You know I just heard something today that is fuckin' genius: "You don't ever know you are ready to move on, untill you actualy do." Well i figure if I quit smoking ciggaretts by convincing myself because I quit I can buy a bigger bag. What if by moving on with my life is technicly me "buying a bigger bag"? She was the ciggaretts of my life, although I don't want to let her go.. I have to, because it will be better for me. It will make me the bigger person, and make my mind @ peace. I quit ciggaretts b/c I was constantly gaging and made to feel like shit. Well you know what? She was gaging my life and making me feel like shit. So....If I quit this "ciggarett" of life I can buy a "bigger bag". And we all know if you have a "bigger bag", you're happy as shit.

Yeah, i really need to find me a woman......a Sexy Biatch who will love me forever and not fuck me over for everything I have.. So ..where to look eh?

I really cant take this anymore; its so painfull, i miss her so much. I dont know what to do now. I know for a fact at this point that she doesnt want anything to do with me. She wont return my calls, emails or txt messages. Now this is what hurts me the most; she broke up with her ex because he cheated on her and she still talks to him, yet i have personal emotional problems and she wont even talk to me. What am i supposed to think after that shit? its painfuly obvious that i will never find someone to love, like i loved her. I cant even let her go after all the shit she has pulled, but i still want her back; i wan to hold her and hug her and kiss her and just be with her...its so painful why cant i get through this?.

AHHH My HAND!!!! Well that will teach me to inbed an axe into it eh? Its been 2 days and i cant stop myself from playin my Bass. It hurts..oh does it...but i heard somewhere pain is a sign of accomplishment. I guess?? Fuck it it may hurt like shit, but im not lettin this stop me from playin music!!

Axe + Hand = Bad Umm K??

ok guys, i know i dont do this offten, but i should it gets shit off me chest.

So i found out today that a Hand and an Axe dont mix!! umm k? im ok other than almost takin off my left forfinger and thumb. Yeah i guess it was a lesson to learn from. I just thank god that i didnt do nethin bad, just a 1 1/2 long slice all the way to the bone..ouch yeah hurts a bit.

Also lately i find myself thinking no one likes to talk to me. I dont know what it is, but i just cant get it. Ill say something to someone and they either reply w/ a , "oh..you again?what now?" or no responce @ all. I dont know, maybe its b/c i feel like shit and i think no one likes me; idk beets the fuck out of me i tell ya. I hurt myself mentaly and physicly over shit like this. It could also b that im pritty much starting from scratch, new home,new relationships,new job..i guess a new life..i just dont like it. Having everthing ripped from your hands after 4 years of work and dedication it just dissapears b/c someone else doesnt want nething to do w/ u anymore. Whatever,, what comes around goes around, all i have been is loving and careing.....i just hope this means ill get whats comming to me....

All I can say is that life will allways begin when it somehow ends. The cycle of life and relationships are the same; where one dies and whithers the other thrives and survies. When life throws you a curve ball, hit that fucker out of the park b/c you're the one in control not your feelings. Don't EVER forget about your Family and expecialy Friends , for those are the onse who will help you , guide you to great things.

P.S. By the Way this whole myspace thing actualy helped me hash things out and to take my mind off things......thanx jillian ;p