-Dough so soft-
I know nothing 'bout reindeer
I know nothing 'bout a thing that's rare
Clap & Fold

I know nothing 'bout tea
your mouth is black & bitter
your teeth rusty white cabins

My blood goes running back to those four-legged wonders
Scarcely seen, but the sun goes down
I beg you, will you wait still?
But my mouth is dry, I'm dumb
My gestures are too big still
and every year there's a deeper well
You ask me, will I manage?
Oh no, you don't, you just assume.

How will I manage?
Who will wash my laundry white?
How will I manage?
Who will kneed the dough so soft?
And get me ready for playtime...?

You dried out root, you fruitful
Introduced me to the infinite
and the ending just the same!
For that I'm still so angry with you

I know nothing 'bout cars
& cars & parts & radios
transmitters & carburators
to me it all sounds the same

How will I manage?
Who will wash my laundry white?
How will I manage?
Who will kneed the dough so soft?
and get me ready for playtime...?

----------------------------------------------------------------

- Over, the white snow -

Once, one spring, in the morning sun
Uncovered a tv-set
Look at the moving pictures
They laugh & dance, great joy
Look at the broken window
They stopped you dead in your tracks

Over, the white snow
Green grass & glaring sun
Over, the white snow
Grey muck & pouring rain

Once, one fall, in the morning sun
I lost my will to speak
Felt, with so many warnings,
I could not risk my esteem
To learn 'bout so many others
Stupefied me aswel so it seemed

Over, the white snow
Gather my tainted sheets
Over, the bright glow
Staggered to see your face

-------------------------------------------------------------

- I sailed along -

I sailed along,
I sailed along...
there's only so much anyone can say
I sailed along...

Left her behind
& plodded on.
The only thing that occupied my mind.
But she'll be back.

I sailed along a dark rim,
lowered all the blinds &
kept myself impatient.

Print that in blue
Give it to him
There's only so much anyone can see,
realistically

Print that in white
I start anew.
You stick your head out,
risk it gets cut off.
So no big surprise

Please
read again,
read careful,
read what I last wrote,
you don't even listen!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

- Song came from M. -

Saw my lonely brother there
Do whatever you think's fair
When you never tell me so
How d'you figure I should know?
Hover
Hover

Why d'you only stare at me?
And talk so sharply back at me?
I wish we'd be friends again
You & me, it's quite worth while
Lever
Lever

Knowing you were never there
or knowing we were lovers fair
Feeling we were sworn in
There were warnings
Still I ask why you never gave me
a lovely summer's day

---------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm carried away to the summerstreets
& dreamy lands & talk of 'right to be',
talk of pride & sense of worthiness.
& those dreamy streets come to life in my mind.
"No, I haven't,
I've sacrificed this year.
Sounds weird, doesn't it?
I'm sad, don't get me wrong,
I'm bleeding out,
my heart..."

I'll stumble& then leap into the twilight night
& drink until I'm no longer pretty

I had a vision of a man I treated like trash,
but he cared for me.
I tried to lose him all I could,
but he turned around & looked at me. ME<
& said to me (.) talked about pity
I was stupefied.
Turned away, I stood, water flowing out of
me. I looked but didn't see. So I opened my eyes wider & wider
put my hands to the glass & peered through the glass
but still I couldn't see a thing.
It appears I wound up at a field of dried lava,
covered with moss.
There's holes you can climb into, or lie in, if you want.
I laid down, with my behind in a mossy hole,
my head half in, arms & legs out.
Fully un-empowered
I drank whiskey
for hours on end.
That's where the vision ends.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's somewhere between here & there I'd like to connect to.
I'd like to make a little wooden bridge (-natural material-)
& have my mind wandering over it,
whenever it pleases.
Those thunderbolt & lightning-thoughts could be converted,
I figured.

If he would've gone there,
it would not have been out of free will. The road
was paved, wintersun shining,
but his words didn't cut the cold air.
None of them.
Instead he held back. His eyes looking fishy.

What a kind fellow, this man.
What a mess wé make, squirting, blurting, wiggeling : )

"Didn't I tell you, the other day,
about that marketplace we went to,
about that scarf that Lisa bought?
It wasn't yellow, or white like our tongues?
It was red! Like your cheekbones are now."
" Naw! Oh, that sounds great.
Was it expensive?"
"Nah. Well, ask her."
"Can I see it, do you have it on now?"
L: "Look here. Isn't it reminiscent
of your grandma's eyelids?
Wet shiny red."

a shitty feeling.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

lower your finger

I gather this is love

any two days in the
prison of your own
fear
kills the buds,
chokes the birds,
kicks the dog.

I gather this is love.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I'll go & build
mySelf a house.
choose the things
I like."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Your shocking gestures
shaky jaws
swiftly moving from impression to impression.
you seem like a smart man. Very smart.

