Well I’m back! After a long week that seemed like it would never end and a nasty case of the flu, I’ve regained my mojo and I’m ready to return. I have to tell you that I wasn’t sure that I would ever write anything in this space again after last week.

Once I came down from my Tylenol Cold/Thera Flu drug induced state I fell into one of the deepest depressions I’ve ever experienced. I didn’t see it coming and the scary thing was I didn’t quite know how to pull myself out of it.

I always take pride in having control over my emotions. I often joke that I have a "male period" that hits me at least once a month when I usually reflect on my life and everything that’s going wrong and I allow myself to fall into a funk, but I limit those feelings to 24 hours and then I force myself to get over it. But this time was different. I was in a head on collision with rejection, loneliness, disappointment, anger, and despair.

Have you ever felt like you were all alone in the world although you have friends and family or maybe even a partner who confess to love you? This is so personal for me and as I’m writing this one side of my brain is diligently working to stop my fingers from hitting the keys, but I’m on the train now so I may as well ride it out.

I’ve always been a fighter and I’ve never been afraid to say out loud what other people were thinking, especially when it comes to LGBT issues. I’ve always chosen to embrace my authentic self and reject the person my family and society told me I had to become in order to be deemed "acceptable". But for the first time last week it all seemed to high of a price to pay and I became tired.

Tired of fighting for everyone else and looking around to find no one in my corner.

Tired of giving unconditional love and not receiving it back in return. "Oh we love you Darian but we can’t love all of you".

Tired of having to explain why I have a right to live and love equally in a country that treats me as a second class citizen.

Tired of dealing with the reality that almost every week somebody who loves the same way I do has lost their life because in pockets of this country it’s acceptable to kill a fag.

Tired of pretending that the anti-gay hate mail that I receive almost on a daily basis doesn’t bother me. Honestly, most days I chalk it up to ignorance and laugh it off, but it’s when the hate comes from brothers within the community who are comfortable being invisible, on the DL, used and abused by the church, and demonized by the media who write me upset because I’m "stirring the pot" is when I get a little pissed off.

Some days I wonder if I’m making a difference. Some days I wonder if it would just be enough to live my life authentically and say to hell with the gay community and the opposition that is constantly spreading lies and promoting fear about a marginalized people. But then I realized that this would be the most unauthentic thing I could do, because I do care. I’m an activist not because I want to be "known" but because I have no choice, it’s in my blood.

I’m learning to not expect unconditional love and acceptance from my friends and family or even the readers of this blog. But to love God and myself more because he is the one person that has never failed me. (Thanks for calling right on time Trent )

So in the words of the famous "ex-gay" Donnie McClurkin,"we fall down but we get up". And I must get up because my work is not done.

Guys I just wanted to share with you an e-mail that I received from a reader named Greta from Brooklyn, New York yesterday in response to my post "Get Back Up Again". She is a single mother in her 40’s and someone that I never imagined would read my blog. I couldn’t stop the tears from falling when I read her e-mail. This is exactly why I continue to keep fighting. With her permission I’ve reposted her e-mail for you to read. Thanks Greta!

Dear Darian,

I just finished reading today’s entry on your blog, and yes I am guilty of checking you out everyday and never leaving a comment. I apologize for that because my daily internet activity is not complete unless I read your blog. I realize I may not be your target audience. I am a Black heterosexual single mom in her early 40’s whose been considered a "hag" for over 30 years.

During my entire existence, Black gay men have had an extraordinary impact on my life and my entire being. Black gay men have loved me, fed me, clothed me, taken me places straight men couldn’t pronounce nor afford, held my hand to let me know how much I am appreciated regardless of how worthless I may have felt and helped take care of my children when I knew I couldn’t do it alone. I’m crying as I type this being it’s the first time I’m actually putting my words on paper. Please forgive me if I sound mushy, I don’t mean to be.

At the top of my list of gay men who have been there for me has to be my oldest brother Stephen. Stephen is the one who will take custody of my 10 & 14 year old daughters should anything happen to me( even though they have a godmother who is emotionally & financially capable of handling this job). Each day I try to explain to my children how important it is to love and respect our Black gay brothers and sisters and not to fear them because at the end of the day they’ll be the only ones who have your back when shit gets ugly.

