I shouldn't be awake, but alot's on my noggin.

i'm happy, for the first time in a long time. It's almost like watching a great big puzzle come together piece by piece. I feel like slowly i'm becoming the person i've always wanted to be. That makes fuck-all sense, it's hard to explain it.

I feel like i'm carving out an identity for myself now. That was one of my biggest problems for such a long time.

I don't want to talk about this anymore. I got sleepy all of the sudden.

Also, I take back anything bad I said aboue 3oh3. Blast it while you're driving, it makes a huge difference. Yea, yea, I contradict myself again. Big fucking surprise ;D

holding your hand.
making vaginas out of our favorite foods.
talking about shoes, and tattoos.
arguing about autobots&decepticons.
watching/listening to you sing.
bitching about things to eachother.
resturaunt drawings.
leaving prom early to drink slushees.
stupid faces.
trading funny pictures back & fourth.
being high together.



there's so many more than this, but it's 1:48 in the morning, and I have to have my grampa back examined by a man with cold fingers tomorrow morning. these have been the best few months of my life, and I owe every bit of it to you. i promise, i'll pay it all back somehow.

I love you more than you'll ever know.

 

I need an outlet, and this blog is the only thing available for now.

I'm a worry wart; it's just who I am. Sometimes worries come thought free, sometimes i'll sit, and look for things to worry about. I don't like to do it, but it's like a mental sickness, or some junk. I worry about work, college, the future, and other random odds, and ends.

I need some kind of medication; anything to get me out of my own head for awhile. I've never looked to meds to help solve my problems; not even for so much as a cold. I'm desperate though, and i'm tired of trying to work out my own problems. I need a crutch sometimes.

I don't know, i've lived this long taking care of myself. Who knows, all my troubles might blow over, and i'll feel fine.

 

Yes, i've lost my mind.
-James

(Somewhat Related)

Well, since it's late, and I got school tomorrow, I want to try to make this particular blog, short, sweet, to the point. Let's continue.

In English 12 we've been discussing elements of a quest story, which is awesome. We've got to read Beowulf, and The Hobbit, we watched Star Wars. Good lesson. Anyways, the point of the lesson is that there are several "rules" to quest stories. Like "magical power" "our hero is young" or "reward at the end" all the things we're pretty accustomed to when we run by something like Harry Potter, or anything of that sort.

One that really gets me is "hero is out to prove himself". It hits home mostly, because im at the age of where most heroes in these books/movies/ect start out on some life-fulfilling, rewarding, quest. It really makes me question myself as a person at my age. I mean, what do I have to prove as a person? I don't see a clear reward at the end (cept' maybe peace with Jesus Christ, but that's another topic for another day) I feel like i've reached my peak as a human being. Like nothing's left for me to show the world; to show my friends, family, ect. I think my quest is to find something to be truly worthy over. I feel worthless, plain, faceless amongt the billions in this world. I want to be known for something. I want to gain the courage to fight the biggest monster out there. I want some sort of prestige in my life. I just don't know how to accomplish it.

That's why I hold so many stupid little achieved goals so close, because I feel like i've done nothing.

One day, I may do something, and shine brighter than any star. Till then, i'll keep searching for my quest, and keep searching for what kind of hero I can be.