. She has a super high tolerance and proves it by having friends like me and a husband like Jason.

To Audra I say: I hope we can drink and have good safe fun without anyone getting hurt.

Mike

Mike used to work with Angel at a PR firm. He's a real cool guy who doesn't come to nearly enough of my parties. I don't know if he still lives downtown, but he had one of the coolest apartments I've seen.

To Mike I say: Why you always diss my parties?

Sha-nay-nay

Shannan just might be my favorite MySpace Friend. That's because she actually posts stuff on her page, and it's good stuff too. The rest of you should be ashamed of yourselves for not living up to the high standards Shannan has set.

To Shannan I say: Rock on girl! Keep doin' your thang.

Susan

Susan is Angel's friend from her last job. She's also Angel's running partnerwhich is a good thing. It keeps Angel from buggin' me about running. Susan also has a funny dog. Read about him at her blog.

To Susan I say: Let's go back to the dog park so Luke can teach Droopy how to romp in the mud.

PALINDROM..

Anna is Angel's godsister. I only met her a short time ago, but I've heard all sorts of great stories about her - coloring her hair with Jello and what not. She's very cool and I can't wait to party with her and Jason. Greeks are so cool!

To Anna I say: You really let someone paint your back with a sharpie?

McJason Inc.

Jason is Angel's godsister's boyfriend. I've met him a few times, even played a little bit of cornhole with him. I think we understand each other - both being thrust into this Greek world we barely understand.

To Jason I say: You can lean on me Jason.

xtinax

Christina and I worked together at F W Publications. It's a small world because she also went to church with Angel when they were growing up. Now Christina lives in California so she dosn't get to play on our softball team anymore. That's too bad because she was great fun to hang out with at Meiners after the game.

To Christina I say: You only like me because I'm dating a Greek, don't you?

Darwin

Mr. Foltz played on the F W softball team when Christina was working for the company. We've spent many hours after games drinking at Meiner's together. He once had a picture of my dog's nuts on his website. Hell, maybe he still does.

To Foltz I say: Stop breaking your hand beating up bums!

Andrew

Andrew's one of Angel's friends from grad school. He's a cool guy and a pretty good kickball player to boot. He's also a Reds fan, so you can see why I like him. He even plays a little softball.

To Andrew I say: Really, Andrew, it's time you put up a picture.

Carolyn

Carolyn works with me at F W Publications. She actually sits right beside me and takes a lot of my shit. I think it's making her tougher, though, and she's really developing some gumption. She is also Droopy's favorite dog sitter.

To Carolyn I say: Make yourself a dang quesadilla!

Chuck

Despite going to the same high school, I didn't meet Chuck until he started working with my brother. He's one hell of a bass guitar player and used to play for a group called the Throwbacks. They were a lot of fun to watch but now they're split up. Too bad, we were thinking of them for our NYE party this year.

To Chuck I say: I'd love to see you play again sometime.

FUNKY

Jeff is my girlfriend's cousin's boyfriend's little brother. We met a while back but have been IMing here lately. He's a cool kid who I'm sure I'll party with someday.

To Jeff I say: How do I get in the G-POSSE? Is there an age limit?

Lisa

Lisa and I work together at F W Publications. We actually used to sit next to each other, but she's since moved on to a different magazine and the other side of the building. I think she's happier there. I always knew she was coming because she drags her feet.

To Lisa I say: Pick your feet up, Lisa!

Melody

If one of my friends actually hates me it's Melody. My friend Wes married Melody's sister after dating her for about six years. I don't remember when I met Melody, but she seems to have a pretty short tolerance for my antics. She's real though - not the least bit fake. For that reason I keep her around.

To Melody I say: Really Melody...I'm not that bad of a guy. How's Kevin?

The Droid

Andy, what a jackass. He worked with me at F W Publications for my first couple of years before he wised up and got a better job. We didn't like each other much for the first six months we worked together. Then we decided he we needed to band together against a greater evil. He's a good friend now, but I still don't like him much.

To Andy I say: Better watch it, I'll give you a dirty calloway.

Kara

Kara is Andy's wife. Even though she hates me I have to say she's a great gal. Actually she doesn't hate me. She misunderstands me and thinks she hates me. Someday she'll understand. Until then I'll just take the lapjobs.

To Kara I say: Come on, let's have a beer for the bridge!

