If you would like to play the Belmont, please e-mail booking@thebelmontbar.com and include the following information:
- A link to your myspace page or other page with mp3s.
- A full list of the area venues you have played.
- The date/s you are available to play. Please see available dates under Schedule of Events at thebelmontbar.com or on our myspace calendar
You can try Myspacing this page, but it's better to e-mail.

If you are a local band and you've never played here before, you will probably be asked to play a free show first. If you do not draw well, or cannot follow simple directions, you will probably not be asked to play again.

Any band, local or touring, that is booked at the Belmont should not have another show in the tri-county area the weekend before, during or after their booked date. There are some exceptions to this rule. Failure to comply may result in your show being cancelled, especially if you have another show in Hamtramck the same weekend. Until you are an established local act with a solid following, there is no reason to play twice in two days in the same 2 mile radius.

We welcome touring bands here at the Belmont and try to accomodate you as best as possible. However, it is easier to get on a show at the Belmont if you first hook up with a local band that has played here before that you fit with musically, and then have them book the show for you. Unless you have an album on the Billboard Charts (this does not include CMJ), then the Belmont does not offer any flat guarantees.

If you have e-mailed booking@thebelmontbar.com and no one gets back to you within a week or so, send another email!!

From ModernDrunkardMagazine.com

1. If you owe someone money, always pay them back in a bar. Preferably during happy hour.

2. Always toast before doing a shot.

3. Whoever buys the shot gets the first chance to offer a toast.

4. Change your toast at least once a month.

5. Buying someone a drink is five times better than a handshake.

6. Buying a strange woman a drink is still cool. Buying all her drinks is dumb.

7. Never borrow more than one cigarette from the same person in one night.

8. When the bartender is slammed, resist the powerful urge to order a slightly-dirty, very-dry, in-and-out, super-chilled half-and-half martini with a lemon twist. Limit orders to beer, straight shots and two-part cocktails.

9. Get the bartender's attention with eye contact and a smile.

10. Do not make eye contact with the bartender if you do not want a drink.

11. Unacceptable things to say after doing a shot: Great, now I'm going to get drunk. I hate shots. It's coming back up.

12. Never, ever tell a bartender he made your drink too strong.

13. If he makes it too weak, order a double next time. He'll get the message.

14. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she refuses, she does not like you.

15. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she accepts, she still might not like you.

16. If she buys you a drink, she likes you.

17. If someone offers to buy you a drink, do not upgrade your liquor preference.

18. Always have a corkscrew in your house.

19. If you don't have a corkscrew, push the cork down into the bottle with a pen.

20. Drink one girly drink in public and you will forever be known as the guy who drinks girly drinks.

21. Our parents were better drinkers than we are.

22. Never talk to someone in the restroom unless you're doing the same thing—urinating, waiting in line or washing your hands.

23. Girls hang out, apply make-up, and have long talks in the bathroom. Men do not.

24. After your sixth drink, do not look at yourself in the mirror. It will shake your confidence.

25. It is only permissible to shout 'woo-hoo!' if you are doing a shot with four or more people.

26. If there is a d.j., you can request a song only once per night. If he doesn't play it within half an hour, do not approach him again. If he does play it, do not approach him again.

27. Learn how to make a rose out of a bar napkin. You'll be surprised how well it works.

28. If you can't afford to tip, you can't afford to drink in a bar. Go to the liquor store.

29. If you owe someone twenty dollars or less, you may pay them back in beer.

30. Never complain about the quality or brand of a free drink.

31. If you have been roommates with someone more than six months, you may drink all their beer, even if it's hidden, as long as you leave them one.

32. You can have a shot of their hard liquor only if the cap has been cracked and the bottle goes for less than $25.

33. The only thing that tastes better than free liquor is stolen liquor.

34. If you bring Old Milwaukee to a party, you must drink at least two cans before you start drinking the imported beer in the fridge.

35. Learn to appreciate hangovers. If it was all good times every jackass would be doing it.

36. If you ever feel depressed, get out a bartender's guide and browse through all the drinks you've never tried.

37. Try one new drink each week.

38. If you are the bar's sole customer, you are obliged to make small talk with the bartender until he stops acknowledging you. Then you're off the hook. The same goes for him.

