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According To You album by Orianthi
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I think Hips of Fury 2010 is going to be so rad.  I already have some awesome talent lined up, plus I know a few people planning on competing.  And I LOVE the theme!! Down the Rabbit Hole.  I have all kinds of ideas swirling around in my lil ole brain for the opening number of the evening show!!

It is so ON!  March 2010.

Theme?

Down the Rabbit Hole

I wish I could come home to find a passel of dwarves having taken over my house.  Then, assuming I had enough Took in me, I could be free.

Just open your eyes and you will see...
My hair is short-no, long- no, red-no, blond
The tell-tale sign that I have many facets
My eyes are deep blue pools
Revealing the storms of passion I keep at bay
Lips, parted with smiles
For I am not capable of seeking sorrow
And look at my shoulders while I move
For though they are narrow, they are strong and willing to carry the burdens of those whom I love
The litheness of my arms
Can encircle, protect, comfort, caress
See the curve of my back
Coupled with the roundness of my hip?
I am a woman indeed.  And I like being one.
The scars on my belly...
I would do anything to heal my womb
The line inside my hipbone
Whispers of desire
Behold the strength of my leg
I may be slight, but I can endure!
The point of my toe
Tells you that every tiny bit of beauty is relevant for its own sake.

Can you see me?

There I was
Nothing more than a destroyer of life
Leaving holes
Consuming anything lovely and pure
Instinctually, without understanding
Unperceived
And then becoming wrapped up in myself
In a comatose state
Knowing not the struggle that was before me
And as I fought and kicked and growled
I could not see I was becoming who I was meant to be
Wishing
Yearning
Crying out to my Creator for less pain
But the shroud must be torn
And I must stretch my limbs
So I might emerge as my destiny
The Butterfly

So, I know I haven't posted the monetary results from the fundraiser, and I'm sorry.  I also know that the way I act when people want to talk to me about the adoption is weird.  Just know that I am touched very deeply by everyone's generosity (to the tune of $2200, at the end of the fundraiser...and growing), and I have always wanted to be a mom. 

Talking about having a family makes me cry.  Not the idea of adopting filling me with joy, either.  But years of repressed pain from never having the family I always dreamed of, of feeling incomplete as a woman because I am incapable of doing the only thing that women can do that men can't, of the absolute terror that I will again get my hopes up and have everything come crashing down around me.

So if I get vague when you are trying to show that you care by asking how the baby-buying is going, don't take it personally.  I actually do appreciate that you care.  I'm just trying not to take my finger out of the hole in the dam.

Ok, there were a few cranky people because I didn't advertise that I was dancing in Vegas this last week.  But if it makes any difference, the place was sold out, so you probably would not have been able to see me anyway.  I'm sorry!  I'll try to be better about posting my performances.  :-/