Alex

I met Alex through Andy and Kara. He's a super-cool guy with a great laugh. I like Alex a lot, and not because he bought me a lapdance or anything.

To Alex I say: Can't wait to hang out again

Adam

I met Adam on Ski Trip this year. Actually, he and I (and somebody else) are the reigning Beer Pong champions. Another thing about Adam is he's never been known to turn down a shot of Rumple Minze.

To Adam I say: Keep practicing Beer Pong. We've got a championship to defend.

Earl

I met Earl on the ski trip also. We had fun but it will be even better next year when he brings his snowboard. He's also a good softball player when he doesn't have a broken hand. Hopefull he'll play with us lowly scrubs some.

To Earl I say: Thanks for going on the bacon-tot run with us. Watch out for the dead fish.

Caryn

Caryn is Earl's woman. They just got engaged so congratulations to the happy couple. I've only met her a few times but I'm anxious to hang out more.

To Caryn I say: We need to get together soon. How about a Reds game after work one night?

(R)mC&hea..

I met Rachael at my friend Wes' family reunion. She, Wes and I hung out together most of the week except when Wes and I were out drinking. We've kept in touch pretty well until she found out that N'Sync kicked me out of the band. Then she didn't want anything to do with me. It hurt, but I'm over it now.

To Rachael I say: Justin Timberlake stole all of my funky dance moves.

Bimmerholic

Eric is Rachael's boyfriend. I only know him through MySpace. He's only 19 and has a better car than I do. That pisses me off.

To Eric I say: Trade cars? I've got a '98 Bravado. Only 160k miles.

karen.lov..

Karen is Rachael's little sis. She and I use to throw the softball around every now and then. You could tell when she was young that she'd be a good player.

To Karen I say: See ya in Tennessee sometime.

ouroburos

Josh is Andy's friend so that's one strike against him. He stopped playing softball with me. The rumor is that he knows I'm faster than he is and he doesn't want everyone to know. He recently called me a Yeti because I have a little hair on my chest.

To Josh I say: Wait 'till you go through puberty. You'll grow some, too.

Kevin

Kevin is my neighbor and an all-around good guy. He gives my dog treats, gave me a bottle of Rumple Minze, and passed out in the ally beside our place. This winter we're going to head to Perfect North together when it's too cold for Angel.

To Kevin I say: Our best night drinking together is still to come.

Johnzy

Keith was my boss for two and a half years at F W. He's also a techno DJ. I'm sure you've heard of him, DJ Johnzy. OK, maybe not. I beat him at cornhole so bad I never hear from him anymore.

To Keith I say: You ain't the boss of me!

Carmen

Carmen works with me at F W Publications. She used to date my friend Brian but she apparently came to her senses. She's asked about my neighborhood 'cause she might move here. That'd kick ass.

To Carmen I say: Move here. We'll get trashed at least twice a week.

Sonny

Sonny is my favorite person from...whereever Sonny's from. I met him through some guys I play softball with. He's one helluva good guy and takes jokes like a champ.

To Sonny I say: We need to hang out more, man. Put on your fannypack. Let's go.

JBall

Jennifer and I used to work together and F W Publications also. We never really talked that much, but I always got the feeling she was funny. I'll have to invite her to my next party and find out.

To Jennifer I say: Hope all's well. You're invited to my next party. Don't let me down.

The BraiN

Brian and I work together at F W Publications - he's a Jr. Editor for one of our magazines. We were brought together because of our love for the Reds (even though he hates Barry Larkin) and softball. Really, he's about the nicest guy in the world. It makes you wonder how we're friends.

To Brian I say: When is going to stop raining on Thursdays?!?

mitch

Michelle is my friend Al's (not on MySpace) girlfriend (most people think she's too good for him). That's the first time I've ever called her Michelle. She goes by Mitch because she has another friend named Michelle. I'm glad I didn't have another friend named Marty. I'd be going by Mar or something.

To Mitch I say: How did you decide who was Mitch and who was Michelle? Paper, Rock, Scissors or something?

Adam

I met Adam when I was working at New Horizons Computer Learning Center. He was taking classes there. We butted heads at times but always managed not to punch each other. If you know us, that's an accomplishment.

To Adam I say: I haven't forgoten about that website. I'll call when I get a second. Try to keep Mr. Happy from making public appearences, OK?