39. Never tip with coins that have touched you. If your change is $1.50, you can tell the barmaid to keep the change, but once she has handed it to you, you cannot give it back. To a bartender or cocktail waitress, small change has no value.

40. If you have ever told a bartender, "Hey, it all spends the same," then you are a cheap ass.

41. Anyone on stage or behind a bar is fifty percent better looking.

42. You can tell how hard a drinker someone is by how close they keep their drink to their mouth.

43. A bar is a college, not a nursery. If you spill a beer, clean it up. If you break a glass, wait for a staff member to clean it up, then blame it on someone else.

44. Being drunk is feeling sophisticated without being able to say it.

45. It's okay to drink alone.

46. After three drinks, you will forget a woman's name two seconds after she tells you. The rest of the night you will call her "baby" or "darling".

47. Nothing screams 'nancy boy' louder than swirling an oversized brandy snifter.

48. Men don't drink from straws. Unless you're doing a Mind or Face Eraser.

49. If you do a shot, finish it. If you don't plan to finish it, don't accept it.

50. Never brood in a dance bar. Never dance in a dive bar.

51. Never play more than three songs by the same artist in a row.

52. Your songs will come on as you're leaving the bar.

53. Never yell out jukebox selections to someone you don't know.

54. Never lie in a bar. You may, however, grossly exaggerate and lean.

55. If you think you might be slurring a little, then you are slurring a lot. If you think you are slurring a lot, then you are not speaking English.

56. Screaming, "Someone buy me a drink!" has never worked.

57. For every drink, there is a five percent better chance you will get in a fight. There is also a three percent better chance you will lose the fight.

58. Fighting an extremely drunk person when you are sober is hilarious.

59. If you are broke and a friend is "sporting you", you must laugh at all his jokes and play wingman when he makes his move.

60. If you are broke and a friend is "making sport of you", you may steal any drink he leaves unattended.

61. Never rest your head on a table or bar top. It is the equivalent of voluntarily putting your head on a chopping block.

62. If you are trading rounds with a friend and he asks if you're ready for another, always say yes. Once you fall out of sync you will end up buying more drinks than him.

63. If you're going to hit on a member of the bar staff, make sure you tip well before and after, regardless of her response.

64. The people with the most money are rarely the best tippers.

65. Before you die, single-handedly make one decent martini.

66. Asking a bartender what beers are on tap when the handles are right in front of you is the equivalent of saying, "I'm an idiot."

67. Never ask a bartender "what's good tonight?" They do not fly in the scotch fresh from the coast every morning.

68. If there is a line for drinks, get your goddamn drink and step the hell away from the bar.

69. If there is ever any confusion, the fuller beer is yours.

70. The patrons at your local bar are your extended family, your fathers and mothers, your brothers and sisters. Except you get to sleep with these sisters. And if you're really drunk, the mothers.

71. It's acceptable, traditional in fact, to disappear during a night of hard drinking. You will appear mysterious and your friends will understand. If they even notice.

72. Never argue your tab at the end of the night. Remember, you're hammered and they're sober. It's akin to a precocious five-year-old arguing the super-string theory with a physicist. 99.9% of the time you're wrong and either way you're going to come off as a jackass.

73. If you bring booze to a party, you must drink it or leave it.

74. If you hesitate more than three seconds after the bartender looks at you, you do not deserve a drink.

75. Beer makes you mellow, champagne makes you silly, wine makes you dramatic, tequila makes you felonious.

76. The greatest thing a drunkard can do is buy a round of drinks for a packed bar.

77. Never preface a conversation with a bartender with "I know this is going to be a hassle, but . . ."

78. When you're in a bar and drunk, your boss is just another guy begging for a fat lip. Unless he's buying.

79. If you are 86'd, do not return for at least three months. To come back sooner makes it appear no other bar wants you.

80. Anyone with three or more drinks in his hands has the right of way.

81. If you're going to drink on the job, drink vodka. It's the no-tell liquor.

82. There's nothing wrong with drinking before noon. Especially if you're supposed to be at work.

83. The bar clock moves twice as fast from midnight to last call.

84. A flask engraved with a personal message is one of the best gifts you can ever give. And make sure there's something in it.

