We used to be such good friends. What happened? You started spamming me a lot more and requesting way too much. I don't see the point in commenting on all your profiles. Where are you going with this?

I'm on tour with Deer Tick. They are my very good friends and I have been spoiled by getting to tour with them these last couple months. They're a very great band and they've been backing me up every night. I don't have an amp but I have a band, a good band and great friends at that. It's been wonderful, to say the least. And it keeps getting better actually.
   Last week I played Music City Roots (http://musiccityroots.com/) with Dex Romweber and next week I'm playing The Knitting Factory with Neil Hamburger and tons of dates with Deer Tick in between. Then on December 1st I'll be flying to Nashville to open for my favorite singer of all time, Billy Joe Shaver. He is my hero and number 1 inspiration. I couldn't possibly be more excited about this. I couldn't be more grateful to Jon my booking agent for getting me this and the music city roots shows. He is amazing. Sorry to go on and on like I'm winning an award, I'm just happy.

Anyway, it's been a long time since I been here so hello, is anyone still out there?

Here's a little poem for you:

Where her belly ends
   and her legs begin
     there's a fork in the road
        where my journey ends

Jonny

Saw Hank Jr. play tonight in Centennial Park. He is great, fans are better "just play something that you really love Hank" Drunk drunk drunk. Underdubbed a vocal track.

Bored I am. Tired of holding back. Nobody gets it. Not here. No sir! Debating running everywhere I go instead of any other form of transport. 99 degrees and hot

Billy Joe Shaver is the best there ever was. He is true blue, no bullshit but beyond real. 

Whatever. Leather guitar straps, belts, airbrush shirts over and over again. Need money, need friends more. Need acceptance and appreciation. Can't hold it back anymore. Millionaire offspring hard 2 handle don't want to compete want to be okay