Wiseone Will

Will and I met playing softaball. Or maybe it was darts...or pool...or foosball. Speakng of foosball, I plain whip this boy's ass at foosball. He just can't handle me. When he plays defense and I'm on offense I stuff him like a Thanksgiving Day Turkey.

To Will I say: I will not miss the pig roast for a third year in a row. Pencil me in.

Patron Drinker

Tommy was my most reliable party friend in Tennessee. He's always up to go out to the club or the bar. One funny guy - everyone loves him. He also likes to take pictures. All you guys and gay girls should visit his site: www.dacameraguy.com

To Tommy I say: When do I get to pay for gas?

Amber

Amber is Jason's little sis. She's very cool and easy going. That is unless you throw up in her new car. Then she makes your hungover ass get up at 7 a.m. and clean it. Right, Cory?

To Amber I say: It's been too long. When are we partying again?

Cory

Cory is Amber's husband and the most reliable shot partner I've ever had. He's never turned down a shot or a drink that I've seen. Once I made him a margaritta, but instead of tequila I used gin. He drank it. Later than night he threw up in Amber's new car.

To Cory I say: Cory! Shots!

Tiffany Nobles

Tiffany is 20 years old. She and her husband Rob are going to be fun to go out with when she gets old enough to drink. She has a little dog that hated me until I gave him a french fry. Then I couldn't get the little bastard off my lap.

To Tiffany I say: When's your 21st birthday? We should celebrate.

Robb.q

Rob is Tiffany's husband. The only problem with Rob is he is always on call so he never comes up to Cincinnati. That changes on NYE this year because he's coming to the bash.

To Rob I say: Are we still on for New Years?

Erin

I think Erin is Greg's girl (he's not on MySpace). We've met a time or two. I look forward to seeing her again. I also look forward to her putting up a pic so I can confirm she is who I think she is.

To Erin I say: Put up a picture already.

Vin

I met Vin while working at EDS. We set in the same four-person cube. After a short period where we didn't care for each other we became good friends. Vin's a funny SOB who likes to get people fired and laugh about it. He has a girlfriend named Barb.

To Vin I say: Post a picture, man. Tell Barb I said "hi" and keep up the lake walking.

Angie

Angie's been my friend ever since 8th grade. She even cost me a girlfriend once because she refused to stop sitting with me at lunch. The girl got mad about it and that was that. If I had it to do over I wouldn't try to make Angie leave. What's the point?

To Angie I say: I know this guy who has a credit card with no limit.

Regina

Gina is Angie's little sister. I met her when she was about seven. She used to follow me and Angie around everywhere. Now she's married to a Marine with two beautiful kids. I don't think I've actually seen her since she worked at a country/western bar in Knoxville called the Cotton Eyed Joe.

To Gina I say: Hope we end up in Tennessee on the same weekend one of these days. It's been too long.

Sam

I met the Sam while playing softball. Earlier this year I sold him a softball bat for way less than it's worth. Ever since then he's been on a tear. Nobody can get him out. If any of you think he should give me some more money send him an email and tell him so.

To Sam I say: Can I buy that bat back? I think I need it.

Chad

I also met Chad playing softball. He's helped me out several times by playing with my team (we have personnel problems). The only problem I have with Chad is he's batting higher than I am. From what I can tell from his page he flies, scuba dives, and all sorts of cool stuff.

To Chad I say: It's not nice to hit higher than the coach.

Jessi

I met Jessi playing softball for the F W team. Sometimes she plays first base and I never make a good throw to her for some reason. Sorry Jessi, I try. Jessi spends most of her time at Meiners (our softball team's favorite bar) with her husband Link.

To Jessi I say: Why does it always rain on Thursdays?

kdg

Kristen and I work together but met playing softball for the F W team. I give her perfect throws when she plays first nearly all the time. I don't know why I can't do that with Jessi at first. Krisen is batting around 1.000 (that's very high) and putting all the guys to shame. She's the editor of Writer's Digest and has many incarcerated fans.

To Kristen I say: Can you keep Brian away from me? He really bugs me.

Melinda

Melinda is my cousin. I spent every day after school at her house up until 5th grade or so. I hadn't talked to her in years but we reconnected on MySpace.

To Melinda I say: Good luck with the business!

Stuff A Pal Rep 38

This is my cousin Melinda's new company. It's sort of like Build-a-Bear. If you are interested then look her up.

To Melinda I say: Good luck again.