85. On the intimacy scale, sharing a quiet drink is between a handshake and a kiss.

86. You will forget every one of these rules by your fifth drink.

--Frank Kelly Rich

If you would like your set at the Belmont recorded, please tell Jon the sound engineer when you load in, or shortly thereafter. He charges $20 and gives you a CD at the end of the night.

We didn't write this, but we thought some of it was damn funny. Not all is true though of course. This was taken from the website for the Creepy Crawl, an all ages club in St. Louis. -- The Belmont

Top 39 Annoying Things That Bands Do

1. Bands that feel compelled to bang on their drums and guitars in an annoying display of lack of talent before the doors open. Usually this occurs when we are trying to talk to someone on the phone or give instructions to employees. There is a place for this type of behavior, its called your basement.

2. Out of town bands that show up and say "We decided to bring another band with us, don't worry, they just need gas money and pizza."

3. Out of town bands that watch you order their pizzas with "the works" and after they arrive tell you "Oh, we're all vegetarians, can we get buy-outs instead?"

4. Local bands with managers.

5. Local bands that have a girlfriend as their manager (Can you say annoying pain in the ass?). This usually marks the beginning of the end for most bands at the Creepy.

6. Bands that bring their own "personal" sound-tech. After seeing him try to operate the soundboard for 5 minutes the house soundman concludes that this guy has absolutely no clue how to operate a PA. Accordingly, the band sounds like total shit.

7. Bands that have more roadies than band members.

8. Bands that spell their names with a strange spelling twist e.g., junkeez, katz etc. After meeting the band, however, we are left with the impression that they didn't intentionally try and spell their name with a twist but rather they probably just don't know how to spell.

9. The out of town band that was lucky to get the gig, brought absolutely nobody, bitched all night long about their time slot, when told they had 1 song left in their set play 4 more anyway who when being paid out $50 in gas money asks "Is this the best you can do?"
10. Bands that arrive and state that they talked to someone at the club and were told they get to play 3rd at 10:30 and can play for an hour. When asked the name of the person they talked to they suddenly forget their name but are sure they talked to "someone".

11. Bands who all arrive at the same time but no one is willing to play first. Subsequently the show doesn't start until 11:30 and everyone has 10 minute sets.

12. Top 3 signs that the band will bring no one to the show - 1) 2 Weeks before the show they say "We're gonna pack your place!" - 2) 1 Week before the show they ask - "What's your capacity?" - 3) Upon arriving at the gig they ask "So how many people do YOU usually get on a Wednesday night?"

13. Bands who draw is so bad that even their guests don't show up.

14. Bands who have no guests because they have no friends.

15. Bands who bring absolutely no one to their first gig and then call back relentlessly to ask for another show and can't understand why they haven't gotten asked back. That's fine, we don't have to eat this month and we really dig watching you guys rock out to our empty club. Bands who fit this category don't need to bother calling back because the booking guy will always be away when you call.

16. Bands who after drawing no one at the end of the night apologize by saying, "geez, after you booked us we booked ourselves to play at the Hi-Pointe last night and we told all our friends to go to that show, that's probably why no one came tonight. BTW, when do you think we can play here again?" (Note: see above for our response).

17. Bands who pester you to book their bands "side-project". Side-project is another name for self-indulgent crap so embarringsly bad they can't dignify it with a name and gives them a cover why none of their friends will come see them "perform". (Would you go see your friend masturbate if they asked you to come watch?). Note to bands: think of your side-project as a project never to get booked again.

18. Bands who show up wearing "All Access" laminates around their neck. (Note to these bands: We honor these laminates for the bathroom and parking lot areas only.) I wanted to be an astronaut when I grew up but you don't see me walking around wearing a spacesuit at the club. We're convinced these people are recovering air guitar addicts from the 80's.

19. Bands who right before their set ask to play without a PA so it won't be deducted from their pay. (This has actually happened before). Sure, we'll just ask the sound guy to go home for a 1/2 hour.

20. Bands that want to play in front or the side of the stage.

21. Bands that suck and then ask if you'll swap them out a shirt. You know, our shirts actually cost us money and I really doubt anyone at the club wants to wear your shirt. How about if we swap stickers and call it even?

