There are a few things I have learned in my short years on this planet.  Unfortunately, I can't remember them.  So, here I sit, staring at this page, realizing that there is really nothing that I can share with you that will be in any way memorable or perhaps uplifting.  In fact, I don't even think I can really come up with a decent way to waste your time.  And to think, as you sit here reading this, that your life is slowly seeping out of you, like air from a leaky balloon.  Is this really what you want to be doing with your life?  Reading  a bulletin written by some little-known musician about nothing at all? 

I really had huge aspirations once.  I wanted to galvanize the planet with my songs.  I hoped to inspire people to lead better and happier lives through my writing.  I dreamed of vast empires built entirely on the fruits (and nuts) of my talents.   I...well, I thought things would be different.  I certainly didn't think that I'd be here.  Nodding off.  Sitting in front of a computer.  As I try to wash the taste of another 10 hour workday out of my mouth.  

Well, I guess what I'm trying to say is that you just never know where you'll end up in life.  For my part, if I project out based on the trajectory my life has taken thusfar,  I suspect that I'm going to spend the last 10 years of my life sitting in traffic.  Trying to get to an off-ramp.  That's most probably been closed.  Oh well.  It beats getting tortured for a living.  Barely.

With a sigh that weighs as heavy as a dump truck,

Mike TV

Wow!  It has been a really long time since I have visited our MySpace page.  I do miss you guys.  I really do.  I just don't have the time or the mental fortitude to post on a daily basis anymore.  Right now my life is in complete turmoil.  It's a good sort of turmoil.  The kind of turmoil that comes from uprooting yourself from your home of almost 20 years, and moving, and adding a whole new career onto your already career-plagued life, and then chasing your girlfriend up and down the state, starting a record label, recording two records, taking a class on Internet applications, and trying to work on the next Get Set Go record.  You know, the type of turmoil that makes it practically impossible to write bulletins on a regular basis. 

But I did want you to know that you are missed.  And some of you will be happy to hear that Square Tire Music finally has our store up and running.  Right now you can only pay through PayPal but we're hoping to change that very soon.  Also, Get Set Go has just finished recording a live acoustic record.  It's gonna be called Get Set Go Does Get Set Go.  And it's about 12 super-cool tracks of acousticky goodness.  This is sorta a filler record, to fill the gap while we work on the real fifth record.  I haven't yet submitted it to our record label because we're still figuring out what sequence we want.  We recorded 18 songs, all acoustic versions of songs from our first four records, but we're only gonna put 12 on it because, well, frankly, I want to put out a record that when it's over people go, "Oh! Let's listen to that again."  I guess some of our other records have had that effect on people.  But I just want a record that's more like a poem instead of a novel.

Oh, actually, there's two new songs on the record.  One called MCA and the other called Racecar.  Some of you might know them from the acoustic demos I was giving away in return for donations.  Both of those songs turned out really super-rad.  And that's about it.  I've been moving so fast my eye-lids are cracked and peeling.  I'm really super-super-super busy.  But I do miss you guys and wish you all the best.  I wish I could be hanging out with you right now.  Well, not right now exactly.  Right now I want to sleep. I need sleep.  I'm going to sleep.  Talk to you soon, hopefully.

With an elephant the size of Kansas strapped firmly to my back,

Mike TV

I know I've said this before.  And you're probably tired of hearing it.  But, it is absolutely imperative that you make it to the Square Tire Music label launch show tomorrow night.  Because we have so many of your old friends that we've arranged to show up.  Remember that one kid that bullied you in the second grade?  Well, we've got that person showing up. And you get to punch them in the gut!  And remember that one evil lady that lived next to you and always screamed at you whenever you crossed into her yard?  Yeah, well, she really wanted to come but we told her that she couldn't because YOU were gonna be there.  See?  See the trouble we're actually going through to make this a great show for you?  So don't you shirk your musical responsibilities.

The line-up for Saturday's show is gonna look like this...