So help me solve this riddle,
about man's different ways.
about the lower or the higher ceilings
about the talking or the clay-
kneeding and it's
not the forming
of things
the shapes come out
discarded
it's the kneeding of that
sand.
It's the warming
of the muscle.

Hear you me,
umbrella?
I like you keep me
dry.
You're red and
still I can see
the sunlight through
your veil.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

ok. A plunge in
the deep end.
Swimming pool
filled with red wine.
Never be alone after
three glasses!!
Very bad mirrors
in the hotel-bathroom.
& been having too much
to eat & drink for days
now.
I look ugly.
So ugly naked
I'd better stay dressed.
I fart.
Curse myself & go
to bed.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

He'd take me to his home & show me how he lives.
It's a lot of sitting behind the computer with a lonely face.
"You can't live like this!," I exclaim, with laughter in my face.
"you need some love!," I say, & I hug him tightly.
Whereupon he starts to laugh sweetly too
& we have an understanding.
I need him &
he needs me.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

en tour en tour
en retour en retour

there when she
with the staggering
face, pulled inwards,
talked to her son,
it was to hold him
back, it seemed.
To keep him from coming
close to her. There's
something there she can't
rhyme with happiness.
Some way her child
could dissapoint her.
He makes a
loud throat-sound.
Her skin pulls back.
You can see her jaws
protrude, through the skin,
she's
considerably big though.
Statuesque. What
contrast with such
failure.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm contemplating selfpity.

loosen my grip or tighten?

" here's a chance to step up
and do what you know is right..."

I don't fall for that oldfashioned,
grotesque,
statement of yours.
it makes me want to barf
and have you hold my hair up

puke out all this eerieness
'I'm floating on the clouds'

remember, you once
took me, up the tower
in my hometown?
think back, was I not trembling,
trembling, from a glance down at the streets?

there's really nothing sticks in your mind,
makes me think you might not care...

I'm contemplating selfpity...

-----------------------------------------------------------

man, embrace me,
make that call.
when both we land
in strange a land
& only give me
short
short
kisses like you only
can.

come forth
with that sparkle
draw it out
here
for me
I won't stand you
keeping that locked up.

I've an interest of my own.
in sparkles.

--

Red lights come
through the cloud-beds.
That golden frame, like
star-couple, but
without drinks I'd rather be

These wings,
oh hold me up to the sky
for my disgust
not to jack me down
shining through like sundown
Are you there?
Are you listening?

---

I could spend some time
on airplane-toilets.

ponder & reflect

little bag of
chili-nuts

& white wine
later
back in the seat
where peace returns

"but I felt so damn alive!"

flush me back to sanity

poop me civilisation
" don't touch it!
let it be! "

what's shaped by
nature's
quite divine

yes that is what I've learned

--------------------------------------------

clean streets
& space to move

& snobs
isolation
comfort all the way

& then this Dutch
girl
staying on the top
of the hill
that expensive bill

Gucci-bag
& Neder-trash

will she keep me?

I have too strong feelings
on that subject

red spotting
white eyes,
red eyes
piercing eyes

& questions
& I have this
urge to smile
so warmly
- middle of the fight -
feel it coming
& then takes my
concentration
for a part.

imagine
little girls
together
my hand on your waist
your hand
on my shoulder

you put me
in the lead.
---------------------------------------------

From that moment on:

met her by the waterside
all I did was passing by
grabbed my arm & said " don't go!
the sun is going down."

so I stayed & we threw rocks
o'er the water, then we talked
seems like life is good to some
& others don't get nothing done
never did I see her, from that moment on.

when he came it was my time
for to let someone inside
came a man with iron hands
but soft they were, like down

wrapped around me, day & night
went our way, until he said
"sorry, love, I have to go,
there's something waiting to unfold"
Never did I see him
From that moment on

-----------------------------------------

pepper, carrot,
I was in above my knees
borrowing the car & then
the bike & making
money off a boy
with a multi-talent.
I can not recall
when I was happier.

------------------------------------------

once more confirmed
my youth I spit
into the flowerbed
beside my front door.
fix me up.
when I come out
everyone's up & gone.
you spend some time
digesting life, to find
you've missed a show.
another blank episode
another lamb lost in the woods
pour me something
that's been done
I'll eat it like a steak
they said

----------------------------------------------

she has an opinion of her own
& you can't protect
what's coming
from what's been.

I try to make a dotted line
like old-fashioned laundry-lines
reaching from one
windowsill to another
a forced connection
-one might say-
b'tween hostile neighbours,
old desires
& what we can't imagine

half the force of a kid's feelings
brings a building down

---------------------------------------------

'Round the House:

marvels at the reason why
sometime that evening
in the midst of comb & gown
& brushing teeth.

gentle as her gestures
go thoughts over days past,
& the love,
somewhere a deed in the past,
you can just sense that she closes down.

sun's down, but the heat's still here.
Meanwhile the rituals & the falling
in silence, in faith.
How to be reached?

to be so discretely down.
she is a dame
mist 'round the house,
hangs among the trees.
crawls in the windows
and puts her to bed.

sometimes, but it's rarely though,
she gives a look as clear as day.
Nothing you said,
nothing you did.

she says 'so long!'
and now she wanders...

to be so discretely down.