22. Band members that ask in a nasally voice for a soda or water before the doors are open. Usually this occurs when your in the middle of doing something important like counting down the drawer or talking to a booking agent on the phone about a future show. You can fucking wait!!!

23. Parents of bands... this could be a whole top 39 list on its own... Parents who either a) insist on standing next to the owner all night and talking his ear off about how great their kids 14 year old band is (who BTW sound like they had never picked up an instrument in their lives before they started "playing" that night) b) insist on standing next to the the soundperson all night and making stupid suggestions on how to improve the sound of their kids band to the soundperson all throughout their set c) going to the bar while they wait for their kids band to play, consuming way too much, and then going to stand next to the owner and talk his ear off about how he used to jam in a band but now their kids band is going is going to hit mega-stardom any day now and... oh right, this is only supposed to be a paragraph.

24. Bands that leave gear behind. This happens at least several times each week and then we get the deluge of frantic phone calls in the following days about have you seen this or that piece of equipment and on the phone act liike we should know where their stuff is. Its amazing how something that is so important to them the next day gets so carelessly left behind the night of the show. We're the Creepy Crawl, not Bob's Nightclub and Repository of Leftover Band Shit. Keep track of your shit and take it with you when you leave!

25. Out of town bands that show up at 1:30 in the afternoon while you're doing work at the club. They then want to hang out with you all day and ask endlessly annoying questions while you work.

26. Bands who when you tell them they have 1 more song left because they're running late into their set decide to play a 45 minute opus full of self-absorbed guitar solos which in the course of playing covers in its entirety side 2 of Pink Floyds' Dark Side of The Moon.

27. Bands that pester you constantly to open for a particular touring band because they swear they worship their musical footprints and are the heaven endorsed guiding light of their musical lives. On the day of the show and after you told them sorry but the show was already filled up they don't even bother to come to the show. However, someone at the show reports hearing they decided to catch the Story of The Year show at the Pageant instead.

28. Bands that cancel playing on the day of the show because even though you've had them booked for 2 months it wasn't until yesterday that someone in the band decided maybe then was a good time to try and ask off work.

29. Bands that can't play longer than a 15 minute set.

30. Bands that bitch and beg to play a longer 45-50 minute set. They do this knowing everyone else only gets a 1/2 hour slot. We finally relent and rework the whole show to accommodate them and they still wind up playing the same rush-through-it-because-we're-dipfucks 23 minute set they play every other night they play. Apparently they live in a different time dimension than everyone else on the planet. They thank you profusely at the end of the set for letting them "headline" for their fans but we make sure they buy us and everyone around us shots at full price.

31. Bands that give big lectures on stage about how important it is to support "the scene" but at the end of their set want to get paid ASAP and don't want to wait until the other bands get done.

32. Bands that keep asking to let us let them "set up" a show. These requests usually come from bands that can't even show up on time for their own gig and no matter how many times you told them what time they go on their is always one member of the band who doesn't get the message and totally fucks up the band schedule for the whole night. However, they have somehow convinced themselves that if we let them book a whole night this will somehow be the secret to their success. 99.9999% of the time when we actually allow a band to actually do this it turns into a giant clusterfuck where half the bands they claim will be playing don't show up and the other half show up bitching about how they are supposed to be headlining.

33. Bands that are booked for a show but email every 12 hours to tell you they have changed their name and to please update your advertising. Call yourself Bobby & the Blowjobs for all we care, pick a name and STICK WITH IT!

34. Pathetic reasons why bands cancel. Bands that cancel 10 DAYS ahead of time because they have to go to a funeral! We feel so sad for these bands. Geez, I didn't know your grandpa was being stored on ice for 10 FUCKING DAYS! Who is he, Walt Disney??? If your going to friggin lie, try and come up with something half-way believable please.

