I must work on my focus of just concentrating on the cement or asphalt… I must do this cause…argh… the snow is so insanely yellow on my street (*see here I go… gagging*) I never knew (*gag*) how many dogs lived in my neighborhood (*gag*) There really isn’t any answer the little pooches have ta go do their bidness too. But (*gag*) we need to work on something (*gag gag gag*) cause a whole block of pee stained (…breath jill in and out *gag) snow wall is starting to look like a (*gag*) month long frat party with people (in this case pooches or I guess both) writing their name into the snow (*gag) ok I have to change the subject my eyes are watering.

ok I may be jumping ahead a little but Ive realized something and I feel a need to let you know that when I am walking home from the el. Or walking back from a friends or somewhere, I walk alot... 

My inner monologue… Is fucking hysterical!!!....

I mean serious I am fucking hilarious!!!  You should see/hear it… im going to the market tomorrow.  Ill prolly leave around 11ish. Dress warmly...

 
I have decided that I am going to start walking in the street with all the cars, and trucks, and bikes. then when people start getting pissed off that im walking right along with them… joining them in the street…Maybe, just maybe they will get the hint and will shovel the fucking snow in front of their fucking houses/apt/condos . See I hate ending up scooting on my ass like I have a toboggan under my coat for half the sidewalk… people…  the freezing days of sun and 10 degree temperature changes have altered things... and it is no longer packed snow. It’s a fucking glacier. So if you don’t want me to be playing on your playground… take care of the maintenance on mine!!!

and there ya go...

IT 'S JUST ABOUT THAT TIME LADIES, CAN YOU FEEL  THE  EXCITEMENT IN THE AIR?

  THE BEASTIES ARE BACK!!!....

AFTER A LITTLE BEASTIE BREATHER BREAK FOR THE WINTER, YOUR WAIT IS ALMOST OVER. THE WHEELS ARE  BACK IN MOTION AND IT'S TIME FOR OUR RETURN !!!

BEAST WOMEN 2009 SPRING SERIES....
are you excited? im excited for you, now dont suck... hahahah i kid...gez...or am i?
alright calling all singers, belly dancers, monologist, poet, musician, comedian, fire spinner, performnace artist, gymnast, twirler, puppeteer, martial artist, burlesque dancer... you smelling what im steppen in? We are looking for 25 of the best... what is the best? thats my job... dont you worry about that.

Auditions... Feb. 16-18 at 7:pm at the Prop Thtr. 

you must set up a audition time! these are NOT open auditions.
  
you can set one up via email moi: jerickson@beastwomenproductions.com. 
or you can call the beastie hotline 773-278-1212

 PEACE, LOVE and BEASTIES!!!
-JILL ERICKSON 

Beast Women Productions, Inc. 

Sooooo I received an email today (that was oddly dated April 1, 2001) The E-mail "informed me" that I was sent a notice for Jury Duty on the 6^th of this month and because I didn't show up they have issued a warrant for my arrest…IN NEW JERSEY!!! (f-ed up way to start the day... a felon already and its not ive 9:30am yet) The e-mail gave an AOL address for my response. And Im sure if I did email that address the response back to me would have had instructed me to pay a fee to be warrant free. you know just to clear things up. Jackasses!

I googled the two gals names they refer to themselves as and it is true that they these women are Jury Management. I called and confirmed it's a hoax, and the woman said they have been getting calls from people even in Canada...That must be annoying as hell answering that shit all day long. Although it's a good to know when I go visit the garden state I won't have to worry about the fuzz taken me down

Yes this is looooong. But I have seriously been festering about this all day, and im at the laundry mat. I got time.

*names have been changed to… well be nice*

when I was in high school, it may not surprise you but I wasn't a jock… I wasn't a "preppy" (I cant believe that im using these words… they sound so stupid, what were we thinking) or what I consider one of the "perfect people". I was one of the artsy people.

So...there was this "perfect people" girl who I will call… Jane, was devastated when her boyfriend broke up with her, they had been dating for 3 months and were (as we all thought at that age) perfect for each other. About a week after the big break up the ex-boyfriend, who I will call ...Vladimir (cause I just like the name) asked me out on a date. This blew me away cause he wasn't someone I would normally even pursuit, but he was hot and seemed pretty cool, so I said yes. Jane, of course now hates me. cause wounded people blame the new person instead of the ex… I was, after all, standing in the way of them getting back together. Now I don't give a rats ass that she hates me, I was a tough kid (or at least I thought I was) and go on a couple dates with Vladimir. We were at a party at a friends house drinking beer. When Jane shows up and she is hammered and she is calling out for me…

"wherz iz she, that dumb bitchz, fucking hhhwhore… shes stewped bitch"

I of course hear this and become furious. it wasn't my fault im cool and her ex-boyfriend liked me… (  )

I walk right up to her

Me: "say it again, just say it again"

Jane: "stewped bitch"

Me:" one more time for the kids in the hospital"

Jane: "stewped bitch"

and then I just clock her, the fight was short, friends and Vladimir pulling us apart. I got in like 3 punches and she scratched me I think. I obviously won, why would I tell you this story otherwise. she bled, and was crying blah blah blah and me and Vladimir left the party.

So I am reading the paper, and every single week, there like all these schools being "closed down because of threats" or kids killing other kids because they were picked on. Depressed kids everywhere pulling their version of the fucking columbine massacres, and innocent kids who could have nothing to do with these kids, maybe dont even know them are dead. Why… cause kids now are fucking soft!!! you got a problem with someone, fucking take it outside or in the hall or even in the fucking class room. for lack of a better term, duke it out. Then the only people to get hurt then are the people involved in the "dispute". Now… kids don't do that, they just blow people away and then kill themselves. Feeling sorry for themselves and this is only way they can get resolve from the teasing… death to all. are you fucking kidding me… Its mean, but I always want these kids that kill all these people for revenge… I always want them to fuck up killing themselves. so they think about what they did for the rest of their lives.

