Things learned in travels to India to date:

1. Have reaquanted self with the realization that 36 hours and no sleep makes for a very interesting international immigration/customs experience.

2. Lufthansa has the HOTTEST stewards.  Ever.

3. International First Class on European airlines is the bestest.

4. The smell of Delhi is almost as bad as the Perch with no ventelation.  Almost.

5. Yours Truly is officially the tallest person on the Indian Sub-Continent.

6. Text messages mean so much more when received in Asia.

7. Having a butler is Fan-Fucking-Tastic!

 Childern of the Corn, meet Rajveet.  Rajveet, meet The Children of the Corn.

8. Drunk shopping on International Flights, while dangerous, can leave one with interesting conversation starters such as new camera:

Well, Children of the Corn...

Apparently, during the MTV Video Music Awards, the opening act turned out to be rather lack-luster.  Immediately following this 'performance', 'people' were talking.  Yours Truly would have lived his rather pedestrian life without knowing anything about this had it not been for Hot Tippers Jacquie and BestFriend Eric. 

 So, without further ado...  YT gives you 2 minutes, 11 seconds of pure and unadulterated hell:
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Above we have the love child of:

 Liza Minnelli...

and:

 Andy Dick...

with hair and make-up supplied by:

 Avril Lavigne.

Well, well, well...

With the unalterable advance of age, Goldie Hawn

has officialy become

 Sally Struthers.

In other news...

Hollywood power couple

Ewan and Collin McGregor-Farrell have announced their breakup.  When asked for comment, New York Celebrity Power Couple

Woody Allen and Soon-Yi Previn-Allen had no statement.  When asked about the silence of the Previn-Allen camp, former Allen Girlfriend and Previn mother,

Mia Farrow, offered her and her demon-dogs services as nanny/campanion to any children impacted by the break up.

In honor of the recent Lunar Eclipse, Yours Truly has decided to resurrect the following:

Ok, yes, Yours Truly knows that the last post was locked.  It was a cathartic posting for YT, and am not sure if am going to share it... so get over and shut it.

But enough of that.  It's all about this:

The above picture shows some random German ingenue singing some song about lost love or some shit.  Little does she know that she will end up alone.

 
Elizabeth Taylor alone. 

Drunk-The-Clown alone. 

Her wings can not save her from the inevitable.  She will spend her life crying alone in a dirty, mold infested, basement apartment in Berlin.  And like Liz & Drunky, she deserves it in some I-was-Eva Braun-in-a-past-life kinda way.  From the short pants alone, it's obvious that she will end up drinking warm white wine in her abode, whining about that fact that nobody understands her and blaming everyone else in her life for her shortfalls, failures, isolation, bad hair choices and probable diseased liver.

Not that Yours Truly is bitter or angry.

Not at all.

Am sad...

A hero has fallen...

 Leona Helmsley, the New York Post styled "Queen of Mean" died on Monday.  Her cold little black heart had finally had enough and burst into hellfire.

Her remaining 'Lee Press-On Face' kits will be donated to Janice from the Muppet Show to avoid confusion with Donatella Versace (yes, am beating that dead horse).

In recognition of her contributions to New York City, Mrs. Mean will be buried in New Jersey. 

Ok, Kids...

Here it is.  The FINAL TWO.  No need for a lengthy preamble involving obscure references that undermine the purity of these last two "official" Great Satans.

So, Let's begin, shall we?

2. The Queen of Quebecois Qurazy:

Here we see QQQ in an early depiction of psuedo-pop-diva-I-am-the-center-of-it-all-ishness.  Beyond the pre-orthodontured smile and the missmatched candle holders, the observant reviewer will notice the heavily plucked eyebrows and ever so slight turn of the head that betokens an early attempt at exerting pop-diva-death-cult-charisma.  One can almost see what is to come... namely, this:

The hight of the QQQ's sway over the hearts and minds of her followers.  This depiction is taken from what Diva Academics refer to as the "It Sinks, Stupid!" years.  Notice the commanding set to the eyes, the imperious gesture of the hands, the Original Queen of Crazy bigness of the hair and the Sunday Times comic strip downward slant of the eyebrows betokening her evil intent.  Here, at the height of her power, she could command legions of rabid gay and fag-hag minions to do her bidding.

But, it was not to last...

Above we see the waning end of this satans power.  Notice the near maniacal attempt to appear alluring by portraying herself as Britney trying to emulate Madonna doing her impression of Vicki Lawrence as Thelma Harper  in Mamas Family doing her impression of Cher at the 1986 Oscars.

And now...

