"Most people spend their time longing for results without undertaking efforts to achieve them."

It's Friday, and I'm glad that the weekend is here.  Not that the weekends really vary that much from the week for me, as I am currently not working, but this will be a good weekend. We are going home to visit the family this weekend. Home to Northwest MO. Not an exciting place, but full of good folks. We haven't got to go home since early July due to finances and scheduling problems. It will be wonderful to see my family, but there will be many challenges and obstacles. Those just being the temptations of food. It's a lot easier for concerned family members to convince you to do something in person than it is long-distance. And home cooking smells awfully good!  I'm pretty sure that my mother-in-law doesn't even know about my fast, and this is probably for the best. So, I won't be able to spend much time with her, or it will become evident that I'm not eating.
Here, on Day 26 of my fast, all is going well. I saw my family doctor yesterday, and she cautioned me to continue to be attentive to the signs that my body may be sending me. The interview that I gave to my local paper on Tuesday still has not run. The reporter told me that it would "take a couple of days to put together"...whatever that means. Perhaps it just means that they are waiting for a really...really....really...really slow news day. I'm looking forward to this next Tuesday, another friend involved in Troops Home Fast and I are going to be speaking to the students at one of the local colleges. I hope to see a good turnout of young people. It's important for everyone to know what an important role each individual can play in their government. Even though it doesn't always seem that way.

"Nonviolence is the greatest virtue, cowardice the greatest vice----nonviolence springs from love, cowardice from hate." Mahatma Gandhi
What type of action would you consider it to be when the world's biggest military power attacks tiny countries for no apparent reason? It certainly doesn't seem to stem from any virtue. What kind of a man can say that his god, who he claims to be Christian, told him to declare war on another country? To kill hundreds of thousands of innocent people? How can this man sleep at night? Who does he consider his brothers to be? Has he ever heard the term mankind? 
We create our own realities.  It begins with our thoughts, then our words, then our actions.  Eastern philosophy tells us that rather than defeating our enemies, we should try to turn them into our allies.  In some situations, this is much more trying than others.  But, we must continue to try, in any way that we know how.  So, my fast continues.  I'm trying to reach out...to help someone think about the world in a different manner.
I hope that everyone who is reading this is doing the same, in whatever way they can.
We must never give up hope of peace.

I find myself amazed that here I am, three weeks after starting my fast, and still going. Not that I didn't have the goal of doing so, I just also knew that I'm not always so good at following through with things. I suppose if I could put such a great importance on everything I do, it would be done with the same level of commitmet as this fast has been. I mean, I haven't eaten a crumb in 3 weeks--this is in comparison to my past attempts at quitting smoking, when smoking half a cigarette was "okay". Or if I find one on the floor of my car, it would just be wasteful not to smoke it.  One day, I remember standing in front of my refrigerator, intending to get water out, and catching myself staring at a bottle of Ranch dressing, thinking"salad dressing isn't really food, is it?"  But, it was definitely not on my list of things that were alright to consume and still maintain my integrity, so there it stayed.
I did get a bunch of letters sent out.  I think that perhaps today, e-mail is so widely used that paper letters get much more attention than they used to.  The fact that Congress is not currently in session increases my difficulties in contacting politicians.  So, I just sent letters to every office that our Senators and Congressman have.  Plus one to W. and the V.P., I think there were 18 in all.  That winds up being a lot of postage. 
I've also discovered that one of my efforts from about a week and a half ago has not gone in vain.  I got a call from a reporter from my local, small town-conservative newspaper.  He's going to interview me tomorrow.  Good news.  I'm really glad that I didn't break my fast over the weekend or anything weird like that, it would have been pretty anti-climactic.

