This is the hardest time in my life right now...I have to do something to get rent in the door by tomorrow.  The plan of getting back on my feet has failed...and I'm believing in the Lord to get us out.

I'm gonna have to gamble to get it...I don't want to do it...not when the failure rate is soooo high when I'm in this mindset.  But it's my fault...and I gotta make this right.  I'm so sorry Mel...

All my options are gone...Dad has proven he is unreliable...and the thing is...If he couldn't help me, that's fine I can deal with it.

I don't want to go out like a buster in front of Jordan.   He's my flesh and blood...and me not handling this isn't cool in front of him. 

I gotta do whatever it takes, or die trying....

Lord, forgive me...

    It's been a really screwed up year...without a job--again, Mel's inability to get a job...this is a circle...or at least was.

Instead of me getting depressed and not working on my music, I got determined and focusing more on my music, and yeah, poker too.  Enough dealing with self-confidence issues, and other BS.  And I'll be damned if I go out like my uncle, who was on the bubble to be part of one of the greatest DJ from Compton, and fucked it up...

So here I am...kicking out my bass not using the same set-ups like everybody else--really, it's NOT--but damn it, the bass is MINE!

I had told Mel something I did that I never could take back. What's worse, this is falling into the same time as the disconnect notice for the electricity arrived, on top of all other bills, I've been taken to poker.

And after tonight...

Hmph, I had this dream which started out as a nightmare but it got...interesting. Check it:


In this dream Mel was possesed and she was trying to kill me. When I realized she was possesed, my whole demeanor changed. I stopped running and asked the spirit if it had full control of her body. Then I asked the spirit if it had full access to her brain/memories. When the spirit said yes, I said to prove it by having sex with me--and do positions Mel said she can't/won't do. It complied.

Then it got revealing.

I requested the spirit to access Mel's memories and answered alot of questions I had suspected she was hiding. The more the possesed spirit answered--truthfully--the more pissed off I got. So much so I woke up.


It is said that dreams can reveal truths the conscious mind cannot comprehend, or won't accept.

hmmm....

I don't get this...I never knew any in high school, I don't think my high school HAD any...

I don't know why I'm attracted to Goth girls. Maybe the look, maybe the mystique, but I doubt that. A few years ago I did a little research on the whole scene, and find out I'm almost completely opposite of them. Some are into the Vampire/Satanic thing, some are into Death, and some just like the look. Geez..I've been raised Christian, seriously love life and I love the color Black.

That being said, I'm still attracted to the look,


You know, everything goes good with BLACK

Well jeez, it's been a long time since I've blogged. Either I'm either too busy or stressed or blah.

[b]The Arlington Fiero Picnic[/b]

It was ok, but I felt something amiss when I was there. And since my car, Imperfekt wasn't painted yet, and since it wasn't in the best shape. It was ghettotized so far in the back, it was barely seen. But most of the folks were nice. Will I go back...? Ask me again next year. Right now? No.


[b]Music and Work[/b]

Yeah, my music page is up...I'm doing music again, but work's taking alot out of me. I've been really drained, but as soon as I can make time, I'm gonna transfer my old, OLD stuff to the computer from my multi-track recorder.

[b]BOOBIES[/b]

I love 'em. I like to hold them, caress 'em, and bury my face in 'em. NO Fake ones, please! I'm sorry...I was like thirteen in Germany watching TV at my Mom's friends apartment, where someone in the building caught it on fire. Yeah I made it out and this German woman gave me a hug, and she had some big beautiful breasts...and buried me in em...
I shouldn't've started this...

It's all good for the minor part, some things aren't so rosy but I'll deal. But the older I get the less tolerant of bull. And if certain things I ain't satisfied with... I'll take care of. Whether it's being music, jobs/music...whatever. But hear me when I say I WILL be in school this time next year...time to get my political science degree.

Ain't that something? While other people can be asses, I can be legitimately pissed off about something, I'm banned. Whatever; bad thing is, Scott needed to get in contact with me, so he can get that spare engine, and I can get his help in how to swap engines in the future. As for the trip in Arlington? I'll write about that later...

There's this large Fiero get together in Arlington Saturday, and am I ready for it? No, but I've been working out on my rear decklid so I can get it painted, but before I can do that, I wanted to drill holes for my spoiler wing...and wouldn't you know..there's no assembly instructions! Dammit! I also have to find something to wear...even though it might rain Saturday.

I'll post on this more tommorrow.

Yeah, I got busted again downloading BBW porn again... I usually download clips, patch them together and watch them in my Divx/DVD player. I told Mel many different reasons why I do it--all of them true.

I don't mean to hurt her, it has nothing to do with her, but she doesn't agree. Hey, if I'm horny and she's not what should I do? Got any ideas, let me know. Yeah, sometimes it's hard not to watch, but I dunno.

And I'm horny NOW...

Sorry Prince, I had to rip that one.

So far a kinda halfway somewhat of a semi decent week. I...got this new job and already wanna bounce but I'm slimming down and bulking up heh, I'm halfway done with my first complete rhyme since 2000 yet I can't drop all of the beats until I get my upgraded computer; yet at least I have other things to do for my music.

My brain's rattled but I feel fine.

I'm loopy
I'm crazy
I look like a wreck
but it don't really phase me

God, I hate allergies.
God, I love being crazy!!!

MWWWAAAAHHH!

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!