Jim Ed

Jim Ed and I were good friends back in my Wal-Mart days. He went to the same school as my girlfriend back then did. We had a good run going but he had to blow it by getting a better job and getting married. Now he lives out West.

To Jim Ed I say: Did you see my MAME system? It has Mortal Combat. I think I can kick your ass at it now.

Dan

I met Dan while playing in the Bar Game Olympics. He doesn't look like a mean guy but don't let his looks fool you. If you piss off this guy he wont hesitate to go outside and get a brick to hit you with.

To Dan I say: I didn't mean it, Dan. I'm sorry...put down the brick.

Karen

Karen and I have worked together for about three years now. Despite all the bad things I say about her I actually like her pretty well. For starters, she's not completly hapless when I make fun of her (just mostly). That's something worthy of a little respect right there.

To Karen I say: You're lucky to have a guy like Kelly. Kelly's luck to have a dog like Banjo.

Kelly

Kelly is Karen's husband and he's a great guy. He plays the guitar (a nearly every other instrument) and was once nominated as the best guitarist in Cincinnati. He and I are thinking about starting a band, but it's unclear whether I'll play the kazoo or be the lead singer.

To Kelly I say: You can come over and hang out anytime you need to get away from her for a while. Bring Banjo, he most likely needs a break also.

Jack

Jack and I worked together at F W Publications and started talking politics at the bistro from time to time. Just as I was starting to get to know him a bit he up and moved to Seattle. Then he moved back to Cincinnati. I has hoping he'd come back to work with us but he had been replaced by someone who couldn't hold a candle to him. I think he's back to Seattle now.

To Jack I say: Quit moving so damn much, Jack.

Chuck

Chuck and I work together at F W Publications. He actually took Jack's old job. We're going to get together soon and play some tennis. I plan to wipe the court with him.

To Chuck I say: You're no Jack.

AmyK

I went to school with Amy but didn't really know her. We officially met when I identified a bug on her MySpace page for her. She has a great WWI era fighter pilot game on her page.

To Amy I say: Did you know your sister's ex-boyfriend lived on my brother's couch for a good six-months?

Aside from my *Friends* I have a few blog readers who will be seeing this. I don't know them but I didn't want them to feel left out so I'm including them and what little I know abou them, also.

Katrina

Katrina lives in Texas (don't mess with Texas) and has to open the freezer every time she opens the fridge.

To Katrina I say: Normal lives do rock!

TASHA NICOLE

Tascha Nicole also lives in Texas (Texans everywhere!) and obsesses about hating feet.

To Tasha Nicole I say: Don't hate on feet, how else would you walk?

Jerome

Jarome lives in Cincinnati and thinks MySpace is ugly. Is my page ugly, Jarome?

To Jarome I say: I don't know you but you're coming to my next party. I know that.

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So, I haven't blogged in a while (don't worry, I have some stuff in the works) and I happened to come across this link:

http://www.musicoutfitters.com/resources.htm

It has the top 100 songs from each year. I went back to and picked my favorite song from every year starting with the first one I could remember. To keep it consistant, I set a few rules for myself as I went:

1) I had to pick a song. Believe me, I didn't want to pick for 1995. I think I must have listened to just my CDs that year because I didn't like anything on the list.

2) I had to pick something from the list. There were many years that my favorite song wasn't in the top 100.  If I added songs that weren't on the list it would have taken more thought and I might have cheated some of my "real" favorites that I didn't happen to think of.

3) I picked based on what I liked the best during that year, not what I like best now. Trust me, that would be a very different list.

4) No ties. Ties suck.

5) I had to be honest. I mean, Positive K? What was I thinking?

Heres my list:

1981:  Elvira, Oak Ridge Boys
1982:  Hard To Say I'm Sorry, Chicago
1983:  Beat It, Michael Jackson
1984:  Jump, Van Halen
1985:  Summer Of '69, Bryan Adams
1986:  You Give Love A Bad Name, Bon Jovi
1987:  Head To Toe, Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam
1988:  Sweet Child O' Mine, Guns N' Roses
1989:  Patience, Guns N' Roses
1990:  Love Song, Tesla
1991:  Losing My Religion, R.E.M.
1992:  Life Is A Highway, Tom Cochrane
1993:  I Got A Man, Positive K
1994:  The Most Beautiful Girl In The World, Prince
1995:  Creep, TLC
1996:  No Diggity, BLACKstreet
1997:  Return Of The Mack, Mark Morrison
1998:  Sex And Candy, Marcy Playground
1999:  Scar Tissue, Red Hot Chili Peppers
2000:  Big Pimpin', Jay-Z
2001:  Let Me Blow Ya Mind, Eve featuring Gwen Stefani
2002:  What's Luv?, Fat Joe featuring Ashanti
2003:  Ignition, R. Kelly
2004:  Yeah, Usher featuring Ludacris & Lil' Jon
2005:  Sugar (Gimme Some), Trick Daddy

