A freak of nature with horns and dragon breath.
I cannot be from you; you would not birth such a monster!
So it is settled, so simple, so clear. In an instant you have no daughter.
Do you believe you are original? Every normal parent with a monster says this.

God’s oil and passion will set to work and release my demon.
Your love was not enough and you beat and scream at those you swear are to blame.
A horrid mother. The damndest kind. God knows you have tried. I am in his hands and will be free.
Let loose these feelings, you can be like us. Every normal parent feels for their mistake.

You chase me out. You drug me up. You hope to hell I keep your dreams.
My breath is raunchy and distains you with memories too pained to speak.
Come in, get out. Come in, let us dance. Don’t step on Mother’s toes.
It’s ok the ringing will stop when she stops. Every normal parent has an ugly side.

 You love me, you love me not. Roses are red, no these roses are pink.
Old clichés go on and on but I am still odd and you still hate it.
Disowning, praying and fighting are a prelude.
You have read up on your homework. You are just as other straight parents.

This freak offered you money, board and a plane;
All for you to show your face and a little love.
Excuses, lies and now it is your turn to shine up your horns and bad breath.
For once you could have tried to be different and just said you hated me. You are too busy being ordinary.

Samantha Joppe-Schmalfuss

I voted, sent in my absentee ballot for the candidate of my choice and feel good about it. I go to work and my coworkers talk about the election with much enthusiasm though truth is there are only two Americans working there who can vote.  This, however, does not stop any of us from talking about how this will affect all of us for the next four years.
I work with Germans, Polish, Spanish, Dutch, Moroccans, French, Italians, Irish and a few other nationalities and we all are watching this election and have an opinion. But what does it matter, they can't control what happens; they just suffer for it in the end.
The Mrs. and I wanted to see about getting out interest rates lower now that I have a better contact with my employ as our financial advisor stated. No. Why? Because of the mess in America the rules have changed in Holland and where my permit was a non-issue before is all of a sudden a huge issue now. Ongelofelijk! I have a five year permit, not a permanent permit. I have to wait until my Dutch is a level 2. Mijn Nederlands is niet zo goed. Dus. And to top it all off because of the mess in America they are adding 1.4% to our interest. How do you like them apples? Ik vind het heel irritant!
I have a German coworker feeding me news throughout the day. Probably shouldn't however he asks questions and is eager to understand. He's young and eager. A friend chats on break about the election and what this might mean to us here in Europe. Yet I turn on the news and hear about Americans voting based on a candidate's background, military service, religious convictions or lack thereof. I would love to know what the hell that is all about, really now. I voted based on what I thought they could best do for my country. I looked at my issues, what they had to say on them. I paid attention and listened and read. I basically used the brain I was given and didn't walk around like a mindless sheep like so many do. That's how we got stuck with that idiot for 8 years. Mindless sheep voting based on religion and because their next door neighbor told them to. Why is it that foreigners are more interested and care more about the affairs of America than some of Americans living in America?
Vote damn it and vote intelligently. Please don't sit there and complain that this country is going to hell in a hand basket and do nothing about either. If you do nothing, you lose your right to bitch.

I got way off track with this… you get the point though.

 Well, for those who are not aware. I start my new job tomorrow. I quit my job here in town at Subway as 'assisstant manager' and got a job in customer service with a company called Sykes Enterprises and will be working with Nike. I will be working in Amsterdam am looking forward to this! Something new hopefully without too much drama! Working in Subway in the end was... to say the least full of drama and not good for my health, head wise. I was not getting paid according to my duties, not put in the right bracket, oh so much and in the end me liking the people I was working with was not worth the stress I was going home with. It has gotten to the point where I am not welcome in that place anymore, I was thrown out yesterday. How dramatic was that! All I went in there for was to talk about my salary and ramaining vacation days. MY days and MY salary and I was thrown out without so much as a 'sure we can talk about this'. What the?? Sooo, I have contacted a legal group for some advice as to what to do and go from there. What the hell is this.. I quit I didnt talk down the great wall of China here. It isn't like I am bound to Subway til my last bit of life has left my body but now my former boss wont even speak to me about what is rightfully mine and now I have to play hard ball. Now I get to go after him about him under paying me as well. Oh and I have proof of that as well. Duh, I live with a Dutchie and I learned to be a pack rat like my mother! But really. I didnt want to. I wanted to talk to him yesterday to assure i would get paid properly and was thrown out. Now I have to get legal advice and go from there. What for, because I left? He was supposed to leave the store and leave it in mine and the managers hands and now he cant. Is that why? I dont get it. Drama. I hate it. Unnecessary.

Anyway. I Start my new job tomorrow!!! New job, more pay, free travel all over Holland! Bonus every quarter if I do great, pay raises, training and growth withing the company! sweet! oooh sweet!

