| TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey |
| Name: | What? |
| Birthday: | I hope it's soon! I LOVE presents! |
| Birthplace: | I had a proper Jewish birth in the forest on the outskirts of the city, followed by 7 days of disgraceful seclusion by my mother. |
| Current Location: | In front of my computer, silly! |
| Eye Color: | That's a sore subject... I don't have eyes! |
| Hair Color: | Fanciful |
| Height: | Can you really measure this much pleasure?! |
| Right Handed or Left Handed: | Put it this way, I'm versatile! |
| Your Heritage: | I'm like a good mixed drink... but hold the CHERRY please! |
| The Shoes You Wore Today: | Would it be getting too personal to say that I am BAREFOOT?! |
| Your Weakness: | Some would say my only weakness is being TOO strong. But I think they're fucking OxyMORONS!!! |
| Your Fears: | The dark, spiders, and healthy a fear of success. |
| Your Perfect Pizza: | The kind of pizza that you can eat all day and look like BRAD PITT! I'd say THAT would be quite a pizza! |
| Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: | Finishing this survey! LOL!!! |
| Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: | Oh my Gosh! I am really laughing out loudly at the remark that you made just a second ago! |
| Thoughts First Waking Up: | Oh boy, to be awake again! So much like being reborn except with less vagina fluid... well, time for cheetos! Then I'll do my cardio to get ready for plenty of masterbation! |
| Your Best Physical Feature: | I think this question would be more easily addressed by asking what my WORST physical feature is. And that answer would be that there isn't one!!! |
| Your Bedtime: | Early to bed early to rise! That's what I say! |
| Your Most Missed Memory: | A second ago when I was scarfing on a bag of potato chips. |
| Pepsi or Coke: | Anything diet. Except Coke. Unless it's the "special" kind of coke. You know what I mean, girl. |
| MacDonalds or Burger King: | Dave from Wendy's never graduated high school. I go there so that I can support a more better educational system. He's so brave. |
| Single or Group Dates: | Depends! But I can tell you for sure that I usually have to pee a lot after orgies! |
| Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: | I like my tea from a bag! |
| Chocolate or Vanilla: | I've always been a fan of the "swirl" cone. Best of both worlds! |
| Cappuccino or Coffee: | To quote Michael Ian Black, "I like my coffee like I like my women, Strong, Black, and PROUD." But I prefer a good latte. |
| Do you Smoke: | Like any good stoner, I should be asking "what are you referring to when you ask me if I smoke? Ganja? Grass? Methamphetamines? Because YES to all of the above!" |
| Do you Swear: | Only to God! And usually only in court! |
| Do you Sing: | Is Barbara Streisand a Jew!?!? |
| Do you Shower Daily: | I take 7 showers a day. Except for Sundays when I roll around in dust to get clean like a Chinchilla! |
| Have you Been in Love: | I have loved, many, MANY, many individuals. |
| Do you want to go to College: | I am a proud student of the Pheonix Online University School of Dramatics. |
| Do you want to get Married: | Yes! Barefoot and pregnant! |
| Do you belive in yourself: | If I didn't Belive in myself then who would? Because "belive" is not a word! |
| Do you get Motion Sickness: | No. I take dramamine with every meal and before intercourse. |
| Do you think you are Attractive: | No, but the guy looking back at me in the mirror sure is!!!! |
| Are you a Health Freak: | Put it this way, I don't set foot in a store that isn't certified both Organic AND Kosher. I think THAT answers your question. |
| Do you get along with your Parents: | I didn't while they were alive, and now I probably never will. |
| Do you like Thunderstorms: | Depends on whether or not I am watching football at the time. If they make me miss just ONE MORE game, I swear I will scream! |
| Do you play an Instrument: | Does playing with my penis count? Becuase if it does, then no, I do NOT play an "instrument," you pervert. |
| In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: | Let's just keep that between us, I mean my PARENTS could be reading this for crying out loud! |
| In the past month have you Smoked: | EW! I will NOT kiss you if you smoke! I hate the taste of a smoker's cum! |
| In the past month have you been on : | Sometimes you can be so vague with your questions... |
| In the past month have you gone on a Date: | In the past month have I sat at home like a total fucking Joey Pirraneo LOSER?!? I don't think so. |
| In the past month have you gone to a Mall: | Ew, malls are for poor people. I only shop on the Boulevard. |
| In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: | Well YES, if you consider the fact that I have one oreo for breakfast each morning, and there are 30 oreos in a pack, and 30 days in a month. |
| In the past month have you eaten Sushi: | What do I look like? Like my name is Wang Chinaman or something? Jeez. |
| In the past month have you been on Stage: | My life is a stage, and I'm always performing. I wish I could meet someone that would accept the "real" me. |
| In the past month have you been Dumped: | Dumped like what? A pile of trash you asshole AJ Zimmerman! |
| In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: | Unless you have video evidence I will NOT confess to ANYTHING! That is SO not cellulite on my fucking thighs. |
| In the past month have you Stolen Anything: | Only hearts and glances. |
| Ever been Drunk: | Only while driving to and from work each morning. |
| Ever been called a Tease: | I have been called a lot of things, but if you call me a BITCH then you can bet your life that you won't live to see what life brings tomorrow! |
| Ever been Beaten up: | Once, but it was an accident. We were role-playing a rape scene and got a little carried away! |
| Ever Shoplifted: | I have "shopped," and I "lift" weights every day. Does that count? |
| How do you want to Die: | In a terrorist attack, where I am the hero who saves the World Trade Center from falling down by standing in the way of the Airplanes. If only I could have been there. |
| What do you want to be when you Grow Up: | I have always answered this question the same way: A Fireman, like the brave, sensual heroes of 9/11 |
| What country would you most like to Visit: | Lithuania. Those people are so strong. |
| In a Boy/Girl.. |
| Favourite Eye Color: | I like eyes with plenty of cataracts on them! |
| Favourite Hair Color: | Wear a hat, please! |
| Short or Long Hair: | Are we talking about Pubes here? Put it this way, I like to know I'm with a WOMAN! And then I politely ask her to shave that rat's nest! |
| Height: | Taller than Mini Me, but not quite as tall as that baby got in "Honey I Blew Up the Baby." That's too tall! |
| Weight: | Beauty is in the eye of the beholder! And MY eyes prefer BBW's any day of the week! |
| Best Clothing Style: | I love a good pair of Guess Jeans, an Esprit Jacket, and a classic BUM Equipment shirt! |
| Number of I have taken: | I thought this section was about a Boy/Girl! Now I am supposed to talk about ME again? Hello... a little warning would be nice! |
| Number of CDs I own: | CDs are for people who like phonographs and tapes. Haven't you ever heard that it's 2006 now? And in 2006 no one owns CDs because everyone uses their MIND to tap into the airwaves! |
| Number of Piercings: | 3. 1 on my nipples, and two on my vagina. |
| Number of Tattoos: | I have only one that was given to me during our Nazi Death Camp reenactment three years ago! |
| Number of things in my Past I Regret: | My motto: "Live life with no regrets!" That's the only way to live life! |
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS! |