Last night was a bit rough for me.  I almost had a food break-down.  It was the most difficult time I've had since the second day of my fast.  I really, really wanted to eat.  I had so many negative thoughts going through my mind, about how what I am doing really is not having, nor will it have any impact on the world.  I became very annoyed by the fact that the CODEPINK fasters were invited to meet with the Parliamentary leaders of Iraq, but that our own government apparently doesn't give a s**t about them.  Is America just so incredibly jaded that non-violent, historically successful methods of protest are meaningless? 
But, then I started to get a grip on myself.  I thought about what Buddha taught.  I was causing myself to suffer through my own clinging to the idea of food.  I wasn't suffering because of physical pain caused by hunger itsself.  I learned weeks ago that I can keep my stomach quiet through the use of water and vegetable broth.  Since I just saw my doctor, I knew that my blood work was fine, and that my body wasn't calling out in true need for missed nutrition.  It was simply my own Id, or animal being, or whatever you want to call that part of your mind that tries to act on its' own without the benefit of logic.  Of course, I know that it is a very strong part of the mind.  If I haven't mentioned it before in this blog, I am a smoker.  And giving up food has been easier than trying to give up cigarettes has ever been.  How sick and twisted is that?  But last night, I was experiencing the same type of feelings as I do regarding cigarettes.  Almost a desperation.  Then I was able to step back and look at myself... to see that I was letting my clinging to the idea of the taste of food cause me to suffer greatly.  I was able to rationalize that I had already gone 18 days without any food--a pretty respectable accomplishment if I don't say so myself--and that no, I really didn't need a taco.  I could wait until I reach my goal before trying to scrounge the money for some lobster tail. 
I feel badly for the Husband.  He has had to put up with my fits of moodiness.  He feels guilty when he eats around me.  He keeps very little food in the house.  I'm the one who is fasting, not him.  I've encouraged him to eat more---go to the grocery store, go get some fast food, go to your favorite Chinese buffet place.  But he has stuck to his bizarre eating habits. 
Not that his eating habits have suddenly become bizarre.  My love has always had really bizarre eating habits.  I partially attribute it to the fact that he was a bachelor until he was 36, but I know that it goes back further than that.  The man doesn't much like to cook.  (sadly, that makes 2 of us)  However, the reason that he doesn't much like to cook has nothing to do with the process in any way.  The reason is, when he is hungry, he is hungry RIGHT NOW!!!!  When you are hungry, RIGHT NOW, who has time to cook? 
I've known the Husband since I was 3-years-old, he was a music-playing friend of my fathers'.  (still is)  Anyway, my dad had warned me about some of these bizarre eating habits.  He told me about going to visit Husband once, and seeing him eating green beans out of the can.  I think Dad about puked.  After over 12 years of marriage, I've pretty much gotten used to these bizarre habits.  I barely cringe at the sight of him eating cream of chicken soup out of a can.  Once, I was away on a business training conference.  One evening, when I called home, I asked him what he had eaten that day, making small talk.  I immediately regretted asking the question when he replied, "six peanut-butter and pickle relish sandwiches."  That was all that he could find, apparently.  
So, onward I go.  I will continue to make contacts with my elected officials, letting them know the extremes I am going to in order to express my views on the war with/occupation of Iraq.  I will try harder to meditate more meaningfully every day.  I will try to get my entire mind on the same level.  Wish me luck!

Well, today was the day I had been dreading; my first doctors' appointment since I had started my fast. I know, I know, one should consult their doctor before beginning any diet.  Especially something as major as a fast, especially if you already have health problems.  But, I knew that he would just tell me that it was stupid and that I shouldn't do it, so I decided I would just listen to my body and see what it had to tell me.  Within the first three days, my body told me that I was really messing with my blood sugar, and that I needed to drink some juice everyday.  Other than that, not a whole lot.  (well, of course, those occasional complaints of, "Yo, beeatch!  I'm really freakin' hungry here, get me some food!")  So, the Husband goes with me for my regularly scheduled 6-month check-up.  As we are sitting in the exam room, waiting for Neurologist to come in, I ask, "So, how exactly should I tell him about this whole fast thing?"  With great wisdom, the Husband says, "Just tell him."  So, I don't have to wait long.  Neurologist comes into the exam room, looks at me with an odd look, and says, "So what's this I hear about some kind of hunger strike?  Just have a few extra pounds you thought you could lose?"  I start to explain what I've been doing, holding up my bottle of water to demonstrate the water with electrolytes in it, when he says, "Whoa, you mean this is still going on?"  Yes, I reply, this is the 18th day.  While shaking his head, he begins to tell me, that as my physician, he can't condone...then he gets called away for a phone call.  The Husband and I agree that we want to find out exactly why this is bad for me, and what possible negative side-effects could occur.  When Neurologist returns, we ask him what exactly his concerns are.  He begins by saying, "When someone suffers from chronic headaches..." This is when Husband interrupts him by telling him that my headaches are much better since I quit eating.  (I suffer from chronic cluster headaches)  I chime in, "I've only had one in the past 18 days."  Neurologist looks confused, once again shaking his head.  He goes on to say that typically not eating is a headache trigger.  Then, Husband asks him about my Multiple Sclerosis.  Neurologist says, "Well, the main thing we have to worry about there is her immune system breaking down.  Losing a lot of weight rapidly is not a good thing."  I tell him that even though I've lost 14 pounds since my last visit with him, I've only lost about 10 since I started the fast, and that was during the first week.  I really haven't lost any since then for some reason.  He goes on with the regular neurological exam, asks to make sure I'm still taking all my prescriptions, asks me about the wheat grass and barley grass tablets that I'm taking.  I tell him that I don't really know, I just read that you should do that when you're fasting.  He admits to being no expert on fasting, but suggests that I continue taking them after I end my fast.  I start to ask why, but then together we say, "the headaches".  It would indeed be a much easier answer than just never eating again.  He asks when I am going to end my fast, and I tell him that my goal is September 21.  "That's a whole month away!" he almost shouts.  "How about if you go until September 1st?" he asks optimistically.  I inform him that September 1st is not International Peace Day.  Shaking his head more, Neurologist says, "How about Labor Day?"  I laugh, and reply, "How about if I just wait and see how I feel."  Shifting his weight from one foot to the other, he says, with some final head shakes, "Well, I guess whatever you have to do for your morals...follow up in 4-6 months." 
I left his office feeling as if I had won some sort of victory.  He hadn't demanded anything of me, he hadn't told me that I was doing irrepairable damage to my body, he just seemed confused and a little amused if anything.  So, I'm just going to keep playing it by ear.