In addition to my brother, I’ve had wonderful lifelong friendships with childhood buddies, co-workers and neighbors from the gay community. I’ve also lost so many beautiful Black gay men in my life due to AIDS, drugs and depression. It hurts me so much to know that my children will never have the pleasure of being surrounded with so much love that these men(Uncle Lorenzo, Uncle Eddie, Uncle Timothy) gave me.

Darian, I have never met you but believe me when I say I LOVE YOU! I am so proud of you. You are a STRONG, BEAUTIFUL, BLACK MAN!!! Please, Please, Please promise me you will never give up. The LGBT community needs you, the Black community needs you, America needs you. I’ve been meaning to send you line for a long time but felt maybe you didn’t need to hear from another pissed off black woman with too much time on her hands. But after reading how helpless you felt, I had to let you know you are not alone in your struggle with feeling hopeless.

Darian, you are an unsung hero. Do you realize how many children you may have saved from jumping off a bridge, from putting a gun to their mouth and pulling the trigger or from overdosing on pills just by reading your words of encouragement. Please do not sell yourself short. You may not see instant results with your activism but believe me you are having an impact. Regardless of how much hate mail you get, those people can never destroy your spirit, your soul or what’s in your heart. Keep doin’ the damn thing baby!
May God Continue to Bless You

Love Always,
Greta
Brooklyn, NY

This post is the brain child of an loldarian.com affiliate who wished to remain anonymous. It’s a thought provoking piece that I think everyone can relate to on some level. We look forward to hearing your feedback.

The Tragic Homosexual

I have been teetering on the idea of talking about the dynamics of gay, and straight relationships. I for one am a successful, attractive, outgoing black male in a booming metropolis [Atlanta] and I am single. I casually date, and often times reduce myself by logging onto sexually laced websites like Adam4Adam, Men4Now, and Black Gay Chat, but I find it incredibly difficult to analyze the totality of a 3-D individual from a one dimensional profile. So I decided get a dog this year. Hey, I figured it would be better to come home to an object that has the ability of loving another unconditionally then to come home an empty apartment. And while on the surface my story might seem depressing, or empty. Once you begin to analyze the many intricacies of my life I think you would find that my life isn’t all that different from many people in today’s society. Well, except for my being content with my choices.


Gay or Straight we are in a time of isolation. It seems that we are so geared towards creating plentiful lives for ourselves, by way of our high demanding jobs, whether they be one or more that often times prevent us take the time to invest in each other. Gay or Straight most of us come from shaky families where the "Family Matters" mantra was out the minute the show was cancelled. Thus making the average person a little hesitant to open up as quickly as others would like. Gay or Straight we’ve grown up with the ideals and principles of never settling for what we just don’t want. Gay or Straight everyone is struggling with relationships.


I’m sure my incoherent rants may have you puzzled but I assure you there is a method to my madness, and a point to this commentary.


I have a friend of a friend who recently separated from his wife about a year ago. After many years of trying to live the façade of holy matrimony - my friend of a friend decided to come out to his wife and attempt to live his life – and "with no apologies". After separating from his wife and dabbling into the gay dating scene he managed to get involved with a porn star and build a life together. They dated, moved in, and attempted the "American Dream" all within a few short months. And like all rushed relationships, it abruptly ended with all the drama, and high-octane antic that even the most salacious episode of Jerry Springer couldn’t make up. Suddenly my friend of a friend finds himself involved in a domestics dispute. After going through the motions of all the drama my friend of a friend bitterly decides to move on. Well after another year of casual dating my friend of a friend decides that he would rather go back to his wife and just be married then to deal with this [and I’m quoting] "empty lifestyle". And that’s where I have my issue.


Since when did the gay lifestyle become some empty? Why is that we as men, or hell, as people don’t assume responsibility for our own actions? Why is that when a relationship doesn’t work out, which if we’re being honest is probably based on some poor decision that you made, we blame the lifestyle?


