Some say that as you get older parts of you die. Like your innocence. What is innocence anyway? Not knowing abut something? If that's true than I have remained innocent for a long time and never even knew. See, you think you know a person, as well as we can I guess. Then turns out...you were "innocent". Or as I would prefer to use...ignorant. Ignorant and blinded by feelings. Maybe if we grew up and part of our hearts died it wouldn't be so hard to live life. Wouldn't be so painful all the time. Maybe if our hearts died there would be more castrations though? Less crimes of passion? Possibly more? That would depend on weather your feelings of remorse would be one sacrificed. Do you think, like in that movie where you can pay to have the memory of someone wiped clean, that if you saw them again you'd feel anything? Do you think you'd feel something? A feeling like "he looks familiar"? There are times I wish I could clean the slate. Of only one. The rest I could give a shit. They're all asholess with dicks anyway. No balls however! The one that will be there when I grow old. The one that will be there when I fall in love again. The one that will be there if I never fall in love again. The one that will be there every Summer. Every June, every February. Everyday...the one that will live in my brain and heart until I am dead.

I think that if you are with someone and they do something so mean to you...especially after, out of spite, jealousy, anger, boredom...whatever the case. I think they should loose ALL privileges! All rights to look at me, talk to me, talk about me and especially THINK about me. It's a right I think you don't deserve. If you didn't care enough before then why start now? "I want what I can't have?" "I'm an ass to have lost the best thing ever?" Is that why? "If I can't be with you no one should." Is this how guys brains actually work? If someone handed you the last apple on Earth and said...do whatever you want with it...What would a guy do? Cram it all in his pie hole and cry when it's gone? Stare at it, do nothing until it shrivels up to nothing? Maybe he's a picky guy...maybe he peels off the skin to make it the way he likes it. Maybe he doesn't even like apples so maybe he just throws it away. Maybe he takes it to show off to all his friends. Maybe he trades it in for an orange. Maybe he wasn't smart enough to take great care and spread the seeds and put in effort to watch it grow...

The weather has been kind to me and the boys lately. We have been trying to enjoy, without frying, ourselves. We have been in the sprinklers, the park, the zoo, and tomorrow I have committed to the beach! I love to watch my babies squeal and scream at the waves. I love to see them rest on the blanket and drink Gatorade. I love to see them squirm in the hot sand. These are good times my friends. I am capturing them in my mind just as I can clearly see them last year running down the beach chasing after those nasty flying rats you all like to call seagulls. I take photos but the best ones are always in my head. Ethan and his damn long hair that he wouldn't let me cut until it got so full of sand that he finally caved. Aiden with his shitty grin at life itself. (don't know where he gets that?) This summer shall be the same. Happy goofy days filled with sticky ice cream faces and sandy toes. We will bathe but maybe twice a week...what's the point? We are covered in sun block by day and bug spray by night. I have been nervous about the chilly nights still. We are ready to camp though. mmmm charcoal filled teeth and sticky smore fingers. Enjoy these times readers and disbelievers...they don't last long.

I will take time for myself as well. Downtown festivals and a plethora of bikes that are taking over the city streets! Sweet smells of funnel cake and BBQ. (for the record, I hate funnel cake) Shots of Jager at noon and cold beers in the sun. I know my balance and will have it all! I always do. Only one thing missing this year but I refuse to dwell over something I have no control over. I don't choose anyone's destiny but my own. Well, sometimes it's already mapped out for me, but that's besides the point...
Kegs & eggs will not be denied on certain Sundays it will be invited and welcomed. Mudslide slipped into my morning coffee while stuck in the woods shall be mine! A happy sigh is all I can hope for...wether chillin' at the beach with the kids or stumblin' home on an 80 degree night...it will all be mine and I shall love it all!!!!!!!