Now that you've seen my list I challenge you to do the same thing. Don't be ashamed, your list can't be worse than mine...or can it?

One thing that's pretty well known about me is that I've had a lot of jobs.  I also tend to tell a lot of stories - often pertaining to these various jobs I've had.  I'll be the first to admit it can get a little confusing.  I'm often interrupted during a story because of this. Just when I say, "back when I was working at...(insert job here)" someone else jumps in with "wait, wait a second.  I didn't know you worked there". 

I thought it might be helpful to run down the list of places I've worked.  Maybe I'll get interrupted just a little bit less.
 
Age 16 - Burger King: 

I started out working at Burger King.  Yeah, I know what you're thinking.  Who'd work at Burger King?  See, I'm from Clinton, Tennessee, and there's not a whole lot of great jobs to be had for a high school kid in Clinton.  I'm not saying it was the best job - it wasn't.  I had friends with better jobs.  My friend Brian worked at the West Towne Mall, but I didn't want to drive all the way to Knoxville.  Jason worked at Goody's, a regional department store. I'd say that's a step up from Burger King.  I could have bagged groceries, that would have been a little better I guess.  But you get the point; the pickings were pretty slim.  So I worked at Burger King because I had to have a little cash to buy my IOU sweatshirts and my Z. Cavaricci blue jeans.
 
Burger King sucked.  It was a pretty nasty place to work.  No matter how recently the floors were cleaned they always seemed greasy.  There was never a time when you couldn't run and stop and get a good six-foot slide.   I didn't help matters much.  I was known as the guy who always forgot to remove the old grease from the holding vat when putting the new grease in the fry vats.  What does that mean?  It means if whoever changed the grease next time forgot to make sure the holding vat was empty the kitchen got flooded with greese.

People weren't very happy when I forgot to empty the greese - especially Wanda, the nighttime manager.  She wanted to write me up but Chris, the main manager, wouldn't let her.  He liked me because he went to school with my older brother.  I never really understood that since he was never a friend of my brother's. He just went to school with him.  But hey, whatever works
 
Age 17: Save-A-Lot: 

OK, I've already explained that there wasn't much to choose from in Clinton.   A Save-A-Lot grocery store was opening within walking distance of my house.  And since walking to work seemed like a nice option, I applied and got the job.  I had to stock shelves to help get the store ready to open. 

This is where I got my first experience with a pallet jack.  If you've never used one, they're harder to control than they look.  Yeah, I knocked some stuff over but it gave me valuable experience I'd use later in my career. 

Once the store opened I only got two nights of work a week - Monday and Wednesday.  My job was simple.  Save-A-Lot never takes groceries out of the box.  They just cut open the box and put it on the shelf.  I had to go through the store and collect and consolidate boxes.  Then I had two go to the cooler in the back, load up a cart with milk and eggs, and restock them in the dairy section. 

Why did only the milk and eggs need to be restocked?  I have no idea, but that's how it seemed to work.
 
It wasn't a bad gig, but 6 hours a week wasn't enough for me.  I left the job because my friend Mark Holder told me he could get me more hours at Hardee's.  My manager at Save-A-Lot, I think his name was Walter, asked if I knew anyone who wanted a job.  It just so happened that my friend Mark Sexton needed a job so I hooked him up. 

After his first week on the job, Mark informed me that the assistant manager revealed they were going to let me go pretty soon if I hadn't quit.  I'm glad I left before that happened: It would have done irreversible damage to my psyche.  I mean, if you can't collect empty boxes and fill the eggs and milk what can you do? 

I have to admit...I did struggle with the empty box thing.  There's just some gray area there.  How empty does the box have to be before you take the cans out and stack them on the next box?  There were no clear guidelines.  In hindsight I'm guessing I probably did stand there staring at partially empty boxes a little too much of the time. 

