Last Thursday I took my last chemo treatment.  Rachel and I celebrated by going to a concert on Friday.  Saw Switchfoot, Jars of Clay, Robert Randolph and the Family Band, and Third Day.  Third Day and RR were awesome.  If you've never heard RR, you should check him out!  http://www.robertrandolph.net/index2.html..:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

I met with my radiation oncologist last Tuesday.  We have to wait on a few scans before we really make a plan of action.  But a minimum of 3 weeks and max of 5 weeks.  The side-effects list was longer than I anticipated.  And the way I'll get radiation is different than most.  Since Hodgkin's is not just in a location but in the blood, I have to have an entire area radiated.  Basically from my bottom jaw to my nipples.  That's a big area but he said it decreases the chances of the cancer coming back from 33% to about 5-10%.  So in that case, it's worth it.  Probable side effects= sore throat, dry mouth, loss of taste, fatigue.  Possible (under 5% chance) side effects= create a new cancer, lung problems, esophagus closing (um, nice).

I have a CT scan on September 8 and another PET scan on September 9.  This will determine the course of action.  It will also be used to see how much (if any) cancer is left.  Then we'll start the radiation probably September 22.  For those who don't know, radiation is much simpler than the chemo treatments.  I'll have to go every day for X number of weeks.  It takes about 30 minutes from the time I get there until I'm leaving.  They said the actual radiation is about 5 minutes.  But it's like the chemo in that the radiation builds up and will take a toll the longer I go.  But I figure if God got me through 6 months of the chemo, He can for sure handle a month of radiation.

5/12 treatments done.  yesterday wasn't real good.  still struggling mentally.  but this one is again more tough physically.  i've already had a 3 hour nap.  going to bed early tonight because long day tomorrow.

abigail is staying with a friend.  rachel and brandt are went to watch narnia: prince caspian.

update more on sunday or monday.  but not feeling too hot.

God is still good!

Coping

I’m sure you’ve heard that saying.  Second verse, same as the first….So it goes with my second chemo treatment.  The actual administration of the chemo was the same.  But the side effects have already been a little harder and little worse.

It’s 3:00 a.m. on Saturday, March 5.  I finished my second round 12 hours ago.  I can’t sleep.  Since I don’t have internet at home, I can’t "live" post.  So I thought I’d type, save it, and let you all know as live as I can what’s going on so far.

Almost immediately I could tell this cycle would be harder.  For those of you who don’t know about how the chemo treatment works, let me fill you in.  You go in and they hook up the IV to my port.  They "swab" it down nice and clean get the IV going.  They push some fluids in to clean out the catheter that runs from my port into my jugular vein into my heart.  Then they take 3 tubes of blood.  The first is "junk".  The next 2 are for blood tests.  We have to make sure my blood is up for another treatment.  There are lots of things the test checks for.  So far as I know right now, the important ones for me are my white (WBC) and red blood cells (RBC) and platelets.  Last time all those were good except a little low on my HCT (measures the number and size of RBC).  Basically I am a smidge low on iron at that point.  No problem.  I added iron-rich food to my diet.  So when the blood work came back yesterday, I was a little bummed to find out that hadn’t improved.  Didn’t get worse, but no better either.  My WBC had dropped from a very respectable and "good" count of 7.6 to a low 3.2.  For my size and sex, I should be in the 3.6-8.0 range.  So not terribly low.  But it did drop by more than half.  I could do the exact math, but it’s now 3:10 a.m. and I’m too tired.  Suffice it to say, I was upset.  I knew the chemo would attack WBC and my immune.  But that fast?!?!  I have felt good for 2 weeks and my WBC were diminished.  I asked, "What can I do to improve this?"  The response was less than stellar, "Nothing.  That’s chemotherapy.  Avoid sick people, wash your hands, drink lots of water, no fresh unwashed fruits and veggies."  As an aside, I’ve been drinking 3 liters of water a day and washing my hands every hour….mainly because of the amount of times I have to go pee thanks to a small bladder.