Ahhhh, the delicious, taste-bud stimulating flavor of vegetable broth!!! Sometimes life is just too good to be true! (there was only some sarcasm there) I can't believe that it is already Day 17 of my fast. Although I started out with a major goal, I often fall short of my goals. (read my profile) I guess that if I deem something to be truly important, then I am really able to put my heart and soul in it.
The CODEPINK leaders, the ones' who began the fast on July 4th, were in Lebanon on a humanitarian trip, when they were invited to meet with the parliament leaders from Iraq to discuss the war, and break their fast. They had tried to meet with the Iraqi Prime Minister when he was in Washington D.C., but they were denied. The other parliament leaders were dismayed with this news, and found the group very worthy to meet with, apparently admiring them for their commitment to peace.
So, I have to say that there is really something screwed up in this world when our government won't pay any attention to those of us reaching out, the Prime Minister from the other country involved won't pay any attention, but Iraqi Parliament leaders will travel to Jordan to break the fast and meet with them.
Speaking of screwed up, did everyone else out there catch George W.'s press conference the other day? 'Nuff said.
I've also been both dismayed and amazed at the really freakish news coverage recently. I know that it's no different than usual, but to hear Amy Goodman, on Democracy Now!, break down the amount of time the news channels spent on the Jon Benet Ramsey case, versus the amount of time spent on the court case judgement that Pres. W. did indeed break the law with his phone-tapping program, was sickening. democracynow.org go to Monday's broadcast
In the meantime, I'm feeling fine. I've been doing a lot of knitting this week. I will try to post a new picture so that my sisters can see that I am fine, and am not secretly writing this from a hospital bed or something.
Peace to all.

I feel bad that I haven't posted in a few days, I know that there are some people who are reading this daily. No big issues going on, I just have been busy, and/or didn't have a lot to say. Amazingly, here it is, the beginning of Day 13 of the fast, and I still feel fine. I suppose it helps that I normally always feel kind of crappy, so not much has really changed.
I sent an e-mail to the editor of my local newspaper regarding the group of us fasters, and the fact that the long-term faster lives right here in our little town, and that this story might be of interest to the readers.  I was hoping to hear back from her yesterday, but nothing.  So far nothing today either.  I was hoping for maybe a story in the Sunday paper.  Actually the Wednesday edition would be better, because everyone in town gets that one.  But, who knows, this is an incredibly conservative little town.  This may just be way too out there and controversial to cover.  I guess that only time will tell.  We have had some real news in town lately, which is different.  Unfortunately it has been coverage of some shootings that seem to be maybe kind of gang related.  Or at least different groups of young people related.  We moved back to a small town for many reasons, but getting away from things like that were one of them.  Although the violence saddens me greatly, there is a part of me that is grateful that it has occured on the other side of town, quite a ways away from our home.  When we lived in Columbia, it was right next door. 
Daily bad news issues from the Gulf and Middle East, the Israeli's don't seem to be holding up their end of the cease-fire very well.  Many more people slain in Iraq on their way to a religious celebration.  Sadness and death everywhere.  I won't even start to touch on the other parts of the world.
I plan to send new letters out to my Senators and Representative next week.  Perhaps being on the 14th or 15th day of a hunger-strike will be more attention getting than just starting one.  I could include a picture and somehow try to look skinny in it.  I'm not really skinny though, I think that would take several more months of fasting.  I do have some clothes from when I was bigger that are baggy on me now, thus increasing the "pathetic" factor.  I don't know, I think that if they had hearts, they would have been breaking from the first flag-draped coffins that came home; from the first pictures of the babies killed in Iraq; from the legless children in the filthy make-shift hospitals; from the mass graves, etc., etc., etc.,  Who knows what it will take.  All we can do is to do what we can do.