I mean lets have a real talk moment. Most of us value a 32-inch waist over principles, value and virtue. Most of us are looking for that 10" pole in between their legs rather then a great personality. Yet when we go after those superficial notions, and we end up with an STD or a broken heart we blame the lifestyle, and never ourselves. And additionally, why are so many gay men under the idea that the straights have it any better? I mean many of us love Sex In The City for the shoes, and Samantha’s unwavering sexcapades. But at the heart of that miraculous HBO drama is the message that dating is hard no matter who you choose to sleep with.


In conclusion I am just so over the tragic homosexual who allows their bad choices of men, and relationships erode the idea that love is possible. You can embrace single hood for all its glory, or you can simply put more value into your decision to find a mate and truly live happily ever after. But please, just stop blaming the universe for your bad choices.

Every now and then you can’t be afraid to break out your boxing gloves and go head to head and this is one of those times.

Pastor DL Foster, an ex-gay minister and creator of the Gay Christian Movement Watch, a website dedicated to monitoring inclusive churches and the "homosexual agenda" recently took his seething anti-gay propaganda to the next level in a post titled "The Glamorous Life of Aids".

In this post DL refers to an interview given to The Body.com by Keith Green, associate editor of the HIV/AIDS journal Positively Aware in Chicago as a person who believes living with HIV is a "good thing".

"AIDS, is still a deadly disease which is largely caused by immoral choices based on lies. If an effort to remove the "stigma" of AIDS, the spin now is that getting AIDS is actually a good thing. According to the cheery testimonials having HIV/AIDS can make you more sociable, interesting, and likeable. And don’t forget you are sure to become "comfortable with yourself". If you want popularity and tons of friends, just get AIDS. What a nauseating abomination". -from Gay Christian Movement Watch

If you read my National Black Aids Awareness Day post then you might remember the three testimonials given from HIV positive persons on living with the virus, Keith Green supplied two of those testimonials.






It’s absolutely dangerous, twisted, and misleading for DL Foster to take the comments made by Keith Green out of context to support his own anti-gay agenda. HIV/AIDS has never been glamorous nor has anyone living with the disease ever tried to purport it as so. Keith Green and others like him have simply chosen to live life in the face of a disease that threatens to destroy.

Let’s get one thing straight. DL Foster and other bible-thumping hypocritical Christians didn’t give a damn about HIV/AIDS until it started to affect black women. They watched in horror as their mothers, and sisters succumbed to a disease they had written off as a plague that only affected gay men. There was no reason to ring the alarm as long as the gays were being punished with an AIDS diagnosis because of their "abominable" acts.

It’s clear that in the first line of his post DL Foster is uninterested in pouring his efforts into treatment and prevention, but would rather know the details of the sexual act that led to seroconversion. All in an effort to further demonize the infected individual rather than lifting him up like we do so many other people in our community dealing with life- threatening diseases.

Thankfully in 2008 HIV/AIDS is not the death sentence it once was and is now a chronic manageable condition. But I’m almost certain any HIV positive person would warn others not to make the same mistakes they did, and Keith Green’s testimonials are far from advertisements to practice high-risk behavior.

So I have to say... Negro please get a grip! You (DL Foster) should be apart of the solution and not the problem! Your new ex-gay title does not give you the right to cloak your self in self-righteousness in order to play God.

Maybe you don’t realize it but HIV/AIDS has a face and it looks just like you and me. Being a "new heterosexual" doesn’t isolate you from the virus. You may not approve of homosexuality and that’s your right, but the worst thing you could do is spread the message that HIV/AIDS only affects a certain group of people and simultaneously diminish the hope of those living with the virus.

You should be more responsible. I refuse to believe that you are as cold and heartless as you appear to be. After all, that wouldn’t be Christ-like.

My Two Cents:

Before I begin to share my thoughts on this video, the minister, and what I believe to be a toxic theology that has manifested itself in black churches all over America I have to say this and forgive me for being so blunt, this is my blog and my thoughts herein. I don't ask for permission or require approval on anything I write or believe. If you don't like what you're reading then feel free to move along to a feel good blog that will not address the issues that directly impact our community. If you don't like what you see in this video then hopefully you're not sitting in silence while our lives as black gay and lesbians are being spiritually attacked from the pulpit, but are confronting this injustice head on. Are you?

