Ok.

I posted my fake review at Scalzi's Blog.

We'll see if I suck too much to win a copy of the book.  Hopefully not, but well, there's some pretty damn stiff competition, and I'm just not great at saying mean stuff.

I just read a great article titled "How to Start a Writing Career".  The intersting spin is that it's written by Kevin Barbieux, also known as "The Homeless Guy".  

Kevin is homeless and living in Nashville.  He has a donated laptop and has been writing a blog about all sorts of homeless related topics since 2002.  I found him via a Wired article last year.

Now, perhaps I don't agree with everything Kevin writes.  I have my personal critiques of course.  But generally I have found his posts to be worth reading - they are either interesting or spark a bit of self debate.  Either way, worth the few minutes to take a read.

This latest article is what I consider to be the best thing he's written.  That could be personal bias, or it could really be that good.  It's posted up on Associated Content, and it's got a 4.7 out of 5 star rating, so it seems to me, that perhaps, it's just that good.

Cheers Kevin - Good luck and keep it up.

Okay.  Version 2 of the fake review.

Cleaned up some spelling and grammatical errors, and changed things around.  I decided to write this from the point of view of Scalzi wrote a novel I thought was bad, not from the point of view I had before creating a bad novel he wrote.  There is a difference.

Feel free to let me know what you think of the revision - does it read more succinctly?

####

Scalzi's "Do Electric Sheep Dream of Androids" reads even worse than its title suggests, if that is even possible.

I picked up this book expecting perhaps a Parody of Phillip K. Dick's "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep". If that is what it was intended to be, Mr. Scalzi has lost his touch, if indeed he ever had it.

Right from page one we are subjected to an overly large collection of mindless drivel.  Fart jokes abound as Scalzi seems to have found a need for them regularly.  The pure volume of gaseous humour could lead me to recommend this volume, if Scalzi hadn't skimped on the quality.  He seems to have made the assumption that his readers have a memory of only a chapter, and continually re-uses his short list of references to anal acoustics.  It should also be noted that the majority of these fart jokes would be more at home on a grade school playground than in a serious science fiction novel.

Scalzi apes Dick's writing stylistically, and I'd rather believe this is a failed attempt at parody, rather than a unbelievably poor act of plagiarism.  However, instead of expounding on Dick's reference to racial prejudice we are treated to page upon page of exposition on the importance of negotiation and diplomacy. 

 As mentioned previously part of the problem are the constant  flatulism references, however, we are also treated to unbearably long descriptions of green skinned warriors (a 'la Old Man's War, again.) and bacon wrapped feline burgers.

Earlier Scalzi criticisms also stand true.  Obscene amounts of sex, with no rhyme or reason.  Jokes that pummel you with vapid attempts at witticism, and gratuitous references to the "regulars" on Scalzi's on-line blog, "The Whatever".

If John Scalzi ever had it, he's lost it.  His earlier works were hyped as "heinlenesque".  I think we all see now what a tired hack he is, and has been, copying works from the established masters.  If you were considering purchasing this book I'd recommend seeing the latest Disney movie "Cinderella 7 - Evil Slippers and Glass Stepmothers" - it has at least ten times the originality and wit of Scalzi's latest non-effort.

Thank you Harmonix.  Thank you Red Octane.

It needed to be said.  You released two nearly perfect games (Guitar Hero 1 and 2) that have more than earned back what I paid for them.

My girlfriend bought GH2 and a guitar, just so we could play co-op.  At every party we go to, we bring GH 1 and 2, our memory cards and our guitars.  Our friends are buying PS2's *just* so they can play the Guitar Hero series.

Thank You.

This brings me to the heart of the matter.

Please, please, pretty pretty please (with a cherry on top) release Guitar Hero 1.5  It seems like a simple marketing idea to me - but in case you're somehow missing the obvious - let me spell it out.

Guitar Hero 1 rocked.  Guitar Hero 2 rocked more.  Guitar Hero 2 is Guitar Hero + Co-Op.  Sure, it's got a different tracklist, and some more advanced features - but here's the deal.

I would re-buy Guitar Hero if I could have co-op play.  You already have half the game done - all the lead bits are recorded already  - you'd just have to record rhythym and bass bits for the tracklist.  If you're feeling especially awesome, throw us a couple of bonus songs.  (Ozzy's Crazy Train comes to mind...)