It's raining in Shreveport. I'm listening to Clint Black. I've been listening to embarrassing country music lately and really enjoying it, wondering when I am going to not feel embarrassed about it. I also just changed my flight to Austin on a whim so I could ride my motorcycle there. I called a few friends, got a few shows booked and now I am having similar feelings about my life as I do with the music I listen to. I feel like I should be embarrassed about it. As if I shouldn't leave town all the time or prefer to drive through the night but to tell the truth I've never felt anything so natural or comforting in my life. I see new people every hour who are all either excited to see me or new folks all the time that I get to meet. The scenery is always changing, my thoughts always flowing, I'm conscious of the terrain, weather, traffic, my motorcycle, how it sounds, how it feels, I'm anticipating any changes ahead in the road or in my plans and what I want to do next. Nothing feels so natural to me and I don't know if I want to change. I've been trying to. It may not seem like it but I've been trying to stay in Nashville and keep projects going and make plans to keep me there but I just get so lonely and bored. I keep thinking about that Dan Beckman song where he says "To you my life may be a pig sty / but I might live this way until I die".
  In Birmingham I got to meet this young man named Tripp (two P's). He is a pretty brilliant fella with a pretty wild perspective on life. He told a room full of people how he falls in love and stalks the girls that work at the corner store everyday. "Fuck man, she just blows on her coffee so good. She has this black hair and I think SHIT! I love you! And the guy who works there is her boss and he cusses as much as I do so I know that would work out! He says all these bad words and I heard his dad was a sailor so I thought FUck man he's 'cussin like a sailor' there isn't anything cooler than that so I just got to run out of there because that girl man she's just too perfect and I can't ever deserve her but the guy who used to run that place was cool man he had that open since like 1974 and he had cheaper beer. I don't know about the new guys, it's just that she does that thing with her coffee (blowing on an imaginary cup of coffee) like this... (closing his eyes, his head rolls back and he smiles)- that was the best part of my day" He opens his eyes and asks every person in the room what was their favorite part of their day. Of course nobody has anything to top the best part of his day. I thought I would be tricky and ask him what the part of his day was the day before and he didn't even fret. He knew it right off the bat, I bet he knows it for every day of his life. "Yesterday was when I went to the library and I followed that checkout girl outside so she could smoke a cigarette. She didn't know I was there but I saw she didn't have a lighter, and I didn't have a light neither man so I was like FUCK and then I saw a dude man and he was lightin' a cig too so I went up there and asked him for a light (acting this out) 'hey man, you got a light?' So once I got my cig lit I went over to that girl all cool and said hey... you need this?.... she was like 'yeah I do actually' and I was like 'no problem' but real cool like..." Tripp was entertaining everyone there and he quickly became the best part of my day.
    The rest of the night was filled with girls sniffing (or just smelling) formaldehyde, obscure country records spun by Dj Pussyturd until 4 am and this Paraguayan guy who brought some vhs tapes of high-school kids playing soccer - I think he may have been their coach but he was explaining and predicting every play with so much excitement that the whole party gathered around the little tv to learn some new soccer tips. It was a pretty fun night. Thanks Birmingham.
   I got up a few hours later and drove to Shreveport. I took a wrong turn down I-59 where it splits off of I-20 West and I went about 70 miles out of the way. It made a 7 hours trip and good 8 and a half hours. Last night I played with The Peekers at a bar in the "casino district". It was pretty much a sports bar with all types of people. I heard a Big & Rich song where a guest artist raps a verse. My jaw dropped - it finally happened, Country and Rap have come together. I'm not sure if it's the end of Country music or if good country is now allowed back since there can be a new genre "Castrated Hip-Hop/Country". I should write a letter and ask someone.
  A HUGE hero of mine, Jimmy Walker and I had a phone conversation the day before yesterday. Brian Martin has had his phone number for some time and just never called him. I couldn't have been more excited. I called him right up and his wife answered. I asked if Jimmy Walker was there, she leaned away from the phone and said "Jimmy Walker, you have a phone call", as if she knew it was a fan calling this old legend. He answered and was ready for the next half hour of questions. There was so much I wanted to know! Where did you record Tender Warrior? How did you come to write it? Are there more records????? He kind of blew my mind. He's 75 years old and he lives on the edge of the Okefenokee swamps down in deep southern Georgia, just like in his songs he wrote 40 years ago! For those of you who don't know, Jimmy Walker is a country musician who wrote this entire album about the Okefenokee Swamps in the 60's. The songs are solid gold and WEIRD!!!! Here's a lyric "danger lurks from the branches of the trees, beware for they're hidden in the leaves, and they see you, every move you make! Tender Warrior... fury prowls through the marshes of this land, there are spots where the ground's too soft to stand, and it lures you, pulls you under, Tender Warrior" He is right up there along the top of my list for favorites for sure and my fascination has only grown stronger since talking with him. I have big plans but won't spoil the surprise for you guys just yet.
   I'm heading to Texas. God I love this. I LOVE this so much I wish it could keep going. I feel guilty for going to India. Rich, K-fai and I are leaving March 5th for a month and then Lauren and I are flying to Texas to pick up my motorcycle (I'm flying to Philly and leaving the bike in Austin) and then riding it to Los Angeles. Hear me now, I'm not so sure about anything except riding  a motorcycle and playing stupid, silly songs. I pay 50 dollars a month for a closet space in Nashville that I can't even stand up in and it stresses me out beyond belief. Thanks for listening.
  If anyone would ever want to join the Corndawg motorcade across America, playing music in the corndawg band then please let me know. I really want to play with a band everywhere I go so if you'd like to play/tour then let's talk.

"Looking up your skirt since the very first day / looking up your skirt since the very first grade / I'll be looking up your shirt when you're standing over my grave / You may think my eyes are closed but I'm just playing dead / I'm covered in dirt I'm a dirty ole boy / Come on baby stand over my grave...."
I wrote this one on the motorcycle on the way to Shreveport from Birmingham.

Everyone on Shreveport is pregnant or a parent. It's a good thing that these incredible people are pro-creating. They are such good people. All the greatest people I know don't want to have kids and it's a shame. I am so happy that these people are pregnant.

Thanks Loney Hutchins, Davis Inman and Ben Martin for helping record that demo the other night in Nashville. We knocked out 8 songs in 5 hours, mostly covers and they all sounds great. Email me if you want and I'll send you a song.
JonnyCorndawg@gmail.com
www.PissOnFord.org
2/21/09

Damn Indian Internet. I just wrote the world's longest blog and when I
went to post it, of course the internet went out and it was erased.



I'm not writing it again. Sorry



Jonny - We are all sick and very tired here



Hindi Lesson:



Please leave me/us alone

  hanko akela cor deN

You are very kind

   ap ki bari kripa hai

Tonight Rich, K-fai and I all bought tickets to India! We are going from the 5th of March until the 8th of April. It was kind of an impulse thing but I tend to deal best with these kinds of trips when they are not planned too well.

