You're my addiction,what I crave with a burning desire,what I dream about every night,what I can't go a day without,you're my addiction I can't live without.You're the man I love with all my heart,the name my heart says with every beat,you're my every fantasy,you're my every prayer come true,you're the man that makes me complete.You're a part of me like my heart isand you flow through me like my blood,this feeling I have for youhasn't dimmed a bit over timebut grows brighter and stronger as the time passes.You're my addiction,what I crave with a burning desire,what I dream about every night,what I can't go a day without,you're my addiction I can't live without.You're the embodiment of my every wishand dim every fantasy I've had,you're the man I can't see my future withoutand the one that my children will look like,you're the one that i will be with when we are old.It's you're voice that I have to hear each nightbefore I close my eyes,after all this time I still get fluttersevery time I hear your laughter,it just makes me want to hear it more.You're my addiction,what I crave with a burning desire,what I dream about every night,what I can't go a day without,you're my addiction I can't live without.You're my best friend,the one I can just be me with,let down all my walls and be safe,be weak and you hold me tight,you're the one that robs me of breath.You're the one that melts my heart with a wordand amazes me with every act,you're the one that I can argue with and right when I'm at my maddeststart laughing and saying "I love you".You're my addiction,what I crave with a burning desire,what I dream about every night,what I can't go a day without,you're my addiction I can't live without.You're the miracle that I never expected,the angel I didn't think could exsist,the one that makes me whole, my soul mate,you're the one I love with all my strength.

It hasnt been too long since you've gone home to the lord,but the paper from the funeral is yellow and faded like it has been years since you left us behind. Your memory follows me like a shadow in the dark,stuck in a corner just wating to pop out at me.Not a day goes by where i dont think of you,i keep your smile fondly in my heart,that is where you lay peacefully,where i can always keep you close to me.

And i miss you,sometimes i still wonder why it had to be you,how can someone be allowd to go through so much pain and so much fighting just to be taken away in the end. dont think ill ever understand that. but i hope your happy being up in the clouds,i hope that there is no more pain. The holidays are coming around again,this will be the second year without you here,but it hasnt gotten any easier trying to find a way to let you go. Your birthday is also right around the corner,how i miss making a big fuss over you,you never wanted us to make a big deal out of it,but you were always a big deal to us. And you were a rock,big and strong and solid,you always kept everyone together.

I just wanted to tell you that i love you, wanted to wish you happy holidays and a happy birthday. I miss you grandpa, and i hope that you are looking down on me with a smile on your face,the same smile that ill never forget,that same smile that i keep fondly in my heart until the day that we meet again.

i sit here and watch all of these love movies...and all i can think of is you and me.
the love that you see in these movies is the kind of love that we share,and it makes me smile to know that i have finally found my one and only for the rest of my life,just the thought of you in my arms til the end of time is all i need to get me by.
we have the most amazing love,
the most amazing relationship,
what more could i say but im in love with you....
everytime i watch a love movie,
it just reminds me of that.
i could go on and on about how wonderful you are to me,
but you already know this.
anything and everything could go wrong,

but we would still be here...together.

before you i didnt have much of a life,but you came around and everything changed,

everything that i am now,i owe it to you,as you know you saved me from doom...almost like a dead flower,you poured your sunshine onto me and i came back to life

your love is like the light at the end of a dark tunnel.

what we have is like the brightest star in a dark sky...shinning brightly for all of the world to see.

i just love you...no other words can explain what i feel,and i could try til the end of time to find the right words,but there are no greater or powerful words then those three words....i hope you know that this is all true,i hope you can feel my love for you just radiating from every pore of my body......

 

i love you.

i was just recently diagnosed with type 2 diabetes,was in mercy hosptial for a few days and it was the worst 2 days of my life. 