I Give Up (my new and radically brilliant side-project band)
New Maximum Donkey (who are releasing a brilliant new second record)
The Power Cords (who also have a stunning new record)
Secret Powers (Shmed from Arlo's new band, also with  a new second record)
Get Set Go (you know, those jerks)

So, really, truthfully, how could you even possibly manage to consider doing anything other than marching straight down to the Center For the Arts, Eagle Rock and standing in line, right now.  To make sure you're the first person in the door for what will most probably be the greatest night of your heretofore short but now significantly lengthened life.  Yes, that's right.  Going to this show will add years onto your life.  And not even the backend.  Not the crappy old years.  You'll shed ten years by seeing this show.  If you're 30, you'll walk away 20.  If you're 26, well, you'll be your sweet 16 again.  And if you're 16, well, you don't lose years.  Instead, your bank account swells!  With hundreds of dollars for each hour spent at the show!  Ohmigod!  It's too good to be true!

With a giant balloon in the shape of the Great State of Maine,

Mike TV

Well, it has finally hit me.  Just earlier today I tabulated all of the money that's going into this show on Saturday.  And how much of it that I am personally investing and I realized that if we don't do reasonably well....well, I guess I'll have my own economic downturn.  Hurray!  Maybe I can lay myself off and collect unemployment.  Hmm...but I doubt that I'm that decent.  I'll probably just relocate and tell myself that that I can keep my job, I just have to move to Antarctica, the new world headquarters for Mike TV LLC.  Anyway, you guys don't want to hear any of this stuff.  You want to hear about how great the show is gonna be.  And it is.  It's gonna be one of the greatest shows of my young life.  I just hope that I'm actually there to enjoy it.  I mean, certainly I'll be there in body.  But I'm hoping I'm not gonna spend all night watching the door and the bar and hoping to god that we make our money back. 

Ugh.  Rock & Roll.  Why did I get into this business again?  Oh yeah.  That's right.  The music.  Hmm...  No money, working my hands to the bone, struggling and struggling, but at the end of the day, having my own songs.  OR, no worries financially but a life without my music.  What the fuck?!  Why do I have to make this type of decision?  Why is it that fucking...uh...you know, all those other bands, those rich bands, why do they get to be rich?!  Why is it that I'm forced to struggle and struggle and struggle and then die?  Bah.  Whatever.  Let me tell you about his show.  It's probably gonna be the last show with the Get Set Go line-up for quite some time.  So, that's one thing to recommend it.  I mean, if you like Get Set Go, that is.

Another thing to recommend this show is that New Maximum Donkey, the Power Cords, and Secret Powers are each putting out a new record that night.  And these records are fucking phenomenal.  Absolutely fucking phenomenal.  I'm sorta in awe of these guys' talent.  Oh, and also, I'm putting out a side-project record that night as well.  It's called I Give Up.  And I'll have about 20 copies to sell.  They're gonna be shitty little burned things.  But really, truthfully, after all the money I've dumped into this show and this record label, count yourself lucky to even have access to these suckers.  However, I am gonna hand-make the covers for all of them.  So that'll be a treat.  If you like crappy art.  From a meany.  Who grouses when he should be promoting.  Bah.

Oh, and I Give Up is opening the show at 8:00pm sharp.  And Get Set Go is closing the show at 11:30.  So, if you want to catch my new stuff and all of the old favorites you're probably gonna wanna get there early (7:30) and stay late (12:00).   You know you wanna.  I'm gonna.  Come hang out with me.

