"cynicism is the only form in which base souls approach honesty" -Nietzsche

"you have your way. i have my way. as for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist" -Nietzsche

"when we are tired, we are attacked by ideas we conqured long ago" - Nietzsche

"man is least himself when he talks in his own person. give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth" -Oscar Wilde

"the power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who havent got it" - George Bernard Shaw

"you can safely assume that you've created god in your own image when it turns out that god hates all the same people you do" - Anne Lamott

"only the shallow know themselves" - Oscar Wilde

ok. enough for now. for those who happen upon this entry and want to criticize the wry smile these quotes give me, i leave u with this:

"cynics are made, not born" - unknown

so fuck off.

i have a bag of york mint patties.

all is right with the world,

y'know in a nice world, life would make u suffer through that ONCE.

the culprit of such a feeling?? living w/ my parents again.

god i miss living NOT with them. and who says deprivation is always such a bad thing??

i normally love my tattoo... but not today (well for all of 15 min, then i fell in love w/ it all over again).

i love donating blood. firstly, i feel like i have an obligation to since im a universal blood donor (no one else in my family is an O type though. is that possible?). secondly, u get to feel like ur giving smthg to the world just by sitting there doing dickall 'cept stayin alive and keepin that heart pumping.  So, obviously im elated when the blood donor ppl come to my school, only to be severely dissapointed when im told that i cant donate until august 2007 due to my tattoo.

fine. whatever. me and my blood DONT NEED U. it'll just stay here... all nice and comfy .. and y'know.. IN me. 

whatever.

(this sucks)

my favorite song these days:

another white dash - butterfly boucher

ive been having countless fantasies (not those kind) to this song.

the sound of her voice makes me want to either die or run.

ive moved UP a circle of hell. i have internet.

i got a job in the schools computer lab, but that wont start for at least another week. the pay is pretty shitty, $9.45/hr, but its still almost double the minimum here, $5. other than that, its still pretty much the same as this blog that ive had saved on the computer but havent had a chance to post until... now:

august 20. 1:55 am

cant sleep. too fuckin bored

ive been under house arrest for the last 4 days w/ nothing to occupy my little mind. well, its not ACTUALLY house arrest but it might as well be. stuck in the middle of a still developing suburbs complex (its so new that my street isnt even on any maps yet) with nothing but desert and empty houses surrounding us. theres no where to run to for temporary relief from this constant state of mental lethargy.

ive been gorging myself on episodes of anime, namely full metal alchemist, saved on jon's (my little bro) computer. However, as those familiar w/ anime well know, each episode's conflict tends to be strikingly similar to the last's, but with differing minute details (where, when, who) making it, of course, totally worthy of devoting an entire episode to. that being said, its one of the better animes ive seen. though the ending sucks. one, however, cannot live on anime alone. and i am going OUT OF MY MIND!!!!!

theres also only one box of cookies in this house.

this.... is a problem.   as those of you well aware of my habits know, when im bored, i eat. so, me bored + a box of cookies = whats the problem right? well ... 1st, its only 1/2 a box sincel im splitting it w/ jon.   2nd, i can easily consume 1/2 a box in less than a hr.    3rd, the oppressors (my parents) will refuse to buy me another box that quickly.   and finally,  i cant very well drive out and buy one myself... and therein lies my problem.

im convinced that my savior, some crochety bitch of a woman @ the dmv, will deliver me from this hell. but that wont be for another 3-4 mths (unless i prove myself to be some sort of driving prodigy).

but even then where would i go? (other than to the nearest vons for cookies and hummus). and who would i go with?

ive yet to make any friends, cos all the international students i meet during orientation deemed me too much of a non-japanese/korean speaking loser to talk to. you could just see the interest fade from their eyes once the word "canadian" is uttered.

school starts on the 28th. perhaps americans will be nicer? we do speak the same language.    what else?

um, ive developed these weird little itchy flesh coloured bumps (attractive i know) on my arms and legs. i suspect its the over clorinated, over florided, over chemicalized shit they call water here.

to all the girls out there who say they have "sensitive skin" just to sound delicate & feminine: if i meet any of you while i still have this, ill show it to you and punch you in the mouth.

God, listening to aimee mann while writing this is enough to make me want to slit my own throat. perhaps the next song.... lovers spit redux-broken social scene. wow, my playlist is depressing.

ok. this is an SOS signal. to all those who see it, please heed my plea for junk food. cookies, wine gums, anything of the starburst or mint patty variety are all needed desperately!  over and out.

at school waiting for my registration appointment. spent the last half hour on the phone yelling at a ring tone going "mom why the fuck arent you picking up?" (am slightly exaggerating the yelling part since i dont want the reputation of 'crazy canadian bitch' to precede me). she gave me the wrong credit card number. on my registration day. !!!!! . tried to buy (required) health insurance online. denied. freaked. then proceded to the payphone to rapidly dial. hangup. dial. hangup. freak. repeat. repeat. repeat. repeat.

sally struthers would be shaking her head at the number of quarters ive wasted.

the last few days have been an endless vacuum of boredom, headaches, and despair. and time has lost all meaning. no tv. no dvds. no phone. no internet. no car. no walking (unless i decided that i really DID want that chemotherapy treatment for christmas, in which case i will go outside into skin cancer heaven).

my mother does not comprehend the concept of doors. most importantly, MY door. that means NOT bursting into my room while im reading to tell me that i shouldnt have left my school stuff on the counter. and NOT bursting into the bathroom while im all soapy faced and groggy, to tell me not to turn on all the lights in the morning. furthermore, shes a packrat. i throw everything away. weve just moved into our newly built house. arguments galore.

things fucking suck. and yes, christine, you told me so...

(written on palm during flight)

im sat here waiting for takeoff and im waiting for it to hit me. i am NOT going to be coming back in a few weeks to my  nice little apmt, my stepho's lamb platter, my bitches, chris & hiromi, my davie st... my life.  i mean it isnt a huge great thing of a life, but its mine. and i was happy here.

im no longer "here". ive just taken off without even knowing it and just saw the most amazing sight. right this moment, im watching vancouver get a sprinkling of rain from a thin fluffy little white cloud whist surrounded by a glowing blue sky tinged w/ the rosiness of an imminent sunset. (alright, enough poetry for today)

this doesnt do it justice, but here:

is it weird that even now (i can see the strip from my window) that i feel nothing? well, nothing except a forboding anticipation for the dark desparaging depression thats sure to come. perhaps ill feel different once ive landed and arrived .... i want to say "home" but i believe im about 1,590 km away from that.

update: its now 2:30am, and i am in their (mum/dad/jon) apartment. we're moving to the new house today in about 8 hrs, which is unequipt w/ internet and phone service. so ill be totally and utterly cut off from everyone and everything. fuck this is gonna suck... but heres a pretty picture from my fabulous new camera (thumbs up carol!):

went to see a burlesque show @ celebrities. wasnt quite sure if it was gonna be a real burlesque show or a drag queen show. it turned out to be the former, though i have to admit, i was hoping for the latter. it wouldve been really interesting. but the non drag one was fun too. jazz, voluptuous cheeky women, and tassle covered tits, how could it NOT be a great time?? and there was this one woman, proudly voluptuous and wild... she was freakin awsome.

 and yes, SHE was the vagitarian. (and no, i didnt simply misspell vegetarian, wink)