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Fuck, man. Time does fly. It seems like only yesterday that it was 2001. Well, truth be told, I did spend the last 8 years in a blackout. However, I'm happy to say this past year has been productive. On one hand, I lost a lot in my life. I lost a job, all my money, some friends, my car, even some bad habits -- on the other hand, I gained insight, education, and experience I couldn't have gained had I not lost those other things. I'm an extreme guy and it takes extreme things to wake me up sometimes. But now I'm on two feet, restoring old things lost, and building a better future. I'm a fucking Phoenix, man. However, I'm a little ashamed to type right now that I didn't play much guitar at all this year. Sure, I noodled with it here and there, but it was a kind of nervous tinkering that added nothing to my playing. I guess the best thing to come of it was a few funny Youtube videos I posted. Don't get me wrong, I'm passionate about guitar, but I had to prioritize this year. I'm actually quite lost for words. I'm out of practice thinking out loud. The only typing I've done for the past year has been work related, and quite frankly, without the booze, I'm critical of my flow of thought.

This was a good year. I accomplished what I set out to accomplish. But it was also a safe and boring year. A lonely year. I'm hoping I begin to take risks again. Smart risks. I could stand to make some new friends. Get a girl. That sorta thing.

Wish me luck.

Howdie folks! I just wanted to take a sec to inform everyone that I took a break from Myspace to pursue a graphics art career. This entailed building an entire portfolio of work from scratch, learning new software, and networking like crazy. For those reasons, I have not made Myspace a priority. But I at least wanted to let you know where to keep up with me.

http://jeffblazer.posterous.com
http://www.twitter.com/jeffblazer
http://www.jeffblazer.blogspot.com
http://www.youtube.com/jeffblazer74

In addition, if you care to see my graphics work or are currently in the market for such work, you can visit my own domain at:

http://www.bradbarrett.biz

All comment, questions, and feedback welcome.
Thus for now, I hope to hear from you via one of the above media outlets.

Brad Barrett is Jeff Blazer

I saw some poacher kill a walrus and its fate was sealed.

The world's heaviest man, who'd been bed-ridden for 6 years, got married. He was hauled to the alter on a flatbed truck. Talk about going out of your way for some cake... geez.

I recently saw a documentary about women who buy a particular baby doll called a Reborn and treat it like a real baby. They decorate a nursery, they push it in a stroller, and even publicly coddle it with love and affection. Is it really a mystery why no one will fuck'em?.

I saw a malpractice commercial on tv last night where the lawyer said, "If you've been injured or even killed, call us."

I was playing Quija with 3 dyslexic people -- and interestingly enough -- the spirit we summoned couldn't spell shit.

There is a time and a place for everything -- except for cock fingering.

I just realized something -- I'll probably never see a baby hummingbird. Never mind.

Who runs out of gas? Women run out of gas. Men don't run out of gas. You'll never hear this conversation in your life: "Hey Bob, it's me, Chuck. Would you mind picking me up? I'm on the interstate and I ran out of gas. Nope, the needle's fine. I normally know how many miles I've got left when I'm on empty but I guess the strip club was further than I thought."

I was watching a show called "Untame and Uncut." It's about animal/human encounters that go wrong. Some guy was deep sea fishing for swordfish when the 600 lb. marlin he had hooked jump into his boat and rammed its sword straight through his mouth. There's no punchline here outside of getting a swordfish stuck in your face.

Do you microwave your toothbrush? I mean, to kill germs? I tried to, but it kept getting in the way of my movie theater-butter popcorn.

Some things are better left unsaid, but sometimes telling someone to take a flying fuck is exactly what's needed. 

Bloody Manor is something of modern folklore for Southern Maryland residents as Bunnyman's Bridge is for local Virginians. 25 years ago a dilapidated house could barely be seen through the wooded thicket along side a barren stretch of Rt. 5 in Waldorf, MD -- a house formidably known as Bloody Manor. This house, once abandoned, is said to have been purchased by a nearby gas station & company who publicized it as a "haunted house" and marketed tours on Halloween. However, the stories that quickly circulated by those who sought its entertainment had no redeeming quality in their horror.

That gas station crew -- who remain nameless -- were, quite frankly, mechanics of mayhem. Bloody Manor had nothing to offer for those who wanted a friendly scare. There were no ghosts on wires or rubber bats -- there was only a visceral terror of which free admission wasn't even worth the price.

I can only recall the story as it was told to me and pardon any inaccuracy. As I understand it only small groups of people were allowed in the house at a time, fitting for the Manor since there was never enough of the brave to form a crowd. Almost as soon as this small group entered the house the door was slammed and locked behind them. The lights go out and someone is snatched from the group by hands that plunge from the dark. There is no music, traditional spooks, or ghoulish props -- only the sound of entertainment turning raw. Disoriented from the group, the lone victim feels themselves being placed into a wooden box and hears a lid being nailed shut. Suddenly, they feel a weightlessness as this box is carried at both ends by several breathy figures. Now dead leaves rustle beneath feet and the air gets thin and cold. This person in the box whines for a refund or some morality and it's simply too late. A sudden amplified silence begets their fear in anticipation -- and the rev of a chainsaw just outside their box has their worst fear come true.

The remaining cast still lost in the grip of the house now listens to two very frightening things: a chainsaw and their imaginations. But it doesn't stop there. The chainsaw begins cutting into the box, randomly peering through the wood to prove the chain is toothed. The person in the box has woodchips stuck to their teary cheeks, a veracious reminder that there's nothing funny about a chainsaw.

I cannot tell you what was to become of the people who went in that house or the person who was to be born again in that box. I can only tell you that Bloody Manor came under intense scrutiny for its practices and was eventually shut down. The house stood for a few years before a construction crew destroyed it. The nearby gas station, too, went out of business. Those mechanics are angry and at large.  

October 4th, 1994 was the day the Telecaster died -- and its name was Danny Gatton. Rated 63rd on the Rolling Stones "Greatest 100 Guitarists of all-time" list, Danny Gatton's unique blend of improvisation and rockabilly gave birth to a new genre -- redneck jazz. Nicknamed "The Humbler" for his unassuming ability to trounce guitarists in head-cutting sessions, Gatton's virtuoso was grounded by his patent bashfulness. It were as though he was a farmboy cursed with talent.

My father and Gatton were school mates, describing Danny as a once shy boy with a duck walk. Though what he didn't say with words, Gatton preached in notes. I was fortunate enough to hold one of Gatton's late guitars, paying all its due respect by not playing it. Danny Gatton did in fact put a gun to his head, but he put music to the world and blew its brains out.