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Okay, my MySpace lovelies... here's the deal:

I am a freelance writer by trade and in the past, I've managed it alone on a part-time basis. My company is growing however, and I'm now to the point where I'm getting requests for more than I can handle by myself. Thus, this post. I'm looking to build a writer pool that can help with the overflow. So, here's what you need to know:

1. This is a paying gig - that said, the pay varies. I just did a one-page report on Abe Lincoln for $30 bucks and I'm also currently working on a marketing e-book that will bring in $500. Payment can be via paypal or by check via regular mail.

2. There is no byline - the majority of this work includes any and all copyrights to the product so once we sell it back to the client, we have no claim to the rights. This means you won't have a ton of clips and links for your portfolio however, you can list yourself as a contract writer for IGM (my company) and I'll be happy to provide references if you should ever need them.

3. You won't get bored - like I said, I just did a report on Abe Lincoln and I'm also working on a book about marketing, and that's just two of maybe 15 different projects I have or have had in the last couple of weeks. The topics vary from one end of the spectrum to the other so the more flexible you are with your writing and the more you can research and write about "anything", the more fun you'll have.

4. There's no set schedule - I can't guarantee a certain workload, a particular set of hours or even a set amount of money. Some projects come in with an immediate turn-around time, while others are a little more flexible. There's no obligation to take a particular project I offer you, but I do need you to commit to completing it if you accept.

5. First come, first serve - If I offer a project to you, I'll give you a set amount of time to respond. If I haven't heard from you, I'll be on to the next writer. Sorry about this, but I can't wait three days for you to get back to me only to discover that you're not interested.

6. Open communication - I'll have to know how to contact you - email, IM, phone and mailing address. All your information will be strictly confidential.

7. You'll be an independent contractor - Not an employee. You'll be asked to sign a non-compete, a confidentiality agreement as well as a basic "I agree, you agree" contract. All upfront and in plain English - no heretofores or other legal jargon - everything is straightforward. Once you hit the $500 mark with me for any given year, you'll have to complete a W-9 to continue working, so that I can send you a 1099 at the end of the year.

8. Keep it clean - While I have gotten a few gigs in the past for adult toy catalogs that allow a racier commentary, for the most part, this stuff is pretty straight and narrow. I love your blogs that call it like it is and include a few "fucks" for good measure. If you've read any of my stuff then you know that's my favorite word of all. But for these projects, the f-bombs have to go as do any other words that might be seen "offensive" by the non-MySpace world. I know this is a given, but I wanted to point it out nonetheless.

9. There's no guarantees - this is a freelance business. Sometimes I'm swamped...sometimes I have very little at all. There's no guarantees... let me say that again... there's no guarantees that I'll be able to keep you happily writing on a regular or even irregular basis. That said, if I have a pool of solid writers and I know what I have to work with, I will be marketing more than I have been so the potential is definitely there.

Interested?

Here's what I need from you:

1. Your areas of expertise, what you like to write about, etc.
2. Some samples of your work. Doesn't have to be anything fancy, just show me a few things you think represent your best work so far, published or not. Don't have samples? Then send me 1) a one-page bio of George Washington and 2) a one page sales letter for MySpace (convince me to buy a profile). MS Word is fine, so is plain text.
3. Your rates. I need your very best rate and I need them for different projects. Tell me per page, per hour... how do you want to work and what will it cost? Is research included?
4. A working email address so I can contact you for more information if I need it.
5. Your turnaround time. Do you have a flexible schedule or will you typically need some lead time to complete a project? Both are fine, I just need to know in advance.
6. How much overflow do you think you can do, i.e., X pages per week, etc. Again no guarantees and no set requirements - I just need to know what I have to work with in advance.

That's pretty much it! Any questions? Drop me a line. :)

You missed me didn't you???

I know, I know... I've been away... but I promise it couldn't be helped... in any event, I'm here now and with an extremely important question:

How do you pick up a guy?