I'll also be playing Sach by Sachwest. My buddy Sachem in Austin TX, is throwing a big birthday party for himself before South by Southwest and he invited me to play! So Ill be going down for one show and hanging out a few days in Austin, then flying up to Philadelphia to (hopefully) work a couple days before we all go to India for a month!

If an of you will be in any of these places while I'll be there then please let me know, let's get together!

Jonny

It's been a long time since I have been jealous of someone else's life or experiences. But last night, while farting around on the internet, I stumbled upon my friend Johnny Fogg's website and his pictures of his most recent motorcycle excursion. He has pictures and little stories about the entire trip. The pictures are fantastic and the stories are short enough to interest you without ever making you want to skip one.
  He traveled on a beautiful vintage BMW motorcycle - which in itself is amazing and inspiring. Johnny is a professional photographer in Brooklyn originally from Charlottesville, Virginia, I think he's 23 years old and he is destined for greatness. I also read that he is moving to Japan for a year to study tea ceremony! What a great guy, I hope you all enjoy his stories and pictures as much as I did.
www.johnnyfogg.com
http://johnnyfogg.com/crosscountry/

Howdy friends!

Long time since I've written anything. I have a new song I'd like to share with you. It's A capella so far. I don't have a title yet. I'm thinking either "Don't Kiss Below The Belt" or "Silver Pantie Liners". What do you think?

Them silver pantie liners
set my mind to wonders
what incredible roaring thunders
are brewing on the other side
don't ever kiss below the belt
before you make a slight connection
a small talk conversation
or a locking of the eyes
your premature pleasures
come at such great measures
a distasteful waste of efforts
they'll ruin the surprise
buckling your belt
when an almost silent whisper
falls softly from the lips of a man
down on the strangers thigh
I'm sorry
I regret this
I know that we'll forget this
the only one thing I'm able to say to you now is goodbye

Two shows with a full band coming up in New York on Wednesday, January 28th at The issue Project Room with D Charles Speer. Then Thursday, January 29th at Matchless with DJ Das Booty and DJ Misery Creep



My friend Travis Nickolson who just happens to be a professional actor, just happened to be wearing one of my shirts while filming a new commercial for Krystal. Watch it here.
http://www.npallaudio.com/Krystal.html

The Pet Portrait special still stands...

Wow, the folks down at American Songwriter have been really nice to me lately! They picked my song Family Tree as the winner of the 2008 Craft of Music Contest and pressed 40,000 copies of this compilation with Lucinda Williams, My Morning Jacket, Okkervil River, Old Crow Medicine Show, Dr. Dog, Spinto Band and Justin Townes Earle! it's a great comp and they liked my song enough to throw it in there somewhere! So if you want to check it out I think you can buy the magazine at any Barnes and Nobles or Borders in the USA. This is amazing and probably the biggest thing that's ever happened to me musically.
They also let me record a few songs at their studio/office down on music row the other night. Some of the recordings turned out great and they did an awesome write up of the whole thing!
Click here to read what they wrote and to listen...

I've been busy with airbrushing lots of Pet Portraits and working on my motorcycle

In other news I finished the Marine Corps Marathon yesterday in (personal) record timing! My previous marathon in Barcelona took 4 hours and 6 minutes and yesterday, despite lots of knee trouble, I was able to cross the finish line in just 3 hours 44 minutes and 54 seconds! New record!!
(pictures to come)

Sorry for that last post, what a bummer. I'm better now. I feel like a million bucks!
Before I got back from tour - the day after I posted that last blog actually, I got a call from American Songwriter (www.americansongwriter.com) saying that I'd won The Craft of Music Contest! They are going to press 40,000 copies of this compilation with a bunch of rockstar bands and me! It will go out with all the Nov/Dec issue of American Songwriter. I think they sell it in Borders but maybe just the one here? Anyway the song is Family Tree and it's the recording from I'm Not Ready To Be A Daddy
Lauren and I went to see Loretta Lynn play at her ranch the other day. It was pretty cool. She has a dirtbike racing race track in her yard and it's a beautiful plantation. Kind of funny how they took a beautiful historic place and make it a white trash racetrack. I'm not knocking it it's just funny. That's all. Her mansion is haunted! Google it! There are 19 dead confederate soldiers, lots of blood and slaves haunting the house! Ahhhh! I got a picture with her!