Back to the chemo treatment.  Blood work comes back after I’ve been sitting in a room with other patients and a "lovely" smell for almost an hour.  They give me the okay for my treatment.  Even though some things are low, Misty my pharmacist says, "You have a treatable cancer and until you’re much worse off, we move forward as planned.  We could give you a drug to boost WBC but it affects lung performance.  So does your bleomyocene and we don’t want to double-shock your lungs.  Until you’re below 2.0, move as planned."  So she calls down to the pharmacy and they mix my chemo according to some formula based on my weight, height, age, sex, and probably religious affiliation.  Then I wait for about an hour for the drugs to start rolling in.  First I get a small IV bag of a steroid and anti-nausea med.  Then the chemo gets there.  I take what is called ABVD which each stand for a different medicine.  (And I use medicine gently here since it could be called poison.  The nurses administering the meds wear masks, gloves, and a protective gown to make sure they don’t get any on them.  They just have to push it in me.  Lance does a good job in his book talking about this and I may share some later.)  I only really know the first 2 right now.  "A" is called the red devil.  It’s in a syringe and they push it (slowly putting it into my IV with saline) over 20 minutes.  This makes my next trip to the bathroom fun….my pee is a reddish-orange color.  That’s good because it means my kidneys are still functioning.  Then Bleo is a separate IV bag that takes 20-25 minutes.  "V" is another push over 10 minutes.  "D" is a 35-40 minute IV bag drip.

The whole process takes about 4 hours.  About 2 hours of waiting around and 2 hours of getting meds.  During the 4 hours, we are sitting in a lazy-boy type chair looking at each other, reading, watching TV.  I’m awake the entire time….except during a few quick naps.

My dad took me yesterday.  I don’t have the time or energy to explain what my dad means to me.  Maybe on a future blog.  But for a man that met me at 13, adopted me, had problems together in high school, divorced my mom, he has become more of a father than I could hope.  He is loving, giving, hopeful.  He’s not a Christian but has a lot of Jesus’ attributes.  He says he’s too old to change and a church would fall in on him if he ever went.  Oh for grace to cover and free him.  He’s a good man with some vices (like the rest of us).  I love him dearly.  He’s becoming my friend, not just my dad.  (I’m crying as I type this.  You ever notice how when it’s real late and you cry your eyes burn like the Dickens?!?  And trust me, the Dickens burns BAD!!)

I got to the hospital yesterday at 11.  Left at 3:30.  We stopped at BW3 because I still have an appetite.  Eat while I can.  So I got home at 4:15.  Rachel was leaving in 15 minutes to go to her class she’s taking to re-up her teaching license.  We talked quickly about my blood work and I told her, "I feel different already."

It wasn’t until about 6:30ish that I started feeling some cramping.  These came 48 hours after my first treatment and lasted for about 48 hours.  I felt more tired already, too.  I sat on the couch and took about a 30 minute nap.  I woke up and played with my kids as best I could.  They made popcorn and watched me play some Halo 3.  Rachel got home earlier than expected so we got the kids in bed and laid down ourselves.  I read my devotions and we talked.  I set my alarm for 3:00 to take my anti-nausea meds.  I woke up at 2:00 cramping and not feeling so hot.  I laid there and stared at the ceiling.  I prayed.  I rolled over and it was 2:40.  I took my medicine.  I peed for the third time since I went to bed.  I stared and prayed some more.  3:00 now.  Lots going on in my head, so I’ll go type.

So here we are….if you’re still with me.  3:20.  I’ve learned so much since February 29.  I’ve shared a lot but not everything.  Take this as I close.  I rarely listen to Christian music stations.  They tend to play the same old stuff and most of it I think is average or poor musicly.  Lyricly it could be lovely.  But man the music portion is….  But since I lost Rob, my carpool buddy, to another job, I have been listening and using my 45 minute commute to and from as worship.  If I don’t like the song, I pray through it.  If I do, I sing with it.  (Or I pull over and look at creation.)  Thursday the song that has the lyrics, "Immanuel, God with us" came on.