this all started with my feel swelling,they were swollen for 2 wks and i couldnt figure out why,last friday it got to the point where it was horribly painful to walk,so dan freaked out and took me to the max center,we got there at 11pm that friday night,didnt get home til about 5am that saturday morning,i had so much blood work taken,xrays,ekg...and at that time my sugar was at 307...but for some reason they sent me home...but the doc wanted to make sure that i was or wasnt diabetic so i had to fast for 12hrs and went back to the max center sunday morning for the glucose testing,they tested my urine and they said my sugar was as high as it could possibly be but they were told to go ahead with the 2hr test anyways,i was there for 3 hours and had blood taken from me 4 times,during the whole thing i had such a hard time staying awake,i was just so tired. but when it was all over they sent me on my way. monday morning i had made a follow up appt at OLV(for wed) but never made it there...monday morning i was so horribly weak,i was shaky,i was really hot(like a flu like hot), i started to panic,i thought maybe it was just cuz i hadnt eaten breakfest yet so i had breakfest and felt worse but i was convinced that it would just  go away....and i wanted my mom to drive me to work but ended up at mercy hosptial instead...we got there on monday at like 10:45am...my sugar was at 394 and i had never been so tired or felt so sick in my whole entire life...they gave me 8 units of insulin right away,stayed at mercy til this past wednesday....my sugar kept going up and going back down but it didnt touch the 394 mark again...and while i was there i found out i had a Urinary tract infection, and it turns out that when having diabetes,you are at a higher risk for a UTI. and my cholestral is all screwed up..its really high right now and there is also a change that i have sleep apnea(but that test is $1500 without insurance which i cannot afford to do right now),but i  my left valve in my heart is enlarged which would cause the sleep apnea. i was such an emotional mess,i still kinda am..those 2 days were sooo horrible,my mom missed out on alot of sleep to be with me during the day until dan could come after work and i know that dan missed out on alot of sleep cuz i wasnt here with him and was stuck in the hosptial....the food was horrible and i just slept alot,and cried alot. and all i could think was why is this happening to me,why do i have to go through something horrible like this. but now that we know what is wrong,i can keep it under control and atleast i got kinda lucky i dont have to give myself insulin,i just have to take 2 different pills for my diabetes and a pill for the cholsteral problem. i have to check my sugar atleast 4 times a day,im on a 1600 cal diet for probably the rest of my life,but it will help me to lose alot of weight and if i can get that down,i will be so much healthier and there might come a time in my life(im sure much down the road) where i wont have to take pills anymore,dan and i still want a baby after we get married but now that im diabetic there could be more complications with carrying a child and thats another reason why i need to get as healthy as i can as soon as possible, i dont want this disease to ruin my change of bring a child into this world,and its still something i want more than anything is to have dans' child and any of you that are really close to me know how i feel about having one or even maybe 2 of them.

but i have to say that i have never been more scared in my whole life,its a scary disease to have. and ive come to see that you never know what can happen.and i am thankful it was caught when it was,if it would have gone on any longer without us looking into what was wrong something really horrible could have happened and i would have been in the hospital alot longer than 2 days.

when i sit back and think about everything,it just makes me want to cry and for alot of different reasons,one cuz i have the most amazing family in the world,i also have the most amazing man in my life and i cant wait to become his wife on sept 6th...and i have some of the most amazing friends too(and some of them i consider them to be a part of my family cuz some of them were there for me too). but also it makes me want to cry cuz ive had some of the signs of diabetes for a very long time and i should have known cuz it runs in my family,but never bothered to do anything about it until there was no longer a choice. it also turns out that the loss of pigment spots on my body are tied in with diabetes too and thats something none of us ever knew and ive had these spots on my body since i was just a little girl...so we dont really know how long ive been diabetic for but im willing to bet its been a number of years that is been growing for and it finally broke the surface and came out and its really just a big slap in the face. but i never would have made it through those days in the hosptial if it wasnt for my mom and dan and his mom and my friends and all of the prayers from the prayer chain from church and the prayers from the few people who knew what was going on.

im still feeling really weak and i dont have much energy right now,its gonna take some time for my body to become regulated. to get use to the change of my sugar levels...and all i want is to feel better. right now i feel like a stranger in my own body and i hate feeling like this,i just hope this feeling goes away soon.

 

having something this drasitc happen to me,that will change my life,dans life...also made me realize that i need to stop holding grudges and the things that i have been harbouring inside of me i need to let them go,i need to learn how to forgive. and thats something really hard to do when you have been hurt,but its not healthy to be so angry. and even though its hard because you dont want to put urself out there to be hurt anymore,its something that i need to do...i was lucky i didnt end up in a diabetic coma or something worse,there might be a few people who dont agree with me on this subject...but i have to find a way to forgive him...no matter what happens he is still my dad and there has to be a way to work through everything that happened.

 

but i guess thats everything,so anyone who wants to know what happened can read it all on here.