I just went on the worst run ever. I didn't think it was bad while running or even after but now that I am back at the house, adding up all the bad parts it may be the worst one. It started off a cool late evening 10 mile group run in Goodletsville. I had a sore leg but I was going to try and run through it. The leg held up alright but felt a little funky. I still ignored it and kept a decent pace. At about mile 4 I realized that I had to take a dookster and that it would just have to wait. Well the leg started to hurt more and my gut felt 100 pounds, the sun went down and it started to get cold. I tried to keep up with House (which is almost always a bad idea) and my stomach got so bad I was sure I would lose my shorts. Still I held out for the bathroom but at about mile 8.5 I gave in and dove into the bushes. House yelled the directions at me but I was a little busy. I pooped in someones yard and wiped my butt with their grass - sorry about that one guys. After my little break I felt about 300% and headed back to the starting point. I thought I knew the way but once I cut into the subdivision I got totally turned around and went to the end of every street and to the top of every hill only to find a fucking culs-de-sac. I was getting cold and every car I tried to wave down would simply turn on their highbeams and drive faster. It was looking bad until one passerby helped me out. At this point I was chilled, tired and had run a lot farther than I'd originally planned. On the way back to the highway I got really dizzy so I stopped for McDonald's for dinner. Now it's been years since I've eaten McDonald's for anything, much less ordering a full meal. Gross. It didn't matter then I was cold, tired and in much need of food. Once I got enough food in me and fluids I got on the bike an headed back to town. Wouldn't you know it the temperature had dropped a few more degrees and it was down right cold! I got chilled and about froze my butt off getting back here. Now I am home and warm but I feel awful. Thanks McDonald's, thanks leg, thanks stomach and thanks a lot shitty neighborhood with nasty neighbors!

Pet portrait special this month! Think Christmas! Think about it!


Also check out my new website Piss On Ford dot org!!! http://www.pissonford.org

What the hell am i doing? I have been asking myself this a lot lately. What am I trying to accomplish? I've been working on booking this tour for two months and now it's over. I've been riding my motorcycle for the last few hours recapping the last week. It's been rough to say the least and I feel like nobody has cared really at all. I guess that's what it's like playing in small towns. People don't appreciate what they are getting. They have no idea how far you've come, how long you've been doing your thing, they don't care about anything other than talking about themselves, they don't want to contribute or compensate you for going so far out of your way to play ahhhhh!!!! I am just at the bottom here and I'm wondering what in the hell I'm doing. On the one hand I am excited to just play shows shows shows all the time and tour like wild and get to know everyone. I'm afraid it does no good though. I honestly can't say that it will ever pay off. I'm not talking financially. I'm talking about recognition. Further I think that the turnover rate for how long something that maybe interests a person stays in their head, without constant reminder is much too fast to survive. Meaning that no matter how much I stay on the road and play play play it will never be fast enough to captivate and draw crowds. It may entertain but it will never be enough to stick. That is, not if it's just me. I need some help. I need some press, some assistance, something that I cannot do on my own. Someone else's contacts, someone else's fans... Help!
The more I play small towns and get shut down or ignored or disrespected the more of an asshole I become and the more I want to demand things and not enjoy the game. It's a tough one and I just don't know what to do. Tonight I played a show in a packed restaurant. I fought the entire set, just to stay one decibel louder than the noise of the room, but with no luck. I finally wanted to just end it but before I was going to stop I invited all who wanted to hear the show outside to the porch to hear the final song. Most of the room followed me out and it was great. There was no sound, no noise and no bullshit. Which makes me wonder why in the hell I am booking in these kinds of places, filled with awful people who hate music and sounds guys who don't care. BUT Then you are stuck forever on the bottom, doomed to play drunken house party basement scenes or coffee shop open mics for eternity. A life that will never satisfy and only turn you cold to the world.
I'm in a rest area in Iowa. I stopped because they have internet. It's 1:30 am and I am driving to St Louis. It's a 600 mile drive. I'm stopping also because there is an extreme weather watch for all of Missouri and it's supposed to rain heavy until 5 or 6 am and I'm afraid Ill get there before then unless I stall. So here I am at the end of my rope.