------------------------------------------

I said, "little LiLo,
make your way,
into a little girl's heart"

a fat girl
leaves
shows her ass to
both sides of the room
solid & firm

I get such a longing
for real flesh
& much of it
& happiness,
when I watch those
tiny teens
their sickening
routines

makes my pen itch
for a script
" already half-way there
soon as the choice is made",
I tell myself.

take her flesh
& don't let it dissolve
in postmodernism.

-----------------------------------------

I don't want
mayonaise and
butter
that's as gross
as your smurk
little smurky-man

with your shiny fly-bag/suitcase crappy look

and now I think of our hands
lost in play.
one of his
& one of mine
But sometimes we cheat
& use two...

I think of that
place, halfway his
thumb, that appeared
when we were thumb-fighting

it's all this 'love-letter'
gamble type mentality
Once again I find
myself lost in space.
In between focus-points.

----------------------------------------

it's kind of greyish,
boring brown
here. industrial, perhaps.

a windmill

brown stone,
big rock hill
with trees

& yellow grass
& snow

come forward
little red houses
with white ribbon
edges
& pancakes in the morning
little ones & big ones.

Pancakes in the morning
& I think you are right.
let's rewind and play it back again
you think about him all the time

yes, you guessed right,
I'm on the road again.
next to me
two drunken russians
before me
youngsters in love
doing what I did
just hours ago,
though I left alone,
not with him.

------------------------------------------

ain't got
a leg
to stand on

no consolidation

oe,
leave me blueness
go sit in your cave.

leave me red wine
I don't need your drops
tricklin' through my happiness,
draggin' it down
into
that
blue.

-----------------------------------------

he says: " it's always like that"
(says:)
" don't fear what
you've just uncovered"

------------------------------------------

You don't know your strength
loveable & all
you took me apart
put it in the heart

way down below
can't be seen or heard
'n oh, there I stood
startled,
with a loss of love.

now it hits the ground
I'm weary of the truth
slow in understanding
much too overrated.

I put back the walls
doubled my defense
but some things've changed
surely
things are changing fast.

You don't know your strength
loveable & all
you took me apart
put it in the heart

------------------------------------------

It's a molding cellar
with a sheep's head in the fridge
I can barely see the fish in the black water.
tell me, how long is this gonna last?

what if he pins me in a corner?
what could I do??
tear all the anarchist
propaganda off the walls,
scream,
and no one would notice,
no one would hear.

I'm fed up with free-thinking
I need a home and a boyfriend,
someone whom I love and loves me back.

------------------------------------------------------

a bright omen
obvious and treacherous
we've been told
" anything too shiny
and anything too true
oh, ain't no good for you"

by the way,
if I were to let some air
fill up that dead...
spot there
let it breathe
then fill it - shut

to the lid
purple
vacuum
cleaner.

since there was no food in
that day
we went 'round the corner
to indulge in some
serious sushi-eating

every now and then
he would be provided with
a problem

how should I know
what to wish for?
what might bring me good?

or bad, for that matter;
there's some that seem to
see through life's pretentions
nail it down
and drink their cup
no further than 'till ---

since there's nothing else to do,
she get's back to bed.
he receives her
with modest desire
gentle demands and
warm thrusts.

---------------------------------------------------

these are from two songs I recently wrote


I Wish.

Inkspots, dear, and a paper trail
wait for busses that never fail
to show when unwanted
you're my only love
come, take my hand
and we can run right out of here

Goals are wishes that can come true
I wish I will grow old with you
let's take a left and visit Sam's old farm
then buy some beers
so we can roll right out of here

leave them be,
we've much to talk
- I would become myself -

some time later writing came
- it is because of you;
'cause it's true -

I run my farm with the greatest skills
help me climb ev'n the highest hills
road never-ending
"Would you leave me here? "
sometimes a roundabout
but otherwise it's clear


One Time Game.

Sparrows flying
on my way to the bar
rosy cheeks
I went into your room that day.
that old house was
like a stage for our Shakespeare
on rainy days.
Juvenile our fantasies and
fierce were our ways.

here and there,
minus the growing-up part and the faking,
are parts surviving change,
somehow
now and then,
-digging up treasures in my parents' house-
I see your future in your eyes
One split-second it can't hide.
I throw the picture on the pile,
drown the evidence and frown.

The sun is rising
going out thrice a week
driving home
those days it was always safe.
the bed is where our hearts rested
single malt in the morning-
one time game
wry as were your dad's remarks
I never heard none.

here and there,
- water-soaked forest and a steeple-
were spots as new to us as to you.
now and then,
'holding your breath on account of what?'
"It's not that I don't want to", stuttered soft-
flash and lightning in my heart.
I never went there with my thoughts,
didn't think it proper at the time.