I often write about the good and the bad of the black church because the church has always played a significant role in my life and I think the same can be said for most black people. Whether we continue to go to church as adults is a matter of personal choice but as a child many of us didn't have an option.

Not a week goes by that I don't hear from a young gay person who is struggling to reconcile his sexuality with his religion. Whether we choose to admit it or not most of the guilt and depression we experience when coming to terms with being gay is tied up in religion. The bible and Leviticus 18:22 has become a weapon used by the church to condemn gays and lesbians and convince us that we are loathsome and spiritually bankrupt. And what's so disheartening is that they've succeeded in many cases.

How many times have we attended services and heard messages like the one above and sat in our seats and felt uncomfortable but stayed silent? I'm guilty of it as well. Years ago I can remember being paralyzed by fear as I listened to ministers reduce my life to nothing...a mere biological and spiritual error at the hands of the devil.

How many times have we as gay and lesbian people decided to just walk away from the church completely because of the abuse, but yet refuse to entertain the idea of attending an LGBT affirming church? Meanwhile allowing ministers like Bishop Liston Paige to preach from his book of opinions and pass it off as the word of God to block our blessings.

This video makes me mad as hell! But what upsets me even more is when we can't discern the word of God from one man's twisted agenda and we accept the message as fact without researching the origin and intent of the scripture for ourselves. It's like the blind leading the blind.

Yes I was outraged when I saw this video. But guess what? Bishop Paige wasn't the first and regretfully he won't be the last. But we as black LGBT Christians or however you identify spiritually can decide to come out of the shadows of the choir stand, usher board, and yes... the pulpit and become examples of a true and living God in the lives of LGBT people and say enough is enough!

While silence is an approach that many of us are comfortable with, the old saying that if you continue to do as you've always done you will continue to get the same result couldn't ring more true.

The past few weeks have been particularly challenging for me and with the exception of two people nobody else was privy to the emotional turmoil I was experiencing. I knew what was causing my pain but I didn't want to acknowledge it because I was afraid it would cause me to do what I considered to be the unthinkable. I was mad at the world and God but more so his church and I was prepared to never go back.

These feelings were particularly troubling for me because I attend an LGBT affirming church where all of God's children are welcome to worship regardless of their sexual orientation. For a few hours on Sunday morning my church reflects the beauty of God's creation and simultaneously shields a marginalized people from a cruel world. But it's what happens after I leave the sanctuary of The Vision Church of Atlanta that I'm reminded of the toxic theologies and homophobia we often endure on a daily basis, most of it coming from the church and I'd finally had enough.

I consider myself to be a pretty strong and confident person. I know who I am and I don't allow other people to define me. I promised myself a long time ago that I would never allow anyone to deny me the God-given right to worship, inherit the kingdom, or live my life authentically. But I know other people who share a same-sex attraction that aren't as strong and are suffering in silence.

When you are constantly being told you're an abomination, a whoremonger, a mistake, and a demonic spirit after a while you'll start to believe it and it will manifest itself in your life. Before you know it you will begin to look in the mirror and hate the person staring back at you. The person God created in his wonderful image, but yet the person the world is so quick to persecute and throw away like yesterday's trash.

While I was not attending church regularly like I'd always done in the past, I realized I was giving MAN the authority to take away what he never had the power to give; my relationship with God. For it was MAN who was attempting to rob me of my soul and it was MAN who said my life didn't matter.

Have you ever noticed what happens to same gender loving people when shame tied to religion is thrust upon their lives? I don't think it's a stretch to say that there wouldn't be a down low phenomenon, or anonymous online hook-ups that end in death, or thousands of new HIV infections everyday, or people who are infected but don't seek treatment until it's too late because of stigma and shame.

I'M MAD AS HELL!!!!!

I'm mad at those people who preach intolerance and hatred disguised as religion and I'm mad at the people who blindly believe, "God said it, so I believe it, and that settles it" and proceed to create hell on earth for gays in the name of God. I'm sorry but more times than not "your preacher said it, you're afraid to question it, so you believe it".

