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Brittney Gardiner

Last Updated: 9/13/2009

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Gender: Female
Status: In a Relationship
Age: 23
Sign: Sagittarius

City: around
State: UTAH
Country: US
Signup Date: 4/4/2006

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September 9, 2006 - Saturday

003.

i;ll close my eyes to look at you.
i;ll try to obliterate everything you did to break my heart.
&&i will attempt to remember those few moments.
those few moments when i was the only one that you could have ever wanted.
i try so hard to remember those simple phrases.
i love you.
you;re beautiful.
but all i can hear
when i close my eyes.
is all those lies that spilled from your mouth.
i love you
you;re beautiful.
&&now i have to close my eyes to look at you
because if i were just to see you i would cry.
if i were to see you i would remember.
it took me so long to catch on to you.
it took me so long to be offended by
i love you
you;re beautiful.
lies are the only thing that kept us together.
lies are the only thing tearing us apart.
just try honesty.
honestly...
i can;t look at you with my eyes even closed.
you never loved me.
beauty is something you will never have.

12:08 PM

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September 9, 2006 - Saturday

002.
Current mood:

touched
Category: Life

so i was just going through some files on my computer

and i ran into this.

i wrote it last september;

so its quite old.

its nothing at all spectacular

but the content is important to me.

I sat and stared; the wind blew my hair to my face.
There it sat. The headstone read his name.
WWII soldier.
Husband. Father. Grandpa.
The date read 80 years old today.
If he were still here.
As I sat staring,
Thats when I felt it
A deep breathe in.
I put on my sunglasses.
Then came the rush.
The emotions were strong.
Slow heart beat.
Boom. Boom. Boom.
Another deep breathe.
I feel it.
That one little annoyance.
Creeping into the corner of my eye.
That one little annoyance.
Making me feel weak.
I look back down at the headstone.
I was so young when you were taken.
My eyes swell.
I feel weak.
I feel hurt.
Yes, hurt.
The feeling that I hide the most.
I feel ashamed.
I try to hide it but its too late.
The swelling up inside.
He is not here anymore.
I miss him.
Admittance.
I miss him.
Slowly one single moist drop slides down my cheek.
Only to be followed by more chasing after it.
And for that instance there was relief
But with relief the shame.
I let it go.
I let myself go.
I gave in to the power of emotion.
And with each tear it would consume me.

my grandpa was an amazing man.

Rest In Peace Grandpa Dean

I love you and miss you greatly.

Currently listening:
The Covers Record
By Cat Power
Release date: 21 March, 2000