Immanuel.  God with us.  He is with us.  He doesn’t leave nor forsake.  The very same Jesus who came and lived gave His Spirit to be WITH us.  God, right here with me.  (I’m sitting on Abigail’s bed typing because the kids both slept in the living room.)  He is here.  With us.  With you.  With me at 3:24 a.m.  With my cramping.  Hearing my prayers.  Hearing me ask to be healed quickly.  To not have to go through radiation.  To not puke.  Thanking Him for the cancer.  For changed perspectives.  For the truth and hope that this life isn’t the end.  For Dustin Mart.  For several of my friends and family who don’t know His power, His grace, His love, His mercy, freedom, hope, touch.  Chuck Coats who just found out he has lymphoma.  Sophia Dam, a baby, who has Fifths Disease and some complications and medical issues.  Buddy Bolton who has some tests in a few weeks at IU Med Center.  My friend’s cousin, Christian, who is battling some major spiritual stuff.  Kyle Lee, an ISU grad who is wanting to work with a campus ministry there and share this Immanuel truth with other kids.  My mom.  Rachel’s family.  My sister and her kids and marriage.  Our country.  Peace in this world.  My wife- for strength, hope, courage, peace.  My kids- for health, hope, laughter, love.  He hears it all!!!!  He is here WITH me.  Immanuel!  And yesterday and today and tonight, I’ve said that over and over.  "Immanuel, God with us.  Immanuel, God with me.  Immanuel.  God.  With.  Us.  With us."  At 3:30 as I’m closing He is here.  And He is there.

Therefore the LORD himself with give you this sign: The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son and will call him Immanuel- which means "God with us".  Matthew 1:23 & Isaiah 7:14

Once again this year, my family and I are celebrating Chanukkah.  Some call me crazy for doing it since I'm a Christian.  But I feel like there is a lot of significance and a chance to teach the kids.  We are however, doing it a bit different than what a "normal" Hanukkah celebration is.

We actually are starting this Friday and doing the 8 days leading up to Christmas Eve.  The whole point of Hanukkah is to celebrate the "light" and God's provision for the Jews.  It really is a great story.  And so here's what we will do:

1. We bought a menorah last year.  We will light the candles and say the prayers.  We will talk about how Jesus has come to be the Light to the darkness.  We will read from John about how some don't recognize Jesus as the Light, but how the Light truly allows us to see.

2. We will eat kosher for the 8 days...or as best we can.  We will in the midst of this eat some traditional Hanukkah food- lintel soup and latkes.

3. We will read the Hanukkah story and talk about how God provides for His people.  We will talk about and thank God for the things, the people, the Savior, the love He provides for us.

4. This will lead us to Christmas Eve.  We will read the story of Jesus' birth.  I want us to recognize the gift, the provision that God gave in His Son. 

Should Christians celebrate Chanukkah today? First, be mindful of the fact that we are under no obligation or "law" to celebrate any of the Jewish festivals given to Israel in the Torah (Law of Moses). But to all true believers in Jesus Christ, especially those who have a profound appreciation for the Hebraic roots of our Christian faith, celebrating the "true light" of this world only seeks to glorify our wonderful Lord and Savior.  (From the website http://www.gotquestions.org/Hanukkah-Christian.html)

Other good websites...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hanukkah

www.jewfaq.org/holiday7.htm

http://www.ehow.com/how_2149329_celebrate-hanukkah-as-christian.html

i ran my first ever 5K (3.1 miles) last Sunday.  one of my friends, billy miller, has gotten me in to running.  i have set a goal to finish a mini-marathon under 2.5 hours.  that's 13.1 miles in under 150 minutes.  there will be more to come on this journey!  here are a few things i've learned so far.

1. i am super undisciplined.  i run 3 days a week and the other 4 i slack.

2. running should not be done by someone who weighs over 250#.  seriously.  i hope to be at 220 by race day.  still heavy, but more feasible.

3. doing this (or really anything) alone would end in failure.  in the midst of run last night, billy asked, "when would you have stopped if i wasn't here."  my answer..."i wouldn't have started."

4. obstacles (like rain or weight or any excuse you want to throw in there) are only obstacles.  they can be overcome!  you CAN run in the rain.  you CAN run when you don't feel like it.  (fill in any of life here.)

5. encouragement is key.  billy is good at this!  even when i feel like quitting or after a run that was too slow, he encourages.  it helps put away self-doubt and allows me the courage to go out the next day.

6. when you feel like quitting or throwing in the towel, don't.  i've learned my mind is weak.  it plays tricks on me and i have to learn to discipline my mind as much as my body.  (romans 12:1-2)

7. if i can do this, anyone can.  grab someone who will encourage, run at your pace, and who has been there