I challenge my LGBT brothers and sisters to take back what's rightfully theirs in this world.

Take back your life

Take back your self-respect

Take back your dignity

Take back your civil rights

Take back your right to marry the person you love just like everyone else

Take back your right to walk in your truth

Take back your right to worship without the fear of fire and brimstone

Take back your right to be included in God's favor

Take it back and dare someone to try and steal it from you!

I DARE YOU!

Black gay men are incapable of being in long term monogamous relationships. If you believe that statement then you're not alone, but if you don't then you're probably just as upset as you were the last hundred times that you heard this fiction disguised as fact spoken aloud.

It seems that many SGL men that I have come in contact with whether online or in person are convinced that their sexuality will only afford them meaningless sexual encounters, random online hookups, and loneliness. The potential to be involved in a committed relationship doesn't seem like an option for some when you're black and gay, but embracing the fear that one will be alone for the rest of his life is a reality that I think too many of us easily accept.

Allow me to illustrate further. One of my readers, let's call him Roger (not his real name) began instant messaging me on Yahoo a couple of months ago with a dilemma. Roger is attractive, educated, employed, masculine, HIV negative and a single father of a beautiful adopted boy, who's been successful in every area in his life except dating . In a world where internet hook-up sites have replaced old fashioned human connections, the lies, trickery, fake profiles, grammatical errors, and diminished hopes of genuine connections on sites like Black Gay Chat and Adam 4 Adam are all too common.

This is a conversation we had last night word for word that prompted me to address a topic that I think many gay men are grappling with, the politics of dating and the reality of being alone.

Roger: "I feel like many black gay guys that I almost dated would rather I be HIV positive, than be a father...just thinking that floored me."

Darian: "Damn that's messed up."

Roger: "Its like when I tell a guy on-line I'm a single dad they get all freaked out..."

Roger: "And I never thought guys would have this reaction."

Darian: "Those are the guys that you want to run from anyway."

Roger: "Yeah, I know. But it sucks being alone, especially when I have women hitting me up all the time."

If I'd been paying more attention to that last line then what happened next wouldn't have surprised me as much. Enter the beautiful heterosexual female who's looking for a husband and a gay man who desperately wants to settle down.

Roger:"So she said she was looking for a husband and I mean she is FINE !"

Darian: "Are you attracted to women?"

Roger: "Like...if I was ever going to be with a woman she would have to be a Beyonce looking chick."

Darian: "Oh Roger !"

Roger: "Really. I could be with an average guy and be attracted, but I have no attraction at all to average looking chicks."

Darian: "I'm about to lose my mind over here!"

Roger: "I mean on a scale of gayness, I'm like a 9." But she is a doctor, professional, educated, great conversationalist."

Darian: "But you do know that she doesn't have a penis?"

Roger: "I know. That crossed my mind."

Darian: "Are you bisexual?"

Roger: "I have never had sex with a woman...ever. I have never deeply kissed a woman before either."

Darian:"Neither have I and that's probably because we're GAYYYYYYYYYY!"

Roger: "I never really had the desire to do so." I'm just going through it emotionally right now. I'm not confused at all regarding my sexuality."

Darian:"Why are you even considering dating this woman?"

Roger: "I'm just SO tired of the superficiality and selfishness that many gay black men exhibit."

Darian: "You've been meeting the wrong gay men."

Roger: "For years now."

Now I'm no Dear Abby or Carrie Bradshaw but I know what it feels like to be alone and how easy it is to invite the wrong people into your life just to fill a void . Trust me...I've been there.But I don't think the answer to Roger's problem is to ride off into the sunset with a beautiful female doctor whose ideal mate is a heterosexual male. But how do we keep Roger and other black gay men from making this mistake that ultimately affects more people than the person that made the poor decision?

How can we as black gay men find suitable mates who want to share their lives in a committed relationship with another person? Is this a priority for black gay men? Does gay=loneliness ? Are black gay men built to maintain long term relationships? Or is it just a white thing?

To be continued...