1 That pillar of the community.  That bastion of class, taste and social nicety.

  Oh, yes... Let no one be mistaken.  Yours Truly could never forget New Jersey Nutbag!  In the photo above we can observe the wiley Whitney wearing a headress she maintains keeps the evil spirits at bay when used inconjucton with her polyester hair extensions and the flesh of small wild rodents/marsupials (one can notice her gormandizing on the remnants of a small rodent or marsupial, possibly an opossum).  Later in this scene, she attempts to beat up her soon to be exhusband Bobby Brown with a broken crack pipe while screaming 'BOBBYYYY! BOBBYYYY!'.

Here, we see NJN posing for a picture after she decapitated a fan in an attempt to satisfy the Powers of Darkness in vain hope that her career could be called back from Reality Show obscurity.

And that, Children of the Corn, is it.  Now you know.

In other news...

 Credit 'Meet The Press'.

Karl Rove, soon to be former Bush Senior Advisor, made an apperance on that Leviathon of Sunday commentary shows Meet The Press to discuss his theories on everything from fall fashion to his strong belief that the War on Terror can be won through dilligent study of the movie Krull  

Clearly, he is a man FAR ahead of his time.

Onward and Upward, Children of the Corn -

Continuing on quest, Yours Truly brings you the next installment of the "official" Eight Great Satans:

5 - Ahhh our lovely Crustina Uglywhora.  Such poise, such  refinement.  Such classy disregard for taste.  Yours Truly thinks that it is a verifiable fact that CU is actually the reincarnation of either Waylon Flowers or Madame. 

 But which one?  That's the question.

4 - Next we have Mariah Scarey. 

The Little Nutbag from Long Island has earned a permanent placement on The List.  In the picture above, Our LNFLI is accepting an award for her "Butterfly" while simultaneously informing her adoring fans of the dream she had the night before where she was crowned Queen of Pop Music by Elton John dressed as Liza Minnelli in her breakthrough roll as Sally Bowles in Cabaret. 

3 - And now, The Queen of Mental Vacancy...

 Wearing one of the nightmarish creations constructed for her by her mother, QMV is accepting a BET award for her neverending litany thanking God for her success.  Oddly, in this speach, QMV thanked LNFI for paving the way.  YT would like to thank QMV for the endless failed attempts to become Cher.

In other news...

Yours Truly found it very interesting that this picture was taken at a Wu Tang Clan concert.  YT would normally be tempted to state that this image is actually in negative image, but that would detract from the sheer irony of it all.

Well, Children of the Corn... 

Yours Truly has been asked to list the "official" Eight Great Satans.  Those diabolical mavens of the music industry that I just LOVE to hate.  In this instalment, I give you 8 - 6.

8 - Gwen Stefani - A.K.A. "The Original Skirt-Pants Bitch"

Oh, our little Gwen...  Such talent.  Such melodic emotional range... let's take a peek:

Here we have TOSPB doing what she does best, doing her impression of Diane Keaton doing her impression of Lawrence Fishburn doing his impression of Dame Judi Dench doing her impression of Bette Davis's legendary portrayal of Baby Jane Hudson.  Apparently somebody did for get her din-din.

7 Cher - A.K.A. Cher

There is much contention on The Last Great Immortal's presence on this list.  All Yours Truly needs to remind to justify it's presence is one single phrase:

If I could turn back time.

'nuff said

6 Britney Spears - A.K.A. The Lousiana Lunic

The above picture, of course, re-hashes the incident earlier this year that everybody beat like a red headed step child.*  What most are unaware of is that this was just a super secret squirrel ploy to get the lead role in the Yul Brynner biopic to be titled "Big Pimpin' Rameses".  The right picture demonstrates her anguish at not only being shot down for her dream movie role, but her newly aquired penchant for wearing wigs specially designed to make her look like Andy Dick in drag.

*No intentional offense is offered in the above remark to actual red headed step children.  It's an expression.  Granted an expression in fairly poor taste, but it fits.  So, quit your whining and shut it.

Of course, Yours Truly's prediction* has turned out correct...

The Worlds Best Sad Sack, in what must be a beguilingly not-so-ironic twist of fate, was arrested mere days after leaving rehab for drunken driving.  Below Yours Truly has obtained the mug shot of TWBSS from a Super Secret Informant:

One will notice that she does, indeed, seem very happy about her plight.  There is almost an Uzimaki quality about it.  Good to know that TWBSS has been brushing up on her Manga films... or is it her homage to Denise Richards?

We may never know...

* Yours Truly has made many predictions about this starlets next fall from grace.  All of which YT has kept to self.  Well, except the one involving her involvement in the White Slavery trade, stated after 5 martini's at a local waterin' hole to 5 people who weren't even sure who she was.