http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W3QWLtmiUPI

Yo jammer's so fat, all of her uniforms have to be custom made by a
contractor.

Yo jammer's so fat, she got the pack orbiting around her.

Yo jammer's so fat, she can fall down and stand up and her height
don't change.

Yo jammer's so fat, we skatin' inside her RIGHT NOW!

Yo jammer's so fat, she just FAT!

Yo jammers so fat, when they blow the period horn she heads out to
sea to mate!

Yo jammers so fat, the track has stretch marks!

Yo jammers so fat, when she put on her skates, she got a flat!

Yo jammers so fat, all the roller rinks in town have signs that say:
"Maximum Occupancy: 240 Patrons OR Yo Jammer"!

Yo jammer's so fat, when she skates on the rink wearing her red
uniform, everyone shouts 'Hey Kool Aid!'

Yo jammer's so fat, she shops for knee-pads in 'twin', 'queen',
and 'king'!

Yo jammer's so fat, your team can only practice outdoors!

Yo jammer's so fat, she ALWAYS within 20 feet of the pack!

Yo jammer's so fat, it takes the sound of the ref's whistle five
extra seconds just to reach her ears!

Yo jammer's so big, she uses busses instead of quads.

Yo jammer's so big, she can't use X as her number because
helicopters kept landing on her back.

Yo jammer's so big, she uses the track for a Slip-N-Slide.

Yo jammer's so dirty, she uses her dirty uniform as a weapon.

Yo jammer's so greasy, if Crisco had a derby team, she'd be the
captain.

Yo jammer's so greasy, she slid in the turn and ended up in another
town.

Yo jammer's so old, she uses hieroglyphics to spell her derby name.

Yo jammer's so old, she used to baby-sit Ann Calvello. (RIP Ann)

Yo jammer's so old, she skated with dinosaurs.

Yo jammer's so old, when Moses split the red sea, she was on the
other side skating.

Yo jammer's so stupid, her latest invention was glass knee-pads.

Yo jammer's so stupid, she thinks fruit punch is a gay rollergirl.


I have to thank Bessie Smithereens for these- especially this one:

Yo blocker's so skinny, volunteers shoved holiday lights up her ass
and taped her to the floor