The past 48 hours of my life have been a whirlwind. I decided yesterday to no longer pretend only a certain segment of the population are interested or have access to my blog. When I started writing a year and a half ago I would tell all of my friends that I wanted to be the next Keith Boykin, little did I know that was next to impossible and came with a steep price. All I knew was that there was something inside of me telling me that I had to stand up and speak out on behalf of a community that has been marginalized, misunderstood, mistreated, and characterized as sub-human and undeserving of the basic rights and priveleges that are afforded to every other citizen.

I'm a fighter. I always have been and I always will be. When most people would crumble in the midst of a storm or sink into depression or suicidal thoughts, I become pro-active and quickly devise a plan to get through it and on with living life. And God knows life has thrown some curve balls my way. But through all the pain I managed to survive and become a stronger person in the process.

So for the past year and a half my life has been on display for the entire world to judge and it was my decision. People I probably would have never given permission to know such intimate details about my life now do. Relatives have been forced to deal with the reality (or not) that a homosexual exists in the family and I'm the exact opposite of what the world says I should be. Promiscious, a threat to children, no reverance for God, lacking self -respect, and a threat to the institution of marriage. Do I regret it? No, because anyone who knows me personally or simply through this blog knows those characteristics don't apply. But beyond that I know for myself that this is not who I am.

But what about the young black boy in Alabama who's growing up in the same climate in which I did who feels different? Will he have the courage to know that despite what he's feeling or what is being said about people like him he is every bit as special as the next person? Will he be able to withstand the societal pressure to fix somethng that isn't broken? Will he be able to reconcile his orientation with his spirituality after being beaten from the pulpit Sunday after Sunday?

At some point the word GAY and everyone associated with it became utterly deplorable. These very same people who society deems unworthy of love and equality are sons, daughters, mothers, fathers, teachers, ministers, and soldiers. Not to forget HUMAN BEINGS.

But I know everyone isn't as strong as I am, so I write. I write for that black boy or girl who has been rejected by his family and his church. I write so he won't become the next suicide victim because he couldn't cope. I write so he doesn't have to cry himself to sleep at night begging God to change who he is. I write because I know what it feels like to be called a nigger and a fag. I write because I know what it feels like to have family hurt you more than any stranger ever could. I write because some brave man who decided to write saved my life. I write because I have no choice.

So here I am...exposed, naked in front of the world. You can judge me but you have to respect me.

Let me forewarn you, this might hurt . As thousands of protesters descended upon the small town of Jena, Louisiana in support of the Jena 6, many of whom were African-American ministers, students, activists, or just ordinary people who felt compelled to stand up against the racial injustice that has plagued Jena and our country . There was a surprising ally present marching with the multitude, displaying their signature yellow and blue logo, and even taking to the microphone to verbally express their support of what many people believe is just a "black issue".

Joe Solmonese, president of The Human Rights Campaign said they were there "because this injustice cannot stand". "We are here because we know about bigotry. We know about hate. We know the pain in high school of standing apart. Of being taunted. Of standing up, only too often, to be shut down. I am here -- we are here -- because you have stood with us. Because all of us know that one injustice against any of us is an injustice against all of us.

I've been very critical of HRC in the past because as a black gay man the issues that directly affect my community are often ignored by this powerful white gay organization. Proving that separatism and racism also exists in the gay community as I will illustrate a bit further shortly. But on September 20, 2007 HRC chose to stand with the African-American community and The Jena 6 despite the backlash they were sure to receive from their ardent supporters for aligning themselves with a non LGBT issue, or should I say just a non-white issue.

No matter where you stand on this issue, whether it's in support of the district attorney's decision to charge the Jena 6 with attempted murder or the public outcry to have the boys released you would have to be in complete denial or simply a racist not to acknowledge the unfair and racially biased treatment of the Jena 6. I applaud HRC for not limiting the scope of it's organization to mainstream white gay causes, by acknowleding that they should represent black gays and lesbians not only who are victims of homophobia and workplace discrimination but racism as well. However, some within the HRC ranks are not pleased with Solmoneses' presence at the rally and they are not biting their tongue.