Myspace Survey...Tell All!
--Info--
Name::	guinevere
Nicknames::	guin
Birthplace::	orlanda fl
Current Location::	lackawanna
Hair Color::	spicy cinnamon
Eye Color::	brown
Height::	short
Weight::	na
Tatoos?::	not til after i get married
Piercings?::	2 in one ear and 3 in the other ear
Overused Phrase::	its my hunny!
--Your--
Bedtime::	whenever i get tired
Best Physical Feature::	hair(dan says my everything..aww!)
Most Embarassing Moment::	having to go pee outside at dans grandmas' house cuz she wasnt home and no one had a key to get in
Most Missed Memory::	my grandpa
First Thought When You Wake Up::	noooooo
Weakness::	dan
Best Friends::	karry and stefanie
Goal For The Year::	to make it to my wedding alive!
Greatest Fears::	losing the ones that i love.
--This Or That--
Pepsi or Coke...:	moutain dew
McDonalds or Burger King...:	burger king
Hot Tea or Ice Tea...:	ice tea(raspberry)
Chocolate or Vanilla...:	chocolate(with some carmel)
Water or Milk...:	milk
Coffee or Hot Chocolate...:	hot chocolate
Hugs or Kisses...:	both from dan
Cats or Dogs...:	cats
Summer or Winter...:	fall
Scary Movies or Romantic Comedies...:	a mix of all
Love or Money...:	LOVE
Green Grapes or Purple Grapes...:	green grapes
--Lover--
Perferred Eye Color::	blue
Perferred Hair Color::	dans hair(the most amazing hair)
Short Hair or Long Hair...:	in between
Perferred Height::	taller than me
Perferred Weight::	dont matter to me
Looks or Personality...:	personality
Hot or Cute...:	cute
Skinny...Muscular...or Fat...:	muscular
--Favs--
Number::	3
Food::	chicken
Type of Music::	anything that fits the mood at the time
Candy::	milky way
Color::	purple
Animal::	penguins
Drink::	moutain dew
Body Part on the Opposite Sex::	dans arms
Movie::	all 6 rocky movies!!!
Past Time::	sleeping
--Have You Ever--
Drank?:	yes i have
Smoked?:	yes..i am a smoker
Been Beaten Up?:	no not really
Bullied Someone?:	no i dont think so
Skinny Dipped?:	nope
Played Spin The Bottle or 7 Minutes In Heaven?:	nope
Toliet Papered Someones House?:	nope
Played Poker W/ Money?:	nope
Gone Swimming In A White T-Shirt?:	yup
Been Tickled So Bad That You Cried?:	yup
Been Tickled So Bad That You Couldnt Talk?:	yup
Like Someone And Not Tell Them How You Felt?:	nope
Went Camping?:	yes..love it
Used The Restroom On A Tree?:	yes
Had A Crush On Your Brother/Sister's Friend?:	nope
Had A Crush On Your Friend's Brother/Sister?:	nope
Walked In The Rain W/out An Umbrella?:	yes..i love the rain
Danced In The Rain?:	no but ive been kissed in the rain!
Told A Joke And Nobody Thought It was Funny?:	according to dan yes
Been On Stage?:	chorus
Worn Clothes Your Mom Didnt Approve Of?:	im sure i have
Been To A Nude Beach?:	nope
Cursed In Church?:	yes
Been Called A Whore/Slut For Kissing Someone?:	nope
Burnt Yourself?:	yes
Been Dumped?:	yes
Dumped Someone?:	yes
Been In Love?:	i am in love
Been Hit On Someone To Old?:	yes
Wanted To Be A Model?:	no
Wanted To Be In The Olmpics?:	no
Bought Lottery Tickets?:	yes
Made Out In A Car?:	eh...a little more than that
Cried During A Movie?:	yes
Wanted Something You Couldnt Have?:	yes
Made Love On The Beach?:	nope
Shoplifted?:	i plead the fourth
Seen Someone Shoplift?:	yes
Hung Up On Someone?:	plenty of times
Yelled At Your Pet?:	omg yes
Gotten Seasick?:	nope
Tried To Strip When Drunk?:	i dont think so
Bought A Thong Cuz The Casier Was Hot?:	no..bought them cuz i liked them at the time
Stalked Someone?:	nope
Had A Stalker?:	yes...he was crazy
Played A Prank On Someone And Scared Them?:	never scared anyone
Been Embarrassed By Someone In Your Family?:	i dont think so
Felt Bad About Eating Meat?:	nope
Protested?:	nope
Been To An Island?:	yes in harrisburg..cant remember the name
Ate Cuz You Had Nothing Better To Do?:	no..thats just wrong
