ughhh...i think my "heart" is messing with me...

i have never been like this...

ive been putting on a mask every day for the last like 2 months or so

and no one has know...but im telling you rite now...I HAVE BEEN WEARING A MASK

covering how i really feel...acting like nothing people says bother me when a lot of stuff

has been bothering me...people act like their lives are so freaking terrible and that just

makes me want to punch someone in the face...and now my heart is attaching to all my

guy friends...and just everyone and im leaving ctown the 16th to college at wayne

and im afraid im gunna have a break down my first nite at college because ill have

nothing better todo then just sit in my dorm room...i move in early to so my roommate

[chelsea] wont even be there yet so ill be supper lonly and its just super gay

ohh about the whole me getting super attached to everyone...im like falling for all these

guys that are my friends and never did want anything more...i half way think my heart

is tring to fill a void by getting one of my guy friends to fill it...and its ackward haveing

all these feeling rushing back to me...i dont even care that im single really its just

like i have to use one of my friends to fill the empty spot i have from since my dad

passed away...thats kinda what its like...i dont even know if that makes sence...

or maybe im just afraid to go to college...haveing to grow up and everything

and im just tring to be a kid my last week in ctown...[i quite super saver]...i have a lot

of packing to do and i dont want to al all...wow im 18 going to college in like 2 weeks

that doesnt seem possible...i think i could cry but i rather not bucause i want to go to

sleep and my eyes hurt and my neck...and i hope i dont have to drive tomorrow at all

my sister is moving from wayne to norfolk and they have a lot of crap...

so yeahh hopefully only one trip tomorrow from wayne to norfolk

well i need to go to sleep...i dont even know why i typed half of this...well whatever

goodnite

have a great day

ily abby

k so my pissy night

it started with me having to clean the bathrooms at work, and getting off LATE when i have dance, there for i was late to dance, and i couldnt go to the show[this didnt really bother me tho] because my mom thought i need to go to dance, but there was no real point of going to dance because we werent even learning are dance, like we should be, and my dance teacher[keep in mind she is related to me]must think im huge, cuz she compared me to a girl in a lot bigger then me[just cuz my boobs are huge doesnt me all of me is huge]and the new dance class im in is pissing me off because they have to have everything the same[which is LAME] and i just really wish there was someone here i could talk to, i feel like cring, and its not gunna do any good because then i gjust get sad[yay im cring]...and ill admite it...ive been happy for a long time since jessica died...so now its just hard being so sad...ohhh gezz im balling ='[...i just want to be comforted rite now...but no ones here and im not gunna call anyone balling, and im not gunna go talk to my mom, ill just freak her out, altho she would help...i just want someone to tlak to rite now...yay my pissy nite turned in to me cring...such a GREAT night...if you read this..talk to me =S i hate cring and not talking to anyone to try and stop...but different subject now...i truely have a feeling that most of the guys in my life could no longer be in my life and it wouldnt matter...i have a ton of guy friends...but there all just friends, when i want to have more then just friends....i dont even know if this is making sence...im hoping it does...i cant type as fast as everything going through my mind...but i posted this bulletin sunday, i changed it a little...but here it is.

 

 

im tired of falling for guys and telling them and ill i want is to be with them as much as possible and it doesnt even matter i told them im tired of getting my heart broken im tired of being single im tired of going back to jony everytime although i love him, and everyone hates him and i cant help it theres just something about him that we just click, but i need to stop falling back to him when im sick of being single im just sick of hoping and wishing for the rite guy to come and hoping "this one" is him and its not, BLAHHHHHHHHHH screw boys...IM DONE.

 

that night i realised, the guy i was crushing on the hardest, and fastest was probly never gunna be in to me, and now im just cutting him out of my life, because thats how i deal with guys im tring to stop crushing on or just broke up, just stop talking, and whatever, thats why i feel all pretty much all the guys in my life cuold not be there and it wouldnt matter...and wow im really letting everything out, i didnt think i was going to let it all out, well i guess its not all out, and im not even gunna get in to my family, because that would just piss me off, cuz some guy [wow i should just labe this guys...]whatever LAME...im done with being hppy i think, and im losing my bff, im losing all my close friends, there all just becoming friends...=[ i miss my besties...most of you know who you are...yeahh but im gunna stop writing in this...if you read all of this, or part of it for that fact, i would love to know, because this is long...so you should let me know, i dont what else to say, so comment it if you read it, or message me...i dont even remember everything i wrote...mmk bye**abby

HEY EVERYONE ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS WROTE THIS AND I ASKED HER IF I COULD PUT IT ON HERE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK AND ILL TELL HER OR YOU CAN TELL HER YOURSELF AMANDA KOUBA WROTE..

YOU CAN'T

You can't help to fall in love
No matter how hard you try
You can't help to fall in love
No matter how much you cry

You can't always run away
No matter how hard it may be
You can't always run away
Even if you cross the seven seas

You Can't always hide your feelings
Even if you want to
You can't always hide your feelings
Even to hide that your blue

You can't always be cold hearted

Even if it's who you are

You can't always be cold hearted

Even if the warm feelings get to far

 

You can't always be afraid

Even if you aren't brave

You can't always be afraid

Even if you are locked in a fearful cave

 

You can't always be alone

Even when the pain hurts to bad

You can't always be alone

Even when the pain makes you sad

 

You can't always dwell on the past

Even when you miss it

You can't always dwell on the past

Even when you wanna quit

 

So you can't help to fall in love

No matter how hard you try

You can't help to fall in love

No matter how much you try