I have a painful splinter in the tip of my middle finger on my right hand. Therefore, typing is not a very easy thing to do. So this will be short today. Still feeling good, the fast is going fine. (well, I guess that fine is an overstatement, that would mean that I don't think about food at all or have any temptations, etc. not true--I think about food a lot. I even have a little mental list of all the food I want to eat as soon as I break my fast. this doesn't feel like the state that Ghandi achieved while fasting--I would guess that he didn't watch any t.v. either)
To listen to the podcast of one of the radio programs I was interviewed on last night, please go to KOPN /kopn.info/aa/ee/20060815-1800-Evening_Edition_e.mp3.

It's Tuesday evening, the 9th day of my hunger strike. Overall, things are going very well. This was a very busy evening for me. I was interviewed on two different radio programs, on 2 different stations, one right after the other. The logistical problem was easily solved, the first interview was conducted by phone, while I was at the radio station of the second show, which started immediately after the first. Both interviews went surprisingly well. The first interview was on a local conservative talk radio station.  I was fairly apprehensive about this interview, fearing that it would probably be a bit hostile, but it turned out to be quite nice.  To listen to it, click here.
The second interview was on the local Community Radio, KOPN, and it was the weekly show done by my friend and fellow peace activist, Mark Haim.
To listen to the program, click this link.
Prior to the interview, Mark had e-mailed an outline of how he was planning the show. I read over it, and decided to just write out a few notes, so that I wouldn't have the nervous brain freeze and go blank at the studio. My "few notes" became about five pages. I, of course, didn't get a chance to share all of my thoughts, especially since two other women were participating in the program as well. I thought I would take this opportunity to share some of the things I had written out.
The first part of the show was to be about our personal involvement in this, including a little about what has motivated us to take this step.
When I first heard about the Troops Home Fast, I wanted to participate in it, and volunteered for one day a week. But then, I took some time and really thought about the issue. I realized that I was fasting to show my dedication to stop the U.S. occupation and war with Iraq, as well as in protest of our government's lack of intervention in the Israel/Lebanon violence. This was not something to be taken lightly. I realized that this was the opportunity to show that I am as committed to peace as others are to war, and that I am willing to commit my life to the cause of peace. Due to my health problems, there are many venues of the peace movement that I cannot participate in. I don't have the physical strength, or resistance to heat to go door-to-door, talking to people about the war, or trying to get signatures on a petition; I can't go to Washington D.C. and protest in front of the White House, or take part in any major peace marches. I have to be very careful about the heat to even take part in small local protests or vigils. But I sure as hell can stop eating, and I will tell as many people as I can why I have chosen to do so.
I wanted to repeat my feelings that by putting my body at risk, I am showing solidarity with both the U.S. troops and the people of Iraq whose lives are endangered everyday. None of the discomfort I am experiencing can come close to the pain and suffering of those involved in, and touched by the violence.
Hunger strikes, throughout history, have been a very effective tool for changing public policy and correcting social wrongs. They don't always work, but there's only one way to find out.
The next subject Mark wanted to cover was, "How do you answer those who say Iraq is a mess (or was a mistake) but leaving now will only make a bigger mess and lead to more death and destruction?"
The United States' invasion of Iraq, an illegal action which was based on lies, is what has caused that country to get into the violent mess they are in now, as well as inflaming all of the Middle East. There is no way that the Iraqi people will find peace as long as it is occupied by the U.S. The mere fact that they are occupied by another country puts them in a warring state. We can't impose Democracy on another country. Countries need to find out what form of government works best for them. Due to the extreme religious differences within Iraq, it isn't logical that they will stop the violence just because some invading country tells them to. If anything, it seems much more likely that they will only find peace once they are allowed to try it on their own. We had a Civil War in this country, and although I feel that all violence and war is wrong, who are we to stop them from having their own civil war? It would have been so nice if this had all worked out neatly and peacefully, but is hasn't. U.S. presence continue to cause violence, and it's time for us to leave.
Speaking of leaving, I think this is where I will leave this blog for tonight. I'm tired, and feel as if I just typed a short novel. I will continue tomorrow.

It's the first of the week again. My second Monday of the fast---my eighth day without food. I'm feeling good about things today. As promised, the weekly weigh in: 130 pounds. I'm pretty tired though, I had a long weekend. Tomorrow will bring interviews on two local radio stations. I am grateful for being able to spread the word through as many venues as possible. Although I am basically a shy person--until I get to know someone, that is--I would stand on the rooftops and scream my messages of peace to the world, if I could get them to listen. We have to do what we can. I'd love national coverage for the cause, but for now I am happy to reach out to Mid-Missouri.
I feel much sadness and disappointment for the people of Lebanon. I don't find Lebanon to be innocent in this fighting, both sides fought and killed. But it truly appears as if Lebanon has been descimated. I am ecstatic that a cease-fire was reached, however, I will never understand why there were two days of fighting allowed before the actual fighting stopped. And more were killed this morning after the cease-fire was supposed to have ended. I know that chances are there will always be wars being fought in the world. But as long as there are, I will be on the side of peace.