Tweenagers/teenager these days are fucking smart. Way smarter than I am or ever was (I cant remember jack shit anymore) but these kids are also fucking stupid when it comes to something simple…common sense. Seriously. People are coddling them, and everything has gotta be PC. why, cause their feelings are getting hurt. I cant believe this.  Waaa! people suck. and people will be mean to people and cruel to other people. THAT IS LIFE. why cant we just get over it. why do these kids think everyone should be nice to them? the real world kicks your ass so they need to stop being a pussies and fucking stand up for themselves.

My father put the fear of God in me. I would never ever ever tell him to "fuck off". (well to his face that is) I would be flying across the room if I did.  I got spanked, it WASN'T abuse, it was a lesson, and i remebered it.  Now I hear young people taking smack to their parents on the el and almost drop my gum.  How can you parent when your kid walks all over you. I am not a parent and I do not want to tell people how to raise their kids. But man, no wonder, if they have no respect for you, then they have no respect for anyone so everyone gets to deal with your brats. Thanks.

OK this is what started all of this soap box action.

This lady, an older woman was bullying a thirteen year old girl. Seriously… bullying a 13 YEAR OLD GIRL. This lady is like 38, and she is fucking with a young fragile, and volatile girls mind. And its not even her kid!!!  and all of it started because her daughter was getting her feelings hurt, or they were friends and weren't anymore, Whatever! they are in fucking junior high… it happens. But A MOM? A person that should be teaching her kids to how to treat people… unfucking believable… She helped get this depressed teen age girl all psyched up to meet a guy who she thought totally liked her… and EVEN USED the phrase "I love you babe" in their email exchange… ahhh Gawd… your thirteen and everything is love at first site, or love at first email now, right? So they made up this perfect boy for her, to get her all giddy, just to see if shes being…. well mean…and then fucking break her heart. This is all part of the plan, to hurt her… she's devastated and she hangs herself… Ok that is, in my opinion, one of the most severe ways to kill yourself. You break your own neck? I can only imagine… this makes me fucking sick. I want to puke. You have been there right? I know I have, over and over, been in the exact same position as this girl… as Jane… dumped, humiliated, hurt… Why a parent would want to be part of obvious torment for kicks boggles the mind. this makes me actually want to go to the court house and be one of those people, you know to stand there and speak my mind as she walks by…maybe  hurt her feelings…I hope she gets tons of jail time, but only after I take her outside…cause I would love to beat the shit outta this woman.  

It is tax day and I would like to give all you procrastinators a big tisk tisk tisk! I will do my job and help get your taxes done today, you know the LAST DAY, but I will also give you "the look" behind the magnified reading glasses, the reading glasses you get in supermarkets, you know the ones old crazy lady librarians are always wearing in the movies, and I will be waving a scolding finger at you too, you can choose which finger, you have two choices...

p.s.  I really dont have those glasses. I have no need for them. Im not that blind... yet...

 Why Ash Wednesday drives me nuts: by Jillian Erickson

I will start off my rant by saying YES, yes ok, yes I was born and raised in the Catholic religion, and yes I am far from the best follower in the world of such religion. In saying this, every year when Ash Wednesday shows up I feel this annoying urge to slap people. NO, no I did not nor do I plan on attending Ash Wednesday mass...why? because it is NOT a holy day of obligation for the church. LOOK IT UP! its not... so this is where my need to rant begins:

Why people feel the need to wear their ashes Wednesday ashes ALL DAY LONG.

1 To show you went to church.

Good for you! I bet the priest high-fived you on your way out and said "you look great, we will see you at Christmas mass"

2 To show you are a catholic and there for you are a good person.

 OH REALLY... last time I checked, I didn't see your ass in a soup kitchen, volunteering at a elderly nursing home, fixing Johnny's bike tire, helping Sally with her geometry or getting me a cup of coffee… so really, what good are you?

3 To show why you were late for work.

If you use this excuse your are so far from lame I can not sit next to you or I will strangle you, dumbass.

4 The thought that it shows your devotion to God.

UM YEAH right, then why is it that you don't see most priests or nuns walking around with them, they wipe them off. The ashes are a symbol that is to remind YOU that he died for YOUR sins, not to remind everyone else. Get a wet one!

5 For you to feel "humble" .

UM OK attention whores! I still don't believe you are any more religious than any other person who doesn't feel the need to milk "atta boys" from the people you work with or you pass on the street. but if it makes you sleep better at night, you are disturbed but whatever.

…and I am through. Thank you for your ears. Good day!

 Beast Women is one of Chicago's first all-female cabarets.  Our show consists of women's solo work; whether it be singing, poetry, dancing, juggling, music, comedy, performance art, sword fighting etc. – the genre is open to all female performers.  Beast Women represents the strength and sensuality found in all women through live performance.  We have only one rule…NO MALE BASHING…..we don't want to hear it.  We are looking to cast approximately 25 women that represent some of Chicago's most talented female artists. 

Auditions are:  Feb. 18-20^th from 6:30-10:30pm at Bailiwick Theatre.

Please email the following information to jerickson@beastwomenproductions.com :

H/R

Performance Genre

Lyrics or Script

Technical Needs  

Preferred Time

Number of Participants

Cut off for submissions is Feb. 15^th  Ladies performance time during the show is 10 min.

Audition slots are first come first serve!  You may either request a time at the email address above, or by calling 773-278-1212.

PLEASE NOTE: YOU MUST HAVE A TIME SLOT – THIS IS NOT AN OPEN AUDITION!!!!

Thank you ~