Me and my friend - we'll call her M - are currently taking a stupid insurance class to get our agent's license. What's that? Why would I want to get an insurance license when I could spend my time blogging instead? I agree... its retarded in theory but while I do pretty well freelancing, it unfortunately doesn't quite pay all my bills - I'm high maintenance you know - so I'm forced to have a regular job too and for some reason even unknown to me, I picked insurance.

Anyway... we're in this class and in walks this guy... really cute, and M has a fit... she's definitely interested... I checked his hand - no ring so that's a plus but I'm stumped as to how to help her out.

M is kind of shy when it comes to guys and while I'm happy to be her wing-man (or wing-woman as the case may be), I haven't done the dating scene for years upon years so besides my natural pole-dancing abilities, my pickup skills aren't exactly fine-tuned. Besides, I'm generally more aggressive than she is and I don't think she'd handle things the way I would if I were in her shoes, pole-dancing included.

We don't know his name... only that he sits a few rows up and (obviously) made the stupid decision to work in insurance like we did.

So, that's my question to you - guys and gals: how can she let him know she's interested?



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No, really... they're not. But we'll get to that in a minute. As I approach another birthday (okay, its still several months off but I tend to get retrospective fairly early on), it occurs to me that there should be some words of wisdom that women pass down to each other... generation to generation, so that the women after us are armed with what they need to get the most from life. I listed all the important lessons I've learned over the years and then narrowed it down to five so that even those with a short attention span could make it through the list.

So, let's kick it off - my top five things women should know - starting with the first "must-know" that earned the title spot for this little ditty:

Those fingers aren't just for typing. It's time that women learned that its okay to be sexual. Not slutty. Not reckless or careless. But gloriously, beautifully sexual. And yes, there is a difference. Enjoying sex doesn't mean you're any less of a lady... it just makes you more of a woman. Now, only when the time is right of course, but maturity levels and emotional issues aside, you need to grant yourself permission to explore, engage and enjoy. Think you don't look your best while in the throws of passion? Trust me - he hasn't noticed and probably doesn't care. He's more excited that you're excited which is the whole reason for being there in the first place. After all, you can't really expect your guy to know how to please you if you don't know how to please yourself and contrary to popular opinion, there is no secret manual out there that provides instruction. Its something you have to figure out for yourself. And that my dears, is what those fingers are for.

"Sexy" is a state of mind, not an article of clothing. It's the way you smile, the way you walk, the way you pick your nose or whatever it is you happen to be doing at the time. Being sexy isn't a short skirt or the CFM pumps - its all in the way you carry yourself and in the way you project. Granted, the flannel gown isn't the most alluring of items but I've had quite a few friends that looked "sexy" no matter what they wore - sweats, jeans or yes, even that flannel gown. If you believe you're sexy, the rest of the world will too, short skirt or not.

The "F" word. Why do you need to know the F word? Because its just so damn versatile, that's why. It can be used as an exclamation, in exasperation, surprise or fear... as an adjective, an adverb.. you get the idea. The list just goes on and on. It makes a point without being tacky and gives you full expression without sounding like a sailor. It is, I have to say, one of the best communication tools we have.

The sun does not revolve around your man. If it did, we'd all be worshipping him too. Now, don't get me wrong. Love is great. Love is grand. But that doesn't mean you give up everything that he loved about you in the process. It's okay to have different interests. Its okay to have different friends. And whether you realize it or not, that clingy shit will drive him away faster than you can pick out a china pattern so kick the habit while there's still time. Never, EVER sell yourself short because you think it will please a guy. He'll lose interest and you'll lose your self-respect. He doesn't expect you to become a female verison of him and he doesn't expect you to forego all the things you love so that you can be at his beck and call. He hooked up with you because he liked who you were then, not who he thought he might could encourage you to become. That's something we do... not guys.

