I have to say, I'm insulted. My head's worth only a million dollars? Perhaps you people should worry more about the economy than stopping me from taking over a wildly out-of-control Internet. Still, a mill's a mill; maybe I'll alter my plans slightly, register to win the money myself, and use it to lead the information age into a new era. Oh wait! That's what I'm doing. Of course, you shouldn't be worried about giving away that $1 million reward. I insist – someone should feel lucky. Because none of you—not the police, not even the Big Blue Boy Scout—has enough gray matter upstairs to outsmart me. And to those who think they do, you better hurry!
See you November 28. Don't be late. I hate tardiness.
Lex Luthor
Parts Unknown

I've always considered the Daily Planet a source of journalistic integrity, until Lois Lane's recent diatribe ("Speaking Freely On The Internet"). Did she even read that recent dot-com study, which showed that nearly 45 percent of the employees tested wasted more than two hours of their workday (excluding lunch) surfing the Internet?
Whoever controls technology controls the world, Ms. Lane. Do you really want such power in the hands of "the people"? Supply fire to a caveman, and he's going to burn himself. The Internet needs a leader who knows which end of the torch to carry, not the masses who play video games or post family photos for meaningless frivolity. This "tangled" Web you refer to is the result of too many couch potatoes shooting it out in Wild West chatrooms. It's time for the warden to resume control of the virtual real estate. And starting November 16, I'll do exactly that.
Lex Luthor
Parts Unknown

If YOU were privileged enough to assist the GREATEST mind of our time, wouldn't you do everything in your power to prove you were worthy? Wouldn't you hang on every intelligent word? Learn about global markets, the power of persuasion, the art of the deal from the one man who has succeeded in every arena he has fought to conquer? Not my beloved Kitty - she'd rather spend time on chatrooms, watch juvenile movie clips, or read brain-dead blogs! In fact, the level of activity on these sites is mind-boggling; clearly, you sheep need a shepherd….

Land For Sail
I wanted to be Prometheus, to steal fire from the other gods and give control of it to you (for a fee). Instead, Superman stranded me on an island with six coconuts, my clueless Kitty and her dog…until the Steinbergs happened upon us in their brand-new sailboat. Moe and Sally, if you ever make it off the island, we'll have you back out on the boat. But first, Prometheus must build a new fire…