With the hunkering and the bunkering while taking enemy fire,

Mike TV

Hello!  My name is Mike TV.  I'm in a band. We're called Led Zepplin.  Wait...no, that's not right.  We're called, uh...Creed?  Damn.  No.  That's not right.  Shit, I forget.  It's been so long since I thought about music I totally have forgotten the name of my band.  But whatever it is, we were really cool.  Wait.  Are!  We ARE really cool.  Sheesh.  I gotta pay more attention to my life.  I've been working really, really hard over these past couple months.  And I'm starting to forget my life as a rock and roller.  Which sucks.  I feel my life as a musician getting ground under the heel of the workaday world.  I mean, I still play music.  But I certainly don't write music.  And when I finally end my day, after working for 16 hours (no joke), the last thing I can even think of is a new melody or lyric.

However, I'm working this hard so that I can pay for the website and the rock show that will launch the website for our new record label, Square Tire Music.  We were supposed to be launched by now.  But I've been so busy working to pay for the site, I haven't had time to actually finish the site.  Ugh.  But we're having a launch party this Saturday, May 16th, and I promise things will be up and running by then.  I swear.  Pinky swear, even. 

So, I just thought that perhaps you guys should be reminded about the show.  I know I haven't forgotten about it.  Although, from where I sit, it seems like it's about one million phone calls and three hundred thousand e-mails away.  Ugh.  Work sucks.  But you know what doesn't suck?  This video.  Take a look. 



I hope to see you there.

With eyeballs bleached white from the glare of the computer screen,

Mike TV

I am sick.  Today is my birthday and I am sick.  Bah.  What a gip.  I want my money back.  I want a do-over.  I probably have the swine flu.  I got this cold from Carl's Jr, of all places.  Damn horrible Carl's employees can't even wash their goddamn hands.   And now I'm an inch away from dying.  On my birthday.  I better damn well be over this cold by next week Saturday.  You know, the day of our Square Tire Music launch show, or I'm gonna uber-pissed.  I mean, mega-ultra-hyper pissed.  And I'll probably murder things.  Things that are easy to murder.  You know, ants, snails, babies.  Slow moving things that don't fight back.

Anyhow, a friend of ours, Chissum Worthington, made his very own Square Tire Launch promo.  It's hilarious and very cool.  Kudos on the stunning visual effects, Chissum.  It's amazing to think that he was able to travel through time like that.  If you get a chance, take a look at his other videos. They're hilarious.  His music is particularly cool. 



Okay, well, that's all I wanted to say.  I'm sick so I'm gonna keep blowing chunks, snot, and blood out of every orifice on my body.  Talk to you soon.

With an unsteady hand and eyeballs crusted over,

Mike TV

Hey everybody!  My name is Mike TV.  Remember me?  I'm the guy that brought you the songs "I Hate Everyone" and "Fuck You (I Want To)" and "Row, Row, Row Your Boat (Straight To Hell!).  Well, actually, I haven't yet written that last one.  But I'm gonna.  And it's gonna be a doozy.  What's a doozy, you ask?  Well, a doozy is when you combine the words Dude and Floozy.  So, basically it's a transvestite.  And that's what I'm trying to say.  Do you really want to miss out on the very first song that will be openly transgender?  I didn't think so. 

So what the hell am I talking about?  Well, May 16th.  That's what.  We're holding a rock and roll show of such megalithic proportions that well, the only language you can use to talk about it is nonsense.  It's sorta like seeing the edge of the universe.  Your brain just can't comprehend it.  And you start babbling incoherently and tearing at your hair and bleeding from your eyeballs.  Yeah, it's gonna be one of those kinds of shows.  And we actually have, and I swear to all that is holy that I speak the truth, but we actually have people flying in from other parts of the country to come to this show.  In fact, one of the bands is flying from Missoula.  People are actually migrating to our show.  If this was the olden days the wagon trains would have already left.  This is the first show in a long time where people are actually forking over serious buckaroonies to come out and see us shake our money-makers.

And I don't want you to miss it.  I'm telling you 15 days in advance so you can take the time off.  I want you to also take the day preceding the show and the day immediately following the show off.   I want you to spend the day before the show in prayer.  Pray to whatever gods you think will listen but I want you to pray that they keep your brain safe from the mind-altering astralaudiophonics that will be piping out of our amplifiers that evening.  And you're gonna have to pray hard because we've got the full might of the Gods of Rock And Roll on our side that evening.  Yeah, typically it's their poker night, but they owed me a favor.  So, anyhow, mark it on your calendars.  Or better yet, take a look at this video...