Relax. Life isn't always fair. Maybe you don't have the perfect job or the perfect car but the reality is, those things don't exist. Life just is what it is. It's beautiful, painful, joyful and sad. You're going to have really high highs and really low lows too. The object of the game is to push through and get the most from everything that comes your way. Take it in and then let it all right back out. All those things that you think are the end of your world aren't. They're just little pieces to your great big puzzle. And while you may not always think so, you're going to be fine. You just need to relax and everything you need will ultimately come your way.

So, there you have it... the top five things I think all women should know. Any additions to the list?

Does this blog seem familiar to you? Well, it should... It's an older blog but I'm bringing it forward for two reasons: 1) its a good read and 2) I'm playing with all those little links you see at the bottom. Did you enjoy this story? Then leave some kudos, Digg it and subscribe. :)

This is my Second Life avatar:



Notice the perfect hair? I just bought it last night. For just 5 of the Second Life Linden bucks, I got a brand new head of hair and in ten different colors no less. See those boobs? They're fabulously perky because I made them that way with an on-screen slider bar. No pills, no peeing on a stick and no liquid-filled implants to keep them standing up straight.

I'm showing you this for two reasons: the first is that I'm secretly infatuated with her and wanted to show her off :) The second reason is that she serves as my launching pad for a blog about our obsession with the quick fix.

Venture to your favorite bookstore and you'll find Beauty Junkies:Inside Our $15 Billion Obsession With Cosmetic Surgery, a new release from New York Times writer Alex Kuczynski. Armed with her own plastic surgery horror stories, Kuczynski takes an in-depth look into our need to be beautiful. From Botox to lipo to those lovely Jolie lips, our need to look perfect has turned into a lifetime obsession.

According to her book, there were almost 12 million surgical and nonsurgical beauty procedures performed in the United States in 2004 alone. This number includes almost 300,000 eyelid alterations, 334,052 boob jobs and just under 500,000 liposuction procedures.

Now why is that? Why are we so obsessed with this:





That we're willing to risk looking like this?




I'm not saying that plastic surgery is bad. Quite the contrary, under certain circumstances, it can be a literal godsend. There are extreme cases such as those who have been disfigured in an accident for example or someone who was born with a deformity. And yes, even from a purely vain viewpoint, I can understand why someone might want to fix that "one thing". But our one thing becomes an addiction and pretty soon, there's little if any original parts left.

My friend - we'll call her L - is a good case in point. L is gorgeous - absolutely drop-dead sexy from head to toe. Unfortunately, L is lacking in the self-esteem area and managed to hook up with a guy who got off on making her feel bad and pretty soon, L was a walking basket case. He didn't like her breasts, although they were a generous size D, her ass because he thought it was "too round" and her stomach because it wasn't quite flat enough. To fix these hideous deformities and please her man, L cashed in her savings and went under the knife to the tune of some $30,000. She even had her pubic hair line raised because boyfriend thought it should be higher.

How'd she turn out?

When the docs got through with L, she had more scars than I have shoes and that's saying quite a bit. Her self-esteem still wasn't any better and because she hurt too much to move much less have sex, loving boyfriend found himself a playmate "just until L got better".

Is she an idiot? Abso-fucking-lutely, but you'd be sadly surprised at just how many "L's" there are out there just waiting for someone like loving boyfriend to tell them how high to jump.

I'm not suggesting that we should all just give up and let ourselves go to shit. No, no, no... there's nothing sexier than a fit and healthy body. But let's do it the "fit and healthy" way shall we?

And more importantly, let's realize that we all don't have to look like Jessica Alba or Laetitia Casta to be attractive. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Its corny but its true. What turns one on does nothing for the next, which makes our distinctive uniqueness a true asset. I don't want to look like Angelina Jolie. Not because she's not beautiful - she is - but because I can't very well teach my daughter to be confident and strong if I don't possess those qualities myself. Besides, I like me, crooked nose and all and as I've said before, "sexy is a state of mind".