AND! i have my oraange jersey on! we are playing Romania tonight! This game determines who goes on to the quarter finals, france or italy! ooooh the excitement!!! we already clinched it but we want to know who comes with! oooh! HUP HOLLAND!!!!

Oh my word! What a culture shock! the other night we were over Erwins house for a bbq because Holland is in the Euro cup and it was their second game. They were trying to make it to the quarter finals. We get there and the television is outside and the entire outdoors is decked out in orange! (the national color) Everyone there is wearing orange, even the two dogs had on little orange jerseys! There was one woman, Yvonne, went so far as to have a loins tail! (the countrys national mascot) I had an orange soccer jersey but that wasnt good enough you see. So someone painted the Dutch flag on each cheek and put an orange santa hat! Alex had her Dutch flag and hat and everyone had their Dutchness ready for the game with plenty of horns, whistles and clappers ready for whatever might happen!

The game goes on! We actually kick some French butt 4-1! But they are crazy! The noise and the drama that goes on with each goal or with each near miss! I was sitting inbetween two women who had something to say about just about every play! those clappers and whistles were all I heard aside from the chatter and screams and it wasnt just with the nine other people I was keeping company with! It was  the entire neighborhood! I kid you not! I have never heard anything like it in my life! When ever they scored a goal the entire block screamed in unison! Really! God help me! They won and it didnt stop! You heard it no matter where you went, the entire country was up in arms with joy and pride over this win. Why? Because this secured their place in the quarter finals.

I mean you need to to check out CNN sport. they are all orange! even in Switzerland! 50,000 Dutchies made their way to the Euro Cup... They dont have tickets so they sit in town squares watching the game on huge stadium size TVs just to cheer the boys on! I cant think of anything like this in America! Crazy Dutchies! I love it! Serious culture shock. really never seen anything like it but now I really cant wait for the game on tuesday!!!!!

So much has gone on that I havent the ability to find a starting point! We are in our new home. Huge and still slightly chaotic but definately getting there. We are settling in  wonderfully and enjoying the space this place is providing. The living room looks amazing as does our bedroom. The bath is a little piece of heaven come down for us to indulge in! These rooms however are the only rooms that we can say are done. The kitchen, I am currently wasting the day awaiting its delivery, it is incomplete but will be beautiful! Randy's room isn't done but thats because its a mom son project so thats going to take a while. I think thats awesome too. Well, since we don't live in a mansion, thats all that needs tending too, that and the landing and stairs. Oh I wish you could see the old place we lived in and then stand in the middle of all this so you can experience what we are right now! Craziness!

I am currently trying to find a balance in my life, in my mind too. A stability that seems to be falling down the stairs a increasingly faster pace. My brain is on the fritz again, quite literally, I have been put on medication and on friday, we fear, I had my first siezure in over fourteen years. Not on medication for a siezure of that size, it wasnt expected of my brain, it wasnt forseen. Back to the doctors i go in the morning. More tests I am sure. There seems to be a pattern in all this and it also appears to increase in its effectiveness over me. Not impressed over all of this. A rather scary experience since the first time around I was a child and I dont recall a damn thing. That doesnt help me in the least. Relying on others for my past health issues and short comings is embarrassing and frustrating. Such as life. But on with it, go to the doctors and see where this new chapter takes me.

We also have the two CUTEST babies in the house now! Terri and Snoopie! Two little twn week old rats! Oh and what adorable little ladies they are! Its nice to have some fury little critters in the home! Even if they do run around in plastic tubing, fight with each other and live in a cage. At the end of the night they snuggle with each other and are cute as hell!

Like I said, so much going on that I haven the foggiest as to where to start, don't know where to finish either. So I end my re-entry into myspace like that.

There are rain drops on my window,
There are birds singing outside, maybe they are complaining,
But I can't be sure.
The room stands still and the lights are on,
A cigarette burns in the ashtray and I kneel on the floor,
But again, I can't be sure.
It's a black spinning haze in my head,
My body is cool yet the world seems boiling.
It boils in my head,
This I can be sure.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! (or Merry MissMiss as momma would say!)

I hope everyone had a good morning! I know we did! well first I have my wife waking me up in her santa hat by shaking my boob! what the?? I of course insisted on coffee and my was she sweet. She got me juice and coffee and let me have a ciggie first! But the presents! the tree looks naked without them now but it was cool! the Godfather boxset! how awesome is that! Reservior Dogs and the Terminal! DaVinci Code and Linkin Park! U2 and Jarhead were all under the tree! Plus! PLUS! I got this AWESOME book! De Tweede Wereldoorlog in Foto's! (the Second World War in Photos!) Its stunning! I am currently reading it.... slowly but I am damn it! WOOOOO! Awesome stuff! Alex is watching her improv comedy I got her.... she is crying she is laughing so hard! hehe! I love it! I got her this CD with these Dutch guys she has fallen in love with. she has played it several times already! heh cool!

Have a happy christmas everyone! enjoy the company you keep and dont forget to say I love you!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!