I love your games.  Guitar Hero 2 is now the yardstick I will measure all other games by - it is that close to perfection.  The only thing holding the original back now is co-op play - and detailed stats at the end of the song.  Please - give us Guitar Hero with the features from 2 - and I can almost guarantee (for every other gamer than myself) - we'll pay you for it.  And continue to love you as we peel off the bills at the register.

Sincerely,

Jeff Closs
Samantha Sinkinson
Scott Minett


And many, many other nameless gamers.

We head to Chilliwack tomorrow to see Sam's family.  Her Grandparents on her father's side, and her Uncle and Aunt.  We'll be staying at the Harrison Hotspring's Spa Motel - which isn't as awesome as it sounds, but is inexpensive and will let us have a seperate room from Tara - Sam's sister who will be flying down to meet us.

Should be a fun trip, as I also get to see my brother and his girlfriend, and my nephew Jacob who I don't get to see nearly enough of.  I'm pretty pumped -we're going to try to get out to White Rock so Sami can see the ocean from this continent, she's only ever seen it from France. 

Anyway - I'll update after the trip.  Should be fun - wish me luck with the scary "meeting the extended family" part.

Cheers All.

Ivy is one year old today!

In my last year(ish) I've gone from married and living with my wife, to seperated, through some flings and attractions and old flames, and into a relationship with a truely amazing pair of girls.

Samantha is amazing. She's beautiful, kind, generous, funny, clever, smart and an awesome mom.

Ivy is cute, smart, walking!, loveable, fussy, learning to sleep through the night and one year old!

I am truly blessed.

No matter what deity you believe in, no matter what higher power you call to in times of distress, or whether you believe that life just happens, you cannot help but know when your life is being blessed.

I must have done something amazing in a past life - if you believe in that - to have such good luck now.

Patti and I are amicable. We are working on the papers. I believe we seperated on the 15th of March last year, so that makes us almost to the point where we can have an official divorce.

Sam and Ivy are for the most part moved in. Dave is still there (though not this week) and will be moving out at the end of the month. Perhaps to another apartment, which is my goal for him, but maybe home. Dave thrives on easy, and moving home is easy.

My life is good. I like my job. I love my girls, and I get to see them so much more now. I get to spend time with them, growing with them, instead of in visits and bursts. That is so amazing.

Ivadel is one year old today. Happy birthday Ivy-Lion. Jeffrey loves you.

I'm addicted to WoW.  World of Warcraft that is.

Ok, not addicted.  I get lots of non WoW time, and not enough WoW time, but I like it that way.  I do really enjoy it though.

The graphics, which I found too cartoony during my first try a year ago, I now see with appreciation.  Sure, things are overdrawn, but in a good way.

The mechanics, familiar to most MMO players, seem to work.  I'm mostly playing my little paladin, and I like his mix of abilities.  Good melee class, auras to buff allies, and seals that are single cast spells to buff himself, as well as a judgement, which allows every seal to have a "reverse" effect on enemies.

The tradeskilling is fun - I am a miner and a blacksmith.  I look for veins of ore in the wilderness (which allow you to mine them and gather a certain amount of materials before they disappear) and mine them.  I then smelt the metal into bars, and sell it.  I could make things out of it, but right now I can buy much better than I can make, and I can sell my smelted metal for good coin.

I take the extra materials I find that are not ore and use them to craft trade items, like weightstones that buff blunt weapons, and sharpening stones that buff bladed weapons.

My favorite feature is the auction house.  It's built like ebay, where you put a starting bid price on whatever you want to sell, set a time limit, and if you want, add a buyout price.  This is how I've been selling my smelted copper to other players - I can get 1 gold piece for a stack of 20 copper bars in about 10 minutes reliably through the auction system.  When your auction sells, you get a message through the other great invention in WoW.  Your mailbox.

Every player can have things mailed to them.  When you get new mail you go check the closest mailbox and read your letter.  Players can send you letters whether you are online or off, and if you win an auction, or your auction expires, you get your item mailed back to you.  Right, it's parcel postage, where you can have items mailed to you.  Which means you can send good equipment to your alts, or to your friends.  Getting a cool sheild or cloak in the mail is pretty awesome.

There must somewhere be a website dedicated to mail order crafting, but I havn't looked for it.

I'm interested to see what lies ahead - after all, I'm only level 10.  But so far I'm digging it.  I do think that I'll like the game more than the end game - I like the soloable fun quests and tradeskilling - I'm not cut out anymore to want to do huge raids all the time.