Consider yourself warned,

With the trumpeting and marching of many thousands of elephants,

Mike TV

Wow.  It seems like it's been forever since I was here last.  How are you?  You look good.  Been working out?  I'm so sorry I've been away for as long as I have.  I have been really busy.   I mean, seriously busy.  I'm actually working from the moment I wake up to the moment I get to sleep at night.   The only time I break is to eat a meal.  And sometimes I only eat one.  It's been pretty brutal.  And really, everything is sorta falling apart at the seams.  Too much work is not a good thing.  But, seeing as I'm working a day job, trying to get Square Tire Music off the ground, I'm taking a class at Foothill College, working on the next Get Set Go record, trying to put together our Square Tire Music launch show, and still find time to hang out with Sarah, well, it means that I have no time for trivialities like eating and sleeping.

How is it that one year ago I was grinding to a halt and now I'm going full steam ahead, plowing through obstacles like...well, a snow plow through piles of hamburger.  And that's actually a pretty salient metaphor as it's been bloody.  And there's been little flecks of bone and gristle caught in my hair each night when I finally return home.  Oh well, what can you do?  You know that adage about getting things done?  If you want something done, give it to a busy person.   What they don't tell you is the last part of that adage.  It goes, "And then the busy person looks at this new thing on the top of his/her in-pile, decides screw it, and opens fire with a high-caliber fully-automatic machine gun while singing "Glory, Glory, Hallelujah!"  Like I said, it's been brutal.

So, I really do apologize for losing touch.  I hope you don't hate me.  And I know that just me sending this out is probably gonna send some of you fleeing to the hills.   Some of you will take umbrage at the fact that I used hamburger irreverently or that I used the word "salient" and you'll be like, "Screw this guy!  He's a total jerk!" And you'll walk away from Get Set Go forever.  But you know what?  That's alright with me.  I sorta like the idea that we might whittle our fanbase down to the die-hards.  To the people so sick and twisted that I just can't seem to shake them.  Like a case of the swine flu.  (Oh, can you believe the name of that flue?  Swine flu.  I mean, could you imagine dying to the swine flu?  How silly.  Give me flesh eating bacteria or mad cow disease any day.  At least those diseases sound tough.)

With one eye on the road and one eye on the cop behind me,

Mike TV

This is the first time I've ever done anything like this.  So, please don't shoot me.  And please don't come to my house in the middle of the night and pluck out my chest hairs.  And then don't rub hot wax into my now smooth chest and then...wait a minute, hmm...this is starting to sound less scary and more sexy.  I think I should stop.  But the reason I'm hemming and hawing is I want to show you guys a video.  It's actually a little promo that we made for our show on May 16th.  I hope you guys like it.  In fact, I hope you like it so much that you embed it on your pages and invite your friends to embed it on theirs.  Because, well, I'm figuring that if we get forty-thousand people to all embed the video, we just might actually have gotten the word out.  

So, if you like Get Set Go, and feel like you haven't done much in return for all the hours of listening enjoyment you've received from us, then perhaps you'll do us this one favor.  Now, I only want you to consider posting this video if you actually think it's clever, and funny, and interesting, and worth posting.  But if it is, I hope you'll consider putting it everywhere you possibly can.  I'm hoping that it'll end up on Stephen Colbert's show.  Or on his website.  Or somewhere that will really get his goat. And shave it.  Because nothing gets people's attention like a shaved goat.

Okay, well, without further ado...*drum roll*....our video promo thingy...OF DOOM!



Oh, and if you want the embed code for yourself, go here...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mnPbC2

With great pink and yellow pukings of joy,

Mike TV