Just a side note - it didn't work out so well for Mark at Save-A-Lot either.  He must have had the same problem I did because they let him go after about a month.
 
Age 17 (Still): Hardee's, Clinton: 

Believe it or not Hardee's was bad gig at all.  The floors were not nearly as greasy as they were at Burger King.  Maybe that's because I never changed the grease in the fry vats there (until my third tour of duty).  Most of the time I worked on the front line and not in the kitchen.  This was a much better fit for me. 

At Burger King I was slow because I tried to make everything exactly like the training video showed (it was on beta if you're old enough to know what that is).  Three swirls of ketchup, one swirl of mustard, two pickles centered.  Hardee's didn't have training videos so I had  freedom to stuff bags in any way I wanted and as fast as I could go.  I also got pretty damn good at making those swirl ice cream cones.
 
My favorite thing about this job was cleaning the lobby floors.  I know it doesn't sound like much fun, but it actually rocked.  You couldn't do it while the store was open so you had to work after hours.  Mark (Holder this time, not Sexton) and I always volunteered to do it. 

It was some extra hours first of all.  Secondly, we were pretty good friends with both night shift managers - Butch and Clark.  They were always willing to go out a few hours before closing and buy us beer as long as we agreed to drink it out of Hardee's cups and not the bottles.  I guess they figure that  people driving by didn't need to see 17 year old kids drinking beer in the lobby late at night.  We'd bury the beers in the ice chest as soon as we'd get them.  I know, it's wasn't the most sanitary thing in the world but it resulted in some of the coldest beer I've ever had. 

When the store closed we'd flood, scrub and rinse the floors - then squeegee them dry while drinking our beer and rocking out to some of the hits of the day.  Sometimes friends would drop by and we'd let them in.  It never turned in to an all-out bash, but it did turn in to more of a party than it should have once or twice.

I clearly remember a few of the songs we played while cleaning the floor:  Poison by BBD, Here I Am by UB40, Unbelievable by EMF, and Good Vibrations by Marky Mark.  I could name some other things we probably listened to but I'd just be speculating...

Before I get going on this I'd like to state that, for the record, I'm not a Republican or a Democrat.  I stand firmly in the middle and am willing to support members of either (or neither) party.  As a matter of fact, until recently I favored a couple of Republican candidates over Democratic candidates on the landscape for the '08 Presidential elections.  I still like Chuck Hagel, John McCain and possibly even Rudy Giuliani, even though I don't know much about him other than he was brave on 9/11 and likes a little tail on the side.

But now I have officially signed on to my candidate for '08 and, no, it's not Hillary Clinton.  Russ Feingold is my man of the hour (and decade).  If you don't know anything about him do yourself a favor and research this guy because he's going to be a dark horse and will need your support.

For starters, Russ Feingold is clean.  No sex scandals, no ties to Jack Abramoff, and no corporate sponsored golf trips (he's a co-sponsor of the McCain Feingold Campaign Finance Reform Bill along with John McCain).  As far as I know he never even held pot smoke in his mouth without inhaling it.  Who am I kidding - I'm he probably smoked up, but that's not an issue anymore these days is it?

Feingold has integrity, or at least the appearance of it. He doesn't vote every year to give himself a raise (unlike nearly all other senators) and when the others do, Russ sends the extra money back to the IRS.  It's a fact.  For his six-year term he only makes the amount of money he made when he was voted in.  So he's a better man than I am:  I wouldn't return shit and hell yes I'd vote to give myself a raise - every day if I could.  He also keeps his campaign promises.  He promised to hold a town hall discussion every year in each of his districts (or counties - I don't remember which) and has each and every year he's been in office.

Feingold was also the only senator who voted against the Patriot Act.  Not because it isn't needed and not because he's weak on security.  Because it was legislation that was rushed to law - never debated and never looked at by most.  The Patriot Act is and always has been one of my biggest issues.  It has some major gaps in the area of civil liberties. Not to get on a long rant,  the government should not have the authority to abduct an American citizen and hold him or her without notifying anyone or charging them in a court of law.  The Patriot Act allows the government to do just that.  It's nder the suspicion of terrorism of course; but how can someone prove he or she is not a terrorist without due process? Do you think the government is infallible?  I don't care how important or needed legislation is - if it allows that type of unchecked authority it shouldn't go through. One hundred and one senators didn't know or care; Russ Feingold did.