Update on other non video game related things coming later today or tomorrow.  Stay tuned.

Life rules.

Pretty much anyway.  Not that everything is going according to plan - I'm not where I thought I'd be when I was in Grade 2.  Fighting fires and saving babies and puppies and wearing cool boots and a fireman's hat.

I'm not where I thought I'd be in Grade 6 - catching crooks and solving crimes, packing a gun, pepper spray and a baton, driving a police car and wearing a badge.

I'm not where I thought I'd be in Grade 8 - flying fighter planes and bombing the bad guys, or crawling in the mud with my M16 to save some hostages, or painting a target with a laser designator so a pilot could bomb a caravan in the middle east carrying weapons of mass destruction.

I'm not where I thought I'd be in Grade 11 - happy after selling my first novel or two, working on another and rapidly moving my way up the bestsellers lists.

I am instead working for a company that among other things fixes residential computers, and has contracts with the government and retail businesses.  And yoy know what?  I'm pretty darn ok with that.

Yesterday, I fixed a computer at the Ministry of Children and Families.  For a caseworker who helps children find foster parents.  I don't know - but I could have helped someone get into a good foster home sooner than they might otherwise have, just because this particular caseworker was able to do her job sooner.

A while ago I replaced some UPS (Uninterruptable Power Supplies, ie. battery backups) for a local gas station.  Seems simple, but the possibilities could be endless.  Because of that who knows what environmental disasters could have been averted.  Or maybe some mom driving her kids to soccer could fill up at just the right time, taking her off the road when she might otherwise have been driving through an intersection where she could have gotten in an accident.

No - I don't think I'm some kind of computer fixing superhero - I just realize that all we do has consequences beyond what we may originally think.  That everything we do affects everyone else.  And you know what, I enjoy doing what I do.

Today I'm fixing the highspeed internet at a local hotel.  It's not brain surgery.  I'm not finding the cure for cancer.  But I'm doing my job.  My job that I am reasonably compensated for.  Compensated well enough that I don't feel worried about Sam and Ivy moving in with me.

I don't make cubic assloads of money.  I make enough though - more than my family of 3 kids and 2 adults was raised on.  So, it means that I don't have to put off anymore having the family I want.  Which is pretty cool in itself.

It also doesn't mean that one day I won't be that writer.  Or that teacher.  Or that paratrooper. (well, perhaps not that one.)  I'm living my life.  I have great people in it, I work for great people and generally it's pretty darn good.  I'm building life experiences.  And one day, maybe I will turn those experiences into the next great Canadian novel. 

Or not.  Either way, as long as I'm happy, it's all ok.

Awesome day of work.  Or not.  At least I got two jobs done that could have been difficult.  Yay me.

So here I am at a customers computer waiting for a gigantic HP driver to download so I can fix a printer.  I don't think there's anything wrong with the printer, just with the driver.  And the crazy setup they have with a hub for each and every computer connected to a Jetdirect just so they can have their linux server print to each printer in their office so that the accounting software they run through a terminal is transparent and seems like it's on the local computer.  Blah!

I just finished John Scalzi's "Old Man's War" and got halfway through the online version of "Agent to the Stars" - which is awesome!  I need to get "Ghost Brigade" now - even though it's still in hardcover.  Normally I'd wait for the paperback to come out, but I don't think I'm going to be able to.  Awesome writer - added to my favourites list courtesy of Wil Wheaton.  Thanks Wil!

Also thanks to Wil - Guitar Hero.  I really think Red Octane and Harmonix should shift Guitar Hero up a notch and re-release it with the awesome new features of GH2.  All the lead tracks are done - add a couple bonus songs, do the Bass/Rhythym tracks for the existing songs and allow Pro Face Off and Co-Op mode (which rules the world) and call it Guitar Hero 1.5 or something.  I'd totally buy that for full price, and they'd only have to do half the work.

I'm going to write them an email - I think it's such a good idea.  They have a hot seller on their hands, and should squeeze a few more dollars out of all the addicts out there.

That's it for now, update is downloaded so it's time for me to fix broken stuff.  I'll be back, like always.

 

PS.  I'm playing World of Warcraft now.  I'm on the Destromath server, my characters names are Cynwrig and Sranzi.  Dwarf Hunter and Human Paladin respectively.  Feel free to add me to your friends list if you like.