We know that so many people regard NZ as a place "kind of near" Australia, and some think we are actually a part of it. Of course we get very keen to establish ourselves as a totally different place with much better mannered inhabitants. True, we have a lot in common and have been colonized by the same kind of people, but what we like to say is that Australia was a penal colony where people who were criminally horrible got sent, and New Zealand was a land of opportunity for the ones who were legally horrible and who their neighbours kept encouraging to visit here on a permanent basis.

You will maybe know a great deal more about Oz than NZ, and no doubt have been tempted to try out the accent with the by now well-worn, 'put another shrimp on the barbie' or the lesser-known but just as crap, 'streuth cobber me sheila thinks you're a fair dinkum joker'. But let me say right up front, you won't catch us uttering such nonsense. Yeah no mate, by hoki, I'd bet me jandals on it bro.

We are in fact, at least a couple of hours away by jet from Sydney and about 8 hours from Perth. We are a population of about 4 million spread thinly over 3 major islands and loads of small ones. (I put loads because I have absolutely no idea how many there are and I didn't want you to know that.) About 1.5 million of us live in Auckland, a rambling collection of suburbs built on the relics of some extinct volcanos. Auckland is not the capital of NZ, it used to be, until someone who liked measuring things thought it would be much fairer to make the capital be the geographic centre of New Zealand. So the capital now is Wellington, and our government does all it's daily business smack on top of the biggest earthquake risk area in NZ.

There is basically only one highway in and out of Wellington, carved through miles of hills, right on a massive faultline. Such is the "she'll be right" attitude of your average Kiwi. This laid back approach to any kind of forward planning, risk assessment, and regard for personal safety is endearing to the majority of tourists, who flock in their hordes to go bunjy jumping, white water-rafting, jetboat riding and sky diving just like those unflappable Kiwis. The less adventurous happily settle for skiing, trout fishing, big game fishing, camping, sight-seeing etc. Such is the diversity of scenery here that we have overseas film crews constantly arriving because they can capture all manner of scenic shots, from moon-like deserts to Swiss style alps, from sub-tropical forests to urban sprawl, all in one compact country.