Blogger and Washington Blade editor Chris Crain had this to say, "I understand the politics of why HRC became involved in the campaign to "Free the Jena 6." African-American and other civil rights leaders have been very supportive on the issues we say are important to us, and now HRC is being supportive on the issues they say are important to them. It's scratch-your-back and no doubt for some based on a genuinely felt bond among civil rights groups.

Still, why pick this case? It doesn't involve discrimination of the type suffered historically by gay Americans. I would agree completely that there is racial discrimination in this country, and that the criminal justice system suffers from prosecutorial abuse, biased jury verdicts and lopsided sentences based on race.

But if these injustices are as common as Joe and I both believe they are, then why pick the "Jena 6"? Why pick a case of six bullies who beat, kicked and stomped a defenseless teen unconscious in a schoolyard -- as the one for the GLBT movement to take a stand?

The thoughts of Chris Crain exemplifies the white privilege many gays in the mainstream community still benefit from despite knowing all too well the dark side of discrimination and inequality based on their sexual orientation. Chris was right when he said the Jena 6 kicked and stomped the white student. I don't condone violence of any kind, but I've only been out of school for 10 years and during my time students who fought were written up, given detention, or even suspended but they were never locked up and charged with attempted murder, especially when the victim was well enough to attend a party the very same night.

Chris' dismissal of the racial overtones of this case and his description of The Jena 6 as "macho bullies" and "them" or "they" clearly displays his lack of compasssion and understanding for any injustice that doesn't resemble the Matthew Shepard story. Sad, but unfortunately for blacks and black gays and lesbians this is our our America, we are still fighting for a place at the table.

While Joe Solmonese and HRC have a lot of catching up to do in terms of including black LGBT folks and truly showing a commitment to diversity within the HRC ranks, yesterday was definitely a step in the right direction.

But I do have to ask where were all of the Bishops from the hundreds of mega-churches all over the country? TD Jakes, Bishop Eddie Long, Bishop Paul Morton, Bishop Charles E. Blake, Creflo (Give Me A) Dollar? (*sounds of crickets*)

For the past few months I've been involved in one of the most amazing relationships I've ever experienced and it's taken all the strength I have not to write about it here on this site. I'm learning that there are some things that I must keep private, after all it only takes one google search to find out some of the most intimate details of my life. I've hinted at the fact that I'm no longer single in previous posts but I haven't discussed it until now, but an incident that occured over the weekend has forced me to break my silence.

Everyday that I live I learn something new about people and about myself. For years I allowed my family's issue with my sexuality to become my own. A ton of bricks were lifted off my chest the day I came out only to have those bricks stacked again from the deafening silence, cold stares, looks of dissaproval, and religious condemnation from the people who promised to love me unconditionally.

Their acceptance meant everything to me, I could deal with rejection from strangers but I needed my family to love all of me. I honestly didn't think that was too much to ask. Well after twelve years of being out I'm learning that it is and unlike before, now I don't give a damn!

I look at my immediate family and they all have the lives they wanted or at least the lives they thought were safe and attainable. I'm the rebel, the black sheep, the one who has never been afraid to take risks, oh...and the gay one.


My mom and dad have been married for over thirty years and my sister has been married for two and just gave birth to her first child two months ago...yes I'm a proud uncle. Do I not deserve the same? Am I not supposed to desire a long term relationship with a person who will be just as good to me as my father has been to my mother and my brother-in-law to my sister because I'm gay? Well judging by the look on my sister's face when she came across pictures of my boyfriend and I in my camera I'm sure her answer would be no.

To know my sister or even me is to know that we don't have to verbalize our feelings because it's usually written all over our face, and her face read DISGUST! The old Darian would have been offended and hurt, but it's a new day and I've learned it's her issue and not mine! I'm slowly making peace with the fact that I will probably never be able to introduce Trey( that's his name) to my family, or invite them to my wedding, or have them be apart of their grandchild's life(i'm foreshadowing...stay with me). It stills stings a litle bit, but life goes on. They've created their happinness and no one asked me for my approval when they were making their life decisions, so my happiness cannot depend on them. I'm in love and although I'm sure life would be a little less stressful if Trey were packaged as Tyra Banks, but I honestly wouldn't have it any other way.