u know what im so fucking mad right now. i hate my fucking life nothing is going good for me right now. i mean fuck u think that after leaving her bitch ass that i might actually have good things happen for me. noooo it just keeps getting worse. maybe i just feel that way i dont know, and its not like im not trying i mean damnit what the hell am i supposed to do right now. how am i supposed to feel about anything i dont even know. and i hate how people think they know me that just pissed me the fuck off maybe u would know me if u took a fucking god damn second to listen to anything i had to say!! im so sick of having to listen to everyone elses bullshit all the time and no one ever thinks that maybe im having a hard time myself. and by the way im just venting and this article is not in any way directed towards matt or dustin they soley have ben the only two in my life who give a damn about how i feel and actually try to make me fell better. love u guys peace.

today i feel really strange like im not myself. when i look back at all the things ive done in the past it seems foreign to me. i dont think that it was me back then most of my life sence i was little has ben a lie. i dont understand why i dont tell the truth to anyone but the truth is ive ben lieing to everyone for a long time about how i feel about everything
i dont think ive really told the truth about my feelings sence i was 9. right now i feel alot of pain and i dont know why i wanna cry alot but it just never comes out and its just building up in there. why cant i look past this hatred in my heart. i remember a time in my heart where i trusted everyone and i loved everyone so much and its ben so long sence that feelings has ben torn from me i just want that back i give so much of my time to people and yet no one gives that time to me. why is this world so selfish.

i dont know why but right now i really have the urge to see my dad. i know ive never really met him but when i think about it i feel as if he has always ben here by my side right from the very beggining. i dont understand why everytime i here the phrase "my dad" in my head it makes me want to cry. whats even more frustrating is the fact that i miss someone i never knew in the first place and i just wish i could see him one more time so that he might tell me what im doing wrong with my life. he might tell me which way i should go, cause right now im so lost. i dont even know myself anymore sometimes i want to spend all day with people but when i get there i just want to be by myself but when im by myself i just wanna be with other people. i dont even get dreams with him in them, am i not important enough for him to visit me. ive prayed several times but he never shows up. it eats me up inside and i cant ever bring myself to tell anyone about it or share my feelings about anything for that matter. not to my fiance not to my family not even to my best friends in the whole world dustin and matt, and because of that in a way im still alone no matter how many people i try to spend my life with. i wish someone would just take my hand and show me how to open up, but whats to say that when they try i wont push there hand away like i always do, even though secretly deep down i regret doing it. i just wish i knew who i am.

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evp of the girl haunting my apartment saying hi at the very end. we had asked earlier for it to say hi but i dident put that part in there. totally freaked me out when i played it back

hi names johnathon. im 19 and completly and madly in love with the most wondeful, most amazing, most beautiful woman in the whole world. i am happily engaged to and one day happily married to. ive never really had much but me and my family got by the best we could. i would have to thank god for all of what i have today, including my beautiful future wife. jesus is my savior and i put him above all else. he has provided for me even before i was old enough to realize it.i will worship and praise him all the days of my life. so as you can tell im christian lol. i love people very much and constantly thinking about everyone 24/7.i dont hardly express my actual feelings to someone unless ive known them a long time,but i love everyone just as much,friend or stanger i love all of you so much. id have to say my three most bestest friends in the world would be dustin,matt,and jeremie. hard to imagine what life would be like with out the fearsome four together lol. they have ben really good friends and id put my life on the line for any one of them.they have helped me through some tough times and i won't ever forget them. hmm what else. oh im a very passionate person on what i believe in, dont ever get me started about racism if your on the side of racists you'll lose. i can get pretty heated if i think its morally wrong, or insulted even if the insult was not directed at me. im quick to defend everybody even if they just pissed me off. the world is full of people who betray and talk behind each others back, if there is going to be someone talking bad about a person, then they should atleast have a defense too. oh i get po'ed! if you steryotype or judge a person i hate that!! its wrong so dont do it around me! people are who they are nothing more nothing less dont accuse them of being anything but themselves its wrong! the world seems to be spiraling down into this bottomless pit of hatred for everyone and everything and im not going to be sucked in. life is precious and shouldent be wasted on hating people everyday but spent showing everyone just how much you can love and care for them.show them there are other ways. be compasionate and loving,dont curse your enemies show them the one thing they've never had, LOVE. in the end they will give the same back to you. well thats who i am if you would like to be my friend just lemme know im always looking for new ones

you probly all think im stupid for this but here goes. this post is in memory of  the only home ive ever known. 11 years of wonderful memories are being ripped from my hands.i experienced most of my life in this house and learned most of my life lessons inside these walls.i am heartbroken because the only home i have ever known, on october 3 i can no longer call my home.so this is in memory of 107 brushy way lol not 107 A, and of all the wonderful memories that will now be forgotten.my heart is broken and those walls will be missed.

First Name:	johnathon
Middle Name:	lenn
Birthday:	may,12,1987
Eyes:	brownish orange color
Hair:	brown
Fav color:	cobalt blue
Day/Night:	night
Fave Food:	dun have a fav i like variety
FRIENDS AND LIFE
Do you ever wish you had another name?	nile or andarian beolve duno why
Which one of your friends acts the most like you?	none of them really but i guess i would have to say dustin
Who's the loudest?	matt
Who have you known the longest of your friends?	lawton pybus
Who's the shyest:	dustin
Are you close to any family members?	not really
When you cried the most:	when my baby girl left me for 3 something months
What's the best feeling in the world:	being in love with my baby christina
Worst Feeling:	when my baby is mad at me
FINISH EACH SENTENCE:
Let's walk on the:	beach
Let's run through:	a cemetary lol
Let's look at the:	stars
What a nice:	sunset
Where did all the:	candy go!!!
Why can't you:	give me coffee!
Silly, little:	mouse!
Tell me:	you need me
HAVE YOU:
Ran away from home:	no
Pictured your crush naked:	no
Skipped school:	once
Broken someone's heart:	yes
Been in love:	yes and am right now!!
Cried when someone died:	not really
Wanted someone you knew you couldn't have:	no
Done something embarrassing:	yes
Done a drug:	yes
Cried in school:	yes
RANDOM
Your Good Luck Charm:	christina!!
Person You Hate Most:	anybody who touches my baby!!!!!!
Best Thing That Has Happened:	found the one true love and blessing in my life my baby.
Ice Cream:	vanilla
WHO Makes you laugh the most:	jeremie
Makes you smile:	christina
Has A Crush On You:	no one lol
Do You Have A Crush On Someone:	no
HAVE YOU EVER
Fallen for your best friend?:	no
Made out with JUST a friend?:	no
Kissed two people in the same day?:	no
Had sex with two different people in the same day?:	no
Been rejected: .	yes
Been in love?:	yes and i am now!!
Been used?:	yes all the freaking time!
Done something you regret?:	yes alot actually!
Cheated on someone?:	never
Been called a tease:	yes lol
WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON...
You touched?:	dun remember
You talked to on the phone?:	christina
&..39;You hugged?: '	no one
You instant messaged?:	christina
You kissed?:	havent ever
You yelled at?:
Who text messaged you?:	christina
Who broke your heart?:	christina but she mended it too
Who told you they loved you?:	christina
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