35. Shows where the 4 local bands collectively can't outdraw the one out of town band you threw on the bill for gas money but through their own initiative and hustle actually manage to outdraw the 4 local bands (this BS actually happens!) We feel sorry and embarrassed for the out of town band who usually when getting paid out their gas money ask us quietly "whats up with the locals, who don't they have anybody come see them?" and we tell them as loudly as we can "BECAUSE THEY ARE PATHETIC & RETARDED LOSERS". Invariably (and we do mean invariably) their has to be the one local band who shoves the out of town band on the way to the door guy, lives 20 minutes away and brought a negative number of people, (they sucked so bad they ran off our happy hour crowd early) ask how much did they make and we tell them zero "BECAUSE THE BAND FROM 1/2 A CONTINENT AWAY OUTDREW YOUR PATHETIC AND RETARDED ASS". Actually we don't say that because we're so pathetically nice, we usually say " you guys rocked, let us know when you want to play again!".

36 - 38: Bands that don't correctly understand the definition of these terms -

Load-In Time
CORRECT UNDERSTANDING: If a band has a load-in time of say 6:30 from that time they may attempt to enter the premises and inquire about loading in of their gear. If they by chance happen to arrive early they can occupy themselves with other activities to fill in the time, such as: visit the library, worship at a local church or synagogue or beating up the homeless guy living in the dumpster.

INCORRECT UNDERSTANDING: If a band has a load-in time of say 6:30 they arrive at 1:45 in the afternoon and knock incessantly on the back door. Usually they knock while the owner is in the basement knee-deep in standing shit working with a plumber to fix a leaking drain pipe. After trudging all the way upstairs to find 5 snot nosed kids asking if they can load-in now (and hang out all day!) they are politely told to fuck off and come back at 6:30.

Promoter
CORRECT UNDERSTANDING: This is a person who actively works to promote a show. They promote by distributing flyers, plugging the show wherever they can and try to get as many people as possible to come to the show. If they have an out of town band booked on the show they take financial responsibility to ensure they get paid and are taken care of in whatever way they need. They also take charge in organizing the show and making sure all the bands know when they are scheduled to play and how the money works for getting paid.

INCORRECT UNDERSTANDING: This is a person who after asking repeatedly to put on a show does the following 1) fails to promote show in any way 2) fails to communicate any show details like lineup or order of the bands to the club (or the bands themselves) 3) makes themselves very scarce at the show , assuming they show up (they sometimes make a pathetic phone call just before doors to say they've just contracted a rare disease called pussyitis and to please take care of the out of town band). If they do show up and when questioned about things like band order, who's taking care of the bands etc. only respond with a blank stare.

Gas Money:
CORRECT UNDERSTANDING: Gas Money is a term used to designate an amount of money to get a touring band to their next show. It sometimes includes a little more than that so they buy themselves some fast-food on their way or if they are lucky enough to cover a room at a Motel 6. Generally gas money would be considered anything from $30 to $75 and depends on how well the show goes.

INCORRECT UNDERSTANDING: $200 is not gas money. $200 is we're partying all night on the East Side and getting privates at Roxy's for everyone in the band.

Touring Band:
CORRECT UNDERSTANDING: This is a band that is engaged on a "tour". They come to the Creepy Crawl while on their tour and often come from far away places such as the far corners of the country, Canada, Europe or Asia. They are on the road for extended periods of time, sometimes for several months at a time, in a van or bus and experience many new places along their journey. These bands are always entitled to at least gas money or more.

INCORRECT UNDERSTANDING: Driving up from Festus does not make you a touring band.

A "Following":
CORRECT UNDERSTANDING: A "following" is a collection of fans that attend the performances of a particular band. This is what bands try to develop to get ahead in the business and grow over time and is a measure of their general popularity. The larger a bands following generally means they will be booked more often and on better nights at the Creepy Crawl

INCORRECT UNDERSTANDING: A "following" does not mean all the people that attended The Queens of The Stone Age show you opened for to cover the last minute cancellation of a contractual local opener counts as your bands following (perhaps the rush to the bar by the entire club and club staff when you started playing was an indicator). And, yes, this means the Jager girls at the club that night probably didn't come to see you and probably won't be following you to your next show.

39. Bands that read this list and then send us emails like this one - "dont take this the wrong way i am just a guitar player but ur annoying list was some what funny, but it makes u guys seem like a bunch of pricks u would not have ur joint with out the annoying bands. i frequent ur place when my friends play but if u dont treat the bands that deserve respect with respect they will not play shows and tell others and so on and so forth just a little concernced."