Now, I knew all this before.  I've liked Russ Feingold for a while now.  What recently catapulted him to my favorite politician?  The man has nads!  And if you've ever heard me talk about my dog you know I respect large nads.

Recently Russ Feingold called for the senate to censure President Bush over his NSA wiretapping program.  OK, for the record, I think the wiretapping program was most likely started with good intentions.  My problem with it is  there's no oversight.  Call me crazy; I really don't trust the government.  I'm also a bit confused as to why they had to circumvent FISA (essentially the oversight), which makes me suspicious - though not convinced - of foul play...but I digress.  Anyway, the underlying truth is that it was illegal for George Bush to authorize this.  The only people who really disagree are the people who still think Fox news is 'Fair and Balanced.'

Had the Democrats lined up behind Russ Feingold when he moved to censure Bush, what he did wouldn't have seemed so brave.  But they didn't.  They scattered.  Hey, you may be a Democrat but they DO often lack a certain backbone and it hurts them politically.  This saddened me.  I'm personally for the censure. Hell, I'd like to take it a bit further, but let's be realistic.  When the Democrats didn't support Feingold I thought this thing was dead.  The Republicans, smelling blood, agreed to a full hearing knowing that Russ would be 'going it alone.'  Like I said, up until this point I was fond of Feingold but I thought this might hurt him politically.

I listened to Russ Feingold point-by-point rip apart Alberto Gonzales' defense of the NSA wiretapping program on CNN Pipeline, but I didn't think he could take these Senate hearings on by himself.  But that's exactly what he did.  The guy never blinked.

He is truly a ballsy MF'er - but he also had an ace-in-the-hole: the truth.  You can't eavesdrop on Americans without probable cause.  FISA made that illegal for everyone - even the President.

Russ Feingold is the #1 champion of American Citizens.  He WILL show up to fight when MY (and your) civil liberties are being infringed upon.  No threat is great enough to take away my constitutional rights: at least none that I've seen.  So he has my support and I will vote for him if given the chance.  He deserves yours, too. I may even register as a Democrat to vote for him in a primary, but that may be a bit much - we'll see.

Let me clarify a thing or two just to be fair.  I said earlier that the Democrats scattered.  Barbara Boxer and Patrick Leahy both support Feingold's move to censure the President.  I don't particularly care for either of these Senators but, hey, when you're right you're right. Also, I said that the Republicans smelled blood because Feingold was seemingly alone (as if having other senators on your side makes you more formidable than having the truth on your side). It was actually Arlen Spector, Chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee, who allowed these hearings to take place.  Now, it might have been a calculated move with Spector thinking Feingold would embarrass himself (in which case it backfired massively), but I genuinely think highly of Spector and assume his motives were in America's best interest and not his party's.  I do think the general mindset of most Republicans was that Feingold was vulnerable. Most Republican's were wrong...

Well, it's my first night on myspace.com and I'm pretty convinced that I'm the oldest person on here.

It kind of reminds me of my first day of kindergarten. There seem to be a lot of people but who knows how it's going to turn out. Some of them seem cool. Others - not so much. Who will I be hanging out with? The cool kids or those other guys? It's a trying time for sure.

Ms. Walker tried to help out the situation in my kindergarten class by making everyone be friends. You HAD to be friends! And if you didn't want to be friends with someone you had better keep it to yourself. Else, you got sent to the hall as I learned the hard way.

That's right; I once got in trouble for telling someone I wasn't going to be his friend. Now ain't that a bunch of shit! Ms. Walker told me that everyone was friends in her class. What a delusional bitch she was! Was she completely blind to the ways of the world?

I was never Delford Marlow's friend. The kid picked his nose and ate his boogers for crying out loud. Yeah, I apologized (only because she made me) and we played at recess the next day, but after that it was back to business as usual.  I was never his friend -- so stuff it Ms. Walker. You can't make me!

But now I know how Delford might have felt. I only have four friends. One doesn't even know me, one is my girlfriend, and one is my friend's wife who most likely felt obligated to click the link that 'made me a friend'. Andy's the only one who really counts. Ahhh, he's not really my friend either. He just looks up to me because I'm smart, funny, good-looking, strong, well-endowed...all the things he's not. Will anybody like me?

It's so bad I even searched for Delford Marlow, but he doesn't have an account. I guess he's too old. :(