Screamed In A Library?:	no
Made Out W/ A Stranger?:	yes
Made Out W/ Someone Who Wasnt Single?:	yes
Wished A Part Of You Was Different?:	sometimes
Talked To A Complete Stranger?:	yes
Been Sunburned So Bad You Blistered?:	yes
Kicked A Guy In The Nuts?:	yes..on accident
Threw Up In School?:	i dont think so
Recieved A Love Letter That Wasnt Signed?:	nope
Wore Something You Hated?:	no
Wore Something To Match Someone?:	no
Been To A Luau?:	no
Cursed Infront Of Your Parents?:	yes
Been On TV?:	nope
Been Outta The Country?:	canada
Been Honked At While Walking Down The Sidewalk?:	dan likes to honk at me
Won A Pool Game?:	no i dont think so
Went To A Party Where You Were The Only Sober One?:	yes
Went To School/ Work Drunk?:	yes i did
Dieted?:	tried
Had An Eating Disorder?:	no
Cheated On Your Other?:	nope..never!!!!
Been Cheated On?:	yes
Been Paid To Date Someone?:	nope..thats just wrong
Dated Someone That Was Paid or Dared To Date You?:	nope
Tanned Topless?:	nope
Been Strip Searched?:	nope
Been On A Plane?:	yes wheni was little
Been On A Cruise?:	no
Been Pantsed In Public?:	no
Thrown Your Shoe At Someone?:	yes
Broke Someone's Heart?:	maybe
Sung In The Shower?:	yes
Bought Something Way To Expensive?:	no not yet
Done Something Stupid And Laughed At Yourself?:	yes..all the time
Been Walked In On While You Were Dressing?:	nope
Been Walked In On While Showering?:	nope
Ran Out Of A Movie Theater Cuz You Got Scared?:	nope
Been Kicked Out Of A Mall/ Store?:	nope
Been Kicked Out Of A GoCart Place Cuz You Wrecked The Go Cart?:	nope
Been In Detention?:	yes..all cuz i had my period and the teacher wouldnt let me go to the bathroom so i walked out
Feel Off A Roof?:	no
Pretended You Were Scared So You Could Cuddle W/ Someone?:	yes!!!!
Been In A Wreck?:	yes
Wrecked So You Wouldnt Hit An Animal?:	no
Made Yourself Puck So You Wouldnt Have To Go To School?:	nope
Threatened Someone W/ A Water Gun?:	yes..back in the day
Been Shot?:	nope
Had A Water Gun War?:	yes
Been Arrested?:	nope
--Randoms--
Regret Something You Did In The Past?:	no...you cant have any regrets
Country You Wanna Visit::	ireland
Way You Wanna Die::	in my sleep next to dan
Like Thunderstorms?:	yes..i love them
Get Along W/ Your Parents?:	with my mom i do..very much now
R U A Health Freak?:	nope
U Think Ur Attractive?:	sometimes
Do You Believe In Yourself?:	sometimes..but not much these days
Wanna Get Married?:	yes..sept 6,2008!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wanna Go To College?:	eh..not sure
Shower Daily?:	yes
Want Kids?:	yes..one of each
When Do U Wanna Lose Your Virginity?:	already did..6yrs ago
Do U Hate Anyone?:	hate is a very strong word..dislike
Can You Unwrap A Starburst W/ Your Tongue?:	yes
Do You Think You Can Sing?:	yes
Can You Open You Eyes Underwater?:	nope..it stings
Eat Whatever And Not Worry?:	eh..i do try to watch what i eat now a days
Can You Whistle?:	nope
Can You Walk In High Heels?:	not really..have to pratice for my wedding day!
Do You Sleep W/ The Light On?:	nope
Do You Like Super Spicy Foods?:	nope
Can You Multitask?:	yes i can
Touch Your Nose W/ Your Tongue?:	nope
Can You Fit In Your Locker?:	lol..dont have one
Do You Spit?:	sometimes
Can You Taste The Difference Between Pepsi And Coke?:	no i cant
If You Could Wish 4 Anything...What Would You Wish?:	nothing i have everything that i want
What Kind Of Perfume Or Colone Do You Wear?:	anything that i think is nice
What Kind Of Soap Do You Use?:	whatever i feel like that day
What's Your Favorite Scent?:	vanilla
Would You Choose To Live Forever If You Could?:	no i wouldnt,give me 80 